Lush in Lace (13 page)

“Nope. But… I’ll try to be whatever you want
me to be. I promise, Squeaker.” He lay back, closing his eyes.

“I want you to be you,” I stressed, taking a
seat on the edge of the bed beside him and placing his hand in
mine.

He shook his head on the pillow, too fast for
someone who’d been drinking all night, and groaned loudly before
turning a sickly shade of green.

“Sit up a bit,” I ordered him. “And take
these.”

He took the pills without argument and
flopped back down with a groan.

“You want me to be tiny like that guy in the
kitchen. I’ve seen your lovers,” he continued, obviously still
concerned that I didn’t want him when nothing could be further from
the truth.

“All I want right now is for you to get some
rest.”

“Will you lie with me?” he asked instead.

I shouldn’t. If I was a sane person, I would
walk away and sleep in the guest room.

“Sure. I’ll lie with you.”

I got up, turned off the lights, and crawled
into bed next to Scott. He looked so peaceful, his eyes closed, his
chest rising and falling as he rhythmically inhaled deep, even
breaths. I was sure he’d fallen asleep. The warmth of his big body
beckoned me closer to him, but I forced myself to remain on my side
of the bed. I did, however, reach over to take his hand in mine
once again. It was a small gesture, but I couldn’t resist touching
him.

I smiled, thinking how ironic it was that,
after all these years, I finally had Scott Lush in my bed, and the
only part of him I’d be touching was his hand. It would be enough;
just being close to him was enough for me. Plus, I remembered BJ’s
advice about taking things slowly. If I wanted a chance with Scott,
I couldn’t rush things. Not to mention the fact that he was drunk,
and I’d never take advantage of him in that state.

My eyes finally closed, and I was caught
somewhere between awake and asleep when I heard Scott’s voice break
through the silence of the room.

“They called me fag-lover,” he declared.

I wondered for a moment if he was dreaming.
“Who?” I asked.

Scott turned his head on the pillow to face
me, his hand still in mine. “My friends at college. No! They
weren’t my friends,” he corrected, shaking his head rapidly and
groaning again at the action. “They were assholes. They supported
me and my gay brother when I was leading the team to victory, but
then I hurt my knee. That’s when I saw their true colors. They said
some really bad things, called me fag-lover, put me on the bench
even after my leg healed—other stuff,” he mumbled, his eyes too
heavy with sleep and the effects of the alcohol to keep them
open.

I knew Scott was trying to tell me something
important, but for the life of me, I couldn’t figure it out. “What
are you talking about?” I asked.

“I love BJ. He’s my brother. I love you—um… I
mean your brother too,” he corrected. “I wouldn’t let them…” His
words drifted off, and I feared he’d fallen asleep again.

“Let them what?” I prodded anxiously.

His eyes fluttered before he continued. “Talk
that way about the men I love, my family—the man I’d secretly been
in love with for years. No one knew about that part, not even you,
Squeaker.” He smiled triumphantly then at a memory I wasn’t privy
to. “It was worth it,” he added.

A sinking feeling of foreboding made my
stomach roll over, but still I asked, “What was worth it?”

“Breaking that smug little dipshit’s jaw and
telling Coach Mars to go fuck himself. It took half the team to get
me to stop,” he bragged. “I’d do it again for you and BJ.”

“M-me?”

“You,” he repeated, squeezing my hand.
“You’re mine to protect. No one will ever talk about you that
way.”

Oh god.
“You got expelled, didn’t
you?” I asked, putting the missing pieces together.

“Nope. The faculty didn’t want the bad
publicity. Wanted me to keep quiet. But I hated it there, so full
of bigoted bastards. They reminded me of what a coward I am. Oh
god,” he whined. “I’m sorry, Rylan. I’m so sorry.”

“Shhhh, it’s okay. It’s okay,” I soothed him,
rubbing his hand gently between both of mine. “You don’t have
anything to be sorry for, Scott.”

“Yes I do!” he insisted, his words slurring
into each other, making it difficult to follow his already
scattered thoughts. “I wasn’t ready. I’m sorry. I hated it
there—hated business and finance courses. I tried to stay, but I
like dogs and cats, all animals. I stayed away for as long as I
could, but it didn’t change anything.”

