Love Sneaked In (Montgomery Family Trilogy) (8 page)

Helen could see the loving concern in Henry’s eyes so she tried to reassure him. “Henry I appreciate your concern, and I know you have my best interests at heart, but I know this is the right decision for me. I don’t ever want to love again because it’s just too painful. Matthew is a good and kind man, and I can be happy, married to him. We respect each other tremendously, and as I’ve already said, we have quite a bit in common.”

“Well, as I said, I wish you’d give this more time, but I can see your mind is made up. I’ll just pray that you’re right and that you’ll be happy.”

Helen looked over at Melody. “Melody, you know that a marriage can be fulfilling without great love, because of your experience with Brandon. I really need your love and support on this, please?”

“You’re right I did have a good marriage with Brandon, but it was nothing compared to what I have with your brother. I wanted you to fall in love because you deserve to love and be loved so much, but I can also see you’re not going to change your mind, so we’ll leave it alone. It does at least sound as if you do have things in common. I’m relieved that you do seem to like each other.” Helen was relieved when Melody and Henry finally agreed to let it alone.

“I know both of you are worried about me and think I’m only doing this because of the situation with the duke, but I really do want to be a mother, and Matthew already has twin daughters, so I’ll get to enjoy motherhood immediately. You know how much I love children. This is really an ideal situation for me. I know you’ll like him once you give yourselves a chance to know him. He has a marvelous sense of humor, and he makes me laugh. I promise this is what I want. Please, just be happy for me.”

After tea, Helen went up to her room. Sally, her maid, had already unpacked and put away all her things. She knew her family loved her, but they just didn’t understand that she didn’t want to be in love. A marriage of convenience was what she wanted, and she could see herself being quite content. Matthew was a very attractive man, so she knew she’d be able to respond to him, and his kisses had been quite pleasant.

Helen decided to use one of her gowns that Madame Devy had made for her as her wedding dress. There was a particularly lovely gown in periwinkle blue that she’d never worn before. It had a Belgian lace overlay on the bodice and skirt, with additional lace flounced around the bottom of the gown. The periwinkle blue ribbons tied under her breasts with trails of ribbon running down the front of the gown, which accented her generous bosom. To her it looked perfect for a country wedding. When she had shown it to Melody, she had agreed that it was very pretty, and it did bring out Helen’s brilliant blue eyes.

As Helen resumed her morning rides she thought about Matthew. Riding with him each day in London had been immensely enjoyable. Their love of horses was something that gave them a strong common bond, and she was really looking forward to riding with him on the beach. Matthew made it sound so invigorating. She’d always wanted to go to the beach, but had never been. She just felt all the way down to her soul that she was making the right decision. At least her family had finally stopped trying to talk her into postponing the wedding.

Helen’s mother was supposed to arrive a week before the wedding. She seemed to be thrilled about her marriage. All her letters talked about was what a good match it was for her. It was so typical of her mother to be more concerned about the status of an individual, than whether they were a kind and considerate person.

Oh well, she guessed her mother would never change.

By the time her mother arrived, Helen was starting to get a little anxious. They had everything planned for the wedding, but she was second guessing herself. After all, how well did she really know Matthew? He didn’t seem to have many friends, and she knew he wasn’t an outgoing person. He hadn’t told her very much about his home either, other than the part about it being next to the ocean.

While Helen didn’t think of herself as spoiled, she was used to a certain level of comfort in her surroundings. She certainly hoped it had at least some modern conveniences. Helen didn’t even know how old of a house it was. Was it an old manor, or a castle with a keep? She’d heard that there were quite a few old Norman keeps in Devonshire. Other than that, she really had no idea. Obviously, it wouldn’t be as opulent as Sanderford Park, or Sanderford house for that matter.

Helen knew Matthew didn’t have a townhouse in London because he was staying in a hotel. Surely, Henry would have checked his resources out, so he must at least have a comfortable living.

Goodness, what in the world had she been thinking of?

