Lucy Lane and the Lieutenant (21 page)

Katherine was unconvinced, but she returned her smile. ‘I sincerely hope so. I’ll leave you to dress.’

* * *

Before Lucy knew it, the time of departure was upon them. She was relieved nothing was said about the unpleasant occurrence the night before, although it was on all their minds. Nathan had decided to leave the horses behind, which saddened Lucy because she had grown extremely fond of Jess, but she could see the sense of it. With the war still being fought and horses in short supply, Sir Robert was grateful to have them. As Nathan loaded the bags into the carriage that would take them to the ship, with tears in her eyes, Lucy said her farewells to Sir Robert and Maria.

‘Remember, you will always be welcome here,’ Maria said. ‘When this wretched war is over, you must come back.’

Even as Maria said the words—and later when Lucy stood on the deck of the ship and there was nothing but the vast expanse of ocean to be seen—she was filled with trepidation about what the future held for her now.

* * *

Soon the days became shorter and the temperature dropped. The seas became rougher, too, and the ship was tossed about like a matchstick. Most of those on board suffered from sickness, including Lucy—whether it was the violent motion of the ship or her condition which caused it she was unsure, because her nausea continued when they sailed into the calmer waters of the English Channel.

Most of the time she spent in the small cabin she shared with Katherine and Charles. Nathan’s regular visits broke the days up, but she saw to it that they were never alone, although she was always aware of where he was on the ship, even though they had scarcely spoken since they’d boarded. She managed to distract her thoughts when she was with Katherine and Charles, yet one corner of her mind was always attuned to him.

Nathan made every attempt to approach Lucy, but he was unable to break through her reserve. Her tone when she spoke to him, her very posture, was cool and aloof.

* * *

On one occasion after she had been on deck with Katherine, she was returning to the cabin when he caught her arm to delay her, leaving Katherine to go on ahead, releasing it immediately when she flinched at his touch.

He gazed down at her with puzzlement and concern. Her face was drawn by fatigue. Throughout these past weeks she had been courageous in her desire to free Katherine from captivity, to right the wrong between them, and now he could see how the strain of those weeks was showing. Had he asked—expected—too much of her? What had he done to her? And she had killed Gameau, which he had failed to do—a frightened young woman confronting a killer. Lucy’s upbringing had never prepared her for such a situation and he should have known it—did, in fact, recognise the fact when he brought her to Portugal. He had wronged her and was too stubborn to admit his error.

‘Lucy, would you mind telling me what is wrong? Is there some problem I don’t know about?’

Lucy managed to return his gaze briefly. She was glad she was beginning to know how to deal with rejection. She was able to answer Nathan’s question with scarcely a pause. ‘Problem? I don’t know what you mean.’

‘The way you are behaving—so cool and formal. I thought we had moved on from all that.’

‘Am I being formal? I didn’t realise it.’ If she sounded cool, perhaps even haughty, then she was glad. Glad that Nathan could not see what an effort it was to be so close to him. She loved him so much. Why else would she be experiencing this painful yearning that was equal parts fear and want? She was finding it harder and harder to retreat into cool reserve when she was near him, especially when memories of his caresses, hot, wild and sweet, kept swirling around in her mind.

He searched her face, hesitating a long moment before he replied, ‘Do you have to return to the cabin? Would you care to walk on the deck?’

‘Thank you, but I am quite weary after all the turbulence and Katherine needs my assistance with Charles.’

Nathan stepped back. ‘Then I will not detain you.’

As he watched her go, Nathan’s emotions veered back and forth between hope and despair. There was nothing in Lucy’s attitude to give him any encouragement. While she was acting cold, he knew she wasn’t cold-blooded, but now he had decided that he must have her in his life for good, that he had come to realise that she was his reason for living each day and he had never stopped loving her despite the years between, she had retreated into a chilly shell of reserve, making it quite clear that she wouldn’t accept his attentions.

He wasn’t going to try to press the issue, he decided, at least not yet. On board a ship heaving with soldiers and civilians and sickness, this was neither the time nor the place, as he told Katherine when he saw her on deck later.

‘I can’t tell you how happy I am that you’ve come to your senses,’ she told him. ‘Do you have any notion how deeply Lucy is hurting, Nathan? Your indifference to her of late has given her reason to believe you are punishing her for the mistakes she made in the past.’

