Love Me (Trust Series #2) (40 page)

His eyes are closed, and I close mine, too, to surrender myself to the moment. I need the intimacy of this, regardless of how he feels about another man kidnapping me. One by one, the tears begin to fall down my cheeks. He’s gently stopping them in their tracks with his thumbs, but they start coming faster and faster.

“Please don’t cry, baby.”

I sniff and take a staggering breath in. “Damien, I was so stupid. I caused all this. I just left, and you told me to wait. I almost…he almost…he wanted…”

I can’t even finish as I break down into a complete sobbing mess. My shoulders shake as I let it all out. I wish I could stop because each time my body moves, it feels like a sharp knife is cutting me somewhere. The medicine Ben gave me must be out of my system because my emotions are not numbed like they were last night. Each emotion that passes through me is raw and sharp.

Damien pulls back, searching me and trying to figure out what to do. His eyes are darting back and forth across my stricken features, but he’s at a loss. “Alli, listen to me.”

I don’t stop. I can’t stop crying.

“Alli, this was not your fault. I had enough security on you that it shouldn’t have mattered what you did. He lured them out and used his relationships with them to tranquilize them.”

I’m still breathing in those fast rapid breaths, trying to get control over my emotions. I just need to detach myself from everything.
That should work. It worked after my parents died.

“I know. He told me. Did you find him?” I can barely form the words in between breaths as I try to calm myself down.

Apparently though, I was clear enough because the veins in Damien’s forearms start to throb as his muscles become taut underneath his skin. With how he’s reacting, I’m sure Ben is still alive one way or another. I’ve never wished anyone dead in my life, but he’s killed someone, and eventually, he would have killed me, too.

Losing hold on my emotions again, tears start to come down my face as the terror begins to take hold.
What if he gets to me again?

I’m almost hysterical as I say, “He’s never going to stop. He did the same to Rebecca until he killed her. He’s never going to stop, Damien. He said he’d rather me be dead than be with you.”

“Hey, hey, hey, baby.”

My emotions are fully out of control at this point. Damien has climbed into bed with me, barely jostling me, and he has me in an embrace that is so fragile it causes no pain.

He lets me sob until my tear ducts are as dry as the Mohave Desert. Even if I wanted to cry, I wouldn’t be able to.

I’m nuzzled into his chest as I say, “He took my wedding ring.”

If I could cry more, I would because it feels as if my marriage could just evaporate, and it would all be a dream. I feel broken and not worthy.

He’s stroking my back. “What’d you say, baby?”

I move my head away, trying to calm down, as I make those embarrassing hiccup noises after my emotional breakdown. “He took my wedding ring.”

Gently, he takes my chin, his blue eyes piercing mine. “Baby, we’ll try to find it, but as long as I’ve got you back safely, nothing else matters. Alli, having you is all that matters to me.”

It matters to me. It feels like Damien could leave me so much easier for some reason.
I need to explain what happened, so Damien doesn’t think it was my fault.

“He took it after he shot me with the tranquilizer gun in the car. I woke up without it on. I told him my sapphire ring belonged to my mother, so he’d let me keep it. He said I could keep it because of how special she was to me. Damien, he knew so much about me. He had so much made up in his head, and I swear I did nothing to lead him on. I have always only just loved you and did nothing—”

He puts his fingers to my lips. “Alli, you did nothing wrong, baby. I’ve never doubted your love for me one second.” He waits for a moment, ensuring he has my full attention. “Baby, he’s a sick fuck who made this imaginary relationship out of nothing. Do not blame yourself, and before you think it, I don’t blame you for anything that happened. I love you.”

I just continue on, needing to purge myself from all these thoughts, “He said it started in Miami, outside the hotel. When I was at the pool, he said our gazes connected, and he knew I wanted him. I was reading. I don’t even remember him.” I just can’t get a handle on things mentally.
Ben is so messed up.

The lies.

The deceit.

The violence.

He squeezes his eyes closed and takes a deep breath. “I died a million times in the few hours you were gone.”

My voice is still shaky, and my body is still trembling from the aftershocks of the entire situation. “Where did he take me?”

My mental timetable is completely off.

“It was just outside of Nashville, Tennessee in the hills. When he took off in the plane, the signal from your ring disappeared. We had to wait until he landed before we could be on our way.”

When I think about it, I was hardly awake through most of the ordeal, but it feels like I was there for an eternity.

“When did you put a tracking device in my ring?”
That just seems so odd and convenient.

Damien rubs the sapphire ring with his fingers as he answers my question, “It was put in before I gave it to you on our wedding day. With all that we had going against us, it was a safety precaution Bane suggested.”

Damien moves his hand to my palm and starts rubbing those soothing circles.

I focus on the contact and keep going, “He told me all about what happened with Rebecca. He had another way to get me, Damien. He didn’t tell me how, but if he’s not caught, he has a backup plan.” The panic is starting to rise all over again as I think about Ben getting me again. My breaths become shallow and fast. I clutch the sapphire ring with my other hand.

“Alli.”

He’s going to get me. He’s going to find me. He’s—

“Alli.”

I shake my thoughts at Damien’s commanding tone. He waits until he has my full attention.

“Alli, you are safe. I won’t leave you for one second until this motherfucker is caught. Not one second. I was foolish for letting you go to that place. I should have had the damn parlor come to our home. Sam be damned. Alli, I will never be so careless with you again.”

“Damien, you’ve never been careless with me.” I’m the one who has been careless, not taking my safety seriously, and now, I might have messed everything up, including my happiness with the love of my life.