“Oh god,” I whispered.

Scott’s ramblings would have been lost on
anyone else, but not me. Everything was suddenly clear—the real
reason why Scott had dropped out, the reason for his financial
problems, his attitude, everything. He’d defended his gay brother
(and me) against some ignorant, homophobic assholes. He’d stayed
away from his home because of me.

I felt sick. All the horrible things I’d said
to Scott after he’d dropped out came rushing back like a bad dream.
I’d teased him about being too thickheaded to make it through his
first year of college even with a full scholarship. I’d ridiculed
him for his lack of drive and determination. I’d rubbed his nose in
his failures, both physical and mental, when all the while he’d
been protecting himself and the people he loved.

Scott was breathing heavily now, finally
asleep. I watched him, so handsome and peaceful. He truly didn’t
have a hurtful bone in his body. Yes, he was bigger than most men,
but I’d never known him to use his size or strength to hurt anyone
physically, not ever. Even on the football field, he avoided doing
real damage to his opponents.

We had our verbal battles—it was our
thing—but Scott never had a harsh word for anyone else. Another
reason I’d fallen in love with him. I watched his chest rise and
fall above his heart while my own heart was breaking. I’d failed
him in so many ways.
Fuck.
He’d been there for me, and I
didn’t even know it. I wanted him to love me, but I’d done nothing
to deserve his love in return.

I gently released his hands, got out of the
bed, and slowly made my way downstairs. There was no way I could
sleep now. The clock on the stove reminded me of the late hour, but
I didn’t care. I had some things to take care of and a lot to make
up for. If I pissed some people off with my early morning phone
calls then too fucking bad. This was about proving to the man I
love that I was worthy. I only hoped it’d be enough.

****

The next morning Scott came down late,
looking a little rough around the edges most likely due to the
effects of his first hangover.

It was clear he’d washed his face, finger
combed his thick, sexy blond hair, and from the faint scent of
mint, he’d managed to find a spare toothbrush.

“Hi,” I said, offering him a fresh cup of
coffee from the pot on the counter.

“Hi,” he returned, taking the cup and
wrapping both of his big hands around it.

“How do you feel?”

He shrugged. “Okay. Thanks for letting me
stay here.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” I huffed,
feeling even guiltier.

“Does BJ know I got drunk last night?” he
asked hesitantly.

“Yep.”

“Shit.” He ran his hand through his hair.
“What about my mom?”

“No. She has no idea, and I plan on keeping
it that way as long as you promise me you’re never drinking
again.”

I didn’t want to control Scott’s life. He was
a grown man. He could drink if he wanted to, but I could already
see how disappointed he was in himself for his loss of control.
Alcohol didn’t suit him, and if being with Scott meant I’d have to
give up the stuff too, I’d happily do so.

“Never,” he agreed easily.

“Good, because I don’t fuck drunk men.”

“W-what?” His head snapped up in
surprise.

“And I can’t survive another night of you
drunk and manage to control myself,” I added, further confusing
him.

“I don’t understand?”

“You said some pretty enlightening things
last night, Lush.”

“Oh god,” he hissed, rubbing his temple with
his free hand.

“How much of the party do you remember?” I
asked, turning to place my empty cup into the sink.

He shifted, leaning casually against the
doorframe. “I remember the video. I remember finding you in the
kitchen with your redheaded boyfriend,” he added bitterly before
shrugging his shoulders. “After that things get a little
fuzzy.”

I turned and waited until I had his full
attention before I began, “Well, let me clear some things up for
you, Lush. First, Cameron is not—nor will he ever be—my boyfriend.
I haven’t fucked a man since that night we were together, and
there’s been no one else for almost a year before that. Got
it?”

I could tell my declaration shocked him.

“I get that you’re not gay, and I’m okay with
that for now,” I continued. “I won’t push you, but I want things to
change. I don’t want us to fight anymore.”

“Rylan, I—”

I held up my hand, stopping him before he
could get more than a few words out. It was important that I clear
the air. I’d spent most of the night thinking about what I was
going to say to Scott in the morning. I had to spit it out before I
lost the nerve.

