Love Scars (19 page)

Chapter 24

Nora’s house. Third Saturday in July, 5:20 p.m.

The front doorbell rang. Again. Lisa’s wedding was in forty minutes. People had started to arrive, and I was still in a tank top and shorts.

But my head looked good.

In keeping with Lisa’s garden theme, Stacey and I had glittery little flowers and butterflies painted on our faces and shoulders. It looked pretty cool. The hairdresser decorated our hair with origami butterflies and honeybees and piled mine on top of my head in stylized lacquered curls fixed with two silver hair picks.

Stacey had been dressed for over an hour. She was a dangerous mix of cute and sophisticated in her pale pink bridesmaid dress, and she intended to get maximum use out of it. She’d enlisted some of the bus crew from the restaurant to help set up. At the moment she was in the backyard giving directions to a darkly handsome young guy. The famous Mason Brewer.

“Nora, dear. There you are.” Lisa’s mom came in from answering the door carrying a huge present which she added to the pile on the table. “I told them to go around to the back instead of traipsing through your house.”

“Thanks, Mrs. Newberry. Here, have some of the good stuff.” I poured her a glass of Duckhorn sauvignon blanc and put the bottle back in the refrigerator in the meat drawer.

The front door bell rang again.

“That does it,” I said. “I’m making a sign.”

“Do you know where Lisa is?” Mrs. Newberry said.

“Either in my room or hers.” I tore a sheet out of Stacey’s drawing pad and found a thick red marker. “She doesn’t want Frank to see her in her dress before the ceremony.”

I wrote
BACK YARD
on the paper and took it out to the front as the doorbell rang again. It was Cindy Slater.

“Hi, Nora.” She looked at my funky clothes. “I’m sorry I’m early. I wanted to be sure to get a parking place.” She was dressed to conquer in a simple form-fitting sleeveless black dress, her hair swept up in a beehive, and big red plastic earrings.

“You look like you just stepped out of
Mad Men
,” I said.

“Thanks!” She beamed. “Is Brad here yet?”

Oh, brother.
Maybe Little Miss Retro could put a smile on the poor guy’s face. She certainly looked eager to try.

“He’s in the back.” I propped the sign on a chair by the door. “Come on through, Cindy. I’ll get you a glass of the good stuff.”

I gave her some wine and sent her out to find Brad and decided I’d better get dressed. As I passed Lisa’s door on the way to my room I heard her mom’s voice, too quiet for me to make out the words but motherly and sweet. A twinge of achy pain nicked at my heart. I would never hear my mom’s good wishes on my own wedding day. If I ever found someone to marry, that is.

I pushed the gloomies away. This was Lisa’s happy day. I was going to be happy for her and with her.

My dress was hanging on the closet door. I tore off my shorts and tank top and went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and check my makeup. The sparkly butterflies and honeybees were all intact. I added some mascara and redid my lipstick. I looked like a princess in a hot fairytale. I just wished J.D. could see me.

Dammit.
I would think of J.D. Of course I would. I’d been pretty good at forgetting him. I was down to thinking about him every hour or so instead of constantly. But when I did think of him, it was brutal. A full-on bombardment of the senses.

I’m here.
I would imagine his voice, low and strong and kind in my ear. The feel of his hands on my waist. His kisses on my neck. How utterly safe I felt when I realized it was J.D. beside me in the tree house.
I’m here.

But he wasn’t here. I’d had a glimpse of heaven, and it turned out to be a lie. I told him to get out, and he got out. According to Brad, J.D. wasn’t even in California anymore.

Stop.
I told myself.
This ends now. No more self-pity.

“Lisa?” Brad was in my bedroom. I’d left my bathroom door slightly ajar. I turned to go tell him she was with her mother, but he kept talking. “I’m glad I caught you alone for a minute.”

I froze.

“Brad, you look…good.” She was out there.

“You look beautiful, Lisa,” Brad said. “You always do, but especially…well. I just wanted to say I’m so glad I know you. You’re funny and kind and sweet. I think you’re the loveliest woman on the planet. I always feel better being in the world, knowing you’re here too. Oh, god. I’m rambling….”

“Brad, that’s sweet of—”

“Oh, Lisa.”

The room went silent with the unsilent silence of two people kissing.

After at least a full minute Lisa said, “Brad, no. I can’t.”

