Love Is the Drug (25 page)

“Oooh-ooh God!”
Yes!

Her thighs trembled, her being thrummed.

No. You’ll regret it later. You will.
She had to stop this. Now.

But then he drew her clitoris into his mouth and began to suckle and she almost let him finish. Almost tumbled. Almost. She rolled her head from side to side, balancing it on the hard mirror behind her. “Jason,” she whimpered.

With Herculean effort, she dragged in a deep, harsh breath. “No! I can’t. Stop.” She pushed him away from her and pressed her legs together.

Her own painful sexual frustration was mirrored in Jason’s eyes. In the tensed, twitching muscles of his body, and in the low growl that came from deep within him. “Why the hell not?”

She scooted off the dresser. He didn’t budge, and for a fleeting moment, their heated bodies collided. He fisted his hands as if to keep from lifting her back up on the dresser and finishing what he’d started.

She scuttled away from him.

As she stumbled back into her pants and panties, she said, “You know why. We’re just not meant, you and I.”

Jason just stood there, giving her a look so filled with anger and hurt it nearly did her in. “Then why the hell did you go to that old lady’s house with me today?”

She turned her top right side out and met his gaze full-on. “I told you.” She took in a ragged breath to keep from sobbing. “Jason, I care about you. I care about what happens to you. And I care about Gabe. I just thought if you met her—” She shook her head in agitation. “I don’t know—I guess I thought it’d give you a little closure, you know? Help you to accept what happened so that you can finally believe that it doesn’t matter to Gabe.”

He snorted, but she continued, “That as far as he’s concerned you are, always were, and always will be, his son.” She sniffled and scrambled into her shirt. “But most of all, I hoped it’d somehow open your eyes to the fact that you are not innately evil. That—how do I say this? That you weren’t born of a ‘bad seed’.” Blinking away the mist in her eyes, she said, “And that you won’t be passing it on to your children.” Then she wrapped her arms around her abdomen. It was a conscious bid for self-preservation. “But you still haven’t accepted it, have you?”

The tick in Jason’s cheek became even more pronounced. “No.”

“
Well that’s a real shame. It is. Because, Jason, it breaks my heart to think you—who clearly likes kids—”

“I don’t—”

She waved her finger at him. “No—uh-uh—Don’t you deny it. I’ve seen how you are with Luke, remember?” She tucked her hair behind her ear and shrugged. “Well, anyway, it’s sad that you refuse to have kids based only on that foolish belief.” She turned and walked over to look out the window with her arms crossed over her chest. “Although, the way you behaved earlier—maybe I should reassess my opinion of your character.”

* * *

Jason didn’t know how to react, what to say. It was all way too immense, way too
intense
, for him to deal with all in one bite. He was going to have to chew on it awhile. Bit by painful, bitter bit.

“Ready to go?”

Julie nodded and she strode to the door. He opened it for her and followed her progress with his eyes as her hips softly swayed down the hallway. God, she was just so…so…much. Everything to him really. But
kids
for chrissake. That was the only rub. The only thing keeping them apart.

To most couples, he figured, it’d be nothing—no debate, no question.

But to him—God! To him it felt like a chasm too wide to cross.

Maybe she was right. Maybe they just weren’t meant.

* * *

The remainder of the drive home was tense—uncomfortable as hell—and deadly silent. And it had grown even more chilly after Julie had opened his glove box and pulled out the red velvet ring box, making a point of letting him know she’d put it there, that she didn’t want possession of it any longer.

Well, that was just fine with him. Fuck her. He didn’t need the shit she was giving him anyway.

Besides, by this time tomorrow, he’d be in Vegas, one of his favorite places on earth, and he planned to enjoy it. Yeah. He’d get a little toasted, go to a few strip joints and maybe get his own joint worked on while he was at it.

And he would not, would
not
, under any circumstances, feel guilty for doing it, either. They weren’t together any longer, she’d made that as clear as crystal with the return of his ring
for the second time
; there wasn’t a reason in hell why he should feel like he was cheating on her. And it was damned well time—past time—for him to get laid. And feel good about it, goddammit. Not like he was betraying somebody, or something.

* * *

Julie sat forward. “Jason—what’s that? Is that a fire?”

They were only a few miles from the farmhouse now. It was late evening—about eight-thirty, and there were very few lights on the farm-to-market road. All around them was darkness.

“I don’t know—maybe—yeah, it looks like it is.
Damn.
”

“But isn’t that where—oh, God!” She couldn’t bring herself to voice it.

“It’s probably just someone burning their trash or something.”

But Julie knew better. There wasn’t a neighbor for miles. It was definitely her property that was burning. She just prayed it wasn’t her family home.

The closer Jason got to the turn-off, the larger the orange glow on the horizon became.

She dug her nails into his arm. “Is it the farmhouse?”

“I don’t know! I can’t—”

“Oh, God. Please don’t let it be my farmhouse!”
Julie whipped her head around, her eyes wide with horror. “Luke! Gabe!”

“NOOO!” Jason gunned the engine.

Julie grabbed for his cell phone. “I’ll call him.”

“Dial 2—he’s on speed dial.”

Julie nodded jerkily and clenched the phone tight in her hand as she held it to her ear. “Gabe! Thank—”

“He’s alright?!”

“—
God!” Julie nodded. “What’s going on—Ooohhh, noooo.” She broke down then—couldn’t say anything else—just shook her head and thrust the phone at Jason and then crumpled forward with her hands over her face.

* * *

“Dad?” Jason dashed a frantic glance at Julie. He’d never seen her—anyone—this upset. She was bawling so hard, he thought she’d give herself a stroke or something. He looked back at the road and said into the phone, “What the hell happened?”

