Lucid (30 page)

He put his hands together and pressed them against his lips for a second, then pulled them away. “With your power comes a great responsibility. You’ll feel compelled to get involved, to save lives. Please don’t follow my path, Nari. Once I got a taste of how I could help the world, of all the good I could do with my abilities, my conscience wouldn’t let me turn my back on it. How could I walk away from the thousands of lives I could save? How could I sacrifice them for my own personal happiness?”

“What about your family’s happiness?” I choked out, tears trickling down my cheeks. I hated that he chose the world over his family, even as a part of me understood how torn he must’ve felt when he left us. He was right to keep this video from Mom. She would never understand. If she learned the truth, she would flip out that he’d left when he still loved her, loved us. But Mom didn’t have to live with the conflicting emotions our powers left us with every morning when we woke up. She didn’t have to decide to act or not act. Ever. She had no idea how crippling and guilt-inducing that could be.

My dad spread his hands toward the camera. “I don’t want this life for you, Nari. Do
not
take a job that will exploit your powers and absorb you so completely. Even if it’s for the greater good, don’t open yourself up to the all-consuming guilt. Learn from my mistakes and
live
as normal a life as you can,
despite
your ability. That is what I hope you can accomplish for yourself. I love you, Nari, and now I hope you understand why I made the decision I did.”

The video ended and I was about to turn it off, when my dad popped back up on the screen.

“Hey, Nari.” He exhaled deeply and rolled his shoulders as if gearing up for what he was about to say. His hair had grayed at the temples and he had a few more wrinkles. He looked a little thinner too, but otherwise he’d aged well. My eyes widened when I realized that the date at the bottom of the video was a few days after I’d called in the school bombing.

“I recorded the first part of this video not long after I left when you were little. I hadn’t intended to record any more, but when I saw that you’d called in the bombing—yes, we can tap into any camera in the country. Anytime. Anywhere. Always keep that in mind, sweetheart—I thought I should add this last bit.”

Pride filled his gaze, a smile tilting his lips. “You’ve grown into a beautiful, confident young woman, Nari. I’m so proud of you.” His smile slowly faded into a serious expression. “Please take my advice and don’t get involved. And yes, I’m saying this with the full knowledge there will be lives you won’t save.” His lips twisted in an ironic smirk. “During my two decades with the government, I’ve saved hundreds of thousands of lives…on an epic scale. So as far as I’m concerned, in the gambling risk of life, I’ve more than covered my marker
and
yours. I want you to consider yourself absolved of the responsibility. Our family has sacrificed enough.”

He gave a sad smile. “I love you, Nari. Live
your
life and only yours. Be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wished for you.”

I wasn’t sure how long I sat there staring at the blank TV screen, but my aunt finally came back into the living room.

Bo jumped down when she sat beside me on the couch. “Are you okay, sweetie?” she asked, reaching up to brush my hair out of my eyes.

My earlier tears had long since dried, but I scrubbed my cheeks anyway. “Did you know about his job, Aunt Sage? Did you know why he left?”

She nodded. “Your father was so upset the day you got this. You were just a little thing.” She brushed her fingers across the small scar on my brow I’d gotten when the bookshelf tilted and a bookend fell on me. My dad had rolled me out of the way just before the shelf crashed down. “He came to me and I helped as best I could.” Tears filled her eyes. “It broke my heart that he had to leave, Inara, but he honestly didn’t have a choice. Your mother had already been hurt a couple of times, and then your life had been threatened in a way he couldn’t explain. He would’ve fallen apart if something happened to either of you. You and your mom meant everything to him.”

My heart ached so much, it felt like it might implode. I pressed my lips together to keep from sobbing all over again. “I wish I’d known the truth.”

She nodded, sadness in her gaze. “Now you know why it was hard for me to hear how much you resented him. He made me promise to never tell.”

I tensed. “The truth doesn’t change the fact he chose his job over us.” My shoulders sagged as I continued, “But I do understand being torn between what’s right and following my heart. Sometimes it’s not always so black and white.”

She cupped my cheek, sympathy in her eyes. “I don’t think he expected your forgiveness, Inara. All he hoped for was your understanding.”

