Love Inspired January 2014 - Bundle 2 of 2: Bayou Sweetheart\The Firefighter's New Family\Season of Redemption (31 page)

His head shot up, and it took him a second to understand her
question. “About Kaylee, you mean?”

She nodded. “I just wondered. I know you're thrilled that she
told you the truth on her own.”

“That was one of the best moments I've experienced in months
with Kaylee. I can be a real dad. She not only told me what was happening but
said she'd love to live with me.” He shook his head. “I was so—”

“You were amazed.”

“Amazed. Yes.” His head lowered. “But I'm not sure what to do.
What's best for her? I'm struggling with separating my heart from my brain. This
decision needs wisdom, and I—”

“Devon, can't wisdom and heart be the same?” Hearing her
response surprised her. She'd struggled with the head-heart battle since she'd
met Devon. Maybe the two could never agree.

His head inched upward. “Maybe it can.” He sat a moment, and
before he said anything else, the music began and the choir filed in and settled
into their seats.

She realized the conversation would continue later, but her own
question stayed put in her mind. Could her emotion and her wisdom come up with
the same result? Her thoughts roiled in her head until the choir opened the
service. The words to the old hymn washed through the room in soft sweet lilting
tones.
I need Thee, oh, I need Thee. Every hour I need
Thee
. She needed help.

So did Devon. He slipped his hand over hers and gave it a
pat.

His action gave her hope that he realized his need for God in
his life. She kept her focus on the music and in prayer.

As the service progressed, the theme for the day came to life
in the opening song. Then the pastor spoke on the need for the Lord's guidance
and love, and the way to receive it was through trust.

Awareness swept over her. She lacked trust and not only trust
in God, but trust in everyone. She lived on the fringe of fear, and it was no
way to live. In fact, it wasn't really living. The meaning rolled through her,
leaving her searching for ways to overcome her present view of life.

As the service reached its close, the congregation stood for
the final prayer. She remained seated, not wanting to balance on one foot, but
Devon rose, sending her a smile and a nod. After the prayer, the congregation
agreed in a final Amen, and the pastor lifted his arms. “Remember these words
from Proverbs 3:5-6. “
‘Trust in the Lord with all your
heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge
him, and he will make your paths straight.'
Now, go in peace.”

The choir rose and sang its final song, the music a backdrop
for her thoughts. The simple words from Proverbs covered her with a kind of
peace she hadn't felt in a long time. She had to trust the Lord with all of her
being and not try to make sense of life on her own. If she trusted fully, the
Lord would guide her.

When she opened her eyes and lifted her head, Devon stood as if
transfixed. She needed her crutches, but she didn't want to disturb him. She
longed to know where his thoughts lay.

The anthem ended and the choir filed out in the hum of
conversation as worshippers made their way toward the door. Devon looked at her,
a smile easing to his face. He didn't ask but bent to retrieve her crutches. As
she put them beneath her arms, his hand rested again against her back as if
supporting her.

She inched her way out of the pew and into the aisle where
people she knew greeted her and asked about her health.

Devon paused with her until she had a moment free and then he
motioned toward the side door. “I'll go that way and collect Joey, okay?”

“Good idea.” She nodded to the people. “I'm like a snail
here.”

“Don't rush. I'll meet you at the front.”

He hurried away, and her spirit lifted. Maybe the head and
heart could come to an agreement if she could hang on to trust and faith.

If
. Why had she used the word? She
could never move ahead while she continued to question herself.
Lord, I need You. Oh, I need You.

* * *

Devon hooked Joey into his car seat, making sure the
belt was secure before turning his attention to Ashley. She slipped onto the
seat, using her crutches as a prop while she swung in her legs. He chuckled.
“You're becoming quite proficient with those crutches.”

“It's that or scream.” She tilted her head and sent him a silly
grin. The sunlight glistened on her hair falling in a cascade around her
shoulders, and golden highlights glinted in the sea of mahogany.

His fingers twitched to weave through the soft curls. He closed
the passenger door and hurried around the car, sending his thoughts deep into
his mind. She'd stated her feelings. Friends only. Her declaration rang like a
punishment and not a promise of possibilities.

He slid into the driver's seat, took a final look at Joey
playing with a miniature car he'd found tucked into the seat and headed toward
the highway. The pastor's message had lightened his spirit and now he grappled
with the issues at hand. His relationship with Ashley and his confusion over
Kaylee ended the bliss he'd enjoyed.