“The farmhouse—it’s gone. Or, as much as. Luke found an old kerosene lamp under the house. It was an accident. I’ll tell you about it when you get here.”

“
You’re okay, though, right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Where are you? Are you nearly home?”

“
No…we’re still a good five miles from the house. We’ll be there in a few minutes. Gotta go.”

He had to get them to that house. He straightened his arms and put the pedal to the metal. The Vette’s V8 didn’t let him down. It gave a proud roar as the car shot from 70 to 100 mph in under three.

* * *

Jason had only gone up the drive about 20 feet when he saw his Dad standing a little up and to his left talking to the sheriff. He realized then that he wasn’t going to be able to go further. He swung the wheel to the right and parked the car.

The firemen had been able to get the fire down by a pretty big amount, just in the few minutes it’d taken him to get here, but there was still smoke and snapping, orange-hot flames licking out the windows of the farmhouse and covering what was left of the roof. Luckily the wind was sending the smoke and ash away from them, so there was only the smell of char in the air, but not bad enough to affect their ability to breathe. At least, not from this distance.

Julie didn’t even wait for the car to stop rolling before she flung the door open.

“Hey!” he said and reached out for her, but grabbed a fistful of air instead. He slammed the emergency brake on and propelled himself across the distance.

She was nearly all the way out of the car before he got a good grip on her and yanked her back inside. She emitted a strangled scream and pitched back against the seat. “Let me go!” She clawed at his hands.

“Julie, you’re scaring the hell out of me. Just—just calm down a minute okay? We can’t go up there, it isn’t safe. See?” He jabbed his finger in the direction of the fire-ridden house. “You won’t get thirty paces before they’ll stop you—and you’ll just be in their way. Is that what you want?”

“
But—my house! My things.”

“I know, sweetheart, but there’s nothing we can do. We’ve got to leave it up to the experts, understand?”

He was finally able to take in a real breath when she slowly nodded and said. “Yes. Okay.”

“
Stay here and I’ll try to find out what the status is.

* * *

But Julie couldn’t stay put. She needed to hear the news firsthand, even though her legs felt like jelly and her stomach was knotted so tight it ached. So she ignored Jason’s request and jumped out of the car to follow behind his crunching footsteps.

He looked over his shoulder at her and shook his head, but stopped and held his hand out to her. She took hold of it and as they continued walking toward Gabe, she returned her gaze to the flaming, crackling remains of her family’s home.

Even though her head already throbbed with a tear-induced ache, it didn’t keep her face from crumpling again as she stared at the destruction. Totally gone. And Jason was right—there wasn’t anything she could do about it.

Then she remembered Pookie.

She yanked her hand out of his and dashed toward the fire again.

“Julie!”

She ran with more fury. But she hadn’t gone more than five feet before she was grabbed around the waist and hauled back against a familiar, hard body.

“My kitten! Let me go!” But his arms only tightened around her more.

“I can’t. You know I can’t.”

Her body started to tremble. “But—”

“
Sshhh.” He kissed her temple. “Don’t worry, I’m sure the cat’s fine—they have nine lives, remember?”

With a heavy swallow, she pushed the moan way down deep again that rose up from her chest and nodded. Then, without notice, her knees gave out.

Jason held firm, though, keeping her upright and securely in his arms.

* * *

An hour later, the flames completely out, Jason strode up to one of the firemen. “My wife wants to look for her cat—is that alright?”

“Yeah, should be—but tell her she can’t go into the wreckage—to stick to the perimeter,” the sooty-faced fireman responded. “We’re still expecting some hot spots to flare-up.”

* * *

“…
and he dropped the thing on the front porch,” Jason’s dad continued, but both his and his dad’s eyes followed Julie’s slump-shouldered movements around the burned and charred property. “The kid’s at Mike’s now. But he’s fine, physically. Emotionally—I don’t know. He was pretty upset, as you can imagine. Not only from fear, but from guilt at what he’d caused.”

“Pookie! Here kitty, kitty, kitty.”
Julie had been calling for that cat for at least a half an hour now. Jason hoped like hell it would show up soon—that it hadn’t perished with the farmhouse.

“I’ll go there next,” he said.

“Pookie—here kitty!
Please
, Pookie! Come to Momma!”

Just then, a small, dark shadow emerged from the black night beyond the perimeter of the farmhouse’s scorched skeletal remains.
“Meow?”

“Pookie!”
Julie dashed toward her grass-and-mud-covered kitten. It stopped mid-stride to lick its back a couple of times in quick succession before continuing to stroll toward her.

“Thank God,” Jason said. Then he looked at his father. “What am I going to do about her, Dad?”

“You know the answer to that, Jason. You don’t need me to tell you.”

* * *

“It’s all gone, Jason. All of it. The photographs, my mother’s pink dress.” A new spasm of anguish ripped through her and she squeezed her eyes shut. She covered her mouth with her hand.

“Julie. Sweetheart.” She felt Jason’s hand stroke through her hair and then his lips brushed her damp cheek. She looked up at him. His face wavered before her. “The letter’s gone, too. I’m sorry.”

Jason turned her around to face him. “You’re
sorry!?
Julie, you have nothing to be sorry about—Fuck! I don’t give two shits about that letter. Who the hell cares?” He pulled her into his embrace and held her tight against his chest. “I’m the one who’s sorry. If I hadn’t stopped at that hotel earlier, then Luke would have been with me, not getting into mischief out of boredom when my dad fell asleep in front of the T.V.”

“Thank heaven Gabe got out in time. He saved both their lives,” Julie said. She swallowed down a bubble of hysteria and pressed her lips together. After a second, she said, “At—at least I f—found P—Pookie.”

Maybe she should just move back to California. Give up. Accept that she was on her own—just her, nobody else—and might be for the rest of her life.