Love You Anyways (23 page)

“You were Lucas…”

“Here’s the deal Tessa. I wasn’t because I didn’t love myself then. I didn’t know who I was capable of being then. As many times as I walked away, wanting to save you from me, I dragged you back, and you came because you knew who I could become. You knew who was deep inside of me hidden under the front I carried; the boy abandoned by his Daddy; the boy who wasn’t enough for his Mom to want to try to stay sober for; the guy that girls fucked for a good time. You chipped away at him. You cracked the shell enough for him to pull himself out of that hell, but he couldn’t until he knew himself who he could be. It took losing you for good, to a man like Collin, to realize that the life I dreamed of, the one you wanted with me, was attainable. But it was too late and I went fucking crazy. I was done with ball, I had lost you, I had hit rock bottom and you weren’t there to pick me up. It took losing you to get there. When Ash stopped over to Dad’s one night to drop off the mail because they were away I was sitting behind a pile of coke big enough to end the pain. She and I got stupid fucked up and had sex for three days straight without sleep. She told me about her failed relationship and I did the same. After that day we were inseparable. Then you told me you thought she was the one. You told her too and that did it. We didn’t do drugs, we went on real dates, I treated her like gold and it felt so good to give love like you had given me. We got married soon after that. I should have treated you like that. I should have treasured you like I did her. But if you and I had never gone through all that shit I wouldn’t have changed. If you hadn’t have married Collin, I would have probably treated you the same damn way forever. We wouldn’t have had five kids between us and, hell; I would have probably ended up dead. You marrying Collin wasn’t just good for you Tessa. He changed me too.”

I looked up at him and wiped my tears away.  “You wanted to die?”

“I didn’t want to live. Kind of the same thing.” He smiled sadly.

“I want to say you should have told me but…”

“Nothing would have changed.”

I nodded.

He smiled and wiped his thumb across my face removing more tears.

“White roses. New beginnings, clean slates, the only girl who was pure from the first time we met. The only girl who I will ever trust with my heart. The girl who I know will trust me with hers too.”

I smiled and then took a drink.

“I want a do over in the water. I want to make slow
, sweet, it doesn’t even matter if I come, kind of love tonight. This date is just you and me, connected in a way that should start our new beginning.”

“Here?”

“Virginia Beach is for lovers Tessa.”

I laughed.

“No really I saw a sign when I drove in.”

He leaned in and gave me a soft kiss as he held the back of my head, angling it so he could kiss me deeper. I melted into him and he pulled slowly away.

“One more thing. I told you years ago the kind of guy you deserved and you got him. You’re so amazing you deserve another, so if memory serves me well, I said that you needed someone who likes music and can move. They have to be intelligent. Someone who is funny, your laugh Tessa should never be stopped, it’s infectious. It has to be someone who shares your values and loves family. Someone to let you explore who you are and when you’re ready and sober, explore them. They have to love to talk or at least love you enough to listen. They need to enjoy every part of you. From your perfect face, flawless skin, tight body, eyes they could sink into forever, and perfectly wavy hair that just begs their hands to touch it, to your wit, voice and your little tantrums. If they don’t crave you every second of every day they don’t deserve you. If they succeed and they don’t search for you to share that with them, they don’t deserve you. If they don’t need you by their side during every part of life they don’t deserve you. If when they fuck up they don’t love you enough to let you go, they don’t deserve you. I will never fuck up again. I am perfect for you and you for me. I love you Baby and someday you’ll trust me enough to say the same. But if you can’t say it then show me Tessa. Show me that you think I’m still worthy of the greatest love I have ever known.”

“You remembered those words?”

“I’ve written them down for Ava.”

I laughed and then stood up and pulled my shirt over my head and reached down and did the same to his.

We slowly took our time taking each other clothes off and kissing softly as we continued. He took my hand in one of his, grabbed two towels with the other, and we walked to the water. He sat down and guided me in front of him and then slowly brought me down onto him.

