Love notes (28 page)

Making a dignified exit on foot
and over a locked gate would be nigh on impossible.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have
come,” she blurted, finding her tongue at last. “I ought to have
called first. You’re obviously busy. I’ll catch you another
time.”

Her turning to leave stung Aiden
to action finally and he caught her arm. An electric thrill surged
through Erika at this sudden contact and she jumped, pulling away
instinctively and putting distance between them, even though she
longed to throw her arms around him, knot her fingers in his hair
and kiss his chest until he begged for mercy.

“Don’t go.” Aiden rushed to
disguise the alarm in his voice at her overreaction. “It’s just
such a shock to see you here. I had no idea you were even in
England.”

“I’ve been home for over a
week,” she told him, the word home slipping out
unintentionally.

Aiden didn’t miss its
implication however. “So you’re back permanently?”

“Not sure yet. It depends what
happens. But I have no immediate plans to return to L.A.”

The flicker of a smile passed
over Aiden’s face. “And Ben?”

This was a different
conversation entirely, and one Erika didn’t particularly want to
conduct on the doorstep. She decided to force the issue therefore,
one way or another.

“Is that coffee I can smell?”
she asked, giving herself nought out of ten for subtlety. “Only I’d
love a cup.”

“What?” Realisation hit Aiden
with the speed of a runaway train and his body went taut with
guilt. “Oh my God, yes. What must you think of me? Come in.” He
pulled the door open wide and stood aside.

“Are you sure? Don’t you have
company?” Again, it wouldn’t have passed muster in the secret
services, but Erika thought they’d gone beyond dancing around one
another.

“I’m completely alone,” Aiden
assured her, catching her meaning entirely. “Unless you count Danny
Baker on Radio Five Live.” He gave the first genuine smile of the
morning; slow, sexy and full of promise. “Come in. It’s great to
see you.”

On impulse, Erika gave him a
friendly kiss on each cheek when she stepped into the flagstoned
hallway, feeling him hold her shoulders lightly, his hands cool
against her skin. His unshaven cheeks rasped hers, raising sultry
memories of late mornings in bed, and she inhaled deeply the
familiar, drowsy scent of his skin.

Attraction surged so strongly
Erika half expected Aiden to draw her into his arms but he didn’t,
and stood back hurriedly while refusing to look at her. From a man
who’d once found her utterly irresistible, this was not the
reaction Erika had expected and she forced herself to consider that
Aiden perhaps was far from pleased to see her after all.

Undeterred, Erika slipped off
her dew-damp sandals and followed Aiden across the ancient, worn
slabs, her feet picking up every indentation and crease in the grey
stones and absorbing their history. When they reached the cavernous
space that lay beyond the hallway Erika drew up short in
astonishment, making Aiden turn back to look at her with a huge
grin on his face.

“Pretty amazing, isn’t it?” he
agreed.

But Erika was too overawed to
answer and irresistibly drawn toward the double height windows at
the far end through which the spring sunshine flooded in, making
warm pools on the flagstones beneath her feet. These windows gave
heart-stopping views across the rolling Sussex countryside and
along the stream; all far more beautiful than Erika could ever have
imagined and she sighed, thinking she’d somehow landed in
heaven.

To add to her delight, an ebony
Steinway grand piano stood in the shade cast by the mill’s water
wheel, exactly where she’d pictured it might, actually looking
undersized in the corner of the gigantic space, and Erika couldn’t
resist picking out a few notes. The tune drifted up and echoed
around the central stairwell, snaking across the space, all the way
up to the rafters where it evaporated into the hot air.

“It’s all so beautiful,” she
sighed, feeling an immediate, visceral connection with the house
that only added to her feeling of breathlessness. “Even more
stunning than I dreamed it would be.” She turned back to Aiden,
grinning inanely. “I’m more jealous than ever.”

As if to reinforce her envy, he
flicked a switch and the windows concertinaed back against the
walls, opening the entire space to the soft breeze and letting in
the sound of rushing water. Erika stepped out onto the deep,
glass-fronted balcony that overhung the stream and gazed around
her, conscious that Aiden had joined her, even though she couldn’t
tear herself away from the unending view.