“Devon.”

He glanced toward Ashley, surprised he'd drifted so far
away.

“Are you okay?”

He slipped his hand from the wheel and touched her arm. “I'm
fine. I enjoyed the service and the message. It's one I needed to hear.”
If only I can hang on to it.

“Do you want to talk more about Kaylee?”

He knew she was looking at him, and though he needed to make a
decision, he felt overwhelmed. “I want her to live with me. I've decided that,
but first I need to search for somewhere she can stay on the days I work. It's
not like a nine-to-five job. I'm gone forty-eight hours, and—”

“Would you like a suggestion?” She tugged on her seat belt and
shifted in the seat to face him.

“My mother, right? I'm not sure that will—”

“Not your mother.”

His chest tightened and a scowl pulled on his face. “Then
who?”

“Me.”

She'd been Kaylee's suggestion, but the idea had seemed
far-fetched. “You're on crutches, Ashley. You have Joey, and you work, too. How
can you—”

“Kaylee can take care of herself for the most part, and she'd
be a help for me. She'll play with Joey and do little things that will make my
life easier. I don't see it as a problem. I have an extra bedroom, too.”

He weighed her words as he struggled with the “only being
friends” idea. Her suggestion would bind them together more tightly. Could he
keep his promise to remain friends when she'd already captured his heart?
“That's asking a lot of you, and think of the...ramifications.”

“What do you mean?” Her voice sounded tentative.

He figured she knew what he meant but didn't want to face it.
“We're weaving our lives together. Is that what you want?”

She didn't respond, but he could see she was thinking. “It's
not really weaving. It's...” She shrugged. “Kaylee will start school next year.
Then she'll just spend the evenings with me.”

“I'm a firefighter and always will be. It's not for a year or
two. One day you'll want to get on with your life, and then—”

“This is my life, Devon. I'm Joey's mother and I work in my
home. The arrangement works for me. And I'm not sure what the future holds,
but—”

Her voice sputtered with emotion. He sensed tears in her eyes,
and he wished he'd not started this conversation while he was driving. “I'm
sorry. I was wrong.” He longed to hold her, to soothe her, to understand what
he'd said that triggered her frustration. How could he continue to bind up the
strong feelings he had for her and not let them show? “I'll talk with Renee. I
hope she agrees without an argument, but with Gina in the hospital and her
health getting worse, I hope we can come to an amicable agreement without
getting attorneys involved.”

Ashley released a deep sigh. “Do you think it would come to
that?”

“I don't know what to think anymore. I'll talk with Renee and
we'll see.”

Chapter Ten

“I
need to talk with you, Renee.” Devon swallowed his apprehension, trying to maintain calm in his voice. He knew she would balk if he came on too strong.

“Talk about what?” His mild manner didn't alleviate her uptight attitude.

“Kaylee.”

“What about her?”

He wished they could talk in person, but he couldn't in front of Kaylee. Words were lost for a moment until he got a second wind. “Since her mother is hospitalized, I've decided to—”

“Gina's here, Devon. Would you like to speak to her?”

Air left his lungs. Now what? His argument failed, and yet her presence didn't change his mind. “Yes, if she's there.”

He heard the telephone receiver hit something hard and Renee's voice ebbing away from the phone. Moments passed while he clung to his cell phone and reorganized his thoughts.

“Devon.” Gina's voice sound feeble, no energy, no momentum. Dead.

Steadying himself, he grasped his determination. “How are you?”

“Okay.”

“When were you released?”

She sighed. “I'm sorry you learned about that. It was unfortunate.”

“Why is it unfortunate?” Tension knitted his body.

“You worry about things.”

“Your absence affects Kaylee's life, Gina, not mine. I should know when things aren't going well for you.”

“You can't do anything.” Her tone heightened.

“But I can. I think Kaylee should live here with me until you're up and about. Renee shouldn't be the one raising our daughter. Not when she has a father who's willing to care for her.”

“How, when you work the hours you do?” She ran out of breath. “Renee loves Kaylee, and—”

“I love her, Gina, and she loves me. She wants to—”

“No.”

He pulled back the phone and peered at it. “You can't say no and think that will end it.”

“But I did. No. She's staying here.”

