Love Me ~ Like That (2 page)

“No, everything isn’t okay. Remember me telling you about my grandfather having dementia? Well, he is getting to be too much for my granny to handle on her own. She gets out of breath just doing their laundry.” Tears fill my eyes.

“That’s horrible, Bailey. What can I do to help? Do you want me to take you to go visit?” He kisses my temple.

“That’s what I want to talk to you about. I want to go take care of them, Hendrix, because they mean the world to me. They’ve done more for me than my own parents.”

“What are you saying, Bay? Are you doing this for summer break?” He pulls back a little, with his eyebrows pinched together.

“I’m going to stay until I’m no longer needed, I’ll put college on hold for a while.” My smile is weak. I know he doesn’t understand. No one understands our family dynamics. My family is extremely close knit, but the bond’s really more than that. My Granny always tells us your family is all you have. That your family will be there for you when no one else will be.

“Why do you have to be the one who takes care of them, Bailey? You have plenty of family that can help out with them.”

“Because I’m the one who they count on. I’m their favorite. I’m the one who they kept from the time I was born until I left for college. It’s my place to take care of them. Besides, everyone else is either too young or works.”

“What about a nursing home? There are plenty of great—”

“NO! They will not be placed in a home. I’ve heard horror stories about the treatment of the elderly in those places. As long as I’m able, I will do everything in my power to keep them in their own home. They gave me and the rest of the family so much when I was growing up. They sacrificed and went without to provide for me.”

“That’s what they are supposed to do, Bailey, that’s kind of the law,” he says, laughing a little.

I lift my chin up so I can look into his eyes again. “That’s what your parents are required to do, not your grandparents. They didn’t have to practically raise me, to provide for me like they did, Hendrix.”

He drops my arms and turns away, “What about our plans, Bailey? Do we just forget about them? I wanted to take you to the beach after graduation.” He turns back to face me and rubs my arm. “I wanted to sit on the beach with you and watch the waves roll in, stay up making love to you all night until the sun rises. It was going to be just the two of us.”

“I know and I’m sorry, but we can still do things like that every once in a while. Taking care of my grandparents won’t be forever, Babe.”

“So when are you leaving? When will this all take place? How much time do we still have together?”

“Hendrix, we’ll still be together. I’ll actually be closer to you there than I’d be here at school. I’m going to finish out this semester so I’ll be here through your graduation then I’ll move in with them.”

“I say we make the most out of the time you have left here at school. What do you say?”

“I say that sounds like a wonderful idea. Why don’t we start that right now?” I pull him toward my bedroom.

“I like the way you think.” He pulls up his shirt before we even get to the door
.

Isn’t life really about creating yourself? Sometimes you have to do what is best for yourself and not worry about everyone else. I’m Bailey Reynolds and I’m shallow. At least that is how I’ve been feeling lately. Really, the only person who is being deceived is myself. I’m the only one who can be hurt by pretending to be something I’m not. If I’m the only one who gets hurt, it’s not so bad, right?

How am I shallow, you might ask? I have let someone change me into his idea of perfect. I love most of the changes. I’ve dropped old habits for newer higher standards.
Seriously, how many girls would balk at the spoiling Hendrix has lavished upon me? He facilitates those services that keep me impeccably polished, from spa treatments, to keeping my hair, nails and toes perfect. You name it and he pampers me with it. It’s the life I want, or at least I think it is.

The truth is I want out of this small, one-horse town.

I’m not cynical or a pessimist. I’m not desperate for a relationship. I simply want a better life. That’s it. Doesn’t everyone want a better life? I have dreams of being able to make ends meet without struggling.

But I’m feeling very confused about this choice I’ve made. I think I really do love Hendrix and he loves me, but sometimes I feel like I need to move on from him.

Hendrix has changed since I left college to take care of my grandparents. He isn’t as sweet and things are strained between us. I have two forces pulling me in opposite directions. One is my head and the other is my heart. My heart tells me, dating Hendrix is okay because I love him. My head has a hard time grasping the way he has been treating me. Haven’t you ever been confused about love? I need help figuring all of this out before I make a mistake I can’t easily change.

Journal Entry:
Here I sit, waiting on Hendrix to let me know when he’s coming to pick me up. I’m keeping one eye on the window, in case he just shows up, and the other on my phone.

I’ve been ready for a couple of hours because he can’t stand for me to delay him. Lately, we’ve been just hooking up at his apartment. He seems to only be up for a little fun. I’m up for anything, as long as we are together. I’m a better person with Hendrix, I’m Bailey 2.0! He makes me want more from my life. Lizzie says this makes me shallow. So what! She can stay in Mt. Hope, Alabama forever, but not me. Audios muchachos!

Hendrix’s not keen on coming here to my grandparents’ house because the drive is a twenty-minute “never ending journey.” He wanted me to move in with him when he graduated a couple of weeks ago, but I have to be here to take care of Granny and Papa. I will always put their needs before my own. I am who I am because of them.

Because my mom got pregnant with me when she was about to graduate from high school, she didn’t go to college. Instead, she got married and went to work. She has always worked long, hard hours, still does. That’s why she can’t take care of Granny and Papa. She also has my little brother to take care of and my dad travels a lot with his job. The rest of my family is in similar situations. Besides Papa has dementia and doesn’t do well with change, so the ideal arrangement is for them to stay in their own home.