“God, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Brad said. “I—I hope Frank makes you as happy as you deserve.”

The bedroom door closed. I hesitated behind the bathroom door. Maybe Lisa would leave and never know I’d heard everything. But a horrendous sob filled the air. She was sitting on the side of the bed, stunned. A tear ran down her cheek, dragging a black trail of mascara with it.

“God, Leese,” I said. “I didn’t mean to listen. I didn’t know what to do.”

“Nora.” She grabbed my hand.

The door flew open and Stacey breezed into the room flushed with happiness. “It’s almost time!” The Mason Brewer campaign must be going according to plan. She frowned at me, sitting next to Lisa in my bra and panties. “Nor, what are you doing? Put your clothes on.”

“Excuse me.” Lisa jumped up and rushed to the bathroom while Stacey helped me into my dress and zipped me up. As Lisa came back with her mascara fixed, Frank stuck his head in the door.

“Frank, what are you doing?” Lisa looked horrified. “It’s bad luck to see me in my dress.”

“I won’t stay, baby doll.” He pushed the door open wider and stood there holding the handle. “I just want to tell you how much I love you. I’ve been waiting forever for this day. I want you to know I’m going to dedicate the rest of my life to making you happy. You're my world, Lisa.”

He blew her a kiss and winked at me and Stacey. Then he disappeared down the hall.

I couldn’t help thinking Frank must have seen Brad leave the room, and he’d come to check up on Lisa. I couldn’t even guess what she was thinking.

“What a doofus, but we love him,” Stacey said. “I’ll go find your dad, Leese. It’s time.”

I closed the door after Stacey left and gave Lisa a hug. “She’s right about Frank. We do love him.”

“He never said it, you know,” she said. “He never said he loved me.”

She wasn’t talking about Frank.

We mustered in the kitchen and proceeded out the deck down to the lawn. I scanned the guests seated in fold-out chairs as I followed Stacey up the aisle, wishing she’d go a little slower.

The groom’s side was as full as the bride’s, but I only recognized Frank’s parents and the DJ from our end-of-semester party who worked at the equine center. For the processional music, she played Eddie Vedder’s
Longing to Belong
.

I did know a few people on Lisa’s side, her parents and some people from the restaurant. Dr. Barton and his wife had come. Jane Marks was there with an amazingly gorgeous date.
Go Jane!
Cindy gave me a little wave. I guess she thought we were buds now. She nodded at Brad, standing beside Frank’s brother and mouthed
wow
.

Wow was right. Brad looked amazing in a tux. With his black-rimmed glasses, he made me think of a Ken doll. Did Ken ever wear glasses? Maybe Nerd Ken™ who dated Geek Barbie™. Brad’s gaze flew past me, his eyes for Lisa alone. I had a feeling Cindy wouldn’t let that get in her way.

There were others from school and the restaurant. Mason Brewer ogled Stacey as she walked by. When he looked my way, I gave him the evil eye and he turned red. Fun.

I searched the rows as best I could before I reached the front and had to keep my focus on Lisa and Frank. J.D. hadn’t come.

He didn’t come.

Lisa handed me her bouquet, and the minister went through the words, but it all sounded far away. I don’t know why I thought J.D. would be here. There’d been no word, no hint from Brad. J.D. had sent gracious regrets in response to his invitation—along with eight complete place settings of Lisa’s registered china and glassware and silverware.

Still, I thought he’d come.

I wasn’t going to forget him. I refused to let him mean nothing. Our last night together was everything to me. It was the first time I’d truly made love as opposed to had sex. I had remained in my body, self-aware while letting him in, and we’d merged and become one. I was sure he’d felt it too.

I couldn’t mean nothing to J.D. either. He’d come for me and found me at the cabin. He’d anchored me to reality and made it safe to confront the past, to really see that horrific night and my part in it. When I thought of Foresthill now, I didn’t forget where I really was. There was no scent of wet dirt or pine needles.

It wasn’t a flashback anymore. It was a memory.

With J.D. by my side, I’d looked the dragon in the face and acknowledged my failure. Because of him, I was learning to live with that failure, to accept it as a part of me and let the guilt go. I was so much happier. Freer. I wished I could share that with him.

“Ladies and gentlemen.” The minister’s words brought me back to the present. It was all over. “I’m delighted to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Granden.”

