Mad Worlds Collide (28 page)

Once they’d brought him back to life, they found Sir James to be less than expected. They granted the one wish inscribed on his spaceship:

"Life extension, please."

The Zoks put Sir James in a metal can that caused his life span to be extended by 500,000 years. They installed a voice box to speak. Most of Sir James’s body was removed. It hadn’t lasted long anyway. Sir James was stuck in a tin can, with large piston systems for legs and arms. The pistons hissed every time Sir James moved. Sir James became Gork.

The Zoks told Gork that if they could get Big Blue they could clone him into a new healthy body. Testing done on Sir James allowed the creation of the first TeleTrans.  Occasionally Sir James would have memory flashbacks of his home world at Snokper, but this was to be expected from an overly ambitious man, frozen for 26,000 years, who’d now lived with Zoks for 5,000 years.

"Excuse me Gork, did you say you’ve been working with the Zok’s for over 5,000 years and you’re not even a Zok?" asked Gill.

"That’s right," said Gork balancing his two piston-controlled legs with a hiss.

Robert put on his TeleTrans. It was digging deep into Gork’s brain, picking up the history of Gork: his real name, his background on planet Snokper, the Metal Works and Robotics Corporation.

"Gork, do you have any memories before you met the Zoks? " asked Robert.

Gork turned his large round metal head. "No, not that it’s important.  I was found frozen in space, dead.  Then they fixed me up."

Frick looked over at the brain set inside its glass jar inside its metal head. He spoke to Robert. "Do you think we’ll end fixed up in a tin can too?"

Gill shook his head. "Frick, let’s stay off that subject."

A piston hissed as Gork turned to Frick. "No, Mr. Frick, once we get Big Blues codes were are going to fix the Zok cloning machines, that’s all. They need some of your genes to help with the clones, but it won’t hurt."

Gork had four clasping arms. He moved them up toward Frick, Robert and Gill. Three large hospital tables rose up in the middle of the room.

"I’d like you three to sit on the tables, I have a few questions to ask.  And don’t resist, I can blast you with a laser at any time."

"Which is less painful, the laser blast or what you’re planning next?" asked Gill.

"It depends -- sit on the tables!" Gork started to walk with pistons hissing. Robert did not know why but yelled out:

"Stop Sir James, stop!"

Gork stopped.  His brain hadn’t heard the name "Sir James" in over 30,000 years. He heard it in dreams, but to hear the actual words was different.

"How did you know I am called Sir James in my dreams?"

"Well Sir James, you see, I read your mind with the TeleTrans I’m wearing, and I discovered that you used to live on planet Snokper—"

"Stop!" yelled Gork. "There is no such planet!  It’s all a dream, nothing but confabulations."

"Well, you admitted yourself, you don’t know where you came from.  Just from that statement you can’t exclude anything, now can you Sir James?"

The words: "Sir James", rung a bell in Gork’s brain, something that had been shut off for thousands of years got a spark. That set the house on fire. Pistons started to hiss as if trying to move backwards and forwards. It looked as if Gork was dancing with pleasure or pain.  The hydraulic lines started to bulge.

The words came out of Gork’s speaker for the first time with passion. "I am Sir James Underfield…. I am Sir James Underfield!"

Gill looked at Robert. "What the hell did you say to the guy?"

Frick looked over at Sir James shaking in his pistons. "You didn’t slip him one of those red pills, did you?"

"I just figured out who the guy was. It’s a sad story. I think Big Blue reprogrammed the mind-reading head set. I could really see into Sir James’s mind."

Sir James stopped moving. All pistons and hydraulic lines relaxed. "I now know who I am! It’s all coming back to me. I am Sir James Underfield, owner of the Metal Works and Robotics Corporation on planet Snokper.  And I am still alive!"

Robert looked at Sir James reading his mind.  An immense sense of self worth emerged. Sir James loved himself more than anything in the world but now realized he was living in a device much worse than any robot he’d created. This caused a great sadness.

"I’m a monster!" cried out Sir James.

He lifted up his four piston arms. "Look at me."

"It’s not that bad.  You were able to add on a few extra thousand years," said Robert.

Gill continued, "Yeah, and who knows with the advance of medicine, they can do wonders."

