Love Inspired January 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: Bayou Sweetheart\The Firefighter's New Family\Season of Redemption (33 page)

“How about...” His heartbeat escalated as it had been doing lately when he thought of Ashley. He longed to talk with her, and now Kaylee's request gave him impetus. Having her live with him had been his dream, a complicated situation, but what he'd always wanted. Now it could come true, but he needed help and he didn't think Ashley would be the answer. Not the way things sat with them.

Kaylee's head cocked, her eyes searching his. “How about what, Daddy?”

Needing time to think, he tossed around options. “How about we go after dinner?”

“How about now, and we could order a pizza for all of us?” She gave him a Cheshire cat grin.

His time to think crumbled. To Kaylee, his need to think would be beyond her comprehension. And even worse, he had no idea how Ashley would react when he arrived at her door. Calling was out of the question. The only way was face-to-face.

He grasped her cheeks in his hands and kissed Kaylee's forehead. “I suppose we could take a walk over there, but don't be disappointed if she...she already has dinner planned.” Or she doesn't want to see your dad. That's more likely. His shoulders drooped.

Kaylee swung her legs to the floor and bounced up, unaware of his reticence. “Let's go.” The book she'd selected fell to the floor as she rose. She lay it back on the vacated cushion before she skipped toward the front door, beckoning him to come.

Her eagerness caught in his chest. Allowing his confusion to monitor what he'd wanted to do all along didn't work for him or Kaylee. If he were a betting man, he'd wager Ashley's kiss the other night meant exactly what he felt. She cared for him. Cared deeply. But they both had tiptoed around, clinging to past issues, and no progress would ever be made that way.

While Kaylee stood in the open front door, he buried his thoughts and rose from the sofa, longing to see Ashley but how they were together weeks ago, before their kisses put a twisted spin on their relationship. He strode to the door and followed Kaylee outside. As she skipped along, singing the wishing-on-a-star song, he added his own wish for a smoother road for Ashley and him. If their relationship was to be nothing, he needed to know.

He couldn't bear the thought.

Chapter Twelve

“D
evon.”

Joey's piping voice startled Ashley. She hit the footrest handle and lowered her legs as the doorbell rang. She eyed the door, waiting for it to open.

Instead, she heard his knock.

Joey flattened his face against the front window, cupping his eyes from the sun, and let out a yell. “Hi, Kaylee.”

The excitement in his voice had to penetrate the window, but Devon seemed determined that she answer the door. Though she understood, it broke her heart. Why did they get themselves tangled in all the foolishness? She knew the answer before it left her mouth.

Ashley opened the door. Kaylee entered first, and she greeted her with a hug. Then she opened the door wider. “Devon.” Regret she'd been unable to hide sounded in her voice. “It's nice to see you.”

Joey reached toward him, his arms as wide as his grin.

Devon scooped him into the air and nuzzled his face into his neck and blew.

Joey squirmed and giggled, and when he stopped, Joey didn't. “More tickle.”

But Devon's gaze shifted to Kaylee. Instead of more tickles for Joey, he ruffled the boy's hair and swung him to the floor, then drew Kaylee closer and tickled her neck with his fingers.

That seemed all she needed. She giggled, too, and darted away from him as she grabbed Joey's hand. Together, they bounded across the room to the toy box and Devon stood facing her. “Kaylee kept asking to come over and—”

“I meant what I said.” Her stomach constricted as she motioned toward the easy chair. “It's nice to see you.” Her eyes sought his. “I miss you.”

He stood as if transfixed. “I miss you, too.”

As if the words were an anchor, their eyes locked, and wholeness buoyed her spirit, a wholeness she'd lost with Adam's death, and though the sensation warmed her, an uneasy feeling remained.

She managed to step aside without leaping into his arms, and Devon followed her invitation, settling into the easy chair. Returning to the recliner, she sank into the cushion and lifted the footrest.

“How's the leg?” The question came casually though it seemed mundane when compared with the many issues that often made the air seem heavy.

“I'm doing okay except for the stairs, especially when I have to carry something, but I'm becoming a pro.” She managed a grin and he smiled back, although she still noted the strain in his face.

“I have so much to tell you, but...”

She waited, her attention hanging on his unfinished sentence. “But?”

He shook his head. “I don't know where to begin.”

She froze in place, icy thoughts slipping into her mind. Was this goodbye? Though she'd seen it as an answer to her fears, the possibility sank her into an abyss. “Start anywhere, Devon. Just tell me.”

“Two things.”

His abrupt response unsettled her. Two things? She swallowed. “The first?”

His head eased upward and his eyes captured hers. “I'll go with the easiest one.” His gaze shot to Kaylee.

