Lovers in law (16 page)

“Is that what you really want?”

“No. But it’s what I need.”

Radford turned my argument over in
his head as his expression closed down. His back straightened and
he took a step away from me, distancing himself physically and
emotionally. “What will you do?” he asked. “Where will you go?”

“I don’t know yet. Probably
go abroad for a few months while all this blows over. My family
owns a place in Rome. I’ll get my Italian up to speed and do some
translation work. After the summer I’ll come back and start looking
for a job.”

“Will you keep in touch while
you’re away?”

“No. It would only make it harder
for me.”

“Will you let me know when you’re
home?”

“Maybe.” It was the only answer I
could give him. Who knew what the next six months held?

Taking me by surprise, Radford
leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. I slid my hand around the
back of his neck and held him close to me, inhaling the familiar
warmth and scent of him.

I felt the cracks forming around my
heart. Getting involved with Radford might have been a huge mistake
but walking away from him could turn out to be an even bigger one.
Only time would tell.

“Stupid as it may sound,” he
whispered, “I feel I’m letting go of the greatest relationship I
never had.”

“Never say never,” I warned, moving
away and trying desperately to put on a brave face. “It’s far
easier to climb out of the shallow end. Had we gone any deeper,
both of us could have been lost.”

Radford shook his head.
“Never lost. With you this weekend, I finally knew where I
was.”

What the hell is wrong with
you,
a voice inside my head was
screaming. Are you just going to stand there and let her walk
away?

If I hadn’t been so shocked,
I might have laughed at the ridiculousness of it. Me. Radford
Byrne. The most ferocious barrister on the circuit. Able to pluck a
winning argument out of thin air and craft a defence from the
flimsiest of evidence, standing there lost for words as Allie
Lawless walked out of my life.

I went with her to the
T
ube station, just the way I had the
night we’d shared that sexy kiss in a doorway and when it had taken
every scrap of self restraint not to carry her home to my
bed.

Had it really only been ten
days since my entire world had shifted on its axis and begun a new
orbit with Allie at the centre?

For heaven’s sake, get a
grip, man, I told myself. Run after her. Insist she stays in London
or takes you with her. Don’t just stand there and let her go. Beg
if you have to.

But I stood rooted to the spot,
watching her disappear down into the Underground and feeling sick
to my stomach that I hadn’t had the words to convince her to
stay.

A thousand different
ways of keeping her in London leapt into my
head, all more implausible than the last. But then my mind went
blank, unable to focus on anything other than Allie’s tear-stained
face and the feel of her fingers around the back of my neck as she
pulled me close to kiss me goodbye. What would it take – what the
hell could I do – to stop her getting on that plane to Rome and
taking everything we never were with her?

I turned and
walk
ed back up the hill to chambers,
desperately thinking whom I could call to find Allie a job – always
assuming she wasn’t too proud to take it. I decided to start with
my oldest friend, Stephen Mercer. At least he knew Allie wasn’t at
fault and he might even give me the benefit of the doubt. I pulled
out my phone to call him.

“Where are you?” I asked.

He was at the Old Bailey, London’s
central criminal court. “Defending an armed robber,” he explained.
“We’ve just adjourned for lunch.”

“Can I see you?”

“What? Now?”

“It’s urgent.”

“Is Daniel Greene causing more
trouble?”

I rolled my eyes. “I wish it
were that simple.” A black taxi was dropping off a fare in Temple
and I caught the cabbie’s eye. “I’ll be with you in fifteen
minutes. Get the beers in.”

Now, sitting in a pub with a
sandwich and a pint in front of us, I told Stephen the whole, sad
story.

“Allie’s
devastated
,” I said. “Her career’s in
tatters and she’s talking about going abroad.”

Stephen took a sip of his pint.
“She should sue.”

I could have cursed but didn’t.
“The strength of her claim against her old firm isn’t what concerns
me right now. It’s how I’m going to stop her from leaving.”

