Love, Rosie (127 page)

living
room.
I’ve
learned
it’s
their
odd
little
method
of
communica-

tion.

I’m
thinking
of
sending
Gary
to
electrocution
.
.
.
sorry,
elocution

lessons
so
he
can
brush
up
on
his
“how
now
brown
cows,”
instead

of
his
“hugh,
nugh,
brugh,
cughs.”
I
mentioned
it
to
him
last
night

love,
rosie

195

and
he
just
grunted,
“Why
do
I
want
to
know
about
wiring
houses,

Ma?”

So
I
left
my
wonderfully
intelligent
family
and
soaked
myself
in
the

bath
and
considered
drowning
myself.
Then
I
remembered
I
still

had
chocolate
cake
left
over
from
yesterday
so
I
came
back
up
for

air.
Some
things
are
worth
living
for.

But
thank
you
for
the
gift,
Rosie;
we
had
fun
in
the
class,
didn’t
we?

I
can’t
remember
ever
laughing
so
much
in
my
life,
which
on
second

thought
is
probably
why
my
stomach
is
so
sore.
Thank
you
for

reminding
me
that
I’m
a
woman,
that
I
have
hips,
that
I
can
be
sexy,

that
I
can
laugh
and
have
fun.

And
thank
you
for
bringing
the
sexy
Ricardo
into
my
life.
Can’t

wait
to
feel
this
way
again
next
week.
Now
after
all
my
whinging

and
moaning,
how
do
you
feel?

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Ruby:

Rosie:

Oh
fine,
thanks.
No
complaints.

Ha!

OK,
OK
so
I
feel
a
little
stiff.

Ha!

Oh
OK
so
the
bus
had
to
lower
the
wheelchair
ramp
for
me
this

morning
because
I
couldn’t
lift
my
leg.

That’s
more
like
it.

Oh
the
beautiful
Ricardo,
Ruby!!
I
had
a
dream
about
him
last

night.
I
woke
up
with
my
top
off
and
my
pillow
covered
in
drool.

(OK
so,
not
really.
)
The
sound
of
that
sexy
Italian
accent
shouting,

“Ros-ie!!
Pay
atten-see-on!”
and,
“Ros-ie!
Stup
laff-ing!!”
and

“Ros-ie!!
Get
up
ov
ze
floor!”
just
sends
a
shiver
up
my
spine.
But
it

was
the
sound
of
“Vell
done
Rosie,
fantabulous
hip
action!”
that

really
got
me
.
.
.
mmm
.
.
.
yummy
Ricardo
with
the
hips
.
.
.

Ruby:

Rosie:

Yes!
The
hips!
Although
as
I
recall,
it
was
me
he
was
referring
to

about
the
“
fantabulous
hip
action.”

Oh
Ruby,
can’t
a
girl
dream!
I
was
surprised
to
see
so
many
men

there,
were
you?

196

Ruby:

Cecelia
Ahern

Yes!
It
reminded
me
of
when
I
was
younger
at
the
school
discos
or

the
ceilis;
I
was
always
one
of
those
girls,
stuck
dancing
with

another
girl
as
a
partner.
There
were
more
men
dancing
with
men