Love & Loss (10 page)

I twisted in his arms and ran my hands over his tight biceps as our hips ground up and down and around. ‘I can’t wait either, I get to go to sleep and wake up with you every morning and we can fuck anywhere and everywhere, whenever we want. Please tell me you won’t make me wait until then?’ I pleaded as I looked up at him. He just smiled, bent me backwards and gazed at me longingly before kissing me and pulling me back up.

‘Everyone’s looking, shall we go and join them?’

‘I’m happy here.’

‘We’re on holiday now Mia, we have lots of time to spend together, you haven’t seen your friends in ages. Come on, let’s join them.’

‘You
are
trying,’ I smiled and gave him a grateful kiss. We were walking towards them when I spotted Kai over by the bar. I looked up at Gabe, but he didn’t seem to have seen him. ‘I need the loo, go ahead without me.’

‘You’ll be ok?’

‘I’ll be just fine,’ I kissed him and left him to go and re-join the group and went to the toilet first. I stood at the sink and looked at myself in the mirror and tried Gabe’s deep breathing technique, but it wasn’t working for me, I was hopping mad. I made my way over to my ex and tapped him on the shoulder. As he turned his eyes lit up to see me, I gave him my sweetest smile before completely taking him by surprise with a stinging slap to the face, which made him stumble backwards and his friends, once my friends too, all sniggered into their drinks. I felt proud of myself, I had this slapping lark
down
, even if it hurt like a bitch.

‘Now we’re even Kai. You
ever
tell lies about me again and I’ll do more than slap you,’ I hissed and turned to walk away, but he grabbed my wrist and pulled me back around.

‘Mia, shit I’m sorry ok? Give me a chance to apologise,’ he stammered as he let go of my wrist and rubbed his face. I folded my arms across my chest and scowled at him, trying to ignore the stinging in my palm.

‘For what Kai? Saying you fucked me, the different ways we’d done it, or that you’d got me pregnant?’

‘All of them,’ he muttered, at least having the grace to look apologetic. ‘You don’t understand how hard that was for me Mia, some guy standing on my doorstep when I still wasn’t over you.’

‘So what, you thought you’d put him off me by telling lies?’

‘I was angry Mia, we were together a long time and you never let me touch you then you go and … and … do it with someone straight away. Were you sleeping with him? The guy that turned up on my doorstep?’

‘Yes, we’re still together.’

‘But he didn’t knock you up? There was someone else before him?’

‘There was no one else before him and I wasn’t pregnant, it was a misunderstanding over a friend who left a test kit in my bathroom. I’m sorry ok? I never meant to hurt you, but it just wasn’t happening for us.’

‘But it is with him?’

‘Yes,’ I blushed. ‘It’s not that I just slept with the first person that came along Kai, you know how many guys I saw before you, it wasn’t personal, I just didn’t feel that way about any of you. With him I just clicked.’

‘Thanks, making me feel really great.’ He rolled his eyes as he swigged on his beer.

‘I’m not trying to rub it in Kai, I was mad at you for making up stories about me, but I’ll apologise too. I’m sorry, I understand it can’t have been easy to hear I’d moved on. I thought you may feel better knowing it was for someone I really care about, not just for a drunken night.’

‘Shit, he’s not here with you is he?’ he asked, his eyes scanning the room.

‘Yes,’ I replied, suddenly thinking what a bad idea this was. Seeing me with another of the men from my past might just tip the scales the wrong way for Gabe.

‘He packs a bloody good right hook, mind you your slap still smarts,’ he said wincing as he rubbed his cheek again.

‘Sorry, but you deserved it Kai. I better go before he spots me with you and you end up having another fight.’

‘What did he have that I didn’t Mia? Please I need to know, you don’t know how many sleepless nights I’ve had trying to figure that out.’

‘I don’t know Kai, I’m sorry. I enjoyed your company, but I just didn’t feel that way about you. I think I deliberately picked guys I didn’t fancy knowing it wouldn’t go anywhere, so you couldn’t have done anything to make me change my mind. We just weren’t meant to be. I’m sure there’s someone out there for you.’