Unexpected tears sprang to her
eyes and she laughed at herself when she brushed them away. “Look
at me, getting emotional over a house. You must think I’m
stupid.”

Aiden shook his head as if it
were the last thing on his mind. “Never that. Many things, but
never stupid.” He drew a deep breath and looked around him as if
seeing everything with fresh eyes. “I’m glad you love it so much.
Remember, you might have ended up as my housekeeper had it all gone
wrong.”

He leaned against the balcony
rail, his entire attention focussed on Erika, not the landscape.
Previously afraid that they’d be making stilted conversation, she
was glad of the easy silence and didn’t rush to break it, taking
the time to absorb every aspect of her new surroundings. When she
finally looked at Aiden she found him studying her and smiled
hesitantly at him.

“You’re looking wonderful,” he
said, his eyes moving over her quickly to take in every detail and
widening slightly in appreciation. “California suited you after
all.”

Erika laughed. “It became a far
less toxic place once Marty moved to Miami. Plus, Ben and Richard
have been great fun to live with.”

Pensively, Aiden stroked a
fingertip down her bare arm from shoulder to wrist, igniting a
trail of anticipation across her skin and making hope rise in
Erika.

“You’ve changed,” he said.
“You’re so much more relaxed. Your body’s lost all its
tension.”

An understatement and a half,
Erika thought, her limbs turning to jelly at Aiden’s touch. The
caress left tingling in its wake and her skin chilled quickly,
raising goosebumps down her arm.

She longed to return the
compliment and run her hand up under his sleeve to refresh her
memory of the curve and swell of the muscles in his shoulder but
didn’t dare. Instead, she grasped the balcony rail and fixed her
attention on a leaf being carried downstream while she reordered
her thoughts and tried to make sense of his mixed messages.

“I didn’t appreciate how much
pressure I’d been under until the case ended,” she began, wishing
she’d taken time to plan everything she needed to tell him. “Not
just while the trial was going on, but in the five years leading up
to it. Every day I lived in fear that Marty would win and I’d be
right back where I started.”

“I wouldn’t have let that
happen.” He left no room for doubt, promising he would have
succeeded even if the law had failed her. “I’d have taken care of
you, no matter what.”

Erika smiled up at him in
gratitude. “I know you would.” She corrected herself. “You
did.”

Erika found it easier to think
straight when she didn’t have his handsome face and sexy, roving
eyes to distract her and looked back down at the rushing water.

“But it wasn’t until a few weeks
after the trial that the mental fog lifted and I understood
everything clearly at last.”

“Anything in particular?”

He tried to sound casual but it
wasn’t a very subtle fishing expedition. Erika forgave him for it
and looked deep into his pale, hazel eyes so he could truly see how
much she appreciated everything he’d done for her. In her bare
feet, he towered above her – as if she needed reminding of the
power and strength of him.

“I finally realised how much
you’d helped me. If it hadn’t been for you, I’d still be trapped in
an intolerable situation. It’s rather late in the day but I wanted
to tell you in person how grateful I am.”

“Think nothing of it.” Aiden
flushed slightly and looked away for a second, as if her gaze was
too intense. “I owed you. I’m glad I could help.”

“You did more than help. You
gave my life and my music back to me. That’s everything.”

“I’d have done anything to make
you happy.”

Past tense, Erika noticed but
didn’t comment. “I know. And I’m relieved you did.”

An uncomfortable silence
suddenly gaped around them and Erika filled it by answering the
question Aiden had asked on the doorstep. “Ben sends his regards.
He’s hoping for the lead in a big new TV series.”

“So he’s taking a break from
films?”

“It’s about a gay cop.” She gave
him a significant look, smiling as she did so. “He thought it would
be a good way to let the truth dawn on people.”

Aiden paused for a few seconds
to let the information sink in. He asked the obvious question. “So
where does that leave you?”

“Our press statement will say
I’m homesick and coming back to set up a music charity.”

“Are you?”

“Both of the above.” She nodded.
“I figured I needed to put something back into the industry after
all it’s given me.”

