Luck of the Devil (21 page)

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Authors: Patricia Eimer

Tags: #Humor, #paranormal romance, #jesus, #paranormal comedy, #incubus, #sattire, #Comedy, #Angels, #funny, #devil, #spirits, #god, #demons, #satan, #lord, #rogue, #alpha, #succubus, #omega, #daughter, #Humorous, #incubi, #Paranormal, #luck of the devil, #fallen angels, #succubi

BOOK: Luck of the Devil
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“Someone tried to blow me up,” I said, and closed my eyes. “Then I woke up to find out Jesus likes to moonlight as a paramedic, Malachi was acting worried, which is sort of freaky, and apparently, I got married and don’t remember it.”

“They said family only. I was pretty sure they weren’t going to believe I was your brother.”

“But you’re not supposed to be able to lie,” Lisa said.

“Myth.”

“Myth?” I repeated. Why wasn’t I surprised? It seemed like everything was a myth when it came to immortals.

“Myth,” he said and squeezed my hand tighter. “It only makes me want to sneeze.”

“Lying makes you want to sneeze?”

“Are we really worrying about whether or not I can lie to an emergency room nurse and a police officer? Because I have to tell you, even if it had blistered my tongue and caused me to burst into flame, I still would have lied to get in here.”

“Let’s not talk about it right now. Any of it. I’m trying to stay on my little vacation in Egypt a bit longer. This cruise down Denial where we discuss your abilities to defy logic is more amusing than the real world.”

“He’s safe,” Matt said. “Your sister, too.”

“Excuse me?” Who said anything about my family? We weren’t talking about them, were we? Of course, they were perfectly all right. Why wouldn’t they be? Someone had just tried to destroy us all. No big deal. Right?

“Your dad was more worried about you than anything else,” Matt said, his voice reassuring, like a parent calming a kid.

Obviously, my outer calm wasn’t quite as effective as I’d hoped.

“When you lost consciousness, he freaked and tried to get to you, but your mother was clinging to him. It gave him time to get his senses back and he started acting more like he was in shock and less like Satan bent on raising Hell to exact vengeance on whoever decided to blow up his car.”

“And Hope?”

“A bump on the head and a broken nail,” Lisa said with a smirk.

“But if they walked away from it perfectly fine, what happened to me?”

“The passenger-side mirror from your dad’s car flew off during the explosion and cracked you in the head,” Matt said.

“You’re telling me someone blew up my father and my sister—who are both fine—but I ended up getting knocked out by a flying side mirror?”

God, my life sucked.

Lisa giggled. “It’s sort of ironic if you think about it.”

“This is so humiliating. And nobody else was hurt?”

“Just a little bit of ringing in the ears,” Matt said.

“Damn it, this sucks.” Just my luck, being the only demon hurt during an explosion. I would never hear the end of it.

“Glad to know you’re happy none of us were seriously hurt,” Lisa said.

“You know what I mean. How much longer are we going to be stuck in here?”

“Not much longer, hopefully,” announced a familiar young resident when he stepped into the triage area. I narrowed my eyes at Jesus and scowled. First, he was a paramedic and now he was a doctor? What next? Santa Claus?

“I don’t know about you but this place gives me the creeps. Why don’t you close your eyes and go to sleep while we get this sorted out?”

“Damn it, J,” I said as my eyes struggled to stay open. “Will you please pick a disguise and stick to it?”

“But what would be in the fun in that?”

Chapter Twenty-five

Two hours later, I woke up in a sterile white room. Matt absently rubbed the back of my hand while Lisa clung to the other one like the last crab leg at an all-you-can-eat seafood buffet. My mother sat next to Hope, who lay in the hospital bed across the room. Tolliver reclined on a chair between my bed and Hope’s.

“He has to quit doing that,” I said.

Matt looked at me, concerned. “What?”

“The damn persuasion spells,” I said grumpily. “In the ambulance, it was ‘rest.’ In the ER, it was ‘go to sleep.’ And now I have no idea what’s going on.”