I nodded, then straightened and spoke with fierce intensity, “He’s not dead!” For my own self-preservation, I needed to believe that was true. To believe I would see him again.

My aunt exhaled a tired sigh. “The government division he works for has tried to find him. For obvious reasons, they don’t want to give up on their most valuable—and one of their most covert—assets, but they’ve exhausted all their current leads.”

I fisted my hands on my knees. “It can’t end this way. Not now that I know the truth.”
He needs to know about Fate. I can tell him. He could have a life, maybe even a semi-normal life with his family
!

“I’m right there with you, sweetie.” My aunt pulled me close, her arms wrapping around me, enveloping me in her warmth. When I leaned into her, hugging her fiercely, she tightened her hold and kissed the top of my head. “Don’t worry. I’m not giving up on my brother. Now that I’ve made a connection with his secretary, she’s promised to keep me informed of any developments. I spent the week searching through his apartment and I’ve brought a box of paperwork and receipts home. I plan to go through them, looking for any clues as to where he might’ve gone.”

I lifted my head. “Didn’t his division already do that?”

“They have, but I still want to look for myself.”

“Where is it? I can help.”

My aunt shook her head. “Not today. I’ve already skimmed through the stack once. I need a day away to clear my head before I dig back in. You can help me then if you want to.”

When I nodded my agreement, she leaned back and gave me an encouraging smile. “Would you like to help me make a few pies? I owe my neighbor a couple for taking care of the boys.”

“Sounds good.” I stood and forced a smile, welcoming the distraction. I didn’t want to process everything about my dad right now.

Aunt Sage tugged me toward the kitchen. “While you help me roll out the dough, you can tell me what you’ve been up to while I was gone.”

My aunt knew about my ability, but she didn’t know about Ethan’s or about Fate, so I wasn’t going to discuss anything related to those subjects with her. If I told her everything that had happened recently, she’d probably lock me in her house until my mom got back. Drystan would be a safe subject and the fact that I got a dog. She’d love Houdini. I really hoped Mom let me keep him.

As she led me through the kitchen doorway, I asked, “Have you ever heard of parkour?”

Chapter Twenty-Five

It was late afternoon by the time I slid into my car to head home. My aunt had wanted me to stay, but she understood once I told her about Houdini. I glanced at my phone I’d purposefully left in my car—so I wouldn’t obsess while at my aunt’s—to see if Ethan had called. There was only a text from Drystan.

Drystan – 4:50 p.m. ~ Save me from this torturous dance decorating committee
!

An amused smile briefly touched my lips as I started my car, but fifteen minutes into the thirty-minute drive home, thoughts about Ethan’s silence began to gnaw deep gashes in my stomach. I shook my head to push away my worry he might’ve found someone else while he was in Michigan. My thoughts only boomeranged to other worries, cracking open the door I’d firmly shut on my dad’s revelation.

As memories of my dad began flowing into my consciousness, an emotional rollercoaster of pain, sorrow, and regret followed the flood. By the time I pulled into my driveway, my back and shoulders hurt from all the tension building inside me. I parked my car and rolled my head from one shoulder to the other to ease some of the ache, then hurried through the garage to the kitchen door. I’d just passed by the leaf blower when the unfamiliar writing on the note attached to it snagged my attention.

Nara, your leaf blower is ready to go.

David
.

Guilt drilled into my gut as if I’d run into the path of a baseball bat in a “homerun” swing. I had introduced Mom to Mr. Dixon. Even though it was perfectly normal for my mother to date, especially after waiting so long to finally meet someone, I couldn’t stop the sick feeling flooding my stomach. Mom had never stopped loving my dad. If she knew he still loved her…

Oh, God!
Too much. It was just too freaking much to deal with. I couldn’t get inside fast enough. When I ran into my room and quickly began to change into workout pants and a sweatshirt, Houdini started jumping all over me, wanting attention.

I pushed him down and patted his head. While I pulled my hair up into a ponytail, I said, “Don’t worry, boy. After you do your business, we’re going running.”

Ten minutes later, Houdini and I took off. I headed for the woods at the end of the cul-de-sac. Once I saw Houdini had no plans to leave my side after he kept slipping the leash, I folded the leather length in my tight fist and then we just ran and ran.

