Love Me ~ Like That (26 page)

Granny makes it to the bedroom. “What was all of that about?”

I’m rubbing my forehead, wishing I knew what happened. I want to believe Cash. I don’t think he would lie to me. The scene I walked in on was convincing though. Hendrix was about ready to shit a brick. Hendrix hasn’t always been forth coming. I’ve seen him lie, if it benefits himself, at frat parties. He’s lied to get out of tickets, but who hasn’t.

“I guess it depends on who you believe. Hendrix said Cash hit him for no reason. Cash said Papa hit Hendrix.” I shrug my shoulders. “So who do you believe?”

“Did you ask Papa?” She looks over at him.

“Well, he nodded but I didn’t know if he knew what he was nodding about,” I say. He has been getting mean here lately. My normally sweetheart of a papa has changed so much. Would he even know what he was saying?

“What happened in here? Did you hit Hendrix?” Granny asks.

We both look at him expectantly. He is silent for a few seconds then sighs. He has a puzzled look on his face and is concentrating, trying to think of what to say.

Finally he asks, “Are you going to make me leave too?”

Make him leave?
“What are you talking about, Papa?”

“You made both of them other two fellers leave because of this and I wanna know if I have to leave too. I hit that boy because he said he was gonna take my woman. Then after I hit him, he said he was gonna kill me. That other fella grabbed him. Now, do I have to go or not?”

This is funny but it’s not, I have no doubt that is what he thought he heard from Hendrix. Did he really hit Hendrix? Why would Hendrix lie about that? Hendrix has changed, and maybe Papa just remembers him back when he was being a jerk.

“You don’t ever have to leave, okay. I won’t let those guys come back over here and upset you anymore,” I say. “I’m going to get your medicine ready.” I walk into the kitchen, and Granny is coming after me just as fast as she can. I look at the bottles of medicine. There are more than normal.

“Bailey, Hendrix was clearly doing something. We need to talk to Cash and figure this out.”

She regards me with concern. I know how much animosity she has toward Hendrix, and Cash left here furious with me. I don’t know what to do. I tell her the exchange between Cash and myself. She thinks Cash is more hurt than mad, and I need to go and make it right.

“I’ll go talk to him as soon as I make heads or tails of this medicine.”

“What’s wrong with the medicine?”

“There is a lot of it here. Where did we put your release paperwork? I want to check the medicine off and make sure they didn’t mix something up.” I find the papers and thumb through them trying to find what new prescriptions she is on. Half an hour later, I finally have all the medicine accounted for except for three extra bottles for Papa. I put in a call to his doctor to check on any changes that he may have made. The labels look a little different than the others. Geeze, these people need to get their act together. People could die if they take the wrong stuff. I take Papa the medicine that I know he needs to take and his glass of water. Now finally I can get to my own problems.

Whether Cash is right or wrong, he has never given me a reason not to trust him, and I was out of line asking him to leave. I’m going to walk over there and admit that I was wrong. “I’ll be back in a couple of minutes, Granny. Do you think you’ll be all right? I can send Margie over if you feel anxious.”

She waves me off and I go brush my hair and at least look at myself in the mirror. I hope I can get this straightened out. I don’t know what I was thinking.

I’ve always been a true believer in respect and trust. Relationships do not work without those two things. True love can’t exist without them, either. I’m most frustrated, though, because I thought Bailey and I had this connection, these inner ideals, why we just clicked.

I’ve come out here to this old barn to think, to put things into perspective. I don’t normally trust so easily and I’ve let my guard down with her at the drop of a hat. I thought my judgment was better than this, but I’m logical. I can sit here and figure out a logical explanation to all of this.

I hear someone at the door of the barn. Turning, I see Bailey peeking through the crack between the doors.

“Cash,” she says softly. “Can I come in please? I would like for us to talk.”

She has the voice of an angel. It is enough to change my mind about being upset with her. She can’t ever know that, though, because then I would look like a pussy.

“Come in, Bailey. You’re always welcome anywhere I am, you know that.”
I love you, and I want you forever in my life
. But it’s just too soon to tell her this, besides the fact she doesn’t even trust me anymore.

“Hey.” She comes over and sits beside me on the loft steps. “Margie told me I would find you out here. She went over to stay with Granny and Papa for me.”

That is my mom, always rooting for me.

“What do you want, Bailey? I happen to take offense to people not trusting me. I can’t be in a relationship where there isn’t trust.”

We haven’t talked a lot about my parents, but she needs to understand why this is so important to me.

“Cash, I’m so sorry. I lost my head for a few minutes. Please, let’s forget this and start over.”

She is genuinely apologetic for her previous actions.

“Bailey, I want you to know why trust and respect is so important to me. You know my mom and dad were going through a rocky divorce when he died, right?” I hate airing all our dirty laundry, especially to her.

