Mail Order Bride: Westward Christmas Novel (Montana Mail Order Brides, Book 11) (21 page)

              “A Christmas carol?  Are you being serious, Wendell?” Ben asked aloud.  The whisper was insistent.  “All right.  I’ll try.”

              Ben had learned to play Christmas carols along with all other manners of song during his formative years, and as Wendell told him what song to play, Ben began hearing it in his head and his fingers remembered the notes.  He started out with just his right hand and the chords were clumsy as he tried to play both treble and bass clefs.  It was maddeningly frustrating.  With Wendell whispering louder at him, Ben ripped his sling over his head, releasing his arm.  He took off the tightly wrapped bandage and splint and then put his injured hand on the keys.               

              He tried to play a chord and the pain was excruciating at first. 

              “I can’t do this, Wendell.  I don’t know what you want from me, but I can’t play,” Ben said, near tears. 

              That voice grew even stronger and Ben tried again.  It wasn’t quite as bad this time.  Surprisingly, the break in his forearm wasn’t the problem.  No, it was the one in his hand that held him up because of the pressure required to work the keys and the way he needed his hand to stretch to play properly. 

              Ben flexed his hand and tried to loosen it up.  “All right!  All right.  Shut up and I’ll play!  It's going to sound horrible, but if it gets you to let me alone, I’ll do it.”

              Unbeknownst to Ben, Pastor John had entered the sanctuary.  Pastor John heard Ben talking to some unseen force and decided to not interrupt.  He recognized someone struggling when he saw them and let Ben work through whatever was going on.  Silently he stood in a back corner so he wouldn’t draw attention to himself.  Dr. Ben Walker was one of the last people he had expected to see in his church and the pastor knew something extraordinary was occurring. 

              Ben repositioned his hands and began the song again. 
Joy to the World
came tentatively from the piano at first.  As Ben played, the pain in his hand began subsiding to a manageable level and the chords began coming out with more confidence and the music swelled in the sanctuary.  Adrenaline began coursing through Ben’s body, alleviating his pain, and he started playing with such force that the music was easily heard outside. 

People walking past the church heard the beautiful rendition Ben played and they grew curious about who was playing.  It didn’t sound like Pastor John’s wife, Melanie, playing.  It was broader and certainly more classical.  The passers-by began coming into the church.  Pastor John hushed them.  He didn’t want Ben interrupted. 

              Ben was in a world of his own and had no idea that people kept filling the sanctuary.  Pastor John thought that
Joy to the World
had never been played so joyously in their church before.  When the song was over, Pastor John expected Ben to be finished, but he wasn’t.  Ben couldn’t stop and went right into
God Rest Ye Merry Gentleman. 

              Joe rode down the main street and saw people filing into the church.  He heard the piano and knew who played it by the type of arrangement.  It was not something Melanie would play. Rebecca was at the Watering Hole, so it wasn’t her.  There was only one other person who played like that. 

Joe tied his horse outside the church and went inside.  Sure enough, Ben sat at the piano playing for all he was worth.  Joe wondered how he was managing it with his hand.  The music called to him and he couldn’t resist singing.

              His resonant tenor rang out as he began singing along.  At first Pastor John tried to get him to stop, but Joe put up a hand and continued singing.  Other people joined in and soon the building rang with the festive sounds of Christmas songs.  Ben played for close to a half hour.  He heard the voices and smiled.  The longer he played, the more at peace he felt.  His depression began falling away, to be replaced by happiness and strength. 

              Ben ended the impromptu concert with
Go Tell it on the Mountain
and felt an energy fill him unlike anything he’d ever felt before.  Tears of release and exultation flowed freely down his face but he had no idea that he cried them.  The last chords of the song faded away and Ben sat on the bench, drained physically and emotionally.  Dissonant chords sounded as he leaned his elbows on the keys and let out his strong emotions.

              Pastor John urged those present to leave to give Ben some privacy.  He also saw an opportunity to counsel someone in need.  Pastor John let Ben alone for a few moments before going to the younger man and putting a hand on his shoulder.

              Ben slowly came to himself and turned to the pastor.  He didn’t know what to say.  He’d never really talked Pastor John much.

              “I’m sorry,” he said.  “I just had to play, but I’m not sure how I managed it.”  He made a motion towards his arm, which now burned and throbbed with pain from the overexertion.