Naked pain flashed across his handsome face. ‘To punish her never entered my head.’

‘She is torturing herself about what she did. We have suffered because of it, but I suspect Lucy has suffered more.’

‘I couldn’t agree more.’

Katherine looked startled. ‘You do?’

‘Absolutely. Under the circumstances I’m sure I would have acted much as she did. I’ll make it up to her,’ he replied with a sombre smile. ‘I promise.’

‘Don’t take too long.’ Katherine strongly suspected there was something other than seasickness wrong with Lucy and come the summer she would have a child to care for as well as her Aunt Dora. Clearly her friend wanted to keep it to herself so Katherine would not voice her suspicion to Nathan—it was not her place. ‘If you delay, you may find she has left London. She’s considering going on tour with a travelling theatre company,’ she said in answer to Nathan’s questioning look, hoping that would motivate him into asking Lucy to be his wife.

Nathan hesitated an endless moment, then he nodded, shoved his hands into his pockets and stared out to sea. ‘Thank you for putting me in the picture, Katherine.’

‘So you see, Nathan,’ she said cautiously, ‘if matters are to be set to rights between the two of you, I very much fear the burden for it will fall completely on you.’

He nodded. Katherine was right. The melting away of old barriers had given him back his ability to love, going beyond the boundaries which for so long had been his defence. His love and devotion to Lucy were laid wide open, so he knew what he had to do. He could not deny or hide his emotions any longer.

‘Now I have straightened out the confusing array of emotions beating at me for four years, I know what I must do. I cannot turn my back on the woman I have tried so hard to deny, on the truth my heart has hidden.’

Katherine’s eyes warmed at the tenderness in his eyes and voice. ‘Don’t leave it too long, will you? She adores you.’

* * *

On their arrival in Portsmouth, the wharf was bustling with commerce piled with crates and barrels and lined with carriages and wagons. Naval and merchant vessels lay at anchor in the harbour.

It was late afternoon when Lucy accompanied Katherine ashore. Held close in his mother’s arms, Charles, who was developing apace, looked about him with interest at the ships and the passengers and soldiers returning home. Nathan had written to the Duke of Londesborough, giving him an approximate date of their arrival. Relief washed over them when they found he had sent a coach for them.

Spending the night in Portsmouth, they began the journey to London the next morning.

* * *

Lucy’s arrival brought Dora hurrying from her room in her eagerness to be reunited with her niece. Never slackening her pace, she was nearly breathless as she swept into the hall. She was disappointed that Nathan had already left. In his haste to deliver Katherine and a fretful Charles to Lord Londesborough at his London home, he had not stayed long.

‘Oh, thank goodness you’re safe,’ Dora cried in teary relief as she reached out to embrace Lucy, making no effort to halt the profusion of grateful tears coursing down her cheeks as she encompassed her niece within the circle of her arms. ‘I was so fearful of what might happen to you!’ She wept with joy. ‘I’ve been nearly beside myself, not knowing what Nathan intended to do when you got to Portugal. My greatest fear, of course, with that wretched war raging over there, was that you and Nathan would be killed.’

‘We suffered no harm, Aunt Dora,’ Lucy assured her aunt as she stood back within the circle of the older woman’s arms. ‘Now is not the time for discussions. I do not want to think of anything but my relief at being home.’ She spoke the truth, for somehow this house where she had lived with her aunt for such a short time before she had left for Portugal had become just that to her. ‘I’ll tell you everything when I’ve bathed and changed my clothes.’

Dora clasped her niece’s cheeks between her palms and gazed with tear-filled eyes into the face of her only relative before bestowing a fond kiss upon her brow. ‘I am so very relieved to have you back, Lucy. I would never have been able to bear your loss if anything had happened to you. But I knew I could count on Nathan to keep you safe. Was it very difficult out there?’

‘At times,’ Lucy admitted. ‘It’s strange when I look back on that remarkable journey that it wasn’t nearly as punishing as it might have been. I marvel that we came through it so easily. But we did. Our luck held through all of it. Apart from the towns and villages where we stayed the nights, we hardly saw another person the whole way. Of course we were aware there was a war going on and were constantly on our guard, but Nathan assured me the conflict at that time was over the border in Spain. Now, let me go and get cleaned up and I will tell everything.’