“Not much.”

“Absolutely nothing,” Hope snapped on the other side of the curtain.

“I’m just so happy you’re alive.” My mother sniffled from the chair next to Hope’s bed. “That’s something!”

“Where’s Dad?” I asked, focusing on anyone but my mother. You’d swear this was all about her. Why wasn’t I surprised?

“He’s in the next room,” Tolliver said, getting up from his seat to stand by me. He took Lisa’s free hand and kissed it. “They’re doing a ‘procedure’ on him.”

“A procedure?”

“He and the Alpha are conferencing on what the hell happened today,” he said.

“I don’t understand,” my mother said loudly, bringing the attention back to her. “Why would anyone want to blow your poor father up? He’s never done anything to anyone.”

“Except for the whole Satan bit,” Tolliver said casually. “It seems to have made him a few enemies. Apparently not bright enemies, considering they tried to kill an immortal being, but they’re enemies, nonetheless.”

“There’s no proof he’s immortal,” she said.

I flopped my head back on the lifeless, hospital-issued pillow. We weren’t going to get into this again, were we? Here? Now?

“Mom, someone blew up his car. Blew up his car.
Boom
. Which, when I think about it, how did you survive the explosion?” I said.

“Your dad,” Matt whispered.

“So you survived because some not-immortal being saved your life, huh?” I sat up and looked at her, squinting my eyes and pointing at her befuddled face. “And let’s take into account, Hope. The city’s street crew should be mopping what’s left of her from the parking lot. She walked away with nothing but a broken nail.”

“And apparently shock,” my sister added. “They’re quite sure I’m in shock. You, too. Once Jesus assured them you didn’t have a concussion, they decided to keep us for observation.”

“Okay, so somehow your two daughters and their father survived a bombing with a broken nail, a bruised forehead, and shock. No one else was hurt. Not a single person. And you still want to tell me you don’t believe anything Dad says about immortality? You’re kidding me, right?”

She glanced between us, and I knew she was evaluating her options. “Well.”

“Cut the crap, Ruth Anne,” the Alpha said, wandering into our hospital room decked out in a pair of blue scrubs and a lab coat. His ebony skin glowed, and His halo was disguised as close-cropped white curls. My father and Jesus strolled in behind Him. My cousin smirked, still dressed like a doctor, and my father wore a pair of green scrubs with the hospital logo on them. “You know how much self-delusion annoys me.”

“But—”

His voice came out just as harsh as the stern expression he wore. “Are you really going to try lying to me?”

I swallowed. Just how gutsy, or delusional, was she?

“Lou may put up with it because he’s fond of you, but I don’t tolerate fools lightly.”

“Lou?” Matt murmured.

“Short for Lucifer,” I said, trying not to draw their attention. If the Alpha was in this kind of mood, I definitely did not want to end up on His bad side.

My mother pursed her lips together tightly, wrapped her arms around her torso, and huffed.

My father walked over to her, picked her up easily, and sat down in the chair with her in his lap. “I’m glad you were worried about me.”

She collapsed against his chest, sobbing.

Hope and I looked at each other, and back at them while Tolliver moved to share Lisa’s chair so the Alpha would have a seat of His own. Matt let go of my hand and moved to stand up, and Jesus motioned for him to stay seated. Instead, Jesus walked to the ledge next to the window, on the far side of Hope’s bed.

“I was so scared,” my mother wailed.

What the Hell was going on here?

“I was so scared you were wrong and I was right and you were going to die. And the girls—”

Dad shifted and tightened his grip on her. “Shhh, shhh. We’re fine. Did you really think a couple of car bombs were going to hurt us?”

“But Faith was unconscious, and all I could think was what I would do if I lost one of you.” She wiped at her cheeks and sniffled.

“You didn’t lose any of us,” my father said, and patted her back. “You’re never going to lose any of us. What did I promise you the first time we met?”

“You’d eat my ex-boyfriend if he didn’t stop staring at the two of us?”