Ten minutes later, I entered Ethan’s neighborhood. As soon as I saw his house, my stomach knotted. I veered off to the right and into another set of woods on the opposite side.

I ran and ran, crossing around another neighborhood, through a trailer park where I eventually ended up on a quiet tree-lined road that climbed and climbed before it turned into a dirt road.

My leg muscles strained and my lungs felt as if someone had lit a slow-burning match inside them, but I kept going until I couldn’t run any more.

Houdini panted hard, his tongue hanging, drool dripping in fat drops on the dirt road under him. My muscles had finally given out, turning my legs to jelly, and I slithered to my butt.

I scooted to the side of the dirt road and hooked my arm around Houdini’s back so we could stare across the gorgeous horizon and watch the last of the sun fade away. Up here, I didn’t have to think about the things that bothered me. I could just enjoy the mountain view.

I must’ve zoned out because a sudden blaring horn and bright lights came barreling toward me. “Go, Houdini!” I ordered and pushed him down the steep embankment. All I had time to do was jump the six-foot distance to the parallel paved road below. As I hurled toward the road, everything Drystan had drilled into my head came flooding back. I managed to hit in a perfect roll. Houdini ran to my side as I rolled onto the balls of my feet.

I took a shaky breath and glanced left and right, thankful a car wasn’t coming on the road I’d landed on. “You crazy idiot,” I yelled, waving my arms at the taillights of the car to let the driver know he’d almost hit me. He didn’t bother putting on his brakes, but instead rolled down his window and gave me the one-finger salute.

I patted Houdini’s back with a trembling hand and said, “I really don’t want to admit to Drystan that he was right. Let’s keep this between us…okay boy?”

As my panicked breathing settled, I saw that Houdini’s and my breath came out in frosty plumes. Actually cold weather wasn’t my current problem. I had no idea where I was, or how to backtrack.

I’d run blindly as if distance could take care of my worries. Exhaustion had dulled the screaming thoughts in my head to hoarse whispers—which I would take for now. At least my stomach didn’t hurt any more. “Thank goodness for GPS, buddy,” I murmured to Houdini and pulled my phone out of the hidden pocket in my sweatpants.

“No signal” blinked in bold letters on the screen.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” I scrambled to a standing position, held the phone up and spun in a circle, hoping to capture a signal.

Nothing.

If I couldn’t call, could I at least send a text? I quickly typed one to Lainey.

Me – 6:00 p.m. ~ Come get me, please! Went running. Need a ride.

Lainey – 6:05 p.m. ~ Still stuck at school with these stupid decorations. Drystan is jumping for joy to leave. Where are you?

Me – 6:06 p.m. ~ I don’t know. I went running blindly and now I’m not sure where I am. No signal here, so no GPS. Stupid. I know. At least texting works
.

My phone screen blinked on and off for a second, then a warning came through,
Charge your phone. Battery almost dead
.

“Argh!” I ground my teeth at my own stupidity, then sent another text.

Me – 6:07 p.m. ~ Great! Battery almost dead
.

Drystan – 6:08 p.m. ~ Do you have GPS tracking on your phone in case you lose it?

Me – 6:09 p.m. ~ Yes
!

Drystan – 6:10 p.m. ~ What’s the website link and password to get to it
?

I quickly sent the info and password.

Drystan – 6:14 p.m. ~ Okay, I see you. Where the hell’d you go
?
Put your phone on battery save mode. Don’t want to lose the signal. Be there as soon as possible.

Me – 6:14 p.m. ~ Thanks, Dryst
!

Drystan – 6:15 p.m. ~ STOP texting. Battery save mode now
!

“Okay!” After I clicked on the battery save feature, I wrapped my arms around myself to stay warm and waited.

Twenty minutes later Drystan drove up in Matt’s Jeep. Once Houdini climbed in the back seat, I hopped into the front and closed the door, welcoming the warmth inside.

“What were you thinking?” Drystan grabbed the stick and shifted into Drive.

“That was the whole point. I wasn’t.” I rubbed my hands together, then moved my cold fingers in front of the vent.