Luck of the Draw (Xanth) (13 page)

“I hope we don’t have any more adventures like that,” he told her. “We survived, but we were lucky.”

Then Rachel slowed, stopped, and pointed.

Bryce halted and got off the trike. “What is it? A pun?” He got his bag ready.

“No,” she said. “Danger.” She continued to point.

He looked, but saw nothing. She seemed to be pointing at empty space. He started to pass his hand through the area to see if there could be something invisible there.

She made a small growl. He jerked back his hand. “Dangerous to touch?”

“Maybe.” She continued to point.

He bent to look more closely. Now he saw it: a sort of twisted worm hanging in the air about a foot above the ground. He passed his hand over it to find the supporting thread, but there was none.

“Hmm.” He passed his hand under the worm to find some unseen support. There was none. Finally he tried around the sides. Nothing. The thing was unsupported. It seemed to be magically fastened in place.

“This is curious,” he said. “But how is it dangerous?”

ZZAPP!

Startled, he looked. The worm was gone. What had happened to it?

Rachel took a few steps forward and pointed again.

Bryce checked. There was a rounded rock with a worm-sized hole in it. Had that hole been there before? It smelled faintly scorched as though it had been recently drilled.

Rachel moved forward again, and pointed. Bryce looked. There was the worm, suspended in the air, as before. Could it really be the same one?

He went back to the stone and sighted through the hole. There was the worm, right in the line of sight. It could have passed through the hole. But who or what had drilled the hole?

ZZAPP!

He checked. The worm was gone again. Now, in the same line of sight, was a small tree. With a neat hole through its trunk. Beyond it, in midair, was the worm.

“I am getting a surprising suspicion,” Bryce said. “Maybe I can verify it.”

He went ahead of the worm and quickly sketched a spade. He activated it and the trike faded. He used the spade to dig several spadefuls of dirt, making a mound in front of the worm.

ZZAPP!

And there was a hole in the mound, with the worm hanging beyond it.

“That worm is making those holes,” Bryce concluded. “It must be zzapping like a bullet and drilling them itself. I can see how this would be dangerous to anyone standing in its way. But one little worm can’t do much damage if there’s nothing much in its way.”

ZZAPP!

“Uh-oh,” Bryce said. Because that sound was behind him, not in the same line as the one he had been investigating. “There’s more than one of them. Where there are two, there could be more. That could indeed be dangerous.”

“Yes,” Rachel said.

“We’d better check with Princess Dawn. She can touch it and know everything about it.” But they didn’t know exactly where the princess was. It might take some hours to locate her, and this zzapping menace needed to be checked out sooner.

Bryce pondered briefly. “I think we need to get faster advice, just in case. Let me see if I can contact Princess Harmony at Castle Roogna. She should either know, or be able to find out.”

Rachel looked at him questioningly. “How?”

“I’ll try for a magic mirror.” He sketched the mirror. “Invoke.” It took form, and the spade faded out.

Bryce held the mirror before him. “Can you give me Castle Roogna?” he asked it. “Princess Harmony?” He was not at all sure whether the magic pen could perform magic this potent, by making another magic object. Or how a magic mirror was actually used. He assumed it was like a verbally controlled cell phone.

A face appeared in the mirror. It was an older woman. “Harmony is not in at the moment. Who wants her?”

“Um, I am Bryce from Mundania. One of her suitors. We met yesterday. I have discovered something odd and need advice about how to handle it.”

“The Mundanian suitor!” the woman said. “Yes, I know who you are. I am Harmony’s mother, King Ivy.”

Oops! He had gotten a lot more than he had bargained on. “I apologize, Your Majesty. I didn’t mean to bother you. It’s not that important.”

“Let me decide that. What have you discovered?”

“It’s a sort of little worm that hangs in the air, that suddenly goes ZZAPP! And drills through anything in its path. There’s more than one of them, I don’t know how many. I don’t understand it, so I thought I’d better ask someone. I’m alone in the Gap Chasm, with Rachel Dog, collecting puns, and—”

“That’s a wiggle,” she said, alarmed.

“A what?”

“When the wiggles swarm, nothing in their path is safe. Get yourself and your party out of there immediately. Stanley Steamer too.”