"It’s bullshit!" said Sir James.

Sir James swung his head. It started to swivel back and forth, jerking for a few seconds.  Then it stopped.

"I must get a new body, but it’s been over 30 thousand years.  If I get a new body and if I can find my way back to Snokper, my company…yes that’s it!"

Frick was chewing on a pencil, not really paying full attention. The pencil soothed his nerves, "What do you think your relatives are doing now?"

"Why, I hadn’t thought of that…er…? "

Robert shook his head. "Why Frick?"

"Why what? I just wondered how long people lived on Snokper, to get an idea if he’d be ---"

"Stop! My relatives, they’re probably all gone!  There’re all dead!"

Pistons started to hiss again and the hydraulic lines bulged. One line burst spewing out green fluid.

Sir James shook like an unbalanced washing machine. He slowly vibrated toward the window.

"Be careful Sir James, there’s a space window over there!" yelled Robert.

Sir James hopped uncontrollably with fluid shooting all over the room. He hopped his way out of the two-way window and into space.

Robert walked toward the window but was careful not to slip on the fluid. Outside Sir James floated, still shaking, toward the Moon.

"Holy shit," said Robert.

"Never trust a psychiatrist, they’ve all got something screwed loose in their head," said Gill.

"I told you that window was dangerous, I told you guys," said Frick chewing into the number 2 lead of his pencil staying clear of the window.

"I’m not sure, but I think Big Blue reprogrammed this TeleTrans. I’m picking up all kinds of stuff in this ship, " said Robert.

"Reprogrammed?"

"Yeah, it’s too long to explain, but Big Blue is kind of alive, and he knew that the US military sold his design plans to these aliens."

Frick pulled a pencil out of his mouth. "Robert, you don’t think those pills are fucking with your head, do you?"

"Yes, they are.  Big Blue knew about the aliens because he tracked them getting into the AD2100. Big Blue was one of the hackers, but that’s a long story too."

"Take the red pill Gill, take the green pill Gill…know what I mean?" said Frick.

"I know what you are thinking, but trust me, --wait.   I think I just picked up a command console in the ship, yeah, it’s near the corner.  I will try to bring it up."

"Take the red pill Gill, take the green pill Gill…." continued Frick.

A rectangular control panel rose out of the floor. Robert walked over and starting hitting buttons.  "That’s it, I found an escape pod.  There’s only one."

A metal cylinder popped up from the floor. A door opened, showing a coffin-shaped seat, barely big enough for Robert.

Robert walked over toward Gill. "Gill, I know what you are thinking, I really do. You think you should go because you’re President of MicroIntel.  And I know what you are thinking Frick, you are worried that you won’t see that girl Michel you met today at Club heaven again, and now your worried that I’m going to tell Gill…"

"Robert, now that’s not fair! I believe you now, I believe you."

Frick was thinking that if Robert really could read his mind he’d tell Gill how Frick had his friend short 250,000 MI shares after the last board meeting. It wasn’t illegal, (Frick was too smart for that) but it did not look good.

"Listen guys, I am going to program this pod to take me back.  I will find a way to come back and save you guys."

"Yeah right, we’re fucked up here. How are you going to get back here?" said Gill.

"I don’t know, but if I don’t go back and work with Big Blue these guys are going to take over the Earth.  They have no choice."

"No choice?" said Gill.

"No, Big Blue said their planet is on course to collide with our sun. They need a new home and I think they want to take ours."

Robert had awakened from a Big Blue hypnotic session. The pills reacted to regenerate stored memories. Without the codes stored in the pills the memories could not be extracted by Robert or anyone. Memories were really not much different than a floppy disk. Robert’s memories were encrypted, but now he knew the key. 

Robert continued, "I will leave you guys the TeleTrans.  Put it on and try to use it to hide yourselves in the ship.  It’s a quite a big ship from what I could read and---"

"I’m not putting on that space helmet!  Who knows what the hell it does to your head!"

"Hey, I’m leaving. It works.  As you know Frick, the pod is programmed for Tokyo. I’ll try to get back soon."

