Love Therapy (Stanton Falls #2) (12 page)

“Why Donna?  What
happened?”

Nick, you promised that
you would understand.  It’s my decision so please just let it go and try
to understand.”

“I want to but I don’t
know what I did wrong.  I just want to know where I went wrong.”

“You didn’t do anything
wrong Nick. You were perfect.”

That was it then.
 He had thought it might be her father and now he was pretty sure.  

“Donna, if it’s because
of your dad, I’m not him you know.”

She was silent for a few
seconds and he waited for her to respond. When she did, he wished he hadn’t
said what he did.

“I know that and how
dare you assume that this has anything to do with my father.  It
absolutely does not.”

“Alright.
  I’m sorry I just assumed that there had to be something.  We
had such a wonderful time this weekend.  We always have a great time
together and I just can’t fathom what would be able to keep us apart.  I
thought….I thought I knew what you wanted.  I thought we were going to get
married one day Donna.  You know I love you.  I have loved you for a
while now and I can’t see anything else but loving you for the rest of my
life.”

Donna closed the door.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“How can it not matter?
 How does it not matter when someone tells you that they love you?

“Because it only matters
when you love them back.  Nick I … I don’t love you.  Isn’t that why
people get married? And even if I did love you, whatever that means, it still
wouldn’t matter.  Love isn’t real so my answer is no.  Now please
honor your word and leave me alone.”

He heard the hurt and
pain in her voice.  He knew that that wasn’t really what she wanted but if
she wouldn’t open up to him--his hands were tied.  There was nothing else
he could say.  Nothing else he could do.  If she said that she didn’t
want him in her life anymore, his only choice was to go no matter how wrong her
reasons for leaving him were.  As hard as it was for him to do so, he
turned away and walked back towards his car.

He had some serious thinking to do.

Donna watched as Nick
glanced back at her apartment one more time before getting in his car and
driving away.  She turned around and placed her back on the wall, sliding
to the floor.
 
She had finally thought
that she had found happiness only for that to happen.  Now she had pushed
Nick and she was sure that it was over.  She had lied to him though and
she knew it.  She was completely in love with him and wanted nothing more
than to marry him.

Just my life, as usual.

She was going to be
alone instead.  It was for the best.  It wouldn’t be fair to Nick if
she were to continue with their relationship.  She wasn’t whole herself
with her daddy issues.  What kind of relationship was she going to give
him where every time she heard from her father she would go into seclusion?
 That wasn’t right for her to do to him.   

Donna made another
decision. Her father had called her after their conversation yesterday and left
her his phone number and address on her voicemail.  She was going to
confront him right then.  She saw no reason that he should get off the
hook while her life was ruined.  

“Yeah, it’s me.
 Are you home?  Good.  I’m coming over.”

She didn’t care if it was
rude.  That wasn’t her goal right then.  He needed to know what he
had done to her.  How his actions had really scarred her.  She jotted
down the address he had left on her voicemail and charged out of the house,
determined that he was going to feel the pain she felt.  She got into her
car and drove to the address he had given her.  He had moved back to his
hometown since getting out of prison.  Her father wasn’t originally from
Stanton Falls.  He had moved to the city after meeting her mother at a
local fair and supposedly falling in love with her.  

After fifteen minutes,
she reached the address he had given her.  Getting out of the car, she
wasn’t so sure anymore that she wanted to talk to him but the rational person
deep inside her told her it was necessary in order for her to move on in her
life in any possible way.  She knocked on the door and waited.  A few
moments later he appeared.  His emotions showed concern and at the same
time weariness.  Donna guessed that he was aware that his actions could
set her off.   He couldn’t say anything to her about it really.
 She got her temper from him, it seemed.  

“I’m glad you decided to
come by.”

“I didn’t do it for you.
 I needed to talk.”

“Ok.  That’s fine.
 Come on in.”

Donna walked inside the
little home and waited as her father closed the door behind her.

“Can I get you something
to drink?”

“No, Jeff.  I’m not
thirsty.”

“Alright.  Then
before you start, I’m going to say a few things.  Take them as you may and
if you decide to storm out and leave, that’s your choice.”

Donna was surprised at
what he said and didn’t try to hide her feelings but she let him continue.
 She was interested to see what he had to say.  

“First of all, I accept
all responsibility for the things I’d done.  There is no excuse and there
is no changing it.  I don’t want to hash that out again.  We can talk
about it like adults, but we’re not going to be shouting and fighting.”

What a hypocrite!

“You listen Jeff.”

Her father visibly
winced as she called him by his first name again.  It obviously irritated
him.  

“I will listen, but you
are going to listen first.  And you are not going to call me that again.
 I’m your father no matter what.  You can figure out whatever
iteration of that you want to use, but I’m not Jeff.  If you can’t at
least respect me that much, then you can leave.”

Donna was tempted to do
just that, almost fishing in her pocket for her keys when she looked at him.
 She really looked at him for the first time in years and regardless of
what he said, it looked like his eyes were pleading with her to stay.  She
didn’t know why, but she felt like she should stay.  Like she should talk
to him.  Maybe it was because for the first time ever, she saw an emotion
coming from him that wasn’t laced with anger and strife.   Her own
anger felt like it was subsiding a teeny tiny bit.

Is this even the same
man?

“Ok...d-daddy…”

It felt strange calling
him a name that she hadn’t called him in years.  Surprisingly enough, it
felt better than calling him by his first name.  

She continued.

“How can you tell me to
watch my temper and respect you after all you did?  All those years.”

A glimpse of resignation
was on his face.   

“I guess we have to talk
about those things then, don’t we.  Alright then, here I go. Let me tell
you my side of the story.  Not that it’s right, but it was where I was at
the time princess.”

“Not princess.  We
aren’t there yet either.”

