Love Letters: A Rose Harbor Novel (19 page)

Roy was in a chipper mood, whistling along to the Katy Perry song playing on the radio. Following their heartfelt discussion, he appeared lighthearted … almost happy. Maggie couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen her husband behaving this carefree. It was as though he didn’t have a concern in the world.

The same couldn’t be said for Maggie. It felt as if her arms and legs were weighted down in concrete. Doubt and dread made it nearly impossible to breathe. She was in a panic, her heart racing, her stomach pitching. She had to know before she went crazy.

“Honey, would you mind looking for a drugstore?” she asked, as evenly as she could manage. “I left the antacids we got yesterday at the inn.”

His concern was immediate. “Is it your stomach again?”

“Yes, it’s a bit queasy.” But not for the reasons he assumed. She pressed her hand to her abdomen.

“I hope you’re not coming down with a flu bug. If you want to go back to the inn, just let me know.”

“No, no, I’m looking forward to being in Seattle.” At least if she was busy she might be able to take her mind off the potential nightmare she could be facing.

“Riding the ferry will be awesome,” he said, sounding almost boyish in his enthusiasm.

“It will be fun,” she agreed. She’d always enjoyed a trip on the ferry. It was so picturesque, especially now that the sun was out. The weather couldn’t be any more perfect.

“I think I see a drugstore on the next corner,” Roy said.

“Good.”

Roy made the turn into the parking lot. Even before he found a parking space or turned off the engine, Maggie had released her seat belt. “I’ll run in and be back in a jiffy.”

“I can go if you like,” he offered.

“Thanks, but it’s no trouble.” She didn’t need the antacids—she
wanted a pregnancy test. She had to find out, and soon, or she’d go insane. Roy couldn’t know the real reason she needed to stop at a drugstore.

She was halfway to the store when her husband rolled down his window and called after her, “Pick up a couple bottles of water, if you would.”

“Will do.” Once inside, it took her a moment to find the right aisle for the pregnancy test kits. She grabbed one and two plastic bottles of water, and in her rush nearly forgot the antacids. All in all, it took her less than five minutes. Before she joined her husband she hid the pregnancy test kit in her oversized purse.

They arrived in Bremerton with time to spare before the ferry arrived. Roy paid the fee and they joined the long queue of cars waiting for the next boat. Within a matter of minutes they were able to view the ferry turning into the cove.

An eagle soared above them, its wings outstretched, making a lazy circle in the cloud-dappled sky. Roy saw it first, which was no surprise, seeing how distracted she was.

“Do you see it?” Roy asked, pointing toward the horizon.

Maggie looked up and shaded her eyes, spotting the bird’s white head, which was a sure indication. That and the massive wingspan. A few crows chased after the eagle, but they didn’t have a chance of catching the bigger bird.

“I’ve never understood why they’re named bald eagles when they have a full head of white hair,” Roy said.

“Me neither.”

“Wow, look at this,” her husband whispered, as he made a sweeping gesture with his arm over the blue-green water. “It doesn’t get any more beautiful than that, does it?”

The scenery was spectacular, but Maggie was unable to appreciate the splendor of the view. She couldn’t begin to imagine what a pregnancy would mean to the newly established commitment Roy and she had made to their marriage. Nor could she bear the thought of what Roy would do when she was forced to tell him there was a
baby. She couldn’t know if the father of this child—if there was a child—was the result of her one night of infidelity or if it could possibly be Roy’s.

Keeping the pregnancy a secret would be impossible for long. Roy was bound to guess … Oh goodness, she was jumping ahead of herself. She didn’t have proof positive yet, but in her heart … in her heart, she knew.

What astonished Maggie was that she hadn’t thought of the possibility earlier. She knew the risk … with their infrequent lovemaking, she’d gotten lax about taking her birth-control pills. She wasn’t opposed to having a third child. At one point she’d discussed adding to their family with Roy.

A baby.

