Loving Laura (The Cantrelle Family Trilogy) (12 page)

He wanted Laura Sebastian, the woman his brother loved.

* * *

Disturbing images filled Laura’s dreams and flickered through her subconscious. When she finally opened her eyes in the predawn hours of Sunday morning, she knew she wouldn’t get back to sleep. Tossing aside the comforter, she picked up her quilted robe, shoved her feet into her furry slippers, and padded out of the bedroom and into the bathroom.

Fifteen minutes later she set the teakettle on the stove and put fresh water in the cats’ water bowl and shook some dry cat food into the food dish. She shivered as she waited for the water to boil and decided to turn the heat up. The apartment was cold. It felt as if the temperature had dropped in the night, and she could hear tentative raindrops pattering on the roof.

More rain. Wouldn’t you know it?

After the water boiled, she took the mug of tea into the living room and curled up on the couch with the afghan around her, the mug warming her cold hands. She heard the furnace kick on.

It was very quiet in the room, only the sound of the sighing wind and the steadily increasing rain penetrating the walls of the duplex. She could hear the mantel clock ticking and the wail of a siren somewhere in the far distance.

Phoebe hopped up onto the couch, settling down beside Laura. The cat’s purr sounded like the steady drone of a motor and was comforting. Laura absently scratched behind Phoebe’s ears, the feel of the cat’s thick fur soothing and familiar.

You can’t put it off forever.
The thought pushed its way into Laura’s brain, and she trembled, squeezing her eyes tightly shut. She could almost always bury her unwanted memories. But tonight they were too close to the surface. She felt raw and very fragile. She felt as if it wouldn’t take much for her carefully constructed outer veneer to crumble to bits, leaving her totally exposed.

What had brought on these feelings wasn’t clear in her mind. The accident? Neil’s confidences about his own guilty feelings and his past? Or her potent and unwelcome sexual awareness of him? Or was it a combination of everything that had happened over the past week?

She didn’t know. All she knew was that her old wounds had reopened, and her dreams had been filled with a kaleidoscope of images: Neil, Norman, Ginger.

A deep shudder ran through Laura as her mother’s face flickered through her mind. Ginger had always hated her. Laura had known it from the time she was a small child and able to recognize the expression in her mother’s eyes for what it was. For a long time Laura tried to be good, to make Ginger love her, but it didn’t work. No matter what Laura did, it wasn’t right. Ginger’s red lips would curl up in disdain, her aquamarine eyes would glitter, and she’d toss her platinum hair. “Why are you so stupid, Laura?” she’d say. “How’d I get to have such a stupid kid?” She would turn away, muttering over her shoulder. “And such an ugly, skinny one at that?”

Laura withstood the verbal slings. She learned to tune out Ginger’s hurtful words, to live in a pretend world made up of the characters she read about in books or saw on television. Withstanding the physical abuse wasn’t as easy. Because Ginger Sebastian—whenever she got tired of looking at Laura’s face, or whenever Laura had committed some unforgivable crime, and most especially, whenever Ginger wanted to go out for the evening—would shove Laura into the bedroom closet and lock the door. The first time she did it, Laura panicked at the dark, stuffy enclosure. She screamed and beat on the door, sobbing and begging her mother to let her out.

“I’ll be good, Mommy. I’ll be good. Please open the door.” But Ginger didn’t open the door, and hours later, exhausted and sick to her stomach, Laura tumbled out when her mother finally relented.

“That’ll teach you,” Ginger snarled. “And the next time, if you cry and scream like that, I’ll make you stay in there overnight!”

It hadn’t taken many times for Laura to learn that she mustn’t make any noise at all. So she’d forced herself to be completely silent, to curl up into a small ball and pretend to be somewhere else. To ignore the creepy, crawly feeling and the suffocating darkness. To close her mind to the fear that threatened to overwhelm her and send her into hysteria.

But she couldn’t close off her hearing the way she closed off her brain. There were times when Ginger brought a man home with her. The sounds coming from outside the dark closet were indelibly stamped in Laura’s mind and they had shaped her view of sex and sexual attraction to the point where Laura wondered if she would ever feel the kind of physical desire she read about or saw in the movies, especially because none of her own experiences had been satisfactory. They didn’t come close to matching her dreams of love and belonging.

