Love's Destiny (Love Trilogy #2) (9 page)

Pride would not stand in my way this time. I decided I would write him. It was the least I could do. It was all I could do, I realized with despair. I didn’t even know if he could receive letters, but I would write.

It seemed silly to write as if nothing had happened, but at the same time I didn’t want to pepper him with questions about what he’d done. So while my mind raced with those questions I wrote about everything but.

I told him about my plans to attend Juilliard, about my busy schedule at school, about working at the bakery. I told him all about Chance and how he’d charmed every teacher in the second grade and even had a few little girls following him around already. I simply wrote to him about anything and everything that was happening in my life. Everything, except Blake.

My letters to Tyler became like a diary for me. I wrote to him every week, filling him in on the most inconsequential details of my days. He didn’t write back. I didn’t even know if he received the letters I sent, but still I wrote.

Plans for our summer trip to the mountains went ahead as scheduled. Tyler would not be coming with his parents of course, and that just didn’t feel right to me. It wouldn’t be the same, not like old times at all without Tyler there. I was no longer looking forward to the trip. But it was important to my mom, and she insisted that it would be good for Claire and Charlie to have the support of their family around them during this difficult time.

I’ll admit I was angry with them. I felt like “this difficult time” was all their fault. Sending their son off to some military camp like he was a lost cause. I knew Tyler had done something wrong, something very wrong, but I was sure he hadn’t meant to. He couldn’t have. I may not have seen him recently, but I knew who he was and I knew he wasn’t a bad person. Didn’t they know that too?

I tried not to mention the trip to Tyler in my letters. I didn’t want him to know that life was simply going on without him, as if he didn’t matter, as if he wasn’t an integral part. I was so angry for him, angry for feeling like he’d just been pushed aside and forgotten, an inconvenience, an embarrassment. He wasn’t any of those things, he was their son and I was going to tell them that when I saw them. It just wasn’t right.

A summer storm was raging as we drove to the cabin. The rain poured down so ferociously the windshield wipers couldn’t keep up. Mom begged Dad to pull over and wait out the storm but the radio was telling us that this storm wouldn’t pass for several hours and we were almost there.

I could barely see the headlights of Aunt Claire and Uncle Charlie’s car as they followed us up the steep winding mountain road. Despite the dangerous conditions my thoughts were still riveted on Tyler. I thought about all the things I was going to say to them once we made it to the cabin.

The rain picked up, you couldn’t even see the road beneath the torrents of water that were pouring down the mountainside. I had never seen a storm this bad in all the years we’d come here. I looked behind us again, but this time I didn’t see Claire and Charlie’s car. They must have pulled over. We should have.

Suddenly a car careened around a sharp corner and slid into our lane Dad just barely avoided being hit as he swerved out of the way. Our car hydroplaned and fishtailed across the narrow road. I gripped the handle on the door so tightly my knuckles were white. I closed my eyes and I held my breath preparing for impact but Dad gained control of the car and we came to a stop.

“Is everyone ok?” he asked breathless and Mom and I just nodded, too scared to speak. That car had come so close! My heart was pounding in my ears, my hands were shaking.

We waited until the rain had eased before slowly making our way the rest of the way to the cabin. I didn’t fully relax until the car had stopped and we were finally inside. Uncle Charlie and Aunt Claire hadn’t made it yet.

It was strange being back here after all these years. It seemed smaller somehow, but I knew that was just because I wasn’t so small anymore. I walked to the room that had once been Tyler’s and I sat on the edge of the bed.

It had been several years since I’d been here, but even longer since Tyler had. He hadn’t been back since that summer when he was 12 and his parents announced that they were moving away from San Diego. We had sat on this very bed and said our goodbyes. I had planned on sitting in here with him and reminiscing about that time. This trip was supposed to be a walk down memory lane. A farewell to childhood. But not anymore.

I sat on the bed listening to the storm outside the cabin and I thought again about all the things I would say to my Aunt Claire and Uncle Charlie when they got here.

But they never arrived.

The letters from Destiny began arriving every week. Sergeant would always bring them to me privately but without a word. I wished I could write her back, but I wasn’t so sure that I was supposed to be receiving them in the first place and I didn’t want to push my luck by asking for permission to write back.

I looked forward to her letters. She wrote about the simplest things, things that most people take for granted. Things that I had taken for granted. It made me feel connected. Connected to a life that seemed so far away. It helped me to see that his dreary existence was only temporary and it helped me to hold on to the hope that it would be over soon. Sergeant was definitely right about one thing; I would not be back.

I had been so stupid and reckless and irresponsible. I had taken my life for granted. Now I longed for my small bedroom in my small apartment. I missed my mother. I missed freedom. Once it was mine again I would appreciate it.

Destiny’s letters helped me see that. Helped me see how good my life had been and helped me hope that it could be that again. I kept seeing my mother’s face the day they brought me here. I would never make her look that way again. I had a lot to make up for and I was going to get started as soon as I got out of this place.

That’s the funny thing about life. You always think you’ll have time to make things right. You always think you’ll have time…

I knew something was wrong when Sergeant pulled me from kitchen duty. His face was somber and something in his eyes made my heart feel like lead.

When I followed him into the offices and saw my Uncle Mike and Aunt Katherine I knew it was bad. Aunt Katherine had been crying, her eyes were puffy and red. Uncle Mike stood with his arm around her and when his eyes met mine I could see that he’d been crying too.

“What is it?” I asked, fearing the answer.

“It’s your parents Tyler.” Uncle Mike stepped forward to put his hand on my shoulder and as he moved away from Aunt Katherine I saw her slump as if he’d been holding her up.