“Um.” He shifted again, shaking his head and obviously doing his best not to laugh. “What I meant was, what did I promise you on our second date?”

“We’d be together for eternity?”

“That’s it. And have I ever broken a promise to you?”

“Well… ”

Dad had broken a lot of promises, primarily the
I Will Not Go Demonic on Someone and Out Us
type of promises.

“When it’s been important,” he clarified. “Have I ever broken the really important promises?”

My mother shook her head slowly and buried her face in his shoulder again. “No.”

“Okay,” my father said, and kissed her hair. “So what are you crying for? I promised you eternity, and you’re stuck with me for eternity. No silly car bomb is going to change that.”

“Not that this isn’t fascinating,” the Alpha interrupted, clearing His throat. “But could we talk about those car bombs while my son and I can still keep the police officers in the waiting room at bay?”

“Yeah,” my dad said. “Does anyone have any ideas about who could have put explosives underneath three cars? Specifically, the three cars meant to carry us in them?”

“It’s a rogue nephilim,” Matt said.

Oh, shit. Happy family moment over.

“Excuse me?”

“It’s a rogue nephilim and whoever it is, he’s stalking Faith.”

“And you didn’t think it would be a good idea to tell anyone?” my father said. His horns broke the skin. That wasn’t good.

Time for me to take charge of the situation. It was my mess after all. “I told him not to, Dad.”

“Pardon me? You told him not to tell me you were being stalked?”

“I wanted to handle it on my own. You keep telling us we need to step up and start handling these sorts of things ourselves so you can retire and spend the rest of eternity living quietly with Mom. That’s what we were doing—handling it ourselves.”

“I wasn’t suggesting you should handle crazed nephilim on your own,” he roared. “I meant more of the day-to-day administration sorts of things. Maintaining the work schedules for the minor demons, keeping track of who’s on Earth and who’s in my realms. Those sorts of things.”

“Dad,” Hope said. “If you want us to take over, you’ve got to let us take over.”

“And he wonders why I don’t ever talk about retiring,” the Alpha muttered. He raised His eyebrows at His only son and shrugged.

Dad stroked his chin with his thumb and forefinger. “Well, since the whole
Taking Over and Handling Problems Yourself
thing didn’t work, would someone please fill me in on exactly what happened today?”

“Apparently, there’s a crazy half-nephilim out there who either wants to kill me and steal my powers to take control of Earth, or to start a war. Maybe both,” I said.

“I had gathered as much from the explosive devices underneath our cars,” Dad said.

Malachi materialized beside the Alpha. “And the four the police found in Faith’s apartment building. High-grade stuff, too. They’re calling in the ATF and Homeland Security.”

“Really?” Tolliver said. “Impressive.”

“Shit.” Matt’s head fell against the seat cushion. “He’s not going after Faith. There’s only one guy on that list who would have access to explosives.”

“Okay,” Jesus said, moving from the ledge, his hands raised. “Time-out. We should start at the beginning of this story, leaving out absolutely no details. Starting with, when did Bassano’s son marry Lou’s daughter?”

“Excuse me?” My father stood up so fast my mother didn’t have time to get her feet underneath her. She landed on the floor with a solid
thump
as he stalked toward Matt. “You got married?”

“We did not get married,” I shouted. “He lied so they’d let him into the room with me. Chill out already. And thanks, Jesus. I appreciate that.”

My father returned to his seat and plopped down, offering his hand to Mom.

She stood, brushing dirt from her jeans before she smacked him on the shoulder.

Dad rubbed the spot where she’d hit him. “What was that for?”

“For not trusting your daughter. And acting like a jerk. Apologize!” Apparently, Mom was on her way back to being loco again.

“Um,” Jesus interrupted. “Maybe we could get back to the rampaging nephilim stalker? Remember?”

“Look, Levi’s got a bit of a problem with demons,” Matt said, his eyes dark with what I assumed was guilt.

“A
bit
of a problem?” Jesus said.