“Hear me out first okay, Scott?” I implored.
“I think we can get along if we try. I promise I’ll try really
hard. There’s no need for you to leave town again. I did some
checking, and there’s a great veterinary program here at the local
college. It’s recognized nationally, and the next semester begins
in two weeks. They still have a few openings.

“You’re smart, Scott. I know you are. You
always got good grades in spite of your focus on sports. You can
probably get a scholarship too. Even if you don’t, I talked to your
mom, and she’s willing to help. So am I, and BJ and Jamie will
pitch in too. I also called Rimmer. He has a place above his
garage. It’s not much, only one bedroom, but it’s furnished and
close to campus. It’s been sitting empty for a while now, so he’s
not asking for any rent until you get on your feet. It’s yours if
you want it.”

Scott’s look of confusion was expected. “Why
are you doing this?” he asked, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Honestly?” I shrugged. “To apologize. I’m
tired of being enemies, regardless of our past. I want more out of
our relationship.”

Scott looked away from me then, and BJ’s
words of caution came rushing back to me. “I’m not gonna pressure
you, Lush. I understand that you’re not comfortable with your
feelings for a man. I’m okay with that, and I don’t want more than
you’re willing to give, but—”

Before I could finish or even take my next
breath, Scott was in front of me, grabbing the back of my head and
crushing my lips to his. The kiss was fast and frenzied, a mixture
of relief and desperation. It stole the air from my lungs and every
thought from my head. I didn’t mind one bit. I grabbed his biceps,
using them as an anchor to keep him close while he wrapped his arms
tightly around me. I’d never been with a man so much bigger in size
than I was, and the feeling of being cocooned in Scott’s warm
embrace was like coming home.

When we both needed to come up for air, I
noticed that Scott’s skin was flushed, his lips were slick from
their contact with mine, and he looked so damn sexy.

“You don’t know shit, Squeaker,” he stated
breathlessly. “I know what I want—what I’ve always wanted. It just
took me a while to get my heart and my head to line up,” he
declared.

He must have read my hopeful expression.

“I’m not saying I’m gay or straight or even
bi. I don’t know what my feelings for you make me. I don’t like
labels, but I like you. I like you a lot, Rylan. I wanna try and be
more than friends with you. I can’t promise I’ll be politically
correct or even comfortable with everything that comes with having
a boyfriend all at once, but I want to try.”

“Boyfriend?” I asked. It was my turn to be
surprised. He was saying things I’d only ever imagined in my
dreams.

Scott tensed. “Unless there’s someone else or
you’re not interested—”

“No! There’s no one else, and I’m definitely
interested,” I rushed out, leaning in to kiss him again.

He looked down at me with concern when the
kiss ended. “I’m glad to hear it. I’m no angel, Ry. I have the
mouth and mind of a jock. I can’t change that,” he declared
sincerely. “I’m probably gonna say something offensive at some
point in time, or worse, something that sounds like I don’t care,”
he continued. “But it’s not going to be intentional, and you’re
gonna have to tell me when I do because I never want to hurt you. I
want you, Rylan. Fuck, do I want you,” he hissed. “But I’m not
perfect. I’ll promise to try and be brutally honest with you, but I
need you to do the same. You think you can manage that,
Squeaker?”

I found myself nodding numbly. I was being
given a second chance at happiness with Scott, and I would do
anything he asked to make things work.

“Good, now let’s go see Rimmer’s apartment,”
he said excitedly, before grabbing my hand and tugging me along
behind him. I was stunned and speechless but happier than I’d been
in years.

****

-Scott-

It took less than two days for me to settle
into Rimmer’s small, one bedroom apartment. I’d also registered for
the local veterinary technician program with a little financial
help from my mom and BJ. Rylan was right; it was possible that next
semester I could earn a scholarship and keep studying toward a
degree if I liked it. Not only had I registered for school, but I
reduced my hours at work and officially asked Rylan out on our
first date.

I waited days, years actually, for this night
to finally arrive, but now that it was here, I was scared shitless.
I almost threw up when I heard the loud knock on my front door.
This would be our first date. It had to be perfect.