Mail Order Bride: Westward Christmas Novel (Montana Mail Order Brides, Book 11) (13 page)

He’d finally had it and shouted, “Cactus in the sun!  I’m a cactus in the sun!”

The room shook with laughter, including Joe’s.  Wiping tears from his eyes, he said, “Who the heck put that one in there?”

Elliot raised his hand.   “Me.”

Joe walked in his direction and asked, “Did you know what I was the whole time?”

“I had a hunch,” Elliot said, grinning.  “I wasn’t sure, though, so I couldn’t say anything.”

When the laughter died down, Joe went to change his sweaty shirt while the next game was set up.  This was the way the whole night went. 

At ten Ben and Sasha left, along with a few other guests, but the party was still going inside.  Their voices were hoarse and they didn’t talk very much on the way to the Watering Hole.  The air had turned even colder and though they had been a little overheated when they’d left, they were soon chilled again.

Ben put an arm around Sasha and drew her closer against his side.  She leaned her head on his shoulder and he could smell her lavender scent. 

“Are you tired?” he asked as he kissed the side of her head.

“A little.  You weren’t kidding when you told me what chaos it would be,” she said.

Ben chuckled.  “I have to hand it to the Dwyers; they sure throw one heck of a party.”

The Watering Hole loomed before them and Ben said, “How about I take you to the hotel, since it’s getting later?  I can lead Ingrid over tomorrow morning for you.”

“I think that perhaps I’m not ready to go to the hotel yet,” Sasha said. 

“Oh?” he smiled.  “And why would that be?”

Sasha screwed up her courage and turned her face up to his.  She put her hand on his jaw and pulled him down so she could press her lips to his mouth.  At first touch, his lips were cold, as were hers, but they quickly warmed as Ben bent over her and deepened the kiss.  Sasha swore her head spun with the heady feelings he created in her as he held her tighter.

Ben felt the change of movement in the buggy and quickly broke the kiss to guide Othello to the Watering Hole properly.  He drove around back to the stable there and pulled the horse to a halt.  Ben helped her down and gave her the key to the outside apartment door.

“Go ahead on up out of the cold.  I’ll get Othello unhitched and rubbed down and be up,” Ben said.

Sasha smiled and quickly ascended the stairs.  She unlocked the door and went inside.  The door led into his kitchen.  Finding a lamp, Sasha lit it and noticed that the apartment was chilly.  Going into the parlor, Sasha started a fire in the hearth.  She was suddenly nervous. 

This was what she wanted, wasn’t it?  She loved Ben and wanted him like she’d never wanted anything else.  Didn’t she want to give herself to him and take the pleasure he promised?  She instinctively knew that he would make good on it.  It was just that it had been so long since she’d been with a man and she wasn’t at all sure of her skill in the matter.

Sasha paced as she fought with herself about it.  But how did Ben feel about her?  That he desired her was apparent, but how did he feel about her?  She put her hands to her face and stood still. 
What do I do?  He’s expecting…but he’s a gentleman.  If I tell him no, he’ll honor that…but will he think I don’t know what I want? Damn it!  I hate this uncertainty I feel about myself as a woman!

Ben secretly watched her from the parlor doorway as she walked to and fro.  He could tell how anxious she was and realized that she really wasn’t ready.  The old Ben would have seduced her.  He would have calmed her fears by inciting her passion and then taken her.  Ben had never been in love before, though.  This was different.  He didn’t want to coerce her into anything.  His declaration about only making love to her when she was ready was heartfelt.  It was his wish that she be absolutely sure about it because he didn’t want her to have a single regret.

He moved into the room, but didn’t take off his coat.  Sasha smiled at him and said, “I started a fire since it was chilly in here.”

Ben nodded and said, “Sasha, come and sit down a minute.”

He drew her over to one of the sofas and they sat down together.  Ben took her hands in his and started warming them with his.  “You shouldn’t have taken off your gloves yet.  Your hands are freezing.”

Sasha said, “I don’t feel cold right now.”

Ben smiled at that.  “I don’t either, but I don’t think you should spend the night.”

“Why?” Sasha asked. 

“Sasha, I’m not normally like the rest of polite society in that I feel it’s wrong to be intimate before marriage.  I’ve seen bad marriages most of my life and I really didn’t think there was anything to the whole idea of waiting.  If two adults are of a like mind, I believe that there is no shame in it.  The problem here is that I don’t think you are truly ready and I won’t have you regret making love with me, Sasha.  I couldn’t bear that.”