“Right, that’s when Clay and Oakley came into your life. Your dad had another life on the road so you don’t trust people, right?”

Well, she has part of it figured out.

“It’s not just that. He cheated on mom from the beginning. He would come home smelling of cheap cologne and would have lipstick smeared on his neck. I remember him coming home when I was young and making her cry. He loved to make her cry. He played mind games with her. He never loved her. He just wanted a place to lay his head while he was in town. He tormented her constantly, and she ended up in a mental hospital, Bailey. She tried to commit suicide when I was ten. She was in therapy for years. When he stayed away for a long time, she was happy, and I finally thought everything was good. Then he came back and started all his shit, just to file for divorce and leave her in tears. This is the happy version of the story for you. Mom has come a long way in her depression, but Bailey I would never do anything to lose your trust or your respect. I can’t stand to see women hurt like that. I thought I’d shown you the kind of man I am, but apparently I’ve failed.” Maybe she will understand. Hell, I don’t know if anyone can understand the fuck-up my father was. Even living through it, I can’t wrap my head around how he was half the time.

“Cash, I had no idea you and Margie went through all of that. You have never given me a reason not to trust you, I’m so sorry. Papa even said that he hit Hendrix.”

She puts her arms around my neck, and I pull her in my lap. I feel all the tension leave my body and she kisses me. In no time, we are pawing at each other. The release of our emotions has worked us up into a frenzy. I take her by the hand and lead her up to the hay loft. I sit in the hay first, and I hold out my hand for her to join me.

She shakes her head, and slowly unbuttons her shirt.

I’ve never seen her look so seductive.

“Cash, I swore on my life that I would never have sex in a barn. It has been my number one rule since high school.”

Shit, I’ve offended her. I thought some make up sex would make us both feel better, but I feel like a dick for expecting her to have sex in a barn. I love her. I can’t treat her like a piece of ass.

“I wanted out of this town, and out of this lifestyle,” she says.

When she takes the clip out of her hair and it falls past her shoulders, all I can think is I will love having my hands in her hair while I’m kissing her. Now, I’m really a dick. “Bailey, I’m sorry. We don’t have to…”

“Shh, don’t interrupt. I wanted a life for myself that I didn’t have to worry about things like my family has always had to worry about in the past. Things like robbing Peter to pay Paul or not having health care.”

She has taken off her shorts and panties. All she has on now is her shirt hanging loosely open in the front.

“You’ve changed me, Cash. You never asked me to change, but you’ve shown me how good it can be to be cared for by a person. During the last three months, you haven’t tried to take over and fix my problems. You’ve helped me find ways to work them out. You helped me become a strong woman. The best thing that has ever happened to me is you moving across the street. You’re my whole life now.” Bailey caresses my face.

Her eyes are so bright.

“I see what my grandparents have, and I see that in us. I love you, Cash. I want to love you in the barn, and anywhere else you want to love me. This is me giving you my heart. Be careful with it, I’ve never given it to anyone else.”

“Sweet Cheeks, I love you, too. You had me the moment you opened your front door, and then when I saw how much you cared for your grandmother in the hospital. I had no idea, at the time, you would wiggle your way so fast and so deep into my heart, but here you are.” I tap my chest. “When I’m away from you, all I can think about is you. I start missing you from the moment we say goodbye. I can tell you a hundred different ways how much you mean to me, how much I love you and still not explain the way I feel inside. I’m far from perfect, but with you by my side the world is a more beautiful place. I love you, Bailey. I want to marry you some day, when the time is right. You are mine, heart, body, and soul. I never plan on ever letting you go.”

Tears are running down her cheeks, and she crawls into my lap. One of my favorite things is holding her all curled up in my arms. We stay this way for a little while, and we share gentle kisses. Soft touches and more words of love. We talk a little about the future, and I decide I’m getting her a ring. We can have a long engagement or do whatever makes sense. I love her and I want the whole world to know it.

“Well, are you gonna teach me the fine art of taking a roll in the hay, or do I need to Google it and teach you?” she asks.

I love that she makes me laugh. She leans back and unbuttons my jeans. I get my shirt over my head and she goes to remove her shirt.

“Leave it on, you’re sexy as hell like that.”

She gives a sultry laugh.

“Lay back, cowboy, this cowgirl needs a ride.” With that, she gives my chest a push.

Journal Entry:
I love barns. I didn’t realize how much character they have. Their sweet aroma. Sunlight casting shadows into the corners. They have to the most perfect places in the world. I had never thought of barns being intimate. They have always been smelly, half falling down places. Cash’s barn is old, but I love his barn. I would live in his barn. It’s almost magical in there.

I went into the barn so unsure of what to expect, how he would take me not believing him. I was totally expecting to grovel for days, hell for weeks, but Cash lovingly explained to me why trust is so important to him. He has always treated me with kindness, love and respect.