Luck of the Draw (Xanth) (18 page)

The man considered, gazing at her. She inhaled as a gust of wind threatened to untuck her shirt. His generous nature got the better of him. “Sure.”

They hurried in just as the first fat drops of rain came down. Bryce was the last one in, and he pushed the door closed against the battering wind. Angry rain smashed against it, demonstrating the storm’s frustration at losing its quarry.

“Thank you so much,” Mindy said. “You saved us from a drenching.” She tucked her shirt back in, but she was still breathing hard from her exertion. “You are so good to us. We really appreciate it.”

“Well, sure,” the man agreed, his goodness prevailing in the face of her compliments, his eye on the heaving shirt. Bryce wondered whether she had played him, Bryce, similarly, when he was at Caprice Castle, and he hadn’t noticed. She was not the beauty that Dawn was, or even Anna, but she evidently knew how to impress a man when she wanted to. Most women did.

Mindy quickly introduced the other members of the party. Prompted by this, the man introduced himself: he was Andrew, or more fully “Average Magician Andrew.”

“You’re a Magician?” Mindy asked, breathlessly awed.

“Well, not exactly,” he admitted with a bit of bashfulness. “My talent is to answer questions. If I could answer every one accurately, I’d be as good as the Good Magician. But I am right exactly fifty percent of the time. I don’t know when I’m right or wrong, just that half of my answers will be in each category. So my friends call me a Magician, but I’m not sure I’m even half of a Magician. If only I could always be right, or at least know when I was wrong, I’d be great. As it is, I’m not much.”

“But you are surely just what we need,” Mindy gushed, still breathing hard. It seemed impossible that Andrew would not notice how she was overdoing it, but his gaze was caught somewhere between her face and her shirt. “You can tell us which path to take.”

“I will be glad to help in any way I can,” Andrew said. “But the truth is that few folk find my answers useful. They would be, if they were guaranteed right or wrong, but they aren’t. I don’t offhand know which path is the right one for you, so I would have to use my talent, which may not help.”

Bryce was interested. This just might be an intellectual puzzle he could solve. “You said your answers are right exactly half the time,” he said. “Do you mean that they average out in the course of time, so you could have five wrong answers followed by several right ones?”

“No. They are always even. If one is wrong, the next will be right. But I don’t know which is which.”

“Ah. But if you did know one, that would in effect fix the other, as in quantum mechanics.”

“I am not familiar with that magic,” Andrew said.

Bryce smiled. “Nobody is. Let me express it more plainly: if you absolutely knew your first answer was right, then the second one would have to be wrong, and vice versa.”

“Yes. But of course there is no point in asking a question to which you already know the answer. I can answer only once for a given person. So you could not help yourself by asking more than one question; you have only one chance.”

“Yes,” Bryce agreed. “But there are six of us with a common objective. We should be able to guarantee a true answer, if we cooperate.”

“I’m not sure how,” Andrew said uncertainly.

“First things first,” Bryce said. “What can we exchange for the use of your talent to help us? We are not beggars.”

“Oh, I’d charge a year’s service, if I could guarantee my answers, the way the Good Magician does. But as it is, they are practically worthless.”

“Nevertheless, we are in a hurry, you can help us, and we will pay.”

“Where are you going with this?” Arsenal asked.

“I am crafting an ethical solution to our problem.”

“What problem?”

“That we don’t know a safe shortcut.”

“I told you, I can protect us from dragons.”

“What about getting washed into the sea by a deluge, as is threatening now?” Bryce asked. “Carried away by a roc bird? Poisoned by bad pies? Abducted by a goblin horde too big to fight off? There are dangers galore, off the enchanted paths.” As he had discovered, thanks to his sponsoring Demon’s quick course of education.

“He’s right,” Anna said. “We need reassurance. Otherwise we had better return to the enchanted path, regardless of the extra time it takes. We may have to pedal all night, but we’ll get there.” The others nodded agreement.

“Point taken,” Arsenal said reluctantly, seeing rebellion in the ranks. “Get it done.” Thus making it his directive, preserving his leadership.

“What do you need, that we might provide?” Mindy asked.

Andrew made a gesture of acquiescence. “The fact is, I’m hungry.”

