Luca (I Love the Way You Lie #1) (5 page)

I ignored her last probing question. Instead, I said I’d consider what she said. Give it some thought. That seemed to make her happy. Fuck knows she loved participation. If I was going to get out of here, I’d need to participate. However, it would be on my terms.

His warm breath was against my ear. “I watched you change into a fly. I looked away. You were on fire.” He stroked the side of my cheek with his finger. “I took you home. Set you on the glass. I pulled off your wings. Now you feel so alive.” His disturbingly chiding laugh had me jumping awake. My room had an eerily beautiful, sun-kissed glow. It was early evening, which meant I slept for a good few hours. Much needed, I decided.

I parted my sweat-soaked hair with my finger to tame it. My heart rate continued to accelerate from my no doubt pharmaceutically induced nightmare. I mean, it was awful. As much as it was odd. What pricked me was he highlighted said dream. Secondly, the pairing of negative verbiage—dark, weird, and definitely disturbing. I stood, shaking off the twisted vibes from my limbs.

The bathroom door flung open with a bang. “Oh, good; you’re up.” Roomie bounced out. “Fifteen minutes till dinner. Get ready. We’ll sit together.”

I smirked. More to myself than anyone else. This roommate shit was really a fucking disaster. Of all people to have a clingy person attached to them.
Karma
. I bit my tongue despite the slithering beneath my skin.

“I can meet you there,” I lied, hoping she’d take the bait.

“No chance in hell. I’m not going there without you. That bitch Sarah will be there with her gang of misfits,” she said nonchalantly.

Now, that brought a smile to my face. Maybe, just maybe, this wouldn’t be the worst paring of people in the world. I mean, the prejudice side of me still thought of her as a druggie. However nuts she acts, she did peg Sarah the bitch correctly. And for that, she earned an
Allison
star of baddassery.

“I’ll pull myself together in ten minutes,” I said, walking over to my small closet. I looked around the door to see what she was wearing. What did I think? She was in her rave uniform. Black, neon, and totally obvious. So not for me. Fingering though some hangers, I decided on jeans and a ‘this girl loves Chris Cornell’ tee shirt. A quick run through of a brush, some lip gloss…and I was good to go.

On our way to the dining hall, we rounded the corner and roomie almost face-planted into Luca’s chest. I watched as she laid her hand on him to steady herself. His lip quirked in amusement.

It was those subtleties that turned a girl to jelly. His dark hair fell in his eyes, giving him a freshly showered vibe and completely fuckable. Not that I was here for any of that. However, it was unavoidable where he was concerned.

“So sorry,” she stuttered.

I wanted to elbow her, but didn’t. No sense in giving him a bigger head. His finger brushed the wheel of his lighter, inciting the telltale sign of angst within me.

My breath caught. I held it for as long as I could, knowing he was watching. The air slowly escaped my nose. If luck were on my side, he wouldn’t notice. He did. A chuckle escaped him as he opened the door for us.

“Allie.” His hand gestured me to walk through first.

Ugh. Internal cringe to the friggin’ max. Roomie was close behind. I could feel her awkwardness behind me. Cliques and hierarchies within these walls existed the same as high school.
Shit.
Would we ever outgrow this? The same smoldering frustration welled up inside of me until I felt a firm hand at my lower back. As if in unison, everyone’s focus was on said placement.
Kill me now.
Heat crept up my neck slowly.
Breathe
.

No matter what option I chose, I knew it would be smartest and less stressful to choose the least toxic. Which meant…away from Sarah and her minions. With my chin held high, I walked to the furthest empty table. This earned me a few frowns from the
mean girls
. Of course! Fuck it. Why did I even care? Table one, “Queen-bee’s and wannabes,” followed by subsequent dysfunctional tables, which included breakdowns of ethnicity, followed by mental or physical conditions.

His hand was still firm on my back. I resisted the urge to scratch the goose bumps that erupted across my arms. I threw my black cross-body handbag on the table before climbing over the bench. Roomie followed my actions by doing the same.

Luca sat across from me, one hand in his jacket pocket and the other resting on the table, his finger resting on his lighter. “You want something?” He motioned toward the commissary line.

My eyes lingered for a moment at the Sterno-heated food. Nah, I wasn’t really hungry. My body was still getting used to the dosage in medication. I shook my head no and then turned to my roomie. “I’ll hold down the table. Go grab some food.” I smiled, hoping she didn’t need her hand held.