He guided my hips slowly. When I tried to move faster he slowed me. “I just want to be inside you as long as I can Baby.”

He caressed my breasts and licked my nipples, teasing me unintentionally. Each whimper or moan I made caused him to continue his pleasure filled movement. We kissed each other with deep need and desire and looked into each other’s hooded, glassy, not quite satisfied eyes, until neither of us could take it.

“Baby I need to come but I don’t have anything on.”

“I want you to come inside of me.”

“Okay but what if…”

“I got the Depo shot a few months ago.”

“For me?”

“For us.”

“For us.” He purred repeated my words in my ear. “Can you get there?”

“I’ve been there. You take me the rest of the way.”

“Do you know how good you feel inside?”

“I know how...” He pulled me up tight against him so there was no space or separation. “Oh God.”

I felt his cock swell even more and he hissed. “Damn.”

He grabbed my hips and kissed me hard as he guided me up and down him until I felt the burn turn to insane waves of pleasure ripping through me. “Oh yes. Lucas I… Oh Lucas I want to say it.”

“Fuck!” He roared and his cocked pumped his hot liquid into me as he thrust up and down until I couldn’t move or even produce a sound. I was breathless and limp against him as he continued pumping into me repeatedly.

He held me and kissed me between his slow deep breaths. Our hearts pounded at the same pace and our intakes of air were in sync. He laughed, having noticed it too.

“I love you Baby.”

“I was so close to…”

“I don’t want you to say it until there is a white gown and a member of clergy involved.”

“Lucas are you insane?” I laughed.

“No, it’s gonna happen when you’re ready. The sooner the better too.”

“Are you asking me to…”

“Shh, not yet.”

He kissed me and stood up with me still in his arms.

He didn’t say much the rest of the time we shared. We just dressed one another and fed each other strawberries until we were both nearly asleep.

“You better head in.”

“You can’t drive back now it’s late.”

“I’m fine.” He stood up and pulled me up.

“No. You stay here tonight.”

“I’ll get a room somewhere outside of town if it’ll make you feel better.”

“Stay with me.”

“Here?”

“I
can sneak you in and after we leave I can text you and you can sneak out.”

“Bad girl.”

“Boy toy.”

~

I was in the shower after yet another love making session. When Lucas walked in completely naked, my body ached for his touch and he smiled at the way I responded. He bent and took my nipple in his mouth and my back arched pushing further into him.

My hand ran down his torso and I felt him hardening again. I stroked him and he moaned against my breast.
When I pulled back, his head tilted and his eyes filled with question. I licked my lips and looked down at his beautiful wide cock. His mouth had been on me but I had yet to do the same in return. I knelt before him and his body sagged against the shower wall as I took him in both hands and stroked him up and down as I watched and felt him harden.

His hand pushed the hair that had fallen in my face back so that he could watch me. I
flicked my tongue across his tip and he let out a low rumble. I did it again and he hissed through clenched teeth. I wrapped my lips around just the head and flattened my tongue against it.

“I forget how good you were with your mouth Baby.”

I moved down his hard length further still looking up at him and his jaw clenched.

“So hot. So wet. Fuck you look even more beautiful with my cock in your mouth. Suck it Baby. Suck my cock.”

Lucas was the king of dirty talk. Always had been. And I loved it.

I lowered my mouth down further and swallowed. “That’s it Baby take more.”

I tightened my lips around him and moved back up this length slowly and stopped at his head. I sucked harder as his hand fisted in my hair. I glanced up and his facial muscles were popping. He was restraining himself and I wanted him to lose control. I moved back down slowly and stopped when I couldn’t take anymore. I tried and he gently pulled my head back.

“I don’t want you to choke Baby. Just take what you can.”

I moved back up faster this time as I stroked him. His eyes were nearly closed when I continued sucking up and down his thick cock. Then let my tongue caress the veins on the sensitive under side of his erection and he groaned.

I cupped his heavy sac in one hand as I pumped him with the other. I licked my tongue across
the tip and then moved it down his length.