“But you have pies growing all around your house,” Mindy said.

“I do and I don’t. Those food plants are like my talent: you can’t trust them.”

“They looked good to me,” Mindy said. “I’d eat them.”

“Let me explain. Take the cake plants: some are angel’s food, and some are devil’s food. But they look alike.”

“Either is bound to be tasty,” Mindy said.

“Tasty, yes. But don’t eat them.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The angel’s food cake makes you behave like a saint for as long as it takes to digest. You can’t lie, are easily offended by crude language, and go out of your way to do nice things for other creatures, even if it isn’t what you want to do. The devil’s food cake makes you the opposite; you will be foul-mouthed and evil for as long as it takes to digest. Neither state is comfortable. Believe me, I know, because when I get too hungry, I have to eat.”

“And your last meal was angel’s food,” Mindy said.

“How did you know?”

“You are being very decent.”

“Yes. Had I been normal, I would never have let strangers into my house, storm or not.”

“Why don’t you simply stop eating when you feel the effect?” Anna asked. “Or take a bite of one, then of another, to counter it?”

“Because it takes a while for the digestion to start, and the effect doesn’t show until then. The cakes are good; once I start one, I have to finish it.”

“Well, I think I can solve your food problem,” Mindy said. “Suppose we trade that for your answering one question by each of the six others here?”

“That’s more than fair, considering.”

“Here’s how,” Mindy said briskly. “Anna and I will harvest several cakes, enough to be sure of getting some of each kind, and mix them together into one composite cake. We’re women; we know how to do this sort of thing, in contrast to ignorant men. The effects of the different kinds should cancel out, and we can all have a good meal.” She turned to Bryce. “Meanwhile you can organize our questions to be sure of getting the answer we need: how to find a guaranteed safe shortcut path to Mount Rushmost.”

“Can do,” Bryce said.

“You’d better,” Arsenal muttered. “Or we’re wasting time here.”

The girls went out to fetch cakes. Bryce focused on Andrew. “Six of us will each ask one question. You will use your talent to answer each. We will come at the truth soon enough.”

“I told you, I can’t guarantee—”

“That’s all right,” Bryce said. “Arsenal, can you organize our group so that each person asks only the question I suggest? No one must ask out of turn. This has to be done exactly right.”

“Yes,” Arsenal said gruffly. “I’ll keep the discipline. I’ll ask the first. What is it?”

“There are eight paths out there,” Bryce said carefully. “Let’s number them one to eight, beginning left of where the original path intersects them and proceeding until the last one is to the right of the original path. Do you understand?”

“Of course I understand,” Arsenal said impatiently. “I’m not a dullard.”

“Then here is your question. Is the best path for us, the one that is quick and safe throughout, one of the first four?”

“This is pointless,” Arsenal muttered. But he girded his loins and faced Andrew. “I believe you heard the qualifications, and understand the context.”

“Yes,” Andrew agreed.

“Is the correct path one of the first four?”

“No.”

“But we don’t know whether that answer is correct,” Lucky said. “And even if it is, it still leaves us with several choices.”

“And you may ask the second question,” Bryce said. “Which is, how many women are in our party?”

“But we know that!” Mindy called from the kitchen area, where she and Anna now had a pile of cakes.

“So we do,” Bryce agreed. “Ask it, please, Lucky.”

“But this is crazy!”

Bryce glanced at Arsenal. “Just ask it,” Arsenal said grimly.

Lucky faced Andrew. “How many women are in our party?”

“Two.”

“That is a correct answer,” Bryce said.

“And you have wasted a question,” Andrew said.

“By no means. The answer to the second question is right, so the answer to the first must be wrong. Is that not so?”

“That is so,” Andrew agreed, surprised. “Your path is not among the first four.”

“We are left with paths numbered five through eight, the second four,” Bryce said. “Is our best path one of the first two of those, that is, number five or number six?”

“I’ll ask it,” Pose said. “Andrew, is—”

“Yes.”

“Next question,” Bryce said. “Do ogres crunch bones?”

“Anna, will you ask that question?” Arsenal called.

“Consider it asked,” she called back. “I’ve got cake on my hands.”

“No,” Andrew said.