She should have gotten these questions answered, before agreeing to marry him. Of course, it was too late to change her mind now. She had given her word, and that meant everything to her. All she could do at this point was hope that all would turn out fine.

Helen’s mother arrived the next day. For the first time, Helen had done something that pleased her mother. When her mother arrived, she was ecstatic about Helen marrying an earl.

She came over to Helen and said, “Darling, I’m so proud of you! What a sensible young woman you have turned out to be. I was beginning to think you were going to end up on the shelf, so I’m thrilled about your marriage. You must tell me all about your earl. I’m sure he’s devastatingly handsome. What a whirlwind courtship, and what a smart young woman you are! I knew all my talks would eventually sink in. Now we’ll just need to work on Kathryn.”

“Mother, Matthew’s a very kind and considerate gentleman, and he has a marvelous sense of humor,” she said, smiling at her mother. “We respect and admire each other tremendously.”

“Darling, you never mentioned in any of your letters…where is he from?” her mother asked.

“He’s from Devonshire, and his home is by the sea. I’m looking forward to seeing the ocean. I’ve heard of the Devonshire moors, and it all sounds fascinating. I’m pleased you approve of my choice.” This was the warmest reception she’d ever received from her mother. Helen wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not.

“I can’t wait to meet him. When will he be arriving? I have never been to Devonshire, but it’s not too terribly far from Bath, so I’ll have to come for a visit once you get settled in.”

“Lord Collingswood will be arriving the day before the wedding. I’d love to have you visit, but just give me enough time to adjust to marriage before you come, all right?” Helen was pleased that her mother thought she was making a wise decision, and it helped to relieve some of her anxiety.

A few days before the wedding, Melody came to see her in her room. By her expression, Helen could tell she was embarrassed about something, and Helen wondered what it could be. Melody hesitantly said, “Helen, I was wondering if you have any questions about what happens on the wedding night. I know that when I got married I didn’t have any idea, and it was frightening, so please ask me anything, and I’ll be happy to explain.”

Helen was relieved, though a little embarrassed, that Melody wanted to talk about this, but it was a chance to get some of her questions answered. She knew she could never talk to her mother about it. “I really don’t even know what to ask, since I don’t have any idea what will happen. All I do know is that it’s supposed to be painful, which does cause me to be apprehensive. Anything you can tell me will be much appreciated.”

Melody sat down and folded her hands in her lap. “Let me see, I’ll tell you more than my mother told me. First of all, he’ll know what to do. He’s been married before, and I doubt very much he’s been chaste all these years. Men are much different from we ladies, and they have much stronger urges for…ah…to be with a woman.”

“Melody, if this is too difficult for you…I’ll understand.”

“No, I’ll be all right. It’s just difficult to talk about. Oh dear, how do I want to explain this part, let’s see…a man is built quite different than we women are. Umm…oh, goodness…ah…God designed us with umm…a place for a man’s…uh…manhood to go, so we fit…together.”

Embarrassed, but so grateful for Melody’s help, Helen said, “I think I understand. Is there anything else I need to know?”

“During the act of love, it’s important for the man to…umm…to prepare your body, so that you can receive him without too much discomfort. With me, I barely felt a thing, so hopefully it will be that way for you. Do you have any idea what desire feels like?”

Helen knew more about desire than she wanted to tell Melody. She still felt mortified every time she thought about what she’d allowed the duke to do to her. “The only time I’ve ever felt what I think might be desire, was when the duke kissed me. I’m embarrassed to admit this, but he did actually kiss me quite passionately, and I found that very exciting. Matthew has only kissed me twice. Both times, it was brief and very gentle. Oh Melody! I’m so scared! What if I don’t like it?”

“There are some women who don’t enjoy the marriage bed, but I believe that the husband is at fault. I’m sure that Lord Collingswood will be gentle and kind. You said that he was very gentle when he kissed you, so that’s a good sign. As long as he kisses you quite a bit, that should help to stimulate your desire. Have I been helpful to you?”