“But ma’am, we’re not with them. And the walls of the chasm are sheer. We can’t get out quickly.”

“Oh, bleep, that’s right. Run ahead of the wiggles; they don’t move rapidly overall. That will keep you safe for a little while. I’ll round up a roc.” She paused. “Do you know what a roc is?”

“A rock? Yes, there are stones all around here.”

“A big bird. When you see it coming, signal it. It will carry you to safety. Now get off the line; I have things to do in a hurry.”

“Yes ma’am,” he said. “Revoke.” The mirror faded.

He turned to Rachel. “It seems we have to race ahead, and then a big bird will pick us up.” At this point he wasn’t sure what to disbelieve.

He sketched the trike, activated it, and got on. They started moving. He hoped they were leaving the wiggles behind.

A shadow passed over them. Bryce looked up. There was a monstrous bird, the biggest, hugest one he had ever imagined, let alone seen. “The roc!” he cried.

He halted the trike, got off, and waved his arms wildly. “Down here!” he called.

The bird looped around and came in for a landing. It carried a tiny basket in its talons. But when they ran up to it, the basket turned out to be the size of a small house. It was the sheer magnitude of the bird that made it look small.

They piled in, closed the basket door behind them, and sat on the wickerwork floor. They could see through the crevices below and around them. The roc ran along the ground to get up speed, spread its wings, flapped for power, and took off at a sharp angle. The ground retreated at an alarming rate as Bryce and Rachel scrambled to maintain their equilibrium.

“Thanks for the lift,” Bryce called.

“Squawk!” the bird replied.

Bryce thought of something. Could he use the magic pen to sketch a translator? He tried, making it a small unit like a cell phone. Then he punched the buttons for
HUMAN
and
ROC.

There was the translation: “You are welcome. I am Roxanne Roc, chore officer of the day.”

Well, now. “I am Bryce Mundane, a suitor for the hand of Princess Harmony, and my companion is Rachel Dog. We are pleased to meet you.” He pushed the
SEND
button, and a loud squawk blasted out of the little speaker.

“Squawk!” Roxanne replied. Which translated to “So that’s why King Ivy was so urgent to save you from the wiggles! I will rescue Princess Dawn and Picka Bone next.”

She did, landing near them, and they scrambled into the basket along with Woofer and Tweeter. Then she flew to Caprice Castle, where it turned out Skully, Joy’nt, and Mindy had made it on their own, having somehow gotten news.

Caprice moved to a new location, while Dawn explained about the wiggles to the others. “They are a branch of the voles, and normally live well underground in the deep rock. When they spawn the little ones zap out in all directions seeking a new base. In the old days we thought they had to be destroyed, which could be done only by catching them when stationary and chewing them up—they are reputed to taste awful—or crushing them between two stones, or burning or drowning them. Now we know that is unnecessary; leave them alone, they either get where they’re going and stop zapping, or exhaust their energy and die. We just need to be out of their way for the few hours they are zapping. King Ivy warned Stanley Steamer, of course, and he fled the Gap Chasm for the day. Tomorrow things will revert to normal.”

“That’s a relief,” Picka said. “We skeletons are practically immune to most threats, having no soft living flesh, but wiggles could riddle our bones and make us most uncomfortable.”

“How did we receive timely warning about the swarm?” Joy’nt asked.

“It was Bryce and Rachel who did it,” Dawn said. “They spotted the first wiggles zapping, and mirrored King Ivy, who of course knew what to do. That provided the extra hour’s leeway we needed to get everyone clear. Bryce saved us all, by that call.”

“Well, thank you, Bryce,” Skully said. “We wondered where you went so suddenly. Now we know you had more important business.”

“It wasn’t really like that,” Bryce said, embarrassed.

“What was it like?” Mindy asked.

Bryce launched into a simplified version of his adventure. “So when I realized the wiggles were dangerous, I sketched a magic mirror and tried to call Princess Harmony for advice. But her mother King Ivy answered instead, so I told her. It was just spot improvisation. I’m no hero.”

“That was one canny use of the magic pen,” Picka said. “I would not have thought of that.”

“That’s because your skull is empty,” Dawn said fondly, rapping it with her knuckle. She turned to Bryce. “But it is true that was a clever use of the pen. I had no idea it could be used that way.”