              John smiled kindly at him, his blue eyes filled with sympathy.  “Sometimes there are things that we can’t explain.  If you question them, you’ll drive yourself crazy.  In my opinion, the Holy Spirit was here today and spoke through your playing.  Don’t ever be sorry for creating such beautiful music.  You’re welcome to play any time you’d like.”

              Ben wiped off his face.  “I haven’t been to church for many years, Pastor.  I really don’t know what I’m doing here, since I’m not a religious person.”

              “You can just call me John, Ben.  What brought you in here?  Something unusual happened to make you come here and play.”

              “Wendell was talking to me.  It was the same the day of his wake.  You’ll think I’m crazy, but he whispers to me and I just can’t refuse to do what he wants of me.  I haven’t played since I was in my early twenties.  Over ten years or so, I think,” Ben said.  “He wouldn’t let me alone until I played and once I got started, I couldn’t stop.”

              “I’m not surprised.  Once the Spirit gets ahold of you, its grip is strong.  And sometimes He speaks through others.  I believe you, Ben.  There are so many things that we can’t see or understand and yet they’re there,” John said.  “You say you’re not religious, and yet you play those songs like someone who believes.”

              Ben shook his head.  “I’m not.  I don’t like all of the rules and such that come with it and how if you don’t follow them it makes you a bad person.  I’ve done a lot of things that certainly preclude me from being worthy.”

              John chuckled.  “Son, none of us are worthy.  That’s why we have to rely on the Lord’s mercy and forgiveness.  There is no person walking the face of this earth who is perfect, Ben.  Yes, we’re supposed to try to walk in Jesus’ path, but the truth is that we won’t ever be able to achieve that kind of perfection.”

              “Then what’s the point?  Why bother?” Ben asked.

              “Those are good questions, Ben.  It’s about how much you try and how much you want to do it.  That’s what counts.  You practice medicine.  Will you ever be one hundred percent perfect at it?”

              “Probably not.  There’s always a chance of error,” Ben admitted as he cradled his painful arm.

              “It’s the same with being a Christian.  We’re never going to be perfect, but we should strive to do our best,” John said.  “Ben, you were sent in here for a reason today and I believe that reason is because you have a hole in your soul that can’t be filled with worldly things.”

              Ben bowed his head.  “The hole in my soul is the loss of my fiancée.  I did and said some horrible things to her and now she wants nothing to do with me.  I’m miserable without her but I don’t know how to get through to her or make her see that I’ll never hurt her like that again.  That I’m the kind of man she needs and deserves.”

              “Come pray with me, Ben.  We’ll start simple and pray that her heart can be softened so that she’ll be willing to hear you out,” John said.

              Ben looked at him in surprise.  “You can pray for that kind of thing?”

              “You can pray for anything you like, Ben.  The Lord hears every prayer that we send up.  I’ll show you.  Come to the altar with me,” John said.

              Ben hesitated as he looked at the pastor.  He wasn’t sure about praying.  He’d never done it before, not in any real sense, anyway.  The prayers he’d said in church as a child were said because it was part of the service, but he’d never meant them or liked saying them.  Would this be different?  Would it do any good?  Would he really be heard?  Ben was desperate and was suddenly moved to give prayer a try.

              Pastor John waited until Ben moved.  The doctor went with him to the altar and knelt by the pastor.

              Christmas Eve found Sasha at the Samuels ranch.  She was spending the night so she would already be there for Christmas day.  Remembering the wonderful time they’d had last year, she looked forward to the day with great anticipation.  The only thing missing was the man she still loved. 

              As she sat outside on the swing on Dean and Tessa’s porch, Sasha thought about how much she missed him; his voice, his laugh, his touch, and the conversations they' had about all sorts of things.  She knew he was going through a very trying time, but that didn’t excuse his behavior.  Was she being too hard on him?  Sasha dismissed that thought. 

              She kept her heart hardened towards Ben.  He’d said he’d quit drinking to avoid that part of his personality emerging again, but could she trust that?  Sasha was afraid to try.  She kept hearing the cruel, vile things he’d said to her and she didn’t want to put herself in a position to be treated like that again.

              As though she’d conjured him, Ben rode up the drive to the house.  Immediately Sasha rose to go in the house. 

              “Sasha!  Please don’t run from me,” Ben said as he quickly dismounted and ran to her.  He lightly took her arm.  “Sasha, I need you to hear me out.  Please.”

              Sasha looked into his eyes and saw his misery and something else that she couldn’t define.  That he was hurting as much as she was reached her a little.  Perhaps if she heard him out he would go away for good and she would be left in peace so her heart could heal.