“That is a false answer,” Bryce said. “So the answer to the prior one must be true: it is Path Five or Path Six.”

“You are making bleeping sense,” Arsenal said, catching on.

“Next question: is it Path Six?”

“I will ask that,” Piper said.

“Yes,” Andrew said.

“And my own question,” Bryce said. “Is your name Andrew?”

“No,” Andrew said.

“Therefore the prior answer was true, and it is Path Six. We have our path.”

“You did it!” Mindy cried. “You are one smart man!”

“One old experienced man,” Bryce said. But he was pleased.

“Dinner is served,” Mindy said. “Giant Composite Cake, there on the kitchen table, too big to move. Cut yourselves sections and eat.”

They did. It was very good, and they did not suffer inconvenient sieges of Good or Evil.

“You have solved my diet problem,” Andrew said to Mindy. “I don’t suppose I could persuade you to stay here?”

She blushed. “No man ever wanted me to stay with him before. I can’t remain here; I am traveling with the group. But you will have no problem making your own composite cake, now that you know you have to do it before you eat any.”

“Oh, I know. It wasn’t only the cake that appealed to me.”

Mindy blushed worse, finally realizing that she had overdone it with the breathing. “Thank you.”

“And you have solved much of my Answer problem,” Andrew said to Bryce. “In the course of getting your own answer. Now I have a technique to make it work more reliably.”

“Yes,” Bryce agreed. “You can finesse it.” He smiled. “Maybe you can find a woman whose talent is to ask stupidly obvious questions, to help you set up for the real ones.”

“Yes, maybe I can,” Andrew agreed thoughtfully.

“We must get moving,” Arsenal said. “The rain has stopped.”

So it had. They moved out, got on their trikes, and pedaled to the tangle of paths. They counted them off carefully, and took Path Six.

Fracto, as it turned out, had not departed; with cloudy cunning he had eased off, waiting for them to come out. Now he surged back, revving up his wind.

But their path chose this moment to plunge into a cave. They got into it and safe from the storm just before it broke, going single file. There was a faint glow from the walls and ceiling that enabled them to see clearly enough.

“It really is the right path,” Mindy said appreciatively.

“No plastered shirts,” Lucky said, less appreciatively. The others laughed.

But their relief was premature. The storm still raged outside, and now water was flowing into the cave, threatening to become a torrent. They had nowhere to go to escape it. They had to get off their trikes. “These may be harmed by water,” Bryce said. “Certainly it will be a drag on the wheels.”

Fortunately the machines turned out to be foldable, and light enough to carry. The several people stood in an uncertain cluster, holding their bundled trikes.

“Fracto is raging,” Mindy said. “He’s trying to drown us out.” She looked at Pose. “I know you’d rather see wet shirts, but could you do us the favor of locating an alcove or offshoot that will keep us dry until the water drains?”

D Pose glanced at her shirt, which was visible through the folds of the trike. She inhaled. He nodded. “I suppose a regular man would do the right thing,” he said.

“Which is to safeguard maidens in distress,” she agreed, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek.

Bryce nodded internally. Even a demon appreciated that kind of attention from a woman. Mindy was using her feminine art again, to get her way, but no one objected.

Pose flickered, then spoke. “There’s a split ahead. One fork goes high, and will not get flooded. The other goes low, and will flood. It also passes through goblin and troll haunts. But the correct path, which I can verify by its faint glow, is the lower one.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Lucky said. “The safe path should avoid all natural hazards.”

“Not necessarily,” Bryce said. “Appearances can be deceptive. We need to study this further.”

“But the water’s rising!” Anna protested. Indeed, now it was coursing about their ankles, with a lot more on the way.

“Bryce has made sense before,” Arsenal said. “We’ll take the low route.”

“You just want to see wet shirts!” Mindy flared.

“That, too,” he agreed. “Now move, or we’ll soon see them and more right here.”

Mindy glanced down at the water swirling about her calves. The cuffs of her jeans were plastered. She moved.

They splashed along the path, carrying their burdens. Soon they came to the fork. The right-hand one looked tempting as it rose into dry terrain. They could readily ride along that.

“There must be a reason,” Piper said. “Pose, why don’t you check out the right path more thoroughly, while we slog along the left one?”