Sasha wanted to protest.  She wanted to tell him that she was ready, past the point of ready.  It was partly true.  Her body was ready and was telling her at that moment it was, but her mind and heart weren’t.  Sasha cursed her indecision and tears of frustration formed in her eyes.  She stood up and went over to the fire.

“Please saddle my horse,” she said with her back towards Ben.

“Sasha, I’ll take you.  I didn’t unhitch the buggy yet,” Ben said.

“Why not?”

Ben sighed.  “I had a feeling that you might be having second thoughts.”

“I don’t want to you to take me home.  Please saddle my horse,” Sasha said.  She was trying to stay calm so she didn’t embarrass herself any more than she already had.

“I don’t want you riding home alone—”

Sasha spun around and snapped, “I guess if I can make it to Wyoming by myself, I can ride to the hotel from here.  I am capable, Ben.  I realize that men don’t believe women can do things for themselves, but we actually can!”

Ben’s only reaction was to raise an eyebrow.  He regarded her silently for a few moments and then said, “If you can do things for yourself, then saddle your own horse, Sasha.”

Sasha drew in a breath and nodded.  “You’re absolutely right, Ben.  Goodnight.  Thank you for a pleasant evening.”

“Sasha—”

“No!  Leave me be!” Sasha said, and left the apartment. 

Ben fretted about the situation and stood out on the stairs landing debating if he should go down to make sure she was all right or not.  He cursed his sharp tongue.  Then Sasha rode Ingrid from the stable and galloped around the side of the building and away into the night.  Ben went back inside and knew that he would have no sleep that night.

The day after Thanksgiving, Sammi rode furiously down the trail to the Lakota camp.  She announced herself and went on through to the camp.  She didn’t bother with stirrups as she jumped down from her horse and dropped the reins.  Stomping through the camp, she gave only the briefest of greetings to those who waved or spoke to her.  She was a woman on a mission and there would be no slowing her down.

She made her way to He Who Runs’ tipi, but no one was home.  She kept going until she saw a group of braves on the far side of the clearing.  She recognized her target and stalked him.  When she was right behind him, she tapped Reckless on the shoulder.  The brave turned and Sammi cold-cocked him.  All the force of an enraged mother was behind her blow and Reckless spun around and dropped to the ground.

Sammi wasn’t done, however, and kicked him in the stomach.  She dropped and grabbed his long hair and bounced his head off the hard, frozen ground.  Dazed and unable to breathe, Reckless struck out blindly and caught her in the shoulder.  It knocked her backwards, but she saved herself from ending up on her rear.

It was enough for Reckless to move away from her.  “Sammi,” he gasped.  “What are you doing?”

She’d recovered and came at him again.  Reckless got to his feet, reeling slightly from her attack.  She struck out at his midsection and he blocked the blow, but was off balance.  Sammi saw and took advantage of his weakness.  She downed him with a well-placed upper cut.

Reckless was angry by this point and waited until Sammi came closer to do more damage to him.  He got ahold of her and put her in a sleeper hold.  Sammi reached up and pulled her hat pin from the band of her hat that she always wore.  She drove it into Reckless’ forearm and ripped it out again.  With a growl of pain, he released her and they rolled clear.

“What’s the matter with you?” he asked as he held his arm.  “Have you lost your mind?”

Word of the skirmish had reached He Who Runs and before Sammi could make another move, he grabbed her arms from behind and attempted to hold onto her.  She whirled around and head-butted him.  He wasn’t expecting the move and was forced back.  He Who Runs motioned for the other braves to intervene and it took three of them to restrain her.

“What’s the meaning of this?” He Who Runs demanded.  “Why have you attacked my son and me in this way?  I thought we were friends?”

Sammi’s blue eyes blazed and her chest heaved as she said, “He treated my daughter like she was trash.  Used her and tossed her aside like she meant nothin’ to him.”

He Who Runs turned his piercing gaze on his son.  “Is this true?  Have you abused Rachel in this manner?”

Reckless said, “No!  If anything, I preserved her honor.”

He Who Runs said to Sammi, “Sammi, let us all go talk about this in private.  It is not a matter to be settled publicly. If they release you, you are not to attack again.  If you cannot promise this, I will have you escorted from the village and you will not be allowed to return.”