I wrapped
my mouth around him again as I continued massaging his balls and pumping him in my fist.

I tasted his pre
- cum and knew he was almost there. I sat back on my heels and licked my lips.

“You taste good Lucas.”

“There’s a lot more where that came from.” His voice thick with desire.

I bent and took one of his balls in my mouth and his head fell back. “Holy fuck Baby.”

When I did the same to the other, he hissed.

I took his hard cock in both hands and pumped him fast and hard as I sucked
, moving my head up and down his throbbing cock.

“I’m gonna come.”

“Mmm.” I moaned just before the first hot burst hit the back of my throat.

He held the back of my head guiding me
until he was empty.

He slid slowly down the shower wall and pulled me onto his lap. “You are fucking amazing.”

Lucas spent the night and the entire next day and evening hidden in my room. I told them all I was tired and Harper seemed happy that I wanted to sleep. I felt a little bad about it but Lucas reminded me over and over again why it was alright.

Chapter 24

Unfrozen

I could never get enough of Tessa when we were younger and things had not changed one bit
in all this time. Her spirit, wit, spunk, all the things I loved about her, was exactly as I remembered them. The other thing I remember, and we laughed about, was the amount of showers we always took together. Well that didn’t change either. I was probably the cleanest man on the planet. She mentioned it must be her because Collin and her showered together daily also. She forced herself to smile when she said it. I wish she didn’t feel like she had to pretend with me.

I had always loved her heart and the way she loved so deeply and truly. That hadn’t changed either. It’s hard though, real hard. I never wanted her to hurt. She told me that she felt awful about how she hadn’t even touched her daughter’s belly and it upset her. I felt a bit guilty about that because I should have waited, although she was the one to initiate and once that happened I could not think of anything else but her.

~

I was at the office, a lot. Bones and I had a chat about his failure to let me know he was a plant.

The fucker laughed, “I got your back Links, that’s all that matters.”

I was doing my best to not text or call her often. I wanted her to enjoy Harper and her pregnancy now that she could. I did send her a package after three days. One with a movie, popcorn, and candy. I hoped she and Harper could enjoy a lazy day together.

I received a text

-
A Disney movie?...TT

-You turned me on to them. Bambi remember? Then I had to watch them with my sisters and then Ava and I always had a release day marathon for all things Disney. All because of you. She and I watched this together on the phone. Don’t ask and don’t judge. This is all your fault. By the way thanks for that…LYA

-Frozen? Is there any significance to this and my mannerisms as of late?...TT

-I refuse to answer that question. I will say that there is a happily ever after in both…LYA

-Thank you. It is very sweet of you. Concert in two days and then home…TT

-Are you forgetting another big day coming
up? The day after the concert…LYA

-I really hope you don’t mean what I think you do. It’s an awful number you know…TT

-I hit it a few months back and I will tell you it’s a fucking great number. Everything is uphill from here. Thank God we’re both in such great shape or the climb would be difficult. Thank God we have each other to encourage and assist when needed. From here on out it’s slow, leisurely, enjoyable and very climax-tic. It’s a word trust me…LYA

-Harper will be here soon. We have a movie date. Please don’t make a big deal out of my birthday. Thanks again…TT

-Text me if you need me. I have some papers to get signed…LYA

-Divorce
?...TT

- Yes….LYA

-I’m sorry Lucas…TT

-I’m not Tessa. And by your birthday. Coincidence? I think not…LYA

-If you want to talk about it I’m here…TT

-All I wanna know is what you’ll accept as a birthday gift from me and will I be seeing you…LYA

-We’ll be home. I think I can swing by. You know what I want for my birthday. You for a few hours…TT

-If you could see this smile you’d realize that’s not a gift to you but to me. I promise to make it a good night…LYA

~

“Something’s not right Bones.” I said looking down at the papers.

“I agree. You really should talk…”

I held up my finger and answered the phone. “Hey Ava.”

“You still coming to the concert?”