‘Just not you?’ he asked sadly.

‘No, not me. See you around, but if you see Gabe coming I’d suggest you run in the other direction, I doubt he’ll be as understanding as me.’ I smiled at him and quickly walked away and looked over at our table. Crap Gabe was watching me, I really didn’t want another fight. I saw him excuse himself and he walked towards me. ‘Please don’t be mad. I just wanted to say my piece, it’s done.’ I looked up at his face trying to gauge his mood, surprised when he reached for my stinging hand and lifted it up and kissed it.

‘You seem to have this slapping down to a fine art baby, nice to see it isn’t always directed at me,’ he said, reasonably calmly as he inspected my hand.

‘You’re not mad with me?’

‘Yes, but I’m working hard on trusting you and trying not reacting the way I have in the past. I found it harder with that Tyler as I knew you liked him. Are you ok?’

‘I am now,’ I smiled as his lips ran over my palm again.

‘Come and sit on my lap. We’re short on space.’

‘The things I have to do to keep you happy Mr Austin,’ I smiled. I loved being on his lap and he knew it. I followed him to the booth and he sat and pulled me down putting his arms around me and kissing my neck as the girls all smiled at me, before he made me hold my vodka cranberry and ice to cool my palm down. I looked over at Lexi and smiled when she mouthed ‘
Ok?’
at me. Doug had his arm around her shoulder as he chatted and he leaned in and kissed her cheek making her fidget, which made me smile again, she was blushing, no one else would know with all that stupid green and red paint on her face, but I did. We all sat chatting and laughing until they started playing the slow songs.

‘Come on then, shall we head to Benito’s for some pizza before we grab our taxis home?’ I asked everyone and they all nodded in unison except for Gabe.

‘Give us a minute guys, I’d like a final dance with my girl.’

‘But they’re playing slow songs Gabe,’ I protested, I’d never had a slow dance with anyone.

‘So?’ he asked, amused, as he lifted me up and set me down and took my hand looking at me questioningly.

‘Ok,’ I mumbled, embarrassed. He led me to the edge of the dance floor and there was hardly anyone on it.

‘Wait here,’ he ordered. I stood awkwardly as I watched him go and talk to the DJ and took a deep breath as he strode back towards me, his physique looked just perfect, and I felt desire for him bloom. I prayed he wouldn’t give me one of his smiles or winks, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to stand upright. He did and I let out a little sigh and teetered on my heels, suddenly he was at my side and slipped his arms around my waist. ‘Ok baby?’ he smiled.

‘Hmmm,’ I sighed as I looked up at him.

‘Are you objectifying me?’

‘
Hmmm
,’ I nodded.

‘Good because I am you, I’d like you to wear that outfit on Christmas eve, with no knickers so I can bend you over the foot of the bed and fuck you from behind after cuffing your hands and inserting that vibrating butt plug.’

‘O God,’ I mewled and sagged against him, wondering if that meant he saw an end in sight for this sex ban.

‘You like that idea?’ he grinned.

‘God yes, but at this stage I’d be happy for any physical contact Gabe.’

‘With me,’ he stated, but this time it was more of a question.

‘Yes you Gabe, always you. I thought we were dancing?’ I asked trying to remember to breathe.

‘When our song comes on.’

‘We have a song?’

‘We do now. While we were apart, every time I heard the next song play I thought of you baby,’ he sighed rubbing his nose up and down mine. ‘I love you Mia.’

‘I love you too Gabe.’ He suddenly stooped down and lifted me giggling into his arms and carried me onto the dance floor as the current song ended and set me down and drew me back in his arms as Ellie Goulding “How long will I love you” started playing. ‘This is our song?’ I whispered as he started to move, taking me with him.

‘Yes, do you like it?’ he asked. I nodded and bit my lip and let my head rest on his shoulder as I closed my eyes. He kissed my hair while I let him lead me, and as I listened to the lyrics I felt some tears roll down my cheeks. It was the most secure I’d felt with him in weeks, and without sex too. We stayed in the middle of the dance floor hanging onto each other as the song finished and the lights came on. ‘I told you I’m your forever baby,’ he murmured.