“I was desperate,” Bryce said. “And lucky. In fact I had remarkable luck throughout that misadventure, surviving the underground river, escaping the sea nymph, foiling the sea monster, and then not getting zapped by the wiggles, as could so readily have happened.”

Dawn gazed at him thoughtfully. “Do you believe in luck of that nature?”

“No. I now believe in magic, but that’s not the same. I suspect someone or something was guiding our progress.”

“The Demon who sponsored you,” Dawn said. “That’s probably Demon Earth. He must be allowed under the rules to see to your training, and this was part of it: to put you in danger in ways we would not, to force you to exploit your ingenuity and learn better how to handle yourself in Xanth. To learn to use your powerful magic pen. So you may not have been in as much danger as it seemed, though with Demons it is not possible ever to be sure.”

“It’s really neat, how you figured that pen out,” Mindy said. “Making a stink bomb, and a mirror. I never would have thought of that.”

“You do seem to have an aptitude for magic,” Dawn said.

“Part of my training,” Bryce agreed. “That makes sense. The way the goblins attacked Piper could have been another part of it; it certainly educated me about goblins! But I don’t think I would care for much more such training, especially if it puts innocent people at risk, as the wiggle swarm did. It must be time for me to go see the Good Magician and get started on the formal Quest.”

“And you do seem to be about ready,” Dawn agreed. “It has been a pleasure having you and Rachel with us, Bryce; you have been a real help gathering puns.”

“And fun to be with,” Mindy said.

“You have all been most helpful and kind,” Bryce said, touched. “You have taught me a great deal about this magic land. I—” He paused. “When this quest business is over, and I have failed to win the princess, I think I would like to return to Caprice Castle and work with you again, punning, if that would not be an imposition.” Rachel made a sound of agreement.

Mindy threw her arms around him and kissed him on the cheek. “You’ll be welcome!” Then she drew back, embarrassed. “That is, if Dawn and the folk here agree.”

Dawn smiled. “Of course we agree, Mindy.”

It occurred to Bryce that Mindy might have become attached to him. She was a nice girl, but she had to know that his love for Princess Harmony made any other romantic interest impossible. Still, once the love spell dissipated, who could say? Yet he would remain an old man, regardless of his body, and that would prejudice any such relationship with anyone so young. So there seemed to be little point in exploring such potential relationships at present. He had a Quest to tackle first.

“Then I suppose it’s decided,” Bryce said. “Tomorrow I’ll head for the Good Magician’s castle.”

“And tonight we’ll have a send-off party for you,” Picka said.

They did. It was some party. He danced with Mindy, Dawn, and Joy’nt, the latter two in both skeleton and human form, while Picka demonstrated that he was every bit as fine a musician as Piper had said he was. Bryce really did like these people, and would never forget them, regardless of his own fate.

6

G
OOD
M
AGICIAN

B
ryce and Rachel stood before the Good Magician’s Castle. Caprice Castle had landed there, let them out, and faded behind them. They were on their own.

“I really didn’t mean to drag you into this,” he told her. “It’s my challenge. You have other interests now.”

The dog opened her mouth, but only a sort of growling came out. She looked surprised.

“What’s the matter?” he asked. Then he got it: “Mindy told me. She warned me that a person’s magic doesn’t work around the Good Magician’s Castle. We have to get through on our own. So you can’t speak, because that’s magic, for a dog. Let me verify it for me, too.”

He invoked his second sight. There was none. Both eyes saw the same thing. He brought out pen and pad and sketched a mirror. “Invoke.” Nothing happened; it remained a simple little picture.

“It’s true,” he said. “My magic doesn’t work either. So let me see if I can translate for you. You were trying to say ‘No, you need me.’”

Rachel nodded. She still understood him, but she had brought that ability with her from Mundania.

“How can you be sure of that, Rachel? I’m not handicapped.”

She made another half growl. “And I think you are saying that Dawn told you.”

She nodded.

“And she knows everything about living things she touches,” Bryce said. “Still I regret taking you away from Woofer.”

She shrugged. She surely understood that her love for Woofer was similar to Bryce’s love for Princess Harmony: the result of a spell. That was magic that had not been nullified.