My grandparents did everything for me that parents would do for their children. Papa not only taught me to drive but also cosigned on a loan so I could get my beloved Jeep. He paid the down payment and insurance until I started making enough money to pay for it myself. If not for Papa, I would have had to rely on Lizzie to teach me, and she’s a crazy driver. She likes to give me flack over my “flawless” parking skills, but when I’m tired of hearing her complain about them, I remind her that Papa taught me to drive. This effectively shuts her up because Granny and Papa have helped her as much as they’ve helped me. They are this way with our entire family. They might not have two nickels to rub together, but if someone needed those nickels, they would gladly hand them over. I’m thankful to be raised by them and staying here taking care of them is minuscule compared to the multitude of things they’ve sacrificed for me.

While I’ve told Hendrix all these things, he still can’t grasp why I feel like I’m the one who should take care of them. I want to do this. I’m not being forced to do it. His lack of gratitude for all that they have done for me irritates me. I guess, when you’re born with a silver spoon in your mouth, you have a hard time understanding the working class.

We’ve never been what you call dirt poor, but that is about all you can say about our financial state. Dad didn’t go to college until much later so he and mom both had entry-level jobs, most of my life. Dad finally got his degree in business management five years ago. Most of the time Papa worked two jobs at once while Granny took care of me. Papa did this so we could have a few extras, like everyone else. They both wanted to help their kids when they needed it.

They consider all of us their kids. This comprises the honorary kids too. The honorary kids are the ones we bring home, our friends who seem to stay at our house more than they do at their own. Granny never minded us bringing one more mouth to feed, and Papa was always at work. If one of those kids had a problem, Granny or Papa would take it upon themselves to help them out as best they could. That’s why everybody loves them and calls them Granny and Papa. Everybody but Hendrix. He says it is undignified.

The low rumbling of an engine, followed by a honk, alerts me of Hendrix’s arrival. I slip my journal into my purse as I glance at my phone. No, I didn’t miss a text.

My best friend / sister from another mister, Lizzie, is here visiting with us. Our moms grew up together. Her mom Kate is almost two years older than mine, but they are best friends. Kate lived with mom and my grandparents while growing up—an honorary kid. Since Papa and Granny raised Aunt Kate, Lizzie is more like blood. Papa and Granny tried to adopt Kate, but her dad refused to sign over custody. I don’t know the whole story, but I do know Kate feels like Papa and Granny are her parents. Lizzie has always called them Papa and Granny, since Kate doesn’t communicate with her own father.

“Has ‘A Joke’ resorted to just blowing his horn for you now? Is he too good to come to the door?”

Lizzie doesn’t bother hiding her dislike for Hendrix. Unfortunately, Hendrix has the same aversion to Lizzie. I roll my eyes at her. I wish she could keep her opinion to herself, at least in front of Granny. Where three months ago they were at least civil to each other, now they’ve resorted to a verbal death match. “Shut it, Lizzie!” I say through gritted teeth.

Granny looks at her confused, “A Joke?”

“Don’t pay her any mind Granny, she has evidently lost hers.” I give Lizzie the death glare, which she ignores on a regular basis.

“He isn’t a real man, Granny. He’s ‘A Joke’ of a man. Get it?”

Granny can’t contain her amusement. Even if she hid her smile, her eyes would still give her away with their sparkle. They are having an awfully good time at my expense.

“Bailey, it’s not respectful for ‘A Joke’, I mean a boy, to just toot his horn and you go scampering off, baby.”

See what Lizzie started? Granny meant to use that name.

“I’ve hardly met Henry, and I don’t like you dating boys who won’t come to the door and pick you up. He needs to be bringing you flowers.”

Granny really is the sweetest little lady you’ll ever meet, but when she thinks someone’s doing one of her kids wrong she becomes a miniature spitfire. I don’t want her to get upset so I tell a little white lie. “Oh, we’re in a hurry. I told him to just honk his horn and I would run out.” Giving her a kiss on her cheek, I remind her, “I have my cell with me, if anything happens you can call me and I will come right back, okay?” Papa is already asleep in the recliner, which is his favorite pastime.

“I’m leaving too, Granny.” Lizzie gives Granny a kiss then adds, “I’m only a call away too, love you.”

“I love both of you girls, but you don’t have to worry about us, I’ve told you that I can take care of myself just fine. Lizzie, come back soon, but not to take care of me, I’m the Granny and I’m the one who does the taking care of people.”

She throws her hand in the air, that’s her way of telling us to go and leave her be. We both laugh, shaking our heads, at her. Hendrix lays on his horn, making it known to God and everybody he is waiting.

“I guess you better get out there, Bailey, before he wakes up the dead.” Granny sighs.

She looks over to see if the horn woke up Papa. He is still sleeping away. It takes a lot to interrupt his sleep. “Bye. Love you, Granny.” I’m out the door and off the porch as fast as I can go. I hear Lizzie right behind me.
Shit.
I don’t want to have to deal with Lizzie and Hendrix trading insults tonight. It’s bad enough that it’s eight pm and still in the high eighties. Summer nights are sweltering here. Gotta love it.

“Hey there, Dickwad. Show some respect for my grandparents and my girl by coming to the door. Or are you above good manners?” Lizzie leans into the passenger side of his car. “By the way, why don’t you stick that horn up your ass after you jack off tonight?”