Loving Hart (6 page)

I hoped she was right
,
because it sure
didn't
feel that way.

***

The first time that I knew, f
or sure, that Spencer
wa
s attracted
to me
too was
earlier
this month.
 
He'd started avoiding me
a few months ago
, and he was acting really weird.
  For a few months, I thought something had changed to make him hate me, and I
was broken
hearted.
Was I suddenly repulsive?
There had never been a line between us, and suddenly, there wasn't just a line, there was a trench.
Nothing had
ever hurt me more than Spencer pushing me away.

Damien and Spencer
came
home for their winter break
, and things were so awkward between us that
I
was beside myself
. 
When I'd tell him that I loved him more than anything, he looked like he was seriously uncomfortable, and he
wouldn't
even look at me when I'd make him tell
me
he
loved me best. 
I
'd
never had to make him tell me that before, and it scared me. 
It was more than I could take.
  He spent the majority of his time hanging out with Dominique, talking to her about
his architecture classes
,
and playing video games with her, and it drove me nuts.  We
'd
always been closest, but now it was like he
couldn't
get far enough away from me.

One night
two weeks ago,
about an hour
after
Damien and Spencer came back from wherever
they'd
gone for the night, I went into Spencer's room and woke him up to ask why he hated me.  He was
clearly
drunk
and
his filt
ers were off, so when I asked
,
he answered me honestly.

"I
don’t
hate
you
honey
, I hate the way I
feel
about you
, the way I think about you
.  I
shouldn't
be thinking about
you
all the time, but I do. 
Until I can look at you without wanting you, I need to stay away.
Still
love
you
best
and I always will, but I’m no
good
for you.
  Your brothers would kill me if they knew how I felt.
"

He passed right back out after
he'd
said that, but that was
fine
because I had my answer.  From that moment on,
I knew I'd
do whatever it took to get him to take the first step toward our future together.

He
didn't
seem to remember the conversation the next day, so I
d
idn’t
bring it up, but
I did go and confront him about the way he was treating me.

“I love
you
more than anything, and
you’re
being awful. 
You
used to love me best
and
now
you’re
acting like you hate me.  If
you’re
trying to break my heart,
you’re
doing a
good
job. 
You
keep this up Spencer Cross, and I’m going to need therapy.  Is that what
you
want?”

F
rom then on
,
he started acting
more
like himself again.

***

On
the last day of Damien and
Spencer's winter break, I
decided to
make a move on Spencer. I thought the plan wa
s foolproof… or that's what I was
hoping.
 
Thank god I’d
ha
d Dominique to
keep me calm until the boys got home from
wherever it is they had gone
.

Rubbing my back, Dominique said, "I can't believe you're really g
oing to go in there and ask
.  You su
re you're going to be able to say
it?"

Nervously, I nodded my head.  "Have to at least try.  Bet you twenty bucks I get him to do it."

I'd
waited for
half an hour after
Damien and Spencer came home before leaving my room
, and now that everything was quiet
,
it was time
.
Laughing, Dominique pushed me out the door.  "That's a sucker's bet sis, because I know damn well that if you get up the guts to actually say the words, he's going to do it.  You've always had him wrapped around your little finger. He'd probably walk into traffic at rush hour if
you
asked him to."

I
walked down the hall to his room, taking
a deep breath
before
giving a
quiet
tap
on his door.
After I heard him say, "come in",
I
entered
,
and foun
d him on the computer.  He looked
happy to see me, which
I took
as a goo
d sign.  Swallowing my nerves, I walked
across the room to his bed, taking a seat right next to him.

"What's up
angel
?  Is everything okay?"

After giving him my biggest smile, I jumped right in.  "You know how y
ou've always said that if I had
a problem that I don't want my brothers to know abo
ut, or if I need anything, I could
always come to you? Well, I need something
,
and I'm calling in your marker
."

His expression wa
s co
ncerned
, and I could tell he was wondering what wa
s coming his way.  "Yeah
,
of course I remember.
You know I'd do anything for you.
What do you need
angel
?"

That
was the scariest
moment
of
all, because I knew that once I said it, there would be
no going back.  After taking a deep breath I blurt
ed
out, "I need you to kiss me."

