Love Me (Trust Series #2) (41 page)

Bitch.

I just want to disappear from the world. With Ben still on the loose, I’m sure he’s lurking somewhere, just waiting to take me and finish me off. I shudder at the thought.

“Mrs. Wales?”

I shift my unfocused gaze up to Dr. Ferguson. I barely leave the library anymore, and Dr. Ferguson has had to come here versus the kitchen the last few visits.

“Mrs. Wales, your ribs look great. The worst of your bruising seems to have healed perfectly, and I do not see any physical effects that still need treating.”

Finally, I am getting a clean bill of health from the doctor. He’s been coming to see me every other day. Damien has been beyond gentle with me, and he has seen to my every need, but his actions seem like they are out of pity.

“Mrs. Wales?”

I’m startled out of my train of thought again. The doctor is going to think I’m crazy with my lack of interest in my healing. Truth is, the longer it takes, the longer I can keep Damien.

“Sorry, Dr. Ferguson. I was just thinking.”

His gentle smile makes me want to hug him like a grandparent. He takes a seat across from me, and it shocks me as he’s never done this before. He’s normally in and out of my appointments.

“It’s fine, Mrs. Wales. I was saying that even though the physical part has healed, have you thought about seeing someone regarding the mental trauma you went through?”

“You mean a therapist?” Memories of my parents come flooding back. I remember going to therapy for months and making no headway. I was so withdrawn from the world, not caring and distancing myself from anyone who loved me.

He pulls a card from his pocket. “Yes, Mrs. Wales. It’s by no means mandatory, but I would suggest taking it into consideration. Sometimes, experiences like this can fester and turn into something much worse if they aren’t taken care of.” He stands and hands the card to me. “Like I said, Mrs. Wales, it’s not mandatory. Here’s the card to someone I serve on a board with, and I respect him in this field. He listens to his patients.”

I numbly take the card, and robotically, my manners kick in as what he just said starts to take root. “Thank you, Dr. Ferguson. I appreciate all you have done for me.”

Since the incident, my mind finally starts to form rational thoughts. I’m repeating the cycle and losing myself all over again. I’m pulling away from Damien and Sam. I feel instantly nauseous as there is no way I want to go there again.

Wait, I am there again. How did I not see the signs?

With all those negative thoughts, I don’t know why I didn’t realize what was happening. Sam saw them, and that’s why I pushed her away. I feel like such an idiot.

“Take care of yourself, Mrs. Wales.”

Dr. Ferguson shakes my hand, and we both exchange smiles before he takes his leave. He’s never been one to linger.

I can hear murmurings in the hallway, and I’m sure the good doc is updating my husband on my status. Dr. Ferguson insists on seeing his patients, one on one. I’m sure it’s to eliminate very possessive husbands for getting too involved while he evaluates and talks to his patients to see how they are doing.

I sit there and blankly look at the card.
Do I need to see a therapist?
It did absolutely no good when I went for my parents.

I’m disintegrating by the day, but now that I’ve realized it, maybe I can pull myself out of this funk.

But if Damien no longer wants me, there’s no way I’ll survive it.
I’m such a mess. Ben kidnapping me has definitely taken its toll on us.

Nightmares have awoken me in the middle of the night more times than I care to admit. I’m always in the cabin, and Damien hasn’t found me yet. I wake up thrashing and screaming. I can see the additional worry it has been causing Damien. I thought with time that the nightmares would start to dissipate.

A familiar hand on my shoulder causes me to jump.

“Geez, sorry, I was deep in thought.” I hate the awkwardness of everything between us right now.

Damien squats down in front of me in dark jeans and a long-sleeved blue thermal. It’s more casual than he normally wears, but I love laid-back Damien. I take a long look at him as he takes me in. I’m so scared of losing him. I’m afraid that I’ve lost my appeal that used to keep him wanting me so badly. He has bags underneath his eyes, stress in his features, and a cautious demeanor in his posture. This is taking such a toll on both of us.

I blurt out louder than I mean to, “I think we should go to therapy to help us deal with this. I’m not dealing well with this, Damien, and it’s hurting us.”

I thought my words would ease his stress, but it only causes his muscles to tighten with tension.

This is it. He is done with me.

“Are we not okay, Alli? Did my past finally cause you to break? I cannot lose you. I won’t let you go. You’re mine, Alli. Damn it, I will make this right. I don’t know what to do, baby. I feel like I’m losing you day by day, and I can’t do a fucking thing to keep you. I’m trying, baby. Please, don’t stop loving me.”

His voice is desperate, and it tears me apart to hear him worried like this. I had no idea.

I should have known, but I didn’t.
Realizing what I’ve been doing emotionally to Damien and Sam, I sink to my knees from the chair, relieved there’s no pain with this action.

He actually wants me.

He’s been saying the same thing over and over again, but now that I’m thinking more clearly, I know I’ve been irrational, and I should have just talked to him.

“Damien, you could never break me, and your past could never be too much. I just haven’t dealt well with it because I’ve been thinking you were going to leave me. I love you for you, and I will never stop. I just thought it would be good for us to go and talk to someone together. I’m not dealing with it, which is causing it to fester between us. We need to get it all out in the open. I know you’ve been afraid to talk to me. It’s evident. I can’t live with any distance between us. It’s killing me. You have me and always will. I love you.” I move my hand to his face. “Leaving you will never be an option. When I said I do, I said it forever.”