What in the name of heaven was she going to do? With the boys, each time she’d been thrilled and excited. Roy, too. The joyful anticipation he’d felt had spilled over in the most loving and tender of ways. Maggie recalled when they learned she was pregnant with Jaxon, their older son. Her husband had wrapped his arms around her and lifted her off her feet, swinging her around and around, all the while laughing. The joy in him was palpable.

Roy couldn’t wait to tell his parents and sister. Jaxon was the first grandchild, and Roy’s parents had been as excited as Roy and Maggie themselves. A short fifteen months after the birth of their first son, Maggie discovered she was pregnant with Collin. This second pregnancy wasn’t planned, but that didn’t diminish her husband’s pleasure. He was just as thrilled by the news of this second child as he had been the first. Although after Collin had been born, Roy secretly admitted he’d been hoping for a little girl.

The ferry docked and a long line of vehicles filed off. Soon it would be their turn to board. When possible, Maggie would find a women’s restroom and take the pregnancy test in with her. Once she had confirmation, she would decide when and how to tell Roy.

As crazy as it sounded, she wanted to run away, or bury her head under the covers and never get out of bed again. It seemed impossible
that she hadn’t once, not even one time, considered the possibility of a pregnancy.

How stupid could she get?

Anyone who knew her would be shocked to learn of her behavior that night. Maggie had always been the obedient daughter, the perfect wife and mother. Until that night, she felt she made wise choices. Her mother would find it unbelievable that Maggie was even capable of adultery. Actually, Maggie found it hard to believe herself.

After her terrible fight with Roy that night over Katherine, she’d believed her marriage was over. They’d tossed hateful words at each other, words that cut like knives, viciously stabbing at each other with insults and accusations until she felt the very lifeblood of their marriage drain away. After what she’d read in his texts to the other woman and the hateful words they’d exchanged, Maggie flew out of the house. She’d been convinced there was no repairing the damage, no going back.

Sobbing uncontrollably, she took off without a single idea of where she would go. She didn’t want to run home to her parents. Telling them of Roy’s emotional affair and that she was sure they would divorce was too humiliating. It would have been natural to seek out a friend, and hindsight being what it was, she wished she had. The fact was, it was simply too embarrassing and demeaning to have to admit to anyone that her husband had been involved with another woman.

When she ran a red light and narrowly escaped slamming into another car, Maggie realized she was too upset to drive. The parking spot she found was directly in front of a bar, and if ever she needed something to calm her nerves, it was then. After all, why not? She’d lost count of how many nights Roy had come home too late to eat dinner with her and the boys. Now she knew that on many of those nights he’d met Katherine for an after-work drink. Her husband would rather spend time with an old girlfriend than with her and their sons.

She’d gone into the bar and ordered a fruity drink, tossing it back as if it was no more potent than cranberry juice. When she finished the second drink, she recognized this was her limit. No more. Already her head was spinning.

Then a guy named Steve bought her another drink and had it delivered with his compliments. Shortly afterward he joined her at the table and they talked and talked. He sat next to her and he said all the things she wanted to hear from her husband but hadn’t in a very long time.

She was beautiful and funny. The more she drank, the wittier she got. After four drinks, Steve No-last-name kissed her. And Maggie let him. It was a sweet kiss, a gentle kiss, and she’d nearly broken down in tears. It’d been so long since Roy had kissed her like she was the most precious gift he’d ever received.

The kisses felt incredibly good. After several such kisses and a few slow dances, Steve suggested they go somewhere more private. Right away Maggie knew this wasn’t a good idea, but she was in no condition to drive. To her credit, she declined, and Steve was fine with it. He knew she was married, and he told her that he was as well. They were both lonely, hurting people.

Steve offered to buy her a cup of coffee. There was a diner just down the street, and that sounded like the thing to do. Unfortunately, they never made it to the diner. As soon as they were out the door, Steve was kissing her again. He claimed he found he couldn’t resist her. There she was up against the side of the building, making out with a man she’d met only a few hours earlier, convinced her marriage was over.

After a token attempt to end the foreplay, Maggie surrendered. Why not feel loved and attractive and sensual? And wanted. Roy could have Katherine. As far as Maggie was concerned, she was tired of taking second place in her husband’s life.