He bit the edge of his lip, holding back the frustration that raged inside him. How could she expect him to accept her no? He didn't want to drag her to court, and he knew mothers always were favored over fathers, but... His jaw tightened. “Can I reason with you? Let's make the move temporary until you're ready to be a mother to her, when you can—”

“I am her mother. I'm not listening to another word.”

The clang of the receiver resounded in his ear and the hum of silence. He lowered his cell phone, hit the end button, and slipped it in his pocket as he crumpled against the chair back. What now?

What would convince her? Or would nothing result in an amicable change of custody? No matter what he did, Kaylee would be in the middle, and he never wanted to put her in that position. Her feelings outweighed winning a battle, but he wanted the best for her, too.

But what was best?

The sermon he'd heard the day before slipped into his mind. He couldn't battle this alone and the pastor had reminded the congregation that all they need do is give their problems to God and wait for His answer.
Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you
.

So simple. Yet could he do it? He lowered his face in his hands and prayed.

* * *

Hearing the disappointment in Devon's voice, Ashley drew back. “Renee said no?” His shadowed jaw gave him a worn-out appearance instead of the rugged one she loved to see. He looked crestfallen.

“It wasn't Renee. Gina's out of the hospital.”

The bottom fell from Ashley's stomach. “I'm so sorry it happened like this.” She moved her crutches out of the way and sat on the sofa as she patted the seat beside her.

He propped the crutches to the side and sank into the cushion. “I can fight her. It's not that. But I know a fight puts Kaylee in the middle. Her mother fighting for her on one side and her dad on the other. Where does that leave her but pulled from one to the other? I can't do it.” He lowered his face into his hands.

She rested her palm against his back, longing to hold him in her arms, but she'd promised herself to be more aware of her actions that encouraged romance. She couldn't guarantee anything. She had to know where she stood. What did she want? She didn't want to mislead Devon. But she didn't want to set herself up for failure. She wanted to be open to options besides the negative ones embedded in her mind.

Devon lifted his head and looked at her.

Acting on instinct, Ashley slipped Devon's hand into hers. “We both need to silence our fears and open ourselves to creative options. Open ourselves to the Lord's will.”

He weaved his fingers through hers. “I know. I keep thinking of the message in church. Hope. Trust. Faith. Sometimes I can't find them. I know they're there, but—”

“But we bury them under black thoughts. The buts and ifs of our lives are our undoing, Devon. I realize that now. When I said to you maybe head and heart can work together, I faced my actions and thoughts. Instead of saying never, we can say, it's possible.” She lifted her free hand and cupped his jaw, feeling a hint of bristles beneath his morning shave. “Do you understand what I mean?”

He gave a nod as he shifted his hand beneath hers and kissed her fingers. “I do, and I agree with you. It's too easy to be negative. Gina is home now, but Renee hinted that hospitalization will happen again. I assume it happened before except that was kept from me, too.”

She lowered her hand, her heart ready to burst from her chest. “And then you can act.”

“I don't wish Gina harm, but she's struggled now for years. Maybe years before she left me, and she kept that from me. It would be easy to do with my erratic work schedule. Now that I think of it, this was a possibility. It could easily be why she wanted to live with her sister. Renee knew what was going on—things I didn't know—and she wanted to safeguard Kaylee from those moments when she had little control over her emotions. That explains so much.”

“I'm glad you've sorted it out. It clears up some questions I'm sure you've had these past years.” She imagined where her mind would have gone if Adam had hidden problems from her. She would have blamed herself.

“I did. I faulted myself for not having what she needed, not being a good husband because of my work. The possibility that her illness drove her to Renee's, and not my faults or flaws, lifts a burden from my shoulders. It changes a lot of things.”

“Focuses your perspective.”

He nodded, his eyes glazed with thought. “I have a lot to rethink.”

And so did she.

* * *

“When's your appointment?” Devon watched Ashley's smile broaden.

“This Wednesday and—could I hear a drumroll?—the surgeon said I might get my walking cast then.” She lifted her arms and shook imaginary pom-poms.

“Congratulations.” He reached over and gave her a high five. “But don't be disappointed if it doesn't happen. He said you
might.
” He settled into the easy chair.

A playful scowl slipped to her face. “Don't ruin my moment. I'm confident that it will happen.”

He tilted his head, wanting to tell her he hated to say I told you so if it didn't happen. “I'll hope along with you. How's that?”