He strokes my cheek gently with his thumb. “Alli, never again. I came so close to losing you again because of this asshole. I was careless with Rebecca, and then I almost repeated it again.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep, steadying breath.

“Damien, he had been after Rebecca for years. With how he spins everything, I think she was either drunk or drugged the night they slept together. She didn’t remember it, and he got mad, saying you were driving them apart. Ben thinks you knew about the baby and wanted Rebecca to abort it. He’s had a vendetta against you all these years. He came to the party you had at the pool house to talk some sense into you. Before Ben was able to see you, he ran into Rebecca, who was upset for what happened in the pool house. She hit her head, and he took her. He’s beyond psychotic with how he thinks things happen.”

I want to forget everything Ben and I talked about, but I need to tell Damien everything while it’s fresh. I know I’ll be rehashing this multiple times to the police, but I want him to have all the important things first. I don’t want him hearing it for the first time in a room full of strangers.

“Baby, we don’t have to talk about this right now. You’re still recovering.”

I just sit there and relish in those soothing circles he’s drawing on my hips now. Just being back in his presence is healing even if it’s temporary because I know he’s going to want to leave with how tainted I am now.

Laying my head on his shoulder, wanting the pain to disappear, I say, “Damien, I want to tell you first, anything you want to know, when it’s just me and you. I know I’m going to have to retell what happened a million different times, but I need it to be just us the first time.”

Regardless of what he says, I’m still going to tell him because it’s eating me like an acid eats a rope, one fiber at a time.

The fear in his eyes is palpable. He’s speaking barely above a whisper as he strokes my arm, and his gaze looks me over once again, ensuring no one missed anything from before. “Did he touch you anywhere else? Just know that I will love you no matter what happened. It will never change how I feel about you. You have no reason to feel ashamed or—”

Even though pain shoots up at the movement, I move my hand over Damien’s lips to stop him. Maybe we have hope after all.

Has he been worried this whole time about that even though the rape kit was done?
Maybe I was still so out of it, and he thought I wouldn’t tell him yet.

“Damien, he didn’t touch me like that. Besides a couple of knee grazes and holding my face, nothing else happened.”

“Thank God, baby, thank God.” He puts his forehead to mine and lets out a breath. “I’d never forgive myself if something like that happened to you.”

I hate that I have to tell him this next part, but he needs to know. My pulse quickens at rethinking about this specific part of my kidnapping.

“Alli, what is it? I can tell you’re terrified about what you’re thinking about. Please tell me. We are in this together.”

I swallow deeply. This is the part that will haunt my nightmares for years to come. “He was arranging a marriage ceremony for him and me. He had a drawer full of things. Some things, I didn’t even know what they were for. His intentions were clear though. The only thing that stopped him was thinking that I was pregnant with your child. He had a doctor on the way to perform a surgery on me.”

Damien’s eyes become large, and his grip tightens, causing pain to shoot up my arm. My tears prick back in my eyes again.

I feel so dirty.
My hope that he’s going to be able to move past this collapses.

He immediately starts consoling me, “Oh, baby, don’t cry. I’m not upset at you. I love you even more. There’s nothing that could have happened to ever change how I feel about you. We are forever, Alli. The thought of what could have happened to you…I just…I can’t fathom what you went through. I should have called the cops when we knew your location, but I was scared shitless that they would rush Ben and cause you to get hurt or killed, like Rebecca.”

He’s speaking so fast that I’m not sure if he’s overcompensating or if he’s truly just in a panic.

I lay my head back on his chest, needing the contact. “Damien, you did the right thing. Ben said he would rather see me dead than with someone else.”

Damien’s chest rises at the swift intake of air. “If he comes near you again, Alli, he’s dead. I will kill that motherfucker if he comes near you ever again.”

The oath Damien just made has me relieved and nervous all at the same time. For the first time in my life, I’m hoping that a person dies. It makes me feel sick to my stomach, but it’s better than wondering if Ben is ever coming for me again. He’s never going to stop until he has me.

I need to distance my mind from all this.

These last three weeks have been hell. My emotions are all over the place. I spend most of my time reading, holed up in the library and shut off from the outside world. It’s how I escape my head.

Sam has stopped by a few times when I’ve allowed visitors. She has done all the talking as I sit there and respond at the intervals I’m supposed to. I think she has tried to come every day, but I’ve given in only about two to three times a week. The place is like a fortress, and even she can’t break through when I say no one is to enter the house.

She has tried repeatedly to convince me into coming home to Homerville for a few days, but I’ve declined each and every time. I have no interest in going home right now to just be reminded of the loss I’ve had to endure from my parents passing. It’s a millionth of what I’ll have to endure when Damien decides I’m damaged.

He’s beyond focused on finding Ben, and part of me dreads it because I think Damien will leave me, and I’ll never recover—ever.

Damien and I haven’t made love since before the kidnapping. Doctor’s orders were for two weeks, but Damien hasn’t even touched me this last week, which only feeds my fears that the end is near. In fact, we’ve been sleeping in pajamas at night. He still keeps me tucked close to him, but it all just feels off between us.

I don’t know what’s wrong with us. My heart is breaking at the thought which causes me to retreat further inside my mind.

I have had to rehash my kidnapping a million different times to Bane and the authorities over the last few weeks as they try to figure out leads on Ben. It was terrible each and every time. It just kept cutting a piece of me away as I had to relive it over and over again.

Martin, as of yesterday, was officially cleared of any and all charges, and I was glad. I know Damien’s mother has been calling repeatedly. She’s tried calling me, too, but I just send her to voice mail and don’t listen to the messages. From what I can tell, she wants to throw some kind of party.