She spent the night with Steve in a hotel room and woke the next morning alone. Her head pounded with a hangover and she was sick to her stomach with what she’d done. After showering and
scrubbing her entire body until her skin was red, she checked her phone and saw ten text messages and voice mails from Roy. Her husband was desperate to know where she was. He’d been forced to take the boys to his sister’s house. He wanted to talk. He was sorry. He needed to hear from her. Please, please call.

She agreed to meet him. When they sat across from each other, Maggie was defiant and angry. Roy regretted everything. Maggie was right to be upset. He promised it was over between him and Katherine, and he vowed never to be in contact with her again. He even went so far as to sever the relationship with the company that employed her.

With tears in his eyes, Roy asked Maggie to forgive him and made her promise never to leave him like that again. For most of the night he’d paced the floor, worried sick about where she could be. And why in the name of heaven hadn’t she answered her phone?

When she woke that morning, Maggie had had no intention of ever telling her husband what she’d done. But after his tearful apology, she couldn’t keep it to herself. She wasn’t so innocent herself, and she was sorry, too, so very sorry, and so she’d blurted out everything that had happened.

For the longest time Roy didn’t say anything. Not a word. He just stared at her as if he refused to believe what she’d told him. And who could blame him? She would be the last person anyone would suspect of having a one-night stand. Even now she couldn’t comprehend why it was called that. As far as she remembered, she’d done very little standing.

And until just this morning her husband had refused to even talk about that night.

She heard the car’s engine start, and that pulled her back to the present. Her husband followed the car in front of him onto the ferry. They were directed onto the second level and parked near the stairwell that led to the observation level and the cafeteria.

He turned off the engine and said, “You seem a million miles away.”

She smiled, hoping to reassure him that all was well.

Roy reached for her hand, gently folding it in his own. “I didn’t want to talk about what happened … and the aftermath of it. You were right when you said I wanted to sweep everything under the rug.”

She hung her head. “I can’t blame you … I wanted to do the same thing, too.”

“But eventually it would have destroyed us. I feel better than I have in weeks.”

Maggie forced a smile. With everything in her, she wanted to assure him she felt that same sense of peace, but it would be a lie. A very big lie. In all her life, Maggie had never felt less like putting on a happy face.

“Let’s go up front,” Roy suggested.

Maggie’s legs felt like they wouldn’t support her as she climbed the stairwell to the observation deck. The ferry had upholstered beige booths against both sides of the windows and chair seating in rows in the middle. Roy led her toward the doors leading outside.

As they stepped onto the deck, the wind whipped Maggie’s hair about her face as the sun shone down bright and warm. The ferry released a loud honk as it glided away from the dock and toward Seattle. Seagulls followed, looking for handouts from the passengers. A teenager stretched his arm high above his head, holding on to a french fry. To the passengers’ delight, a large gull swooped down and grabbed it from his fingers.

Maggie looked down at the waves slapping against the sides of the huge boat. The dark green water mesmerized her. How easy it would be to jump from here and disappear in the deep waters of Puget Sound. That way she’d never have to face the future. Never have to face the consequences of a single indiscretion. She didn’t deserve this misery. It took all the restraint she possessed not to rant at God that this was unfair. It was all wrong.

Roy came to stand behind her, his hands on her shoulders, protecting
her from the wind. Leaning close, he whispered, “I love you, Maggie, heart and soul, I love you.”

She leaned back and tucked her head beneath his chin and closed her eyes. Right now his love was secure, but she wondered how long he’d love her once she told him she was pregnant.

“You asked me earlier if I still meant the things I wrote in that letter back when we were in college,” Roy continued. “I shouldn’t have hesitated. I knew then and I know now, every word was true. We were meant to be together. You’re my soul mate.”

Maggie turned around and buried her face in her husband’s chest as he hugged her close. She found it difficult not to break down in tears.

“I’m going inside to use the restroom,” she told Roy. She needed a definitive answer.

“I’ll come inside with you. Do you want a cup of coffee?” he asked.