Robert jumped into the pod and hit a button. The door closed. Frick backed off. The pod turned on its side rolled out the two-way window. From outside its engines blasted the re-entry engines.

Gill and Frick sat at the medical tables. Gill put on the TeleTrans. "I’m going to try it out."

"I’m not so sure Gill. Who knows where Robert is going?  Maybe that thing tricked him into getting into that pod.  Maybe they’re pissed about Sir James."

"I don’t think so.  Robert’s the smartest guy I know.  I’m putting it on."

Gill put on the head set. His mind felt like it had entered a large room where he could see all over the place. There were maps, computers, descriptions to other rooms, and codes to open doors. Gill looked at Frick and could sense that he was nervous. He could feel it and he also got the feeling of shorted MI stock.

"You didn’t Frick."

"Didn’t what?"

"Short 250,000 thousand of our own shares"

"No I didn’t, my friend Burt did."

"Yeah, you knew the price would drop.  That’s insider trading, and now you’re thinking you’re going to lose 5 million dollars to cancel the order, you shit!"

"I’m sorry Gill.  I’ll make it up somehow."

"Ah crap!  We’ve got to leave.  I’m picking up a Zok Clone coming this way.  Quick, follow me I’m going to open a door over here."

A round hole appeared near the back of the room. Gill and Frick ran through, and it closed after them. They followed a gray metal hallway and turned left into another larger hallway. In that hallway metal doors were spaced every ten feet or so. In the TeleTrans monitor Gill could see that they were Zok sleeping compartments. Near the end was an empty sleeping room. He pushed a code he saw in his head and the door opened.

"Get in Frick, hurry!" The two jumped down a short stairway and Gill closed the door behind.

"What’s that thing doing?" asked Frick.

"I can see all kinds of stuff.  I can see through walls, I can see hidden walls and when I want to open a door, the password shows on the door.  Interesting, when I look at you I can see in your head, I can feel your thoughts.

"Please take if off for a second Gill, please.  It’s making me nervous."

"Sure Frick."  Gill took off the headset, "What’s the matter?"

"Oh, just the 250,000 shares I shorted.  I just feel uncomfortable about you reading my head like that."

"I didn’t see anything else that bothered me, relax."

"It’s not that, it’s just how would you feel if I wore it?"

"I’d be fine, but you said you didn’t trust it."

"I trust it now, let me try it out."

Frick wanted to read into Gill’s head to see what Gill was going to do about the 250,000 shorted shares.

"Well, I don’t think we have much time and I know how to use it now."

"You’re afraid I’ll be able to read your head, aren’t you?"
"No…but..."

"No buts, give it to me."

Gill reluctantly handed over the TeleTrans.

Frick put it on to check out Gill, but the sheer amazement of seeing so much put Frick on another line of thought.  He looked around the ship. He could move through walls just by thinking. He went back to the original room, and could see a Zok peering out the window. He was staring at Gork who was falling toward the Moon. In the distance there was the Zok pod with Robert inside. Frick knew the Zok was confused, feeling that the Earthman was trouble, smarter, and a feeling worst of all, that the Earthmen would be eliminated soon.

"What are you doing -- reading my head?"

"No Gill, picking up the Zok man. Boy, is he pissed."

"Well, we need to figure a way to get the hell off this ship.  Snoop around with that thing, I am going to rest here. There isn’t any way we’re leaving this room unless we have to. There is too much fucked up shit out there."

"I hear you on that one.  Shit, this is like a fucking military boot camp, and the kitchen, all they have are Kripits and ice."

"Frick, just see if you can figure a way out, I want to relax and think.  That Kripit feels like a hockey puck in my gut."

"I told you guys not to eat that shit."

"Just leave me alone, will you?  Check out and see if you can find one of those pods or something."

"Looking now."

The Earth reminded us of a Christmas tree ornament hanging in the blackness of space. As we got farther and farther away it diminished in size. Finally it shrank to the size of a marble, the most beautiful marble you can imagine. That beautiful, warm, living object looked so fragile, so delicate, that if you touched it with a finger it would crumble and fall apart. Seeing this has to change a man, has to make a man appreciate the creation of God and the love of God.

—
James Irwin, USA

"COL. SANDURZ:" He's an Asshole, sir.