              “All right.  I’ll listen, but nothing more,” Sasha said, and looked pointedly at his hand on her arm.

              Ben let it go and cleared his throat.  “Thank you,” he said.  “I am so ashamed of my behavior that night.  I don’t remember a whole lot of what went on, but what I do remember makes me sick.  I hate myself for the despicable things I said to you and how I treated you.  The fact that I was drunk is no excuse, but had I been sober, it would have never happened.”

              “Do you really believe that, Ben?” Sasha said.  “There’s a part of you that is so bitter, so angry, Ben, and it scares me...  The other part of you, the man I fell in love with, is wonderful.  But after what I went through with Ken, I’m not going to let myself get stuck in that kind of situation.”

              Ben said, “You wouldn’t be.  I swear it, Sasha.  I haven’t touched alcohol since that night and I promise that I never will again.  I can’t trust myself to have just one.  I’m working on that undesirable part of me, too.  Pastor John has been helping me with that.”

              That shocked Sasha.  “Pastor John?”

              “Yes.  You’re right Sasha; I am an angry person.  I’ve kept so much hurt locked away for so long that it caused a part of me to become twisted and vicious.  That’s why I liked fighting so much.  It gave me a chance to get that anger out of my system in a constructive way.  I’ve realized that the fighting only eased it for a short time, however. 

“The fact that I liked hurting other people shows how much I’ve buried my anger at my parents.  I’ve always harbored hate for my father and what he did to our family.  I’ve always been angry that they didn’t love us.  Not in the way that parents are supposed to love their children.  I’m trying to let all of that go, to not let it rule my life anymore, Sasha,” Ben said.

Sasha nodded.  “You need to, Ben.  The same way I need to let go of the things Ken did to me.”

Ben looked into the eyes that he loved so much and said, “Sasha, please take me back.  I love you and I need you.  You are truly the best thing that’s ever happened to me and I don’t think I can go on without you.”

He further shocked Sasha by going down on both knees.  “I’m begging for your forgiveness, Sasha.  I will never treat you like that again.  You’re the most wonderful woman I have ever met and I want to spend the rest of my life with you and have a family with you.  I’m praying that my hand heals so I can operate again, but even if it doesn’t, I can still be a doctor and help people.  You were right about that, and I should have listened to you.”  He took her hand and pressed it to his cheek.  “Please, Sasha.  Please forgive me.  You’ll never regret it.”

When Sasha felt the wetness of tears against her hand, her heart began to open to him once more.  For a proud man like Ben to get down on his knees and beg assured her of his sincerity. 

She stepped forward and ran her other hand over his hair and then said, “Ben, please get up off the cold ground.  I forgive you.  Get up.”

Ben rose from his knees and said, “You forgive me?”

Sasha nodded.  “Yes.  I do.”

“Does that mean that you want to be with me again?” Ben asked hopefully.

“Yes, but if I’m ever the target of that other side of you again, it’ll be over.  I know we’ll argue sometimes, but I couldn’t stand another round like that night,” Sasha said.

Ben smiled and said, “Never again will I hurt you like that, Sasha.  Never again.  I love you so much.”

His words made Sasha’s heart fill with happiness, and it skipped a few beats as she looked at his dazzling smile and desire for him burned throughout her body.  “I love you, too, Ben.”

Ben pulled out her ring and held it up.  “Will you do me the incredible honor of allowing me to put this back on your finger where it belongs?”

              Emotion clogged her throat as it had the first time he’d asked her, and she was reduced to nodding.  Ben slid the ring on her finger, put his good arm around her, and kissed her until they were both breathless. 

He put his forehead against hers and said, “Thank you.  I’ll spend the rest of my life showing you that you made the right choice, sugar.”

“You’d better,” Sasha said, “or I’ll sick Roscoe on you again.”

Ben began laughing and Sasha laughed with him.  They were startled by applause and looked up to see a bunch of people clapping over the couple reuniting.  Sasha blushed and Ben laughed and led her toward the people who’d become her new family.  They were taken into the house where they were congratulated and fussed over.

As Ben looked at Sasha, he felt the last of the old anger and hate slip away as he looked forward to a future filled with joy and love.  It was the best Christmas present he could ever ask for and all he would ever need.  Sasha wondered if it was the spirit of Christmas that had moved her to reconcile with Ben.  Whatever it was, she knew that this Christmas would be even more wonderful than the last because she had Ben by her side again.  Their love renewed, they spent the festive season caught up in chaos and joy, but mostly love.