“A female demon stole his powers a few years back, and he’s had a grudge ever since. I really hoped it wasn’t him, but he worked in demolition for a few years, trying to find himself, I guess, once he lost his powers. Dad sort of ignored him, anyway, and once he had nothing to offer, the rest of the Angale didn’t care if he was there or not.”

“Dad?” I blinked a few times. Surely, I hadn’t heard him correctly. “Tell me the two of you aren’t brothers.”

“Half-brothers,” Matt corrected. “I didn’t really think he was up to this, but the irrational hatred is there.”

“Brilliant,” my father said, sarcasm lending his voice an extra bite. “Anything else you completely dropped the ball on, Angel Boy?”

“Dad,” I growled. “I told him to let me handle it. I wasn’t even going to tell him about the first set of pictures.”

“Pictures?” Jesus asked.

“Yeah.” Malachi took a large envelope out of his cowl and dropped it onto my father’s lap. “These are most of them. I made sure to take the incriminating ones, but left behind a few human-looking ones for the police so they would know this wasn’t a sudden thing.”

Dad nodded silently, opened the envelope, and flipped through the photos. He handed them over to the Alpha and turned to face me. “And at what point did you start to think you were out of your league? Or that this lunatic was serious and might actually hurt you?”

Jesus took a look at the pictures as well. “Did you ever figure out where he got the ability to mask his actions so you didn’t realize he was near you?”

“We think he stole the powers of another demon, and he’s been using them to get close to Faith, undetected, in an attempt to steal her powers,” Tolliver said.

“The problem is,” Malachi said, “all demons are accounted for, and none of them have been drained. And for him to both mask himself and phase, he would have needed to draw a huge amount of power from someone. Enough that we would notice.”

“He’s phasing?” Jesus asked, his eyes widening. “Really?”

“He followed us to Paris,” I said.

“You went to Paris?” Jesus cast a blank look at Matt. “Huh.”

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing,” Jesus said, and turned back to my father. “So, what we know is that this nephilim, Levi, is using demonic powers to stalk Faith. But we have no idea how he’s gotten those powers, or why he’s moved from being
Mad but Harmless
to
Felony Stalking and Explosive Devices
.”

“He’s not after Faith,” Matt said to my father. “He’s after you, sir.”

“What?” I said. “What do you mean, he’s not going after me? I’m the one he’s been stalking.”

“Why is he going after me?” my father asked.

“He’s trying to declare war on you. Think about it—he could have attacked Faith or Hope at any time. Instead, he waited until the only time all of you were together and unguarded. If he wanted them, he’d have made a play days ago. This is about you.”

“I’ve never even met the twerp. Why is he trying to declare war on me?”

“Because he’s an Angale?” Hope asked, smirking at him like he was as stupid as Mom. “And they’re crazy? And they sort of have this stated mission of killing you?”

“Well, they’ve never actually tried it,” Dad said. “I always figured they were like those freaks living on compounds who want to overthrow the U.S. government. They never actually try anything.”

“Actually—” Matt said.

My father glared at him, silently daring him to argue.

“Never mind. That’s not really the point, is it?”

“No, it’s not,” Dad said. “But I should have paid more attention to the Angale. I discounted them as nothing but talk since they’d never actually done anything.”

“They are nothing but talk,” Matt said. He took his cell phone out of his pants pocket. “Brenda must’ve given out my number. There are forty messages on my phone from other Angale who are worried sick about me. And only ten of them are from my mother, surprisingly enough.”

“But they know about it,” Hope said, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.

“Everyone knows about it,” Tolliver said. He reached for the television remote and clicked on the news, which was running live coverage of the explosion from the Primanti Brothers’ parking lot. “Apparently people were tweeting about it before the ambulances even arrived.”

“What?” the Alpha said, looking around at the rest of us. “They were tweeting about it while Faith was lying unconscious in the parking lot?”

“Well,” Jesus said. “Fifteen people did call 911, and twelve of them even managed it before the third car exploded.”

“Oh, well, that’s good, I guess.”

“Welcome to the modern age,” Jesus said. “It might help if you tried to keep up with the technology.”

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