“Donna then.  I can
do that.  Back then, I was young.  Not much older than you in fact.
 I had hoped to have more in life.  I had wanted to open a garage.
 I worked as a mechanic for years here in town.   Learned the
trade from my uncle.  I’d gotten a loan, bought a building and everything.
 On opening day, there was a piece of equipment that I had bought, trying
to cut costs.  Anyway, it didn’t read the diagnostics on one of the cars
right and ended up causing a car to crash.  Luckily no one was hurt but
between the lawsuits and insurance premiums skyrocketing, I couldn’t keep the shop
anymore.”

“Seriously?”

“Yep.  You were
probably five or six when all of this happened.  You wouldn’t remember at
all.   You do remember what happened next though.  For a couple years
after, I kept working odd jobs, and kept the shop so that I could reopen it one
day.  When I hit a rough patch, the bank repossessed the land from me and
that was when I just gave up on everything.  I started drinking more and
more and taking out everything on your mother and you.  I felt like I was
a joke of a man and that everyone else could see it so I beat my chest and
acted out.  Going to prison probably saved my life. That and having your
mother around.  She was better to me than I ever deserved.   She
always was.”

“I know what you mean.
 Mom has that kind of ability to make a person want to be better and to do
better.  So why did I never hear about any of this before?”

“Well to be honest, I
tried to talk to you about it as you got older.  I know I was in prison
but I wanted to talk to you.  I always wanted to ask for your forgiveness
for years.  That was my biggest regret and I just thank God I have gotten
the chance to at least talk to you about everything.  I couldn’t believe
that you never visited me once or took any calls from me.”

Donna felt bad when he
said that to her.  She knew she probably should have talked to him.
 She always knew, but it was easier said than done.  

“I know, but I was
hurting daddy.  I chose to respond by not responding.  It’s common.”

“I understand.  I
knew you hated me all those years and you had good reason to.”

Donna couldn’t believe
that the man standing in front of her was her father.  Even more, she
couldn’t believe that they were having a civil conversation.  Had she made
a mistake all those years not talking to him?  Who knows but she was glad
to be talking to him now.  More than she would have ever thought, she was
happy to be talking to her father again.

“I’m going to be honest
with you.  I never hated you daddy.  Wow.  It feels strange
saying that but I like it.  Anyway.  I never hated you at all.
 I wanted to.  I even tried to make myself hate you for years.
 Saying you didn’t deserve love or forgiveness.  After all this time,
to learn the struggles that you were going through.  Of course it doesn’t
make it right but at least it makes a little more sense.   As a
child, I always thought it was my fault.  Something I’d done to make you
that way.”

“Never
Pri
-...Donna.”

“Actually, I think
princess will be ok.”  

The next thing that
happened completely surprised Donna.  In all her years, she had never seen
her father cry.  She would have never thought she would live to see it
either.  There he sat, across from her, tears rolling down his face and shoulders
shuddering as he couldn’t fight the tears anymore.

“You have no idea how
that makes me feel.”

She walked over to him
and hugged her father for the first time in almost ten years.  

“I have always loved you
more than life itself princess.   Even then, I would have given my
life for you and if I could go back and change the hands of time, I’d do it all
differently.”

“I know daddy.  I
know.  I would have done things differently as well.  At least we
have now.”

Donna didn’t realize it but
she had begun to shed a few tears herself.  She knew why.  After all
that time.  After all those years of torment, sadness and pain.  She
forgave him.  She was finally able to forgive her father and that felt
like the biggest burden of all time had been removed from her shoulders.
 Every daughter wants to feel like their father loves them and now she
really knew it.

They sat and talked for
a few minutes, him telling her how proud he was of her for becoming a
therapist.  He told her that her mother would always give him updates on
how she was doing.  He even had pictures of her graduating high school and
college on his electronic photo album on the counter.  

“Oh my God, is that the
picture from when we went to the fair?  What was I, five then?”

“Yes you were, and
always amazingly beautiful.   And you wore that tiara everywhere.”

“Tiara.  I forgot
all about that!  Wait, is that why you always call me princess?”

“Yep.  I still
believe that if you look up my background and your mothers, somewhere along the
line you will find some kind of royalty.  Being a princess was just too
natural for you.”

Donna giggled, holding
his hand.  

“Wow.”

“What’s that?”

“Nothing.  It’s
just amazing how easily things can change.  Look at us.  Separated
for years but now able to talk like father and daughter.  Thank you daddy
for always wanting me in your life.”

“Well thank you for
letting me back in yours.  I don’t know if I could have handled it
otherwise.”

“You won’t have to worry
about that again.”

“Great.  Now I don’t
want to go getting all fatherly but I have to.”

“Uh oh.”

“Ha.  No
no
no
.  Nothing like that.
 Your mother had told me about this Nick guy and I was really happy for
you.  To hear her tell it, he was the first man you have been serious
about ever.”

Donna’s countenance
dropped.

“That’s true.”

“Well not to ruin a good
mood, but what are you going to do?  Will you marry him?”

“I wish, but it’s not so
easy anymore.”

“Why not?”

“He’ll probably never
want to talk to me again.  I was so mean to him.  He told me he
wanted me to marry him and I told him that I didn’t love him and that I didn’t
care that he loved me.  I said we’d never be together and to leave me
alone.”

“Oh no.”

“Yeah.”

“So are you going to at
least talk to him about it?  Clear the air maybe and see where it goes
from there.”

“Look at you getting all
caring after all these years.”

“I never stopped
princess.”

“Right.  It’s not
going to happen though.  He couldn’t forgive me.  I know it.”

Her father laughed at
her and she didn’t know what was so funny.

“Really?  That’s
funny to you?  What happened to the loving, caring father from a minute
ago?”