“Sure am. I just have some paperwork that needs my attention.”

“Did you get the passes Brody sent you?”

“Yes, right here. I’m gonna have to get off the phone. I need to contact my lawyer.”

“Divorce paperwork?”

“Yeah Ava, sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m an adult. And a lawyer, well almost. I’m an hour away. Can I stop over? We can ride together.”

“Sure thing. Love you, see you soon.”

I went over the paperwork and was in shock based on the fact that nothing I asked to be added was. She told me the paperwork was all set. That I’d be happy with it.

“Bones, is there more to this than I’m seeing? She’s accepting half a million dollar settlement and the house in Jersey. This is to
o cut and dry. Links Construction wasn’t mentioned. LLGI isn’t mentioned. I want this looked into. She isn’t getting half a million and not signing off the businesses.”

“What do you think she’s up to?” He asked suspiciously.

“No fucking clue but she’s in bed with a lawyer who happens to be a politician so who the fuck knows. Can you get Dad on the phone? I need to see what he’s heard if anything.”

I was still sitting at my desk waiting for Dad’s return call when Ava walked in.

“Hi Daddy. Let me see the paperwork.”

“Ava, this isn’t something I want you involved in okay?” I stood and hugged her.

“I’m a lawyer Dad. I just want to see it.”

“Conflict of interest. Meaning I don’t want you conflicted. It’s between Mom and me alright?”

“No.” She walked up and sat on the edge of the desk and tried to grab the papers in front of me.

“Ava.”

“Dad?”

I was trying to come up with some way of shifting the conversation when she stood and took off her jacket.

“Christ Ava, where is the rest of that shirt?”

“It’s a whole shirt Daddy.” She rolled her eyes.

“Okay, well isn’t the kindergarten student you stole that shirt from a little upset?”

Bones laughed.

“No Daddy, actually the Nuns at the catholic school I borrowed it from happened to be very nice. Then the lady at the sexy lingerie store helped me pick out a matching thong and bra. If you wanna see it, I posted it on Instagram.”

Bones was rolling and if she wasn’t my kid I would have probably laughed too.

I stood up and grabbed my phone. “Let’s you and I go shopping.”

“Give it a rest Dad. I look good, don’t I Bones
?” She winked at him.

“Ava!”

“I’ll let you take me shopping if you let me look at the paperwork.”

“Can you just let it be?”

“Daddy.”

The way she said it was almost comical. Like she wanted to say seriously, but in a grown up way. My little girl was growing up and I didn’t like it.

“You can’t wear flip flops Ava. Your feet will get stepped on.”

“My thigh high boots are in my car.”

“For fuck sake.” I ran my hand through my hair. “You are a pain in the ass.”

“Apple. Tree. Did you expect any less?”

“I cannot believe I paid for you to go to school to learn how to argue your point even better than you already could when you were two.”

She laughed and took the papers before I could stop her.

I sat back and watched her look them over point by point.

“To
o vague. Dad, is Robert her lawyer?”

“I assume or someone who works for him.”

“Nothing about your business. Nothing about the Upstate house or property here aside from the Lake house. Which I should point out has to be at least five times the value of our home based on property value alone. I wouldn’t sign anything. I would have your lawyer add.” She stopped. “I will discuss with him the changes that need to be made. If he has any objections, you’ll know he’s working with them. My God what happened to her?”

“Ava that’s why I don’t want you involved.”

“Too bad. Bones get me the number. I’m making a copy of this. I can talk to your guy in the car. Then you’re taking me to lunch.”

While Ava was making a copy, I sent Jones a text telling him he was to use kid gloves with my daughter when she spoke to him and to listen to what she had said and figure it the fuck out. I asked Bones if he had heard from Dad and he told me no.

I would deal with it from home. But first I was gonna take my girl to a late lunch and then shopping for appropriate attire before the concert.