Stephen put down his glass and
stared at me open mouthed. “Are you seriously asking me for
relationship advice?” he said. “I didn’t even know you were
involved with this woman.”

“Neither did I until Friday
night. But things took an unexpected turn and well…”

“You ended up in bed together.”
Stephen knew me too well but at least he never judged. “Don’t
worry. In a few weeks’ time, you won’t even remember her name. You
never do.”

“This one’s different,” I said,
shaking my head. “I’ve never met another woman like her. She’s
incredible. Beautiful, intelligent – she won the Melton Prize.”

“Good God. They don’t give
that away for the egg and spoon race.” Stephen and I had studied at
Oxford together so he knew how big a deal it was. “Don’t tell me
you’re falling in love with her.”

“I’ve never been in love so I
wouldn’t know.” I was as dumbfounded as he was. “And anyway, it’s
only been ten days. But from the moment I laid eyes on her, I
haven’t been able to get her out of my head.”

“Does she make you laugh?”

“All the time.”

“Sexy?”

“A gentleman never tells.”

Stephen laughed. “It must be
serious if you don’t want to share the gory details.” He narrowed
his eyes and looked serious suddenly. “Do you feel protective
toward her? Want to hold her in your arms and fight off the
world.”

“How did you…”

He drained his pint and held out
his glass for a refill with a broad grin on his face. “It was the
turning point when I met my wife. It stopped being about sex and
fun and suddenly became all about wanting to take care of her. Mind
you,” he laughed. “I never actually had to thump someone like
Daniel Greene in the process.”

“I wanted to kill him.”

“Good job you didn’t otherwise we’d
be having a very different conversation and I doubt you could
afford my fees.”

I went to the bar for a couple more
drinks and when I returned, I asked Stephen for a favour that
probably went far beyond the bounds of our friendship.

“I need you to give her a job,” I
said, making it sound non-negotiable. “After what’s happened, no
other firm in London will touch her but you know how unfairly she’s
been treated.”

Stephen didn’t bat an eyelid.
“What’s her specialty?”

“Mergers and acquisitions.
Commerical law. She only ended up on the Zeus case because her
colleague broke his leg.”

“Any good?”

“The best I’ve ever seen.” And the
best I’ve ever had, I could have added but not even my friendship
with Stephen went that deep. “Razor sharp. She took the case apart
and rebuilt it. The claim was watertight by the time she’d
done.”

“Pity the clients sacked you
then.”

“Serves them right.” I didn’t
have the ability to feel any remorse towards Daniel Greene.
“Because of them, I’m a hundred thousand out of pocket and the most
incredible woman I’ve ever met is talking about moving to
Italy.”

“Does she speak Italian?” Stephen’s
interest sharpened.

“Fluent. Her family has a place in
Rome.”

“In which case, I very
probably can help her.” He took a sip of his pint. “We’re opening
an office in Rome and are struggling to find bilingual staff. The
ones in London are too precious about their partnership prospects
to want to get their hands dirty with admin. Whoever takes it on
will need to roll up their sleeves and muck in with finding
premises or negotiating with the Italian authorities before they
get a sniff of legal work.”

It sounded better than I could have
hoped for. With Allie working for Stephen’s firm, I’d at least know
she was safe, had prospects and might even hear news of her
occasionally.

“I don’t know how to thank you,” I
said. “She’ll guess I had a hand in it but I hope she’s not too
proud to take it.” I put Allie’s number into Stephen’s mobile so he
could call her later.

“So what will you do?” he asked.
“Throw yourself back into work, I suppose.”

I hadn’t actually given it any
thought. There hadn’t been the time. Whatever I did, I wouldn’t
need to rush into anything.

“I had the next two months
blocked out for the Zeus case,” I said. “So my dance card’s
completely empty. After that we’re straight into the court’s Long
Vacation which takes me up until October. I could easily take the
next five months off.” It suddenly became a very tempting idea. I’d
been working flat out for fifteen years and could do with a break.
“My sister’s always asking me to visit her in California. A few
weeks lying by the pool and being pampered might be exactly what I
need.”