She followed his lead and saw Kaylee and Joey seemingly preoccupied with a jigsaw puzzle. Her focus returned to Devon.

“Kaylee asked to live with me today.”

Her heart stopped as the idea reveled in her mind. “Really? She asked?”

He nodded. “Seems her mother's back in the hospital, and she said she wasn't sure when she'll get out.” He lifted his shoulders and let them drop. “I have to get to the bottom of this with Renee. I'll call her tonight when she's home from work.”

Ashley let the vision weave through her mind. Kaylee would add a complication to his work schedule, and her first reaction was to volunteer to help him. Kaylee could stay with her on the nights Devon worked. The guest room was perfect. But they had something else to discuss, according to Devon, and where would that leave them? Goodbye? Hello? Confusion thumped in her brain. No response was possible until she heard what he had to say.

“You'll have a clearer picture once you talk to her, but I wonder what caused Gina to go back so soon? I suppose that's the question.”

“She's ill. We talked about it the other day. Gina's struggled with depression even before I realized it. I've come to face that, but now I realize how the pattern has continued. Her illness seems to be more severe. It's heartbreaking for Kaylee to live through it day in and out at Renee's. It's not a life for a child.”

“It's not.” Words seemed empty. Nothing she could say now could help since their relationship was up in the air. She studied his face, wanting to encourage him to tell her the second thing on his mind.

A stream of air left his lungs and he leaned back against the chair cushion. “That's number one.” He closed his eyes and sat in silence.

Her nerves grew taut in the stillness. She wanted to scream. Instead, she released her own pent-up breath and prayed.

When he opened his eyes, his face had relaxed. “The next thing is so confusing for both of us. We're struggling with...”

She held her breath.

“With us. I guess that's how to put it. With our relationship.” He lifted his eyes to hers. “You know what I'm talking about.”

She nodded. “We both have issues, I guess.”

Devon leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, his hands folded. Before he spoke, his gaze shifted to Kaylee again and then back to her. “Mine have become less now that I realized maybe I'm not the rotten husband I feared I was. The thing I can't change is my work schedule. It's part of the job I do.”

“I don't see that as a problem for anyone except Kaylee's care.” She only mouthed the child's name not to draw the little girl's attention to their conversation on the other side of the room.

He gave his head a bounce as if accepting her comment. “But we still have things to talk about.” He pulled his back straight. “I need to understand what bothers you, Ashley. I need the truth. Could we have a cola or coffee? Anything.” He used his head to direct her toward the dining room.

She understood and lowered the footrest, then used the chair arm to hoist herself upward on her one unencumbered leg. She turned and hobbled through the archway.

Devon followed and moved past her to pull out a chair. “Sit. I'll get us something. What do you want?”

“Water with ice is fine for me.”

He didn't respond but scooted past her and vanished into the kitchen.

She maneuvered her leg beneath the table and shifted around, her gaze on Devon in the kitchen making himself at home. She loved seeing him comfortable there.

In a moment, he returned and set the water in front of her. She took a sip, not realizing how worry had dried her throat. When she set down the glass, she turned her attention to Devon. “Tell me what you want to know.”

He stared at her a moment, a look of surprise softening to concern. “Just tell me if I'm right, okay?”

His suggestion seemed more convoluted, but she nodded in agreement.

“You care about me.” He lifted his gaze to hers. “More than care.”

His questioning eyes filled her heart. She couldn't lie to him, though she wished she could. “Yes, I care very much.”

“You're worried about whether I can stick with a relationship long term. Afraid I'll walk away from you in bad times.”

“Absolutely not, Devon. You were faithful to Gina, and I think you'd still be married to her if she'd stuck with you. It was her failure not yours.”

His eyes glazed as if trying to comprehend what she'd said. “Then it's not me.”

“It's not you, Devon. It's...”

“Adam. You're still in love with him and can't let go.”

A rattled sigh fluttered from her chest. “No. It's not Adam. Yes, I love him, but I have let him go not only for my sake but for Joey's.” She shook her head. “It's my head, Devon. It's all in my head and my weak faith.”

He drew back, a look of surprise bursting on his face. “You don't have weak faith. How can you say that? I've watched you—”

Her cell phone jangled, and Devon halted, his gaze on the phone.

“Devon, I—”

“Answer it.” He waved his hand toward it. “We've waited this long.”

She eyed Neely's name on the caller ID. The interruption gave them a short detour. She'd been ready to talk if only to quiet Devon's fears, but their talk needed time.

The cell rang a third time. She pulled her gaze away from Devon and answered.

“Paula just called to tell us Aunt Florence died.”

Ashley closed her eyes. “We should have gone to visit and not listened to Paula. Now I feel guilty.”