At the back of her mind, she wondered if she were normal. Last night had shown her she was. Because last night she’d wanted Neil Cantrelle with a razor-sharp longing that shook her down deep inside. Neil, with his dark intensity, had touched her in a way she’d never been touched before. He’d awakened reactions and physical and emotional needs she didn’t know she was capable of feeling.

On one level, she was happy to know she could respond to a man the way she’d responded to Neil. But on another level, she knew she was flirting with disaster, because Neil was forbidden territory.

And always would be.

* * *

Neil came racing down the steps and into the office only moments after Laura arrived for work.

“Good morning,” he said, shaking water from his hair.

Laura looked up, heart skipping as she gazed into his eyes. “Good morning.”

“This rain is really getting to me,” he said as he stamped into the office. His voice was friendly but impersonal.

Laura nodded. “I know.” She wondered if he felt as uncomfortable as she did. She also wondered by what law it had been decreed that some men should have the kind of animal magnetism Neil Cantrelle had and others should not? It wasn’t fair, she mused, as he shed his dripping jacket and slicked back his hair. Her stomach tightened as she watched the muscles in his arms and chest flex and ripple with his movements. His jeans molded his thighs in a way that set her pulses racing.

Steady, girl,
she told herself, looking away before she betrayed her fascination. “I got the papers out that I thought you’d need,” she said. “They’re all there, on top of Norman’s desk.”

He smiled. “Great, but I just came down to get a cup of coffee, then I’m picking up my mother and we’re going in to the hospital. I probably won’t work on that bid until later this afternoon. What time do you usually leave?”

“At five.” She wondered if he had any idea how much his smile changed his face.

“Maybe we could go over the stuff now? That way, if I don’t get back here until after you leave, I can still work on it.”

Laura was disappointed and relieved all at the same time. It was probably better for her if she didn’t have to deal with his presence all day long. She wasn’t sure she could maintain this casual facade. Quickly, she explained which forms needed to be filled out and where he could find the information he needed in the files.

“I’ll just sit here—” he gestured toward Norman’s desk “—and look through these before I go.”

“Okay.” She sat at her desk and reached toward the calculator, but she couldn’t concentrate on the figures before her. She was all too aware of Neil as he moved around the enclosed space, pouring himself a cup of coffee, opening the filing cabinet, settling himself at Norman’s desk. The rustle of the papers he handled, the steady pattering of rain on the windows, the brush of branches against the roof: all interfered with her ability to focus on her work. She felt like a rubber band that someone was stretching taut. Her nerves hummed with the knowledge that all she had to do was turn her head and Neil would fill her vision.

Finally, he stood. “Well, I guess I’ll be on my way.”

Laura tried not to watch as he reached for his jacket and put it on, but she couldn’t help it. Everything about him fascinated her, even the smallest, most mundane action.

Five minutes later, she was alone again. Her hand trembled as she reached for her cup of tea. She closed her eyes. It was worse than she’d thought. If his presence for thirty minutes could rattle her like this, how was she going to handle all the times she’d be around him in the future?
Dear God. What am I going to do?

For the rest of the day she managed to keep thoughts of him at bay. She worked diligently, keeping an eye on the weather, which got steadily worse as the day wore on. By four-thirty, the wind was gusting up to 35 mph, according to the radio, and the rain was so heavy she could hardly see out. It was also as dark as midnight outside, and although she had been hoping Neil wouldn’t make it back to the office before she left, now she wished he would come. She wondered about the advisability of trying to drive home in this downpour. Sometimes Patinville’s streets flooded, and she had no wish to get stranded. Maybe she should just stay put.

At five o’clock, she cleared her desk and prepared to leave. Walking over to the clothes tree in the corner, she lifted her tan raincoat. Just then she saw the yellow glow of headlights sweeping across the parking lot. When Neil pushed open the door minutes later, dripping water everywhere, she was relieved.

“It’s terrible out there,” he said. “I didn’t think I’d ever get back from Baton Rouge.”

“How was Norman today?” she asked, trying not to think about how glad she was to see Norman’s brother.

“A little depressed, but that’s not surprising, is it?” Was he trying to make her feel guilty?