A cello and guitar version of Bach’s Invention 13 filled the air for the recessional. I handed Lisa her bouquet, and the happy couple went down the aisle accompanied by applause and a few whistles from the restaurant crew.

As soon as the guests were on their feet, the caterers descended and set to work transforming the yard into the reception site. Within minutes a dance area appeared on the lawn surrounded by tables and chairs. The food was already set up on the deck, and the champagne began to flow.

Lisa and Frank started the first dance,
Dream A Little Dream of Me
by The Mamas & The Papas. Frank’s brother asked his wife instead of me, and Stacey grabbed Mason. That left Brad free, but Cindy shot me a warning look. I chuckled inwardly and pretended not to see him so she could move in. As I turned away, someone swept me into his arms.

“Ms. Deven,” J.D. said. “May I have this dance?”

Chapter 25

“You came.”

The world faded away. I was exquisitely aware of a few simple things. My hand lost in J.D.’s hand. A warm breeze on my bare shoulders. My breasts pressed against his solar plexus. His other hand firmly on my back. There was music, somewhere.

“God, Nora,” J.D. said. “You’re beautiful.”

The world came back into focus. “So are you.”

He was sleek and perfect in a black tux. His hair was brushed back, and his dark eyes were full of admiration and desire. Were his lips always that sumptuous? A total cliché, I trembled in his arms.

“I must have stumbled into a fantasy wonderland,” he said. “I’m dancing with an honest-to-god fairy princess.”

“That’s the idea,” I said. “And Lisa is the fairy queen.”

“Married to the wrong king, I think.”

“Don’t jinx it.” I put a finger to his lips. As long as no one said the words, it wouldn’t be true.

Lisa and Frank looked good dancing together. Frank said something in her ear, and she smiled. I’m sure it was a happy smile. Brad and Cindy danced close by. Cindy was being her chatty self. I wasn’t so sure Brad’s smile was a happy one. Stacey was definitely having a good time, and Mason seemed like a nice guy.

But I didn’t want to think about them, any of them. I wanted to float in J.D.’s arms for the rest of my life. Another song started, Michael Bublé singing
The Way You Look Tonight.
I laid my head on J.D.’s chest and listened to his heart.

“Brad told me you gave him the scanner,” J.D. said. “Thank you.”

“It belongs to BlueMagick,” I said. “There’s nothing to thank me for.”

“And you’ve decided to sell your house,” he said.

“The decision is made,” I said. I couldn’t take hearing J.D. tell me what everyone else had said. That it was a mistake. That I’d regret it. I already regretted it. It was painful beyond words. But it wasn’t a mistake. “I only waited so we wouldn’t have people coming through looking at it until after the wedding.”

“That makes sense.”

“But that’s not going to happen,” I said. “My realtor mentioned to some clients it was going to be for sale, and she instantly had a bidding war on her hands.”

“So the deed is done, so to speak.”

“It sold this morning.” I looked away. I couldn’t let him see I was crying inside. “And for more than I ever expected.”

“That’s good then, right?”

“It’s for the best,” I said, as I’d been telling myself all day. “Maybe the new owner will treat the place better than I did. Put on a new roof. Give it some paint and update the kitchen.”

J.D. responded with a hug that made me want to cry.

“It’s a six-week escrow, so it’s perfect timing. Lisa will move in with Frank when they get back from their honeymoon, and Stacey will be in Palo Alto by then for school. I’ll rent an apartment near the university. Dr. Barton has offered to sponsor me for the PhD program.”

“So you have everything all figure out.”

“I’m splitting the money with Stacey,” I said. “This was never just my house. Her half will get her through med school. I just hope they don’t tear out the roses.”

I buried my face against his chest.

“That would be a crime,” he said gently, patting me on the back. “I don’t want to hear about Stacey or Lisa.” J.D. held me closer to him. I hated his tuxedo for coming between us. “I want to hear about you,” he said.

“I’m fine,” I said. “I’m great. Really.”

“I can see that,” he said. “In fact, you’re stronger than you realize.”

“I hope so.” That word again. I truly hate
hope.
That hadn’t changed.

“Nora,” J.D. said. “I want to start over. I came here today with a purpose. I’m a man on a mission. I’m here to woo you.”