“Good.” She leaned back in her chair. “My appointment is on July 3, so you know what that means?”

“Hmm... Let me see. Could it be the Fourth of July?” He sent her a playful grin, happy she'd introduced the subject. “I'm off, and I'll have Kaylee. How about a picnic to celebrate? Maybe even some fireworks later.”

She pointed to the cast. “Only if...” She shrugged. “Walking through a park on crutches wouldn't be—”

“A park isn't the only place for a picnic. You've never been to my house, have you?”

Her eyes widened. “No, but I've always admired it from the street.”

“Then my yard would work fine. Different for you and Joey, and convenient for both of us.”

“And fireworks?” She arched a brow.

Happy she'd asked, he gave her a wink. “We can see the fireworks at Rackham Golf Course from my upstairs balcony. Comfortable seats and no crowd.”

“You've thought of everything.” She rubbed her hand along the top of her cast. “And if this thing is off, I'll be the best company you've ever had.”

“You are anyway.” When he saw a flush rise to her cheeks, his pulse skipped. She did care about him, but he longed for more. He sensed she felt the pull of attraction when they were together, but she fought it. Hiding her emotions hadn't worked. He read it in her face, and he wished he understood what she wanted to avoid when it came to falling in love.

She brushed at her cheek as if the flush were stray hairs. “If I have a walking cast, I can make it down the aisle at Neely's wedding without crutches.”

The time had flown since he'd met Ashley. Sometimes it seemed like yesterday, and other times, he felt as if he'd known her forever. “Maybe you can dance at her wedding.”

“I'm not sure about dancing. Walking will be enough for me.” She grinned, and as her grin faded, she lowered her head. “Can you arrange a specific day off from work? I know your schedule is different from most people's.”

“Usually.” His pulse skipped as he anticipated her invitation. “What day in particular?”

“You know I'm asking you to be my escort for the wedding. It's August 3.”

“I'd be honored to be your escort. I'll put in for the day.” He sent her a wink. “Maybe even two.”

She was about to respond, but the side door opened, and Joey's voice sailed from the kitchen. He whipped around the corner, and his eyes widened. “Devon.”

He chuckled, hearing the boy pronounce his name correctly. He opened his arms, and Joey bounded toward him. Snatching him up, Devon twirled him around and set him down by Ashley.

“There's my boy.” She wrapped him in a bear hug. “Did you and Grandpa have fun?”

Neely came through the archway and grinned. “I brought you a container of soup. I made it for Dad, and I think I have enough for a battalion.” She grinned at Devon. “How's it going?”

He gave her a thumbs-up.

“Dad and Joey had a great time. The park had clowns, a guy making balloon animals, face painters, although you'll notice your son doesn't have one.”

“Why not?” Ashley gazed at Joey. “You didn't want—”

He shook his head as if dislodging a bee. “For girls.”

A laugh burst from Devon. “Typical boy.” He recalled his own feelings as a kid. He'd been shocked when one day girls looked different to him. Much different.

Ashley and Neely covered their mouths to avoid laughing.

Ashley motioned toward the sofa. “Neely, why don't you sit.”

“I can't stay, but I wanted to tell you I got a phone call from Paula and she said—”

“Paula who?”

“Our cousin.” Neely rolled her eyes.

Ashley sighed. “Who else? We haven't heard from her in a long time.”

“She called about her mother. Aunt Florence isn't doing well.” Neely sank onto the sofa. “She and Paula didn't get along remember? That's why Paula moved out years ago, but now she's back caring for her.”

Ashley shook her head. “Sounds familiar, doesn't it?”

Neely gave a nod. “Paula's call made me think about Mom's critical ways. Aunt Florence and Mom were sisters. Something rubbed off on both of them.”

Uncomfortable listening to their family talk, Devon rose and moved to where Joey had dug out his toy schoolhouse and playground. Not wanting to eavesdrop, he joined Joey and put the desks into the school while Joey created a playground with the swing and slide.

Devon had been curious about their mother. Ashley didn't say much about her except her mother had died. Maybe Ashley's avoidance of relationships had something to do with her relationship with her mother. Far-fetched, but it helped having something concrete to ease his confusion.

Neely pulled keys from her pocket. “I need to go.” She rose and took a step toward Joey. “Bye, sweetie.” She gave a little wave and then faced Devon. “Sorry. I didn't mean to take over the conversation.”

He waