Love, Rosie (231 page)

LOVE,
MUM
XXX

love,
rosie

FOR
OUR
GRANDDAUGHTER,

HAPPY
SWEET
SIXTEENTH
BIRTHDAY!

TO
KATIE,
LOTS
OF
LOVE,

GRANDMA
&
GRANDDAD

343

FOR
MY
GIRLFRIEND,

HAPPY
SWEET
16!

LOTS
OF
LOVE,

JOHN

TO
KATIE,

HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
YOU
PAIN
IN
THE
ASS,
ANOTHER
FEW
MONTHS
AND

THOSE
BRACES
WILL
BE
OFF.
THEN
I
WON’T
BE
ABLE
TO
TELL
WHAT

YOU’VE
EATEN
FOR
DINNER.

TOBY

FOR
MY
DAUGHTER,

CONGRATULATIONS
KATIE,
HAPPY
SWEET
SIXTEEN!

I
HOPE
JOHN
DOESN’T
TRY
TO
KISS
YOU!

LOVE,
DAD

Dear
Mum
and
Dad,

I’m
never
speaking
to
Rupert
again.
Sweet
sixteen
my
arse.

Katie
demanded
that
I
give
her
the
money
that
I
would
have
spent
on
her

present,
so
that
she
could
go
into
town
and
pick
her
own
clothes,
which
suited

me
fine
because
then
I
didn’t
have
to
bother
spending
sleepless
nights
trying
to

think
of
the
“perfect”
gift
that
she
would
inevitably
hate
and
hide
under
her

bed.
Anyway
she
walked
into
the
flat,
hand
in
hand
with
the
big
friendly
giant

(John),
beaming
from
ear
to
ear
so
I
immediately
knew
something
suspicious

was
going
on.
She
lifted
her
top,
lowered
her
trousers
an
inch,
and
there
it
was.

The
tattoo
from
hell.

An
awful-dirty-disgusting-very
ugly-I’ve-just-realized-I’m-beginning-to-

sound-like-you-mother
kind
of
tattoo.
It
sat
there
on
her
hip
bone
sticking
its

tongue
out
at
me.

344

Cecelia
Ahern

Mum,
it’s
ugly.
Mind
you
it
was
bleeding
and
beginning
to
grow
a
scab

by
the
time
I
saw
it.
Apparently
Rupert
said
his
clients
only
needed
to
be
six-

teen
to
get
a
tattoo
which
I
strongly
disagree
with
so
I
came
downstairs
to

check
the
Internet.
It
turns
out
he’s
right
but
if
I
could
just
find
some
sort
of

loophole
that
would
allow
me
to
kick
his
ass.

Cute
Internet
café
guy
asked
me
if
I
was
OK
and
he
looked
really
con-

cerned,
which
I
thought
was
possibly
the
beginning
of
something
new
for
the

both
of
us.
But
then
I
realized
I
was
thumping
the
keyboard
with
my
fists
so

he
was
probably
only
concerned
about
his
computer.
I
don’t
know
about
you

but
I
have
no
time
for
selfish
men
like
that
in
my
life
so
I’ve
decided
there’s

no
chance
of
a
steamy
love
affair
occurring
between
us
after
hours
on
the

computer
desks.
Purely
my
decision
though.

What
makes
it
even
worse
is
that
I
was
trying
to
study
for
my
final

exams
and
the
drilling
coming
from
the
tattoo
parlor
downstairs
was
really