Sammi looked at her friend whom she loved and yet was so furious with, and then back at He Who Runs.  She closed her eyes and willed her breathing to steady as she tried to get a grip on her anger.  Opening her eyes she said, “Yes.  I agree.  We’ll go talk about this.  I won’t lay a hand on him.”

He Who Runs nodded and the three braves let her go.  He turned and led Sammi and Reckless to their tipi. 

“Wife, may we have a few moments alone?” he asked Eagle Woman with a reassuring smile.

“Of course, my husband,” she said, and stepped away from the tipi even though her gaze was troubled. 

The three of them went inside and He Who Runs indicated that they should sit down.  Once they were all seated, He Who Runs said, “Sammi, will you tell me what happened, please?”

With a scathing glance at Reckless, Sammi said, “He broke up with Rachel and she’s heartbroken now.  She said that she didn’t mean enough to him even though she loved him and they…”  She didn’t speak the words, but all within the tipi knew what she meant.

Reckless’ eyes grew huge as his father turned his way.

“No!  That is not what happened!” he protested.

“Are you callin’ her a liar?” Sammi said.

“No, but that’s not what happened!  We never…slept together,” he said as he came up with the correct phrase.  “It never went that far.  I wouldn’t let it,” Reckless said. 

He Who Runs’ gaze sharpened on the young brave.  “Just how far did it go?”

Reckless was beyond embarrassed and angry.  He was furious and would like the chance to even the score with Sammi.  “That is no one’s business, Father, and you know it.  Her virtue is intact and the reason I broke things off with her is because there is no way for me to offer her marriage.  She doesn’t wish to go with me during the winters, and I do not wish to stay here in the years that we do travel south.  It wouldn’t be fair to either of us, do you not agree?”

Sammi drew in a calming breath.  Reckless was right.  Marriage would be out of the question in that circumstance.  She looked at Reckless’ arm where she’d stabbed him.  Blood still seeped from the fresh wound.  Guilt overcame her.  “Reckless, I’m sorry—”

Reckless made a sarcastic noise and said, “For what?  Not asking me about it before attacking me?  For humiliating me?  For violating our friendship?  Well, you won’t get that chance again.  We are through.  I will not give up my job, but I will not associate with you any longer.  You do your job and I’ll do mine and that’s it.  No more fighting matches, nothing.  I want nothing to do with you!”

He got up and without another look at Sammi, strode proudly from the tipi.  Sammi looked at He Who Runs and said, “I’m so sorry, He Who Runs.  For everything.  He’s right.  I acted without thinking.  Will you accept my apology?”

He Who Runs understood being protective of one’s children and could well imagine his own anger if it had been his daughter.  “Yes, I accept it, but please stay away from camp for a little while.  You have embarrassed my son in front of everyone and it will take a long time before it is not talked about so much.”

Sammi nodded and got to her feet.  She left the tipi and moved in the direction of her horse.  She spoke to no one as she went on her way.  Woodenly she mounted and turned her horse back to the trail.  Unlike her trip to the camp, she made her way slowly back up the trail.  Regret weighed down her heart as the consequences of her actions sank in.  She’d needlessly hurt a dear friend in horrible ways.  She was supposed to work that night, but how could she when Reckless would be there?  How could she face him now? 

“I am so stupid,” Sammi said.  “What am I going to do?”  She knew that this would get back to all of Reckless’ family and they would all be angry with her.  It was no less than she deserved, Sammi knew.  As she rode to town, Sammi’s dread grew with each step the horse took.

Sasha sat despondently at a table in the Grady House, playing with her scrambled eggs, but not eating them.  She wasn’t hungry but tried to eat something because she had a headache.  Too much alcohol combined with a sleepless night wasn't sitting well with her body.  Sighing, she gave up on the eggs just as Ben dropped into the chair across from her.

He offered her a small smile and said, “I had a feeling I’d find you here.”

“What do you want, Ben?” Sasha said as a blush crept up her face. 

“I’d like to talk about last night,” Ben said.  “Can we go somewhere private to discuss it?”

“All right,” Sasha said as she tried to fight her body’s reaction to his nearness.

“Let’s go to your room,” Ben said.

“Very well,” Sasha said, affecting a cool detachment.  She felt anything but detached inside but was determined to rein in her emotions.

Ben rose from the table and motioned for her to lead the way. 

Once they’d reached her room, Ben said, “I think you misunderstood me last night,” as they sat down in the chairs.  “You know by now that I want to be intimate with you.”