She stood warily. “You sure?” she asked, hoping to change my mind.

“I am,” I confirmed flatly. I watched as she picked up a red plastic tray, getting in line.

Luca grabbed my hand across the table. “You’re not going to eat? I promise the food doesn’t suck that bad.” He smiled. I mean, a real smile, unlike I’ve seen before. It was wide, highlighting his perfectly squared teeth. Despite his smoking, he had gleaming white teeth.

I couldn’t help but smile back. He just had that effect on me. He lit me up like the Fourth of July. My thighs clenched tightly, waiting for the warm flush to dissipate.

My hand tingled from his heat. Who could concentrate on food at a time like this? Suddenly aware of eyes upon us, I removed my hand from his. “I’m good.” I shrugged.

His dimples still winking, he said, “I’ll be right back. You’re gonna eat.” He got up, grabbing two packs of silverware and trays, and waited gallantly for his turn in line.

My stomach fluttered with butterflies the size of bats. Christ, my palms were clammy. As I wiped my hands on my jeans, I took stock of the action in this hellhole. Most people were focused on eating. The others were tentatively staring at my now vacant table. A fuck-you-bitches smile danced across my face at Sarah’s table as she stared back with the promise of vengeance in her eyes.
Bring it, bitch
.

“Is this table free?” A strong voice snapped me out of my daydream. I didn’t even realize someone was next to me. I looked, slowly taking in his built form. A black tee shirt stretched across his muscled chest. Black jeans fit his tapered waist. A silver chain was attached to his wallet I assumed was in his back pocket.

“Umm, well…umm…kinda,” I babbled incessantly. Ugh!

He smiled, taking a seat next to me. His blond, shoulder length hair framed his hard, angular features. A smudge of a goat-tee completed his Nordic look. Was he a Viking? I was addicted to that series on the History Channel. Were they real? I wanted to reach out and pinch him. Blue eyes rimmed in coal twinkled back in amusement. Good god. I was staring. My eyes remained focused on his very large, folded tatted hands.

He reached across, extending his colorful hand to me. “I’m Oliver. You can call me Ollie.”

I shook his hand like a mannequin, trying to smile without smirking. Of course, his name was Ollie.

“Nice to meet you, Ollie.” I smiled back, removing my hand from his. Luca’s and roomie’s backs were still to me. This was certainly awkward. How can I meet two totally hot guys in a recovery program?

“You’re new, huh?” he asked and I nodded. “I’ve got two weeks. Then back on the road with my band.” Band? Of course he was in a band. He wasn’t a normal, average-looking guy. He was a demi-god who probably graced the covers of teen magazines. I was too embarrassed to ask honestly if he was famous. I didn’t recognize him.

There are moments that mark your life. Moments when you realize nothing will ever be the same. And time is divided into two parts—before this and after this. Sometimes, you can feel such a moment coming. That’s the test, or so I’ve heard. I told myself that strong people will keep moving forward anyway. No matter what they’re going to find.

The clap of the tray hitting the table hard had me jumping back. Luca’s eyes were pinned on Ollie’s face. Their burning intensity spoke of fury and violence.

A nervous breath escaped me and Luca’s eyes met mine. “Eat, Allie.” His voice was as cold as death. There was no room for rebuttal.

“Oh my god, you’re Oliver Sven of The Cure, right? I love you—hard. Totally bought your last album. Though, if I’m being totally honest…I’m really into tech-house and dirty beats,” Keri vomited out of her mouth in one breath. I kicked her under the table to shut her fucking mouth. She shrugged.

Without breaking eye-contact, Ollie murmured his acknowledgement and hello.

“Oliver? What can I do for you? Out of your element, don’t you think? No groupies here, dude,” Luca spat out with pure distain.

Oliver took it in stride, only angering the beast beside me further. “Who said I was looking for a groupie? I saw a pretty lady I knew I had to meet,” he threw out. The room’s phonetic energy hummed along my skin.

I needed to do something. It wasn’t Ollie’s intention to start trouble. However, it also pissed me off that Luca was acting like an ass. “What’s your problem, Luca? He was just introducing himself. You don’t own me!” I reminded him. There was no room for gentle. We weren’t dating. Not even close. He was a fucking thorn of conflicting emotions.

Luca leaned over, bending to meet my gaze directly. “You’re mine, Allison. And I don’t want this trash speaking to what’s mine. You’d do well to remember that.”