Helen looked at Melody and sighed. “I’m relieved that it shouldn’t hurt too badly, and at least I won’t be as shocked by what happens, but it sounds as if much of it depends on the man, so I’ll just hope Matthew will know what to do. I do appreciate you talking with me about this.”

Melody hugged her. “If there is anything else that I can do for you, please let me know, because I want to help you. Let me just say this, physical love can be beautiful and very rewarding between two people who genuinely care about each other. As you know, I wasn’t in love with Brandon, but I respected and cared about him very much. We were very good friends, and making love with him was very pleasant. Try to make friends with Lord Collingswood before you become intimate, if possible. That will help you enjoy it more.”

Helen was glad that Melody had talked to her about everything. She decided she would ask Matthew to wait before they became intimate. They really did need to get to know each other better before they consummated their union. After all, they would be married for the rest of their lives. Surely a few weeks wouldn’t make that big of a difference. Of course, as Melody said, men viewed intimacy quite differently than a woman. She just hoped he would be open to her suggestion.

Chapter 6

Late June 1820

Matthew was getting very nervous about the wedding, and it was only three days away. He wondered what he’d been thinking of to decide that two weeks was enough time to know if they would suit.

What did he really know about her?

Why was she so insistent that she didn’t want love?

He should have asked more questions about that. Well, it was too late to back out now. It was a matter of honor. A man didn’t have the privilege of changing his mind.

Matthew would just have to make the best of the marriage. She did seem like a lovely woman, and she was extraordinarily beautiful. If the sex wasn’t good he could always take a mistress. Of course, he fully intended to give their marriage a chance before he did that, and certainly not until after they had his heir. If he did end up having to take a mistress, it wouldn’t be the first time he’d ever had one. In fact, he’d need to visit his current mistress just as soon as he returned home and let her know about his marriage and that he felt he owed it to his wife to be faithful.

Cecilia wasn’t going to be happy. She’d been his mistress for three years. Cecilia was a widow and lived on the other side of town. They had been very discreet and no one knew that she was his mistress. She wouldn’t have been able to move about in society if anyone had ever found out. There was no doubt about it—she was going to be very upset. It wouldn’t be a good idea for him to write to her. This was something that needed to be done in person.

Oh God, he really dreaded having to tell her.

Cecilia had a terrible temper!

He could just imagine how angry she was going to be.

A couple of days before he was due to leave for Sanderford Park, he stopped by Gerrard’s to pick out a wedding gift for Helen, and since he was there, he might as well get a parting gift for Cecilia. He selected a diamond and sapphire brooch with a matching ring for Helen. He thought it would be a good idea to get her a ring, since he hadn’t given her one yet, and the sapphires should look incredible with her piercing blue eyes. She would have her choice of jewels from the heirlooms that had been accumulated throughout the years, but she would probably appreciate something new. For Cecilia, he picked out a diamond chocker necklace, since she had always preferred diamonds to any other jewel.

The day before the wedding, he was up early. He checked out of his hotel and headed south toward Sanderford Park. He took his time and stopped several times along the way. At each coaching inn, he would drink several glasses of brandy. By the time he was near Sanderford Park, he realized he’d had too much to drink, so he stopped again and drank a pot of black coffee. The closer he got to Sanderford Park, the more nervous he grew.

What in God’s name had he been thinking?

He didn’t know why he decided he wanted to get married so quickly.

They should have given themselves more time to get to know one another.

Once he sobered up, he left the coaching inn, got into his carriage instead of riding Apollo, and finished the trip.

It was after six o’clock when he arrived, and he should have been there by two or three. As his carriage pulled up to the portico, a footman came down the steps to assist him. Poor Apollo was disgusted with him, he knew, because he never handled traveling behind a carriage well. He noticed a groom close by and asked him to make sure he gave Apollo a good rub down and plenty of oats. Then he went up to the door, and it opened.

The butler let him in. “Good evening, my lord. Would you like to go up to your room before you see the family? If you do, Mrs. Milton, the housekeeper, would be happy to show you the way.”