When his eyes bug
ged
out
and he started
sputtering, I wonder
ed
if
he was
going to
flip out
. 

After staring at m
e for a minute in shock, he said
, "Um, WHAT?"

"Don't freak out.
Just listen.
I've never
kissed anyone before, but everyone else I know has done that plus more.
I'm going to be seventeen in a few months
,
and it's just humiliating that I'm completely inexperienced.
Dominique got drunk at a party a few months ago and went all the way with some guy she didn't even
like.
People are making fun of me for being such a prude, but I'm nervous about kissing
at this point
.  I figure if I do it with you, I'll learn something.  Plus, I'll be kissing someone I love, so it won't be just anybody."

My only option wa
s
to watch
,
while he
took in everything I'd
said
in silence.  The seconds tick
ed
by as I wait
ed
for him to say something, anything
. 
I was
starting to feel
like a total idiot
,
when he took a deep breath and started
to speak.

"I don't know
about this
D
elilah
.  I think it would be better if you waited until you meet someone you really want to kiss.  Plus, don’t you think it would be weird to kiss me?  You think of me as a third brother."

I was shaking my head in the negative before he even finished.  "It will only be weird if you make it weird.  I don't think of you as a brother Spencer.
Don't ever say that, it's creepy.
  That's not what you are to me
,
and you should know that by now
.  I'm asking you to do me this favor, to follow through on your years of promising that you'd be there if I asked.  I'm asking.  Either
you'll do it or you won't, but if
yo
u don't do it, I'm going to Matt
Haas
.  He'll have no problem doing it
."

That's the
ace up my sleeve
to
en
s
ure that Spencer would really consider my request
.
Spencer hates our neighbor
,
Matt
,
wi
th a passion, and so do I.  Matt
is one of those grab ass guys who thinks he's the world
’
s gift to women.  He's nailed half of the girls in my class
,
and
he makes sure that everyone knows it.  I wouldn't touch him with somebody else's tongue
,
much less mine, but Spencer did
n't need to know that.
             

The l
ook I got back from Spencer at that
point
wa
s of
pure
frustration.  "That's ridiculo
us!
  I ought to call your bluff just to see if you'd really kiss that herpes carrier, but I know you and you’d probably do it to spite me.  If
you really want to do thi
s, I'll do it."

I couldn
't speak for a
few seconds, purely because I was
fighting to hol
d back a
shit-eating
grin.  It had
worked!
He was really going to do it. I
was
more excited than I ever
had
been before.

"It's what I really want.  I want the whole thing
,
Spence.  Tongue and all, and if you hold back, I'm going to kick your ass.
This has to be real, so d
on't you dare half-ass
it
.
"

He looked at me
like
I was
sending him in to a minefield, but he
still
had
enough sense to walk across the room and lock his
bedroom
door.  That was smart of him, because if Damien found us, the shit would hit the fan.

"You need to stand up. I'm not kissing you on the bed.  That
's just
wrong."

Giving him a
glare, I
put my foot down
.  "It's happening on the bed.  Don't make me nervous. 
Turn on your TV
so that we've got light and no one hears us
,
and then
turn off the lights and get over here."

Praise the lord, he followed
orders.  Af
ter turning on the TV, he flicked
the switch to kill th
e ov
erhead light.  My stomach started
doing
flip-flops
as he walked toward me.  I could only hope I wasn't
grinning like the lovesick fool that I am.

After sitting
next to me on the bed, he stared
at me wide eyed for a moment. 
Looking into his eyes, I saw two things.  He
desperately
wanted to do it, and he was
worried that it was
wrong.

Scooting closer to him, I ra
n my hands up into his hair
,
and gently pull
ed
his h
ead towards mine.  When he wrapped
his arms around my waist
and pulled me in, I knew he was
really going to follow through.

For a second, his mouth hovered
over mine as our breaths mingle
d
.  Both of us had
our eyes open, and the look we share
d said
a million different things.  At the fi
rst touch of his lips on mine,
I felt
a little zap of electricity, and I gasp
ed
. 
As my
eyes flutter
ed
closed, he
gently slid
his tongue into my mouth
.