I had no words. I mean, what do you say to that? He really was a psycho, one hundred percent flat out. There was no doubting that now. I blinked a few times, trying to gather the proper words to answer. A million scathing adjectives ran through my mind.

A large, warm hand found its way to my shoulder squeezing gently. I turned. Ollie. “Sweetheart, I’ll catch you later. No worries.” He proceeded to walk away, but not before leaving Luca with lasting words. “Oh, and Luca, she’s far from yours. You just don’t realize it yet, dude.”

Luca’s face soured. Keri laughed. I was nauseous.

“Allie, sit and eat your food.” He pushed my tray back in front of me. Yeah right?

“Umm, so not hungry. Like I told you before, or don’t you listen?”

His frown deepened. However, he had a renewed glint in his eye. “I listen plenty, Allie-girl. You need your strength. Eat—please,” he said before grabbing his tray and leaving. Great. Now he’s leaving too? What the fuck did I do?

I sat there perplexed for a minute before Keri broke out in song. “Cherry lips, crystal skies, I could show you incredible things. Stolen kisses, pretty lies… Not that I like Taylor Swift.” She shrugged.

I gaped at her talent for being a total spaz. Chewing on whether to thrash her around the dining hall or give the staring people the middle finger. I chose the latter.

After telling Keri I’d meet her back at the room. I slowly made my way across to the
mean-girl’s
table where I slowly cranked up my middle finger to full fuck-you extension. “Bite me, bitches.” I turned and marched out of the cafeteria with my head held high. Of course, it was mostly for show. I didn’t know where my head was to tell you the truth. Somewhere between tantalized and simmering fury.

Some of what I was feeling no doubt was from what had happened to me. Suspicion and mistrust were high on my list. Being assaulted by someone close to you is especially devastating. The world as you knew it ceases to exist and becomes a big turbine of
it’s my fault. I asked for it. I ruined everything. Nothing will be the same
. Judgment. Rejection and shame…mixed with a healthy dose of anxiety, depression, and fear. How will I ever be the same? Shame weighed the most. Nearly sucking the oxygen from my lungs while exquisitely restricting blood flow to my brain. There were no longer any healthy parts of me. I now referred to myself as the
shattered mirror barely held together with tape, reserving the right to kill myself another day.
The old
me
died that day. The new caustic me was just trying to live another day. Can I realistically claw back to the girl I was? The one who danced in the rain, bathed in the sun, and slept under the stars? Would I ever wish upon a star again? I didn’t feel like I had any wishes left. I had no wishes. How do I get my wishes back? A girl needs those—right?

My wishes were replaced with suffering. I did that well. I suffered alone in silence and in the company of others. Even now, as I walked to Luca’s room, I suffered. I don’t want to be terrorized by these overwhelming feelings anymore. I want to heal. Maybe this was a small pebble to the bigger stepping-stones? I’d soon find out if this was a mistake or the beginning of me taking ownership of my life once more. Either way…I was proficient in inner-mind-fuck-dialog.

I stood, readying myself for a moment before knocking on his door. It was a simple, steel grey door. However, to a normal person, a door should signify security. To me…it was daunting and anything but secure. His door flung open with a crash and a squeak of the tightened hinge. My hands gripped my neck in terror…lungs working at breakneck speed. His warm hand pulled me into his room by the top of my arm.

“What are you doing? How did you…” I stammered.

“I could hear you breathing outside my door. Do you usually breathe like that?” He crossed his arms across his chest.

“No. I don’t breathe like that! I was nervous. So?” I mimicked his stance, feigning indifference. I was anything but indifferent. I was nervous as hell to be alone in
his
room…with the door closed. God, I hoped he had a roommate.

“I don’t have a roommate if that’s what you’re wondering.” He stepped closer, but I stood my ground, refusing to let him intimidate me. “I’m not going to hurt you, Allison. I’d never hurt you—ever.” His voice dropped and his eyes perused my body slowly.

My heart flip-flopped dizzily. I felt like I was being claimed in one full sweep. His eyes were the darkest shade of forest green. Yet, behind them lurked dangers of what was to come. Shit. A normal person would run. But, I was anything but. The air thickened, prickling my skin to a shiver. I knew nothing of this—romance. I only had that
one
night as a reference. Was this what it was like to be normal? No clue, but if it was. I wanted more.