“Don't feel guilty, Ash. We offered and she discouraged us, but now it's different. Paula needs our support. I was surprised at how broken up she was.”

“I suppose it's regret.” Ashley's memory took her back to the difficult years with her mother. “She's like us, Neely, wishing she and her mother had gotten along better. I wonder if she knows why her mother and Mom were both so closed up, so unwilling to say something nice.”

“She's probably in the same situation we are. Mom's gone and now Aunt Florence. We may never know.”

Ashley rubbed her temple, her question still niggling her thoughts until Neely's question broke her musing.

“We should go now, don't you think?”

Ashley eyed her cast. “We need to. With no siblings, we're about as close to a sister as Paula will ever have.” Joey's voice drifted in from the living room. “I wonder if Dad could watch Joey for me.”

“Take him with us. I'm sure Dad will come up for the funeral anyway.”

“I hate to drag him along, but I suppose I will.”

“Should we leave tonight? We can get there in time to help with the details. It's about a three-hour drive. Maybe a little longer.”

Ashley's gaze shifted toward Devon. The call had interrupted their talk, and now... “I'll get ready. Give me an hour, okay?”

Neely agreed, and when Ashley ended the call, a hollow feeling crept through her. She lifted her gaze to Devon. “My aunt died, and we're going to leave tonight. Paula has no one, and I know she needs support. She lives near Roscommon.”

“Kaylee and I were talking about ordering pizza for dinner. I'll take Joey for you tonight and tomorrow, but I'll be back to work the following day so maybe you could work something else out for that.”

“Are you sure, Devon? I hate dumping on you again.”

“Dumping? I love time with Joey, and Kaylee's great with him now.” He gave her a silly look. “How about your dad for Saturday?”

“That will probably be the funeral. Dad could bring Joey with him. That won't be a problem.” A knot formed in her chest. “You're sure?”

“Positive.” He rose and slid his chair back. “What can I do to get Joey ready to go?”

“You're a lifesaver, Devon.” As the words left her mouth, she realized he really was, and that was their major problem. As she made her way off the chair, the irony caught in her throat. “I owe you one, Devon.” She slipped her arm around his waist. “I owe you two.”

He lifted his index finger and touched her lower lip, and her heart sang.

Devon grinned. “Maybe three or four.”

She understood, and despite her resistance, she loved his affection.

* * *

The children tucked into their beds, Devon poured a glass of cola and sat beside the phone. He had to call Renee before the reasonable time to make a call passed him by. Eight-thirty wasn't too late. He grasped the receiver and hit the phone number. He hoped Renee would answer and not her husband. Dwight had a tendency to block calls to Renee and wanted to deal with the issue himself. This problem needed Renee's cooperation.

His palm grew sweaty as he waited for someone to answer, and when he heard Renee's voice, a flash of relief spurred him forward. “We need to discuss Kaylee's well-being.”

“Well-being? What are you talking about?”

“Gina's in the hospital again, and Kaylee is disturbed. She asked to live with me, and I think that's the best solution we have, Renee. She needs to have at least one parent.”

“Do you think I don't care about her well-being, Devon. I've nearly raised your daughter.”

“I'm not doubting your ability.” He sucked in air. “But you just said the key word. Kaylee is my daughter.”

“I don't believe she asked to live with you, Devon. I think you've put words—”

“Stop right there, Renee. I did not coach or even suggest that possibility to her. We were looking at books and I suggested she read one to me. I know you've been working with her on sounding out words. That's when she told me about her mother's hospitalization.”

Renee's sigh rattled from the phone. “I asked her to avoid that subject, and I—”

“And I asked you to stop telling her to lie. She—”

“Devon, I said ‘avoid' not ‘lie.' I've never asked her to lie.”

The conversation would go nowhere if they got hung up on that issue. He tried to refocus. “I've never asked Gina to give up custody. Kaylee has always lived with her since my work has always been a scheduling problem. I appreciate that you've worked with me on this, but since Gina is in the hospital more than she's home, the arrangement is senseless. I want to spend quality time with my daughter, and I think it's time she moved here with me.”

“I think not. Anyway, the decision is her mother's, and until you get that, you'll have to accept the present arrangements.”

A chill rolled down his arms as icy thoughts coursed through his brain. Dealing with Renee seemed useless, and his only hope was to get a lawyer behind him, but he didn't want to drag Kaylee into court to state her decision. He couldn't hurt her like that. His mind spun as it thawed, and a new argument slipped inside. “Let's not argue over this, Renee. We both want what's best for Kaylee. She asked to stay here, and I'm willing to make it temporary until Gina is home again. When that happens I'll discuss the situation with her.”