“I went by to see him last night, you know.” She couldn’t keep the trace of defensiveness out of her voice.

He nodded. “He told me.” He noticed her holding her raincoat. “Are you leaving?”

“Yes, I thought I would.”

“It’s really bad out there. Be careful driving.”

Just then, a bolt of lightning streaked across the sky, and the lights in the office flickered. Laura’s heart leaped in alarm. “I’d better be going,” she said, hearing the tremor in her voice and hating it.

“Here, let me help you.” Neil reached out, holding the coat for her. Just as she put her right arm into the sleeve, lightning cracked again, the sound like a cannon shot, and she jumped. Without warning, the lights went out, and the office was plunged into darkness.

Terror welled into Laura’s throat, mindless and suffocating.
No, no!
She twisted away from Neil’s hands and ran blindly toward the door.

“Laura!”

She flung the door open and plunged into the pelting rain. Shaking, she huddled under the small overhang outside. She tried to control her rapid breathing and pounding heartbeat.

“Laura, it’s okay. You’re okay.” Neil tried to pull her back inside, but she fought off his hands.

“No! I...I can’t go back in there. Please, Neil!” She couldn’t seem to stop shaking.

“Come on, it was just lightning.” Now he was outside, too, and he reached for her. He put his arms around her, and she huddled against his comforting warmth. “My God, Laura, you’re shaking like a leaf. Here...” He opened his jacket, folding the open sides around her so that they were sharing its protection.

“I.. .I.. “She could hardly talk. She closed her eyes and took a long, shuddering breath. Her body refused to stop its trembling. All she could think about was the darkness. Never again. She would never allow herself to be shut up in the darkness again. He lifted her chin, and she raised her eyes. She could feel her bottom lip quivering as his gaze raked her face. How could she tell him?

“Laura...”

Uncontrollable tremors racked her body as rain blew under the meager shelter. His hand, which had been holding her chin up, brushed over her cheek and cupped the back of her head, drawing her close again. He stroked her head, whispering words of comfort, while his other hand rubbed her back.

Laura kept her eyes closed, absorbing his warmth and strength, oblivious to the storm raging around them. His right hand settled against the back of her neck, under her hair, and now another kind of shiver raced along her spine as his fingers kneaded the sensitive hollow. Without conscious thought, she strained against him, her own arms snaking around his waist, under the jacket. He smelled of wet leather and the faint remnants of a spicy cologne. She could feel his heart beating against hers.

Because she was nearly as tall as he, her face was pressed up against his neck, and when he spoke again, she could feel his warm breath against her cheek. “You’re all right now. Everything’s okay. You’re here with me.” He nuzzled his face against hers. Instinctively, she turned her face toward his, and when their lips met, she trembled. His lips were cool and wet from the rain as they settled softly against hers.

At first the kiss was just a sweet mingling of breaths. Their lips met for an instant, clung, then drew apart. Met again, lingered a moment longer, then drew apart. Then, as if they belonged there, his lips settled against hers with more urgency. Laura’s heart hammered against her chest as his arms tightened around her. Now she could feel every line of his body against hers, and need spiraled through her. She strained against him in mute appeal, her mouth opening under his. Neil responded instantly, and a hot, dark desire flooded Laura as she felt the insistent touch of his tongue against hers.

Everything else receded from her thoughts: the rain, the noise of the thunder rolling around them, Norman, her fears, and her good sense. The only thing that mattered to her was Neil: his smell, his touch, his mouth, and his kiss, which could have come from the depths of hell with its searing possession, its devilish torment, its fire that fueled her deepest needs.

She kissed him with all the pent-up desperation of years of being alone, of years of wanting so many things she was afraid she’d never have. She kissed him with all the greedy intensity of a person who has been starving and is suddenly presented with more bounty than she could ever have imagined. She clung to him, opening her mouth and her heart, pouring all of herself into her response.

Only the lights flaring back on caused Laura to realize where she was, who she was, and what she was doing. Even then, it took everything in her, all the strength she possessed, to drag her mouth away from Neil’s. He seemed to recover his own senses at the same time, and they suddenly staggered apart. Laura felt as if she were in shock. She couldn’t think, and she didn’t know where to look or what to say. She shuddered.