‘I hope so,’ I whispered as I looked up at him and he wiped my tears away.

‘Hungry?’

‘Yes and Benito’s do
amazing
pizza.’

‘Come on then.’

‘Thank you,’

‘For what?’

‘My first slow dance, I enjoyed it.’

‘It was your first too?’

‘And you?’ I uttered, astonished.

‘I told you I didn’t do romance before you.’

‘Then you learnt very fast Gabe.’ I smiled as I took his hand and led him towards the others and the exit.

It was three a.m. when the taxi dropped Doug and Lexi off, I was pleased that she’d decided to spend the night with him and snuggled up to Gabe as we headed onto mine. I put my fingers to my lips as we sneaked up the stairs and I pushed him into my bedroom before I crept over to his and arranged some of his pillows under the quilt to look like a body. It used to work for Lexi and I when we used to sneak out. I returned to my room to find him sitting on the edge of my bed. I leaned back on the door, trying to remember if I’d ever, in my wildest dreams, imagined having a guy as hot as him in this bedroom, in my family home.

‘Lust face,’ he whispered.

‘You too,’ I nodded and he reciprocated, got up and walked over to me and ran his finger over the low cut edging of my dress, across the top of my breasts making me catch my breath.

‘You’re so beautiful baby, this is
so
hard,’ he groaned. Damn it, that meant no sex,
still.

‘Come on, we need to sleep,’ I sighed. ‘I need to get up and tell Mum about my op and diagnosis before Georgie gets here and drops me in it. Use my toothbrush,’ I nodded towards the en-suite and he tore his eyes away from me and headed in.

I took my hat off and raked my hair before removing my makeup, letting out a small groan as he came out of the en-suite in his tight black boxers and hopped into my bed. If he was going to keep taunting me, I was going to make it just as hard for him. I stood and turned to face him as I slowly undid the fastenings on my dress at the front, then let it drop to the floor and smiled as he groaned to see I’d got on my red and black Basque and my red lace fitted shorts. I tiptoed sexily around to his side of the bed and lifted up my hair as I sat on the edge and looked over my shoulder, giving him permission to undo the hooks on the back.

I bit my lip as I noticed his hands trembling as he carefully and slowly undid each one, laying a kiss on my spine as each section of skin was unveiled. As he undid the last one, I released my hair, stood up and let the Basque drop, before bending over to give him a good glimpse of my red lace clad bottom and rolling each of my over the knee socks down and removing them. After brushing my teeth I heard him groan and shift in the bed as I walked around to my side, in nothing but my knickers and hopped in next to him.

‘Ready to sleep?’ I asked all innocently.

‘You know I’m not, you’re deliberately testing me, goading me and you promised not to,’ he growled as he glowered at me.

‘Am I? Sorry you were walking around in your boxers, I thought it would be ok for me to walk around like this,’ I smiled. He took me by surprise flinging the duvet back and hauling me over his knee and spanking my bottom really hard with one hand as the other covered my mouth to muffle my scream. He gave me six in total as I felt everything south of my navel contract, my toes curl and my eyes roll back in my head.

‘Don’t. Tease. Me. Again,’ he hissed before kissing my heated cheeks over the lace and flipping me back onto my side of the bed and turning off his light. I lay trembling next to him, my breathing jumping as erratically as my heart, I was
so
ready for him and he was
still
holding off. ‘Turn off your light,’ he ordered. I reached out with a shaking hand and did as I was told, before he grasped me and pulled me onto his chest sighing. ‘Does he still do it for you?’ he whispered.

‘Who? Kai?’ I asked as I felt his hand caressing my smarting bottom.

‘No, Tyler,’ he said quietly. I bit my lip, shit, how did I answer that without pissing him off? Lying wasn’t going to help, he always seemed to know when I was hiding something. I took a deep breath and decided on honesty.

‘Yes, I still find him very attractive, but I’m in love with you Gabe, I’m your girl so nothing would ever happen with him,’ I said firmly. He remained quiet for a while and I could feel his heart racing against my cheek.

‘But if we weren’t together, you’d want him?’