A vein in Aiden’s neck throbbed,
betraying his rapid heartbeat. He was stressed and fighting not to
show it, struggling under the weight of maintaining his guard and
Erika’s heart went out to him. She wanted to lay her hand on his
chest and soothe his pulse but didn’t dare push her luck.

She’d had weeks to grow used to
the idea of seeing Aiden again, but he’d had no warning at all.
Where he’d once given her time and space, Erika needed to do the
same for him now.

She decided to leave.

“Anyway, I really only came to
deliver this,” she therefore said, fishing in her handbag for the
CD. “It’s my new album and I wanted you to be the first to hear
it.”

Their hands brushed when she
held it out to him and a second electric charge passed through them
but, this time, neither one of them pulled away. Their fingertips
connected long enough for it to feel like a caress and Erika held
her breath, not daring to look up at Aiden in case she gave away
the burning need to feel his arms around her.

Aiden took the CD. “I haven’t
listened to your music since…” He stopped and corrected himself.
“For a long time.”

Erika remembered telling him to
delete her music but hadn’t thought he’d take her at her word. She
waited expectantly, daring him to let his guard slip for a moment.
But for someone whose emotions had always been so easy to read, his
face remained static and she had no idea what was going on inside
his head.

“Leap Of Faith.” He read out the
handwritten label. “Is that significant?”

“Very. But you need to listen to
the album to understand why.”

He made to go inside. “I’ll put
it on now,” he offered but Erika stopped him, knowing the lyrics
would plunge them into the middle of a conversation Aiden wasn’t
ready for.

“No. I’d rather you listened to
it alone.”

The mask slipped momentarily and
Aiden smiled. “Why? Is it that terrible?”

“How dare you! My producer says
it’s the best thing I’ve ever done.” Erika smacked his arm
playfully, trying to look cross. “I’m really proud of it.”

“So why do I need to be
alone?”

Here Erika hesitated until she
reminded herself there was really no point in flying across an
ocean to deliver a message and then losing her nerve at the last
minute.

“I want you to concentrate on
the lyrics because the album tells a story,” she said at last,
before adding hesitantly, “Our story.”

“Does it have a happy
ending?”

“I don’t know yet. But if it
were up to me, it would have.”

She left the idea hanging,
thinking she couldn’t be more obvious. Frustratingly, Aiden didn’t
take the bait. Instead, he threw an equally difficult question at
her.

“Does this mean you’ve finally
figured everything out and now have all the answers?”

Erika wished it were that simple
and half laughed. “No. Only a lot more questions.”

“Did you understand any of it?”
The tiger’s eyes flashed dangerously for a moment. “Because I don’t
think I ever have.”

“All I know for certain is that
you’re in every note and lyric. You’re all I thought about from the
minute you left. I missed you, Aiden.”

Daring to glance back at him,
she caught him off guard and saw the briefest of smiles but it was
enough. Love rushed in on Erika, driving out any sense of
caution.

Without thinking, without
hesitating a moment longer, she lay her heart on the line by
adding,

“I told you I loved you a year
ago. I still do.”

Within a heartbeat it became
obvious that Aiden didn’t intend welcoming Erika back with open
arms. The chink in his armour closed tightly and the defences came
back up – as unassailable and as impregnable as the mill’s front
door.

Leaving her standing on the
balcony, Aiden walked back inside to put down the CD, keeping his
back to Erika as he braced his arms against the piano and drew some
deep breaths, his head hanging forward and his shoulders tense.

Erika didn’t know whether she
should follow him inside. Or even whether it would be better to
leave.

Here it comes, she thought.
Every curse he’s wanted to visit on my head for the last year and
every recrimination for breaking his heart. Not that I don’t
deserve it.

She steeled herself.

But when Aiden spoke, his
gentleness unsettled her far more than his anger ever would have
done.

“I couldn’t get you out of my
head either,” he admitted quietly, turning back to her. He rubbed
the back of his neck, a familiar sign of uncertainty. “I thought
about you all the time, especially when I was working here. You’re
in every brick and timber of this place. Sometimes I feel your
presence here so strongly I think a ghost has walked through the
room.”