And with that, he pulls me to him, hugging me tighter than he’s ever held me before. He puts his nose against my neck as he breathes me in. “We’re going today.”

I laugh. “I didn’t mean we had to—”

He completely ignores me as he pulls out his phone. He holds out his hand, and I give him the card.

After dialing the number, he holds the phone up to his ear. “Dr. Reynolds, this is Damien Wales. We received your card from a Dr. Ferguson. I’d like to have an appointment today regardless of the cost. He did? Perfect. Thank you.” He hangs up the phone and faces me.

“It’s at two today, baby.”

“Perfect.”

I lay my head on his chest as we sit there in the library, listening to the water wall behind us. It’s moments like this that I will cherish for my entire life, knowing how committed we are together. I have what my parents had, and I will never take it for granted again. We are going to make it through this storm.

As my mom always said,
Love can weather anything as long as you stay true to each other.

We get back in the car, and I lay my head back as I sigh a huge breath of relief.
What an afternoon.

Damien is still outside the vehicle with Bane. I guess they’re probably talking about security or an update on finding Ben. I refuse to let those thoughts weigh me down right now. I am safe, and Damien is never leaving me. I wish we would have done this sooner, considering how much better I think we are both feeling. So many insecurities have been put out there and hopefully put to rest.

I hear the door open, and I peek through one eye to watch his strong body gracefully climb in next to me. He insisted on us taking the limo to the therapist’s office, ensuring we have privacy to and from the place to hold each other.

The moment I feel his body, I smile and snuggle as close as I can get to him. “I like this feeling. I’m sorry I worried you. I’m never leaving you, Damien. You’re it for me. I hope you know that.”

He kisses the top of my head. “Alli, I know. We both just got a little lost with all the stress. I’d never stop loving or wanting you. I hope you know that.”

“I do now. It’s just easy to get bogged down and lose sight of it all. Our old insecurities just came barreling to the forefront. Did you like Dr. Reynolds?”

Damien’s scent is soothing to me as I take it in. He rubs soothing circles on my hand.

“I did. I want us to keep going until this mess is behind us. I’ve missed you too much, Alli.”

He’s right. We are feeling good right now, but we need to continue going in order to work through it all and keep those imaginary insecurities at bay. I relish each second that I’m in his arms.

“Damien, we were both at a loss on what to do with all the thoughts we had going through our head. I’m just glad it was only three weeks and not three months.”

I feel him shudder beneath me at the thought, and I agree.

He starts to run his fingers down my arm. “Are you tired, baby?”

My eyelids are getting heavy. These last few weeks have been filled with sleepless nights and days.

“A little, but I don’t want to let this moment go.” I wrap my arm around his waist to further anchor myself to him.

He kisses the top of my head and murmurs, “Sleep, baby. The moment will still be here when you wake up. I’ll make sure of it.”

And with that, I drift off, listening to the love of my life’s steady heartbeat. Just like him, it never misses a beat.

I start to wake with my body being jostled as my cell phone is ringing. Damien’s cursing lowly as he’s trying to get it out of my purse to probably silence it while trying to keep me under his arm. It’s not really working that well for him, which is funny because he’s normally so graceful. I feel like I’ve been sleeping for ages in the back of the limo while Jeremy is driving and Bane is sitting in the front passenger seat. The dimming lights are on, and I can see Damien’s tablet lit up, which means he’s probably been working.

With my sleep-thickened voice, I ask, “Who was it?”

He’s sending a text on my phone while he speaks, “It’s Sam. I’m letting her know that you’re asleep and will call back later.”

I lie back into him and close my eyes.

I need to make things right with Sam.
I’ve been the worst friend I could be. She’s actually been the voice of reason in all this.

“Please tell her that I’m doing better and that I’m getting help.”

The corners of his mouth turn up as he focuses on sending the text. Before today, I wouldn’t have cared what he told her or what she said. Dr. Reynolds believes it’s a safety mechanism I do to protect anyone from getting hurt by me when I think I’m causing people pain. I happen to agree with him and will have to fight those automatic reflexes.

I just don’t know how to make it better if I don’t tell her what’s actually going on as I continue to throw white lies at her. My relationship with Sam has never been under so much stress. Now that Damien and I are mending, I’ll be able to tackle building my friendship with her next.

As always, he knows what I’m thinking before I even voice my concern.

“Alli, you guys will work it out. Baby, she’s scared because she saw you start to detach, like you had done with your parents. You were retreating, and I was a wreck, thinking I was losing you.”

The way his warm crystal blue eyes penetrate mine in the low light has me feeling so bad for what I did.

“Damien, I’m so—”

“Alli, we are through it. You went through something traumatic, and I still have you. That’s all that matters. I don’t need an apology. We both dealt with it the best way we knew how at the time.”

I want to cry at the unconditional love I hear in that sentence.

“I wish we had gone to Dr. Reynolds that first week.”

“Me, too, but we’ll know how to better deal with problems in the future.” He continues on a more solemn note, “I pray we never have to deal with something like this again.”

I just nod into his side.
I hope we never have to deal with something like this again, too.
I squeeze him tighter for good measure.