“There’s been an accident.”

The words rang in my head. I knew what they meant, but I had to ask.

“Are they…” I couldn’t finish the question.

“They’re gone.” Uncle Mike pulled me against him and I heard Aunt Katherine sobbing behind him.

The tears didn’t come at first. I was in shock. My whole body went numb. I felt like I was watching everything as it happened, as if it were a movie but not really my life. Not my reality.

I couldn’t speak. I didn’t know what to say. So I just nodded.

“We’re going to take you home with us Tyler.”

I nodded again and for the first time noticed that Uncle Mike was holding my bag that I’d brought with me the day my parents dropped me off. I realized that was the last time I’d seen them. The last time I’d ever see them. I hadn’t even said goodbye.

I thought about that on the long drive back to San Diego. I tried to remember what the last words were that I’d spoken to my parents. The memories were blurry. I couldn’t see them clearly. I couldn’t remember. I hadn’t known. Hadn’t known that those would be the last moments. I hadn’t known that I needed to remember.

It was just too much. Too much to take in, too much to think about. So I didn’t. I shut my mind off and allowed the numbness to spread. I stared blankly out the window of the car at the images passing by. I didn’t register anything. I didn’t even realize we’d arrived until the car stopped and I heard the car doors being opened.

Aunt Katherine led me inside and showed me to a room upstairs. I followed silently. Before leaving me she lightly kissed my forehead just the way my mother always had when I was little and I felt the first crack in the dam that was holding my emotions back.

I sat on the bed, staring blankly at the walls. I heard the door open but I didn’t turn to acknowledge it.

“Tyler?” I heard Destiny’s voice behind me.

Another crack.

I felt her sit on the bed next to me, but still I didn’t turn. Her arm went around me and I started to tremble. She didn’t say anything, neither did I. We just sat there silently. I leaned into her and she reached up with her other hand to cradle my face.

The dam finally broke. I turned my face against her neck and I cried.

I was filled with grief and guilt. I had never known anybody who’d died before. Both sets of my grandparents had passed away before I was born and both my parents were only children. Aunt Claire and Uncle Charlie had been our family, and now they were gone. It didn’t seem real.

I felt guilty for having been angry with them, for wanting to yell at them over the situation with Tyler. I realized with a horrible sinking feeling that as they died I had been thinking about how I would tell them off. I was consumed with more guilt than I’d ever known and helplessness over not knowing what to do about it. How do you apologize to the dead?

I was surprised and happy when my parents told me that Tyler would be coming to live with us. Apparently Uncle Charlie hadn’t spoken to his own father in decades and nobody knew how to reach him. Aunt Claire’s parents lived back east and hadn’t approved of her marriage to a Native American man so they hadn’t seen her since before the wedding, they had never even seen Tyler. They put up no protest when my parents petitioned for custody of Tyler.

Although I was glad that he was staying with us, glad that he was staying close, I found myself lost for words around him. I didn’t know what to say to someone who had just lost both parents. Was I supposed to act like nothing had happened? Was it okay to be happy? Should I try to talk to him about his parents?

Tyler didn’t seem to want to talk about anything. For the first few weeks he walked around like a zombie. Aside from the first afternoon he had come to the house he hadn’t cried again. Not even at the funeral. He was completely emotionless, vacant. He ate when he was supposed to, slept when he was supposed to, and spent the rest of the time staring blankly at a television. I felt helpless. I wanted to help him, but I didn’t know how.

“Just be his friend Destiny, that’s all you can do.” Mom told me “I was much younger when I lost my parents, but I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to talk about them. Don’t push Tyler to talk, he’ll talk when he’s ready. Just let him know that you’re there for him. That’s all you can do.”

I wasn’t sure how I was going to do it, but I was determined to help Tyler get through this. And I only had a short amount of time to do it. I was leaving for Juilliard in a month. I couldn’t bear the idea of leaving Tyler behind the way he was now.

“Hey Tyler can you help me for a minute?” I asked trying to sound as upbeat as possible and hoping my nervousness wouldn’t show in my voice.

He turned from the TV and met my eyes with a blank expression. My heart ached at the sight of his hollow eyes and the dark circles underneath, but I smiled brightly.

“I’m working on this composition for my entrance exam at Juilliard, and it’s just not quite right. Would you listen to it for me?”

He stared at me for a moment and I wasn’t sure if he was going to respond. I stood in front of him nervously trying not to fidget, waiting for his answer.

“Sure.” He said standing from the couch. His voice was hoarse and lacked any sort of emotion. He didn’t smile.

I turned and led him upstairs to my music room. I indicated a chair for him to sit on while I set up my sheet music. My hands trembled as I started to play and I wasn’t sure if it was nerves over letting someone hear this piece for the first time or if it was over the anxiety of whether or not my plan would work.

I had remembered that the summer I’d spent in LA Tyler had always loved to listen to me practice. And I’d hoped that playing for him would bring back some happy memories. Playing was a very emotional experience for me, and I hoped that listening to my music might incite some sort of emotion in him. Anything would be better than the emotionless shell he was now.

As I played I let the music seep into me. I felt it course through me and carry me off to that other place where nothing else existed but the melody. I closed my eyes as I often did when I played a familiar piece and simply let the music flow through me. When I played I felt utterly free.

When I finished I opened my eyes and looked at Tyler. His eyes were closed too, and a hint of a smile was pulling up one corner of his mouth. Slowly his eyes opened and met mine and I saw a small spark of life in them, something that hadn’t been there since his parents had died.