~

Ava and I were on our way to the concert. She was excited to see Harper’s belly and I was nervous as hell about seeing Tessa. Not Tessa exactly but Jade and Phoebe would be there and Ava was on high alert in regards to my feelings for Tessa. She hadn’t come right out and said anything but our shopping trip turned into a haircut and new clothes for me.

Apparently I should be wearing something besides dress pants and polo shirts. We bought jeans and every time I pulled them up to my waist she told me they were supposed sit on my hips.

“They’re not pulled up high Ava. My hips are up here not down there.”

“Dad trust me, the lower the better. You have a kick ass body, you shouldn’t be afraid to show it off.”

“Okay, but I am not of the ‘show my ass crack’ generation. Or the skinny jeans or the belly shirts. Oh and FYI, I am a straight man.”

She laughed. “I got the wrong
size; I wouldn’t have let you get the belly shirt.”

“A V neck shirt Ava?”

“You look hot Dad. From behind you look just like Logan.”

“Okay is that supposed to be a
compliment? Am I supposed to not wonder just what I look like from the front?”

“I wasn’t being rude. I’m just saying if I didn’t know you and saw you from behind I would probably cop a feel of that ass.”

“Cop a feel?”

She laughed. “Yeah cop a feel, grab a cheek.”

“You seriously have not done that have you?”

“You seriously do not want the answer to that question.” She laughed and I didn’t. “Dad I’m an adult.”

“You’re my daughter. My little girl.” I reminded her.

“An adult.”

“Unless you’re scared or whiney or…”

“Whiney?”

“Or need your Daddy.” I said Daddy like she did. “Don’t ever stop that either. I need my little girl as much as my little girl sometimes needs her Daddy.”

She smirked
as I held her hand. Nothing prepares you for when the little life you helped create comes into the world. The feelings are so intense that past hurts were just boo boos. Or when their boo boos are enough to bring a grown man to their knees. And nothing prepared you to watch them grow and change before you. They don’t need you any less then and you certainly don’t want to protect and love them any less.

“Dad
, Logan’s had sex.”

And nothing prepares you for a kid like Ava who thrives and takes pleasure in a shock and awe effect from a statement like that.

“Ava…”

“No
listen; he’s three years younger than I am. You offered to bring him condoms…”

“Who told you that?”

“He did. But with me…”

“You’re my little girl. I don’t want you to ever be hurt.”

“I’m a sexual being…”

I reached to turn up the radio. I didn’t want to hear anymore. And yes she was right, I was pretty damn hypocritical when it came to the difference in the way I treated them.

“I HAVE A VAGINA!” She yelled and laughed. “AND BOOBS!”

“Ava!” I reached up and turned down the radio.

“Daddy!” She laughed her little belly laugh. “You never offered me condoms.”

Feeding into her was not a good idea. So I shrugged. “I want you to know what I expect from you. What I want you to except from a man. Ava you need a man to treat you like I do.”

“Like a baby?”

“Keep quiet and listen. They have to be intelligent. Someone who is funny and understands your quirky sense of humor. Someone who shares your values and loves family. They have to love to talk or at least love you enough to listen
to you talk. They need to think your little tantrums are adorable. They need to give you attention, a lot of it. You should not be their second thought, always their first. They need to cherish every moment they spend with you. When they succeed and if they don’t search for you to share that with them, they don’t deserve you. If they don’t need you by their side during every part of life they don’t deserve you. If they hurt your perfect and beautiful heart they don’t deserve you. If they fuck up, even if you are head up your ass in love with them, you need to walk away so you can continue to love yourself. If they come back you make damn sure they’ve felt the impact of losing you before you tell them they need to speak to me before you even consider it.”

“Talk to you first?”

“If you’re considering forgiving them they better not just come to me, they better fucking crawl.”

“I love you Daddy.”

“I love you little girl.”

~

Ava and I were in the VIP section when the opening band ended and still no Tessa. I didn’t care. I really hoped she was staying backstage with Harper because I was gonna kill the fuckers checking out my little girl. I couldn’t imagine having two of them to look out for.