Sasha gave him a steady look and said, “Then why didn’t you want me to stay?”

“Because you weren’t truly ready and I respect you too much to seduce you and make you do something you’re going to regret.  I care about you too much,” Ben said and then decided to take the leap.  “I’m practiced at seducing woman.  I won’t lie to you about that.  But that was my past and over the last several years, I’ve been trying to reform myself, I guess you’d say.  So while I want you like I’ve never wanted anyone, I love you too much to simply sleep with you.  That’s why even though I wanted you to stay last night, I
couldn’t
let you stay last night.”

Sasha couldn’t say a word.  Her mind kept replaying the sentence where he’d said he loved her. 
He loves me?  He loves me.
  She looked into his eyes and saw the emotion reflected there.  He was completely vulnerable at that point and she admired his courage in admitting his feelings to her.  There was no deceit in his expression and Sasha was filled with a sense of wonder.

Ben gave her a wry smile.  “I think I knew it when you were in Dawson before, but I couldn’t or wouldn’t examine it too closely because you were leaving.  That’s why I was so angry with Marcus for not introducing us sooner.  I didn’t have nearly enough time to convince you to stay in Dawson.”

“Ben, I love you, too,” she said.

“Sasha, you don’t—”

“Please listen to me, Ben,” she interjected.

Ben’s heart beat faster as he fell silent and waited anxiously for her to speak. 
Could it really be that she felt the same way about him?  Please let it be so,
he prayed.

“I’m not saying that because you said it to me, Ben.  Only yesterday I told several of my friends, including Sparrow, of my feelings for you.  So you may ask her and the others about it, if you don’t believe me.  When I left here in June, I had already mostly made up my mind that I was going to move here.  I had nothing keeping me in Lexington and I was so warmly welcomed here, that I didn’t want to leave.  I had business to attend to, however.  But Sparrow was here and she’s my best friend, plus all of the other friends I’d made.

“But I confess that after I’d met you, I felt sure we’d made some sort of connection.  It was my biggest incentive for moving back here as soon as possible before you met someone else.  So when I received your letter with that advertisement in it, I was elated that you felt the same way as I did,” Sasha said as she looked him directly in the eyes.  “I never used to believe in love at first sight, but I think I fell in love with you that day at the Grady House when you sat with me while you waited for your food.  I do love you, Ben, and that you feel the same way about me makes me happy beyond belief.”

A slow smile spread across his face and joy lit his eyes. “Come over here and say that,” he said, patting his lap.

Sasha complied immediately, but as she settled on his legs, she told him with her lips instead of her voice, how much she loved him.  His swift response caused her to grow light-headed and her body to respond in ways that it hadn’t in so very long.  Ben loved the way she tasted and he ran his free hand over her back while he held her with his other arm. 

Ben’s scent combined with the fierce way that he kissed her made Sasha moan in pleasure.  She couldn’t get close enough to Ben.  Sasha pressed herself against him and played with his thick, black hair.  He was driving her crazy and she wanted nothing more than to submit to him right that moment, to give herself to him in every way possible.  Ben wanted the same thing and had they not had a funeral to attend, he would have made it happen, but it wasn’t to be…yet.

With a restraint he hadn’t known he possessed, Ben dragged his mouth from Sasha’s.  “Lord, what you do to me,” Ben said.

Sasha let out a husky chuckle.  “I understand completely.”

“I would love to take you right over there to that bed, but I don’t want to have to hurry and Wendell’s funeral starts not too long from now,” Ben said.

Sasha said, “We have plenty of time, Ben.  There’s no rush. I don’t want to hurry.”  She suddenly felt bashful and lowered her gaze as she said, “I was only hesitant because I question myself as a lover.  Maybe the reason that Ken didn’t want me was because I was inadequate.  I’ve never been with anyone else, so I have no idea if that was the problem or not.”

Ben’s heart went out to her and again he felt that cold anger at her dead husband for making her so doubtful of her allure.  He shook her a little.  “Trust me, Sasha, there is nothing lacking in your ability as a lover.  I’m sure of that just by what I’ve experienced of you so far.”

She smiled and looked at him again.  He kissed her briefly and then gently scooted her from his lap.  He stood and took a deep breath as he gave her an amused glance. 

“It won’t do to show up at a funeral in an aroused state, will it?” Ben said.

Sasha laughed and he shared her mirth before they left for the funeral.