“You’ll miss you goddaughter’s
birthday.”

“Tell her I’ll bring back Mickey
Mouse for her.” I adored Stephen’s little girl almost as much as he
did.

He glanced at his watch. “I’d
better go. I’ll call you later and let you know what Allie
says.”

“Thanks, Steve. I owe you.”

“Damned right you do. My
criminal law fees are high but the agony aunt services are
ruinously expensive.” He popped a strong mint in his mouth to mask
the smell of beer. “However, I’ll give you one last piece of advice
for free. Call her. Tell her how you feel. You’ll always regret it
if you don’t.”

Unable to settle, I wandered around
the City for the rest of the afternoon, half tempted to go and give
Allie’s senior partners a piece of my mind. However, I figured we
were both already in enough trouble without me adding to it and
kept walking.

With Stephen’s last piece of advice
scratching away at the inside of my head, my feet turned inevitably
towards Clerkenwell and I found myself outside Allie’s flat. She
was standing with her back to the window, on the phone, and I
wondered whether it was Stephen on the other end of the line.
Whoever it was, she was smiling and my heart skipped a beat.

I stared at the entry-phone. Should
I call up and tell her what I’d told Stephen? Run the risk of
opening my heart. Make myself vulnerable to a woman for the very
first time.

Beg her not to go.

I looked up at her, still
standing at the window. She’d changed into jeans and a skimpy red
vest – the first time I’d seen her casually dressed. And she was
still beautiful.

But a
t that moment she was a fantasy. The perfect woman who
could excite my mind as well as my body. Laying my heart on the
line for her might see that fantasy destroyed and I didn’t feel
ready to take that risk.

Maybe Allie was right. Better
to quit while we were ahead. Before we got in too deep and it
became too hard to climb out. Or before the perfect weekend turned
into an imperfect relationship that ended in
recriminations.

Never normally one to shy
away from a fight, I backed off from this one and turned away,
cursing my own cowardice.

I made it back to chambers for the
end of the day and told my clerk to keep my diary clear until the
end of the summer.

“I don’t often get a chance
like this,” I said. “I’m going to take some time off and visit
family.”

My clerk was on a percentage
of my earnings, so it wasn’t exactly the most welcome news in the
world to him, particularly as he’d already lost heavily on the Zeus
case. “The Bar Standards Board have been on,” he said, handing me a
message. “As the complaint relates to your private life, not your
professional conduct, they’re not taking it further.”

I hadn’t been worried but it was
one more loose end tied off, freeing me up to leave. I spent the
next hour organising the few outstanding briefs and requests for
advice, calculating that I’d be done with them by the end of the
week.

Eventually, there was nothing else
left to distract me and I walked home. If the day had gone
according to plan, I would have found Allie waiting for me –
possibly in bed – with a bottle of champagne and some very wicked
ideas about what she’d do to my body.

Instead my flat echoed when I
let myself in, advertising its emptiness. I poured myself a whisky
and sat down on the sofa, my disloyal mind drifting immediately to
the thoughts of Allie’s soft skin against mine and the look of
bliss on her face when I’d made her come.

My arms ached for her. My
lips had no purpose now they couldn’t kiss her. And as for the rest
of my body…. Well I’ll leave that up to your
imagination.

I stripped and got into the shower,
hoping a few fantasies would lift my mood but my cock hung useless
and defiant without Allie.

I really was in trouble.

A
round nine, my mobile rang. It was Stephen, telling me they
were interviewing Allie the next day. She’d sounded interested and
enthusiastic, which is all I could have hoped for. I missed her and
wondered whether I should take Stephen’s advice and call her after
all.

Stupid pride meant
I didn’t and I crawled into bed to lie awake for
most of the night.