* * *

The next afternoon Lucy left the house wrapped in a cloak and she needed one. A cold wind blew and the sky was overcast. She felt a curious sense of belonging as she entered Covent Garden. It seemed to welcome her back. Mellowed with age, raffish and not quite respectable, it had its own unique character and colour which she had always loved. This charming neighbourhood, with plump blue-grey pigeons strutting on the stones of the piazza and its bustling market and busy theatres, was, to her, the heart of London and it was good to be back even though she was no longer employed as an actress.

All was total confusion at the Portas Theatre, with stagehands and actors rushing about all over the place. Almost everyone recognised her, calling and waving to her and telling her how good it was to see her back while carrying on with what they were doing. It didn’t take long for her to locate Coral. She was on stage and gasped with delight on seeing her friend.

‘Lucy! You’re back! Lord, love, I’m glad to see you! It hasn’t been the same without you.’ She hurried towards her, her hazel eyes shining with delight to see her closest friend.

Coral was wearing a pale pink dress and her blond hair spilled over her shoulders in glistening waves. When Lucy hugged her she smelled of scented soap.

‘I called on your Aunt Dora and she told me you’d gone away for a while.’

‘That’s right. I didn’t arrive back in London until yesterday. I couldn’t wait to come and see you.’

Coral took her hand and together they went to her dressing room where she poured them both a glass of chilled wine. They sank into overstuffed chairs and drank it, talking over old times and the current production.

‘Have you seen Jack, Coral?’ Lucy asked, keen to know what had become of her former beau.

‘Not lately.’ A concerned look entered her eyes. ‘He’s gone to Bath for Christmas. I think he’s found someone else, love. Do you mind?’

Lucy shook her head. ‘No. He was never known to be faithful to one woman for long. It would never have worked between us. I hope he’s happy. And how is Jamie? Still writing his plays?’

Coral nodded, looking awfully pleased. ‘He’s finally got someone interested in his latest and even got backers to finance it. I’ve read it and I have to say it’s very good—full of wit and verve. He’s over the moon about it. We both are.’

‘I’m so happy, Coral. Jamie is extremely talented. I had every faith in him.’

‘What about you, Lucy? Where have you been?’

‘In Portugal—with Nathan.’

Coral’s eyes opened wide in amazement. ‘Nathan? Nathan Rochefort?’

‘Yes. It’s all very complicated, Coral.’ She had told Coral the whole story about Nathan and she had been intrigued. She was the only person she had dared confide in after the break up, but she needed to talk to someone about it and knew she could trust Coral completely.

‘Are you back together?’

‘No,’ she answered quietly. ‘Four years ago I made a terrible mistake, Coral. I thought Nathan and Katherine...’ She bit her lip to stop it trembling. ‘Well, you know all about that. It turns out that I was wrong and he finds it difficult to trust me again.’ She told her of the assignment and why Nathan had needed her help. What she didn’t tell her was about the baby. Giving herself a gentle shake, she smiled. ‘But enough of that. I’m back now and I’ve put all that behind me.’

Coral didn’t believe her. ‘I think spending all that time with Nathan has reawakened all the old feelings you had for him.’

Lucy sighed, putting her empty glass down. ‘I never could hide things from you, Coral. I can’t deny it, but it’s over. Now,’ she said, helping herself to more wine, ‘how’s the play going? Are you enjoying playing Portia?’

‘Oh, yes. Mr Portas is pleased with my performance and the audience appear to be. At least they didn’t throw stones at me on opening night,’ she said, laughing. ‘But what of you? Are you returning to the stage?’

‘I don’t know. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I thought I might go away for a while—maybe do some travelling with a theatre group, but I’m in no hurry. I’m just glad to be home again and spending time with Aunt Dora.’

‘Then I see no reason why you can’t attend the party tomorrow night to celebrate Jamie’s good fortune—here at the theatre after the show. After much persuasion Mr Portas has agreed to a private party for cast, crew, friends and journalists—the latter never averse to free food and drink as you know. You will enjoy it, Lucy—with all your old friends—and maybe a few of your admirers,’ she said with a twinkle in her eye. ‘What do you say?’