Love, Rosie (126 page)

Ruby:

I’m
all
salsa’d
out!
The
last
time
I
was
in
this
much
pain
was
when

Teddy
got
that
Kama
Sutra
book
for
Christmas
from
the
lads
at

work.
I
practically
had
to
be
fork-lifted
to
work
after
the
holidays,

remember?
Well
this
time
I
actually
had
to
take
the
morning
off

work.
Can
you
believe
it?!

I
woke
up
suspecting
that
I
had
been
in
a
very
serious
car
accident;

then
I
looked
across
at
Teddy
and
was
convinced
we
had
been.
But
I

forgot
that
the
drooling,
sweating,
and
disturbing
noises
were
all

194

Cecelia
Ahern

part
of
the
Teddy
package.
You
get
one,
you
get
them
all.
It
took
me

twenty
minutes
to
wake
him
up
so
that
he
could
help
me
out
of
bed.

It
took
me
a
further
twenty
minutes
to
get
out
of
bed.
My
joints

were
on
strike.
They
were
all
just
lazily
lounging
around
with
their

little
pickets
pitched
up
screaming,
“Joints
on
strike,
joints
on

strike!”
The
hips
were
the
leaders
of
this
conspiracy.

So
I
rang
my
boss
and
held
the
phone
to
my
hips
so
he
could
hear

them
too.
He
agreed
with
me
and
let
me
have
the
morning
off.

(Well
he
claims
now
that
he
didn’t
but
I’m
sticking
to
my
side
of
the

story.)

Childbirth
is
nothing
compared
to
exercise,
and
Gary
was
a
big

baby.
This
is
what
they
should
do
to
prisoners
of
war
when
they’re

trying
to
interrogate
them.
Make
them
take
salsa
classes.
I
knew
I

was
unfit
but
my
god,
driving
the
mini
today
was
horrendous.
Every

time
I
changed
gears
I
felt
like
someone
was
hammering
away
at
my

arm.
First
gear—sore,
second
gear—pain,
third
gear—torture.
I

ended
up
driving
to
work
in
second
gear
because
it
hurt
so
much.

Not
safe
or
healthy
for
the
car
at
all
but
she
managed
to
cough
and

splutter
her
way
into
work
just
like
her
owner.

By
the
way
I
was
walking
you
would
swear
Teddy
and
I
had

worked
our
way
through
the
Kama
Sutra
book.
Even
typing
was
a

traumatic
experience
as
I
suddenly
realized
that
my
finger
bone
is

connected
to
my
arm
bone
which
in
some
way
was
pulling
on
my

hamstring
which
was
giving
me
a
headache.
I
should
have
known
I

would
be
this
bad.
When
you
dropped
me
off
last
night
I
was
so

stiff
I
practically
had
to
crawl
in
the
hall
door
where
my
ears
were

greeted
by
Teddy
and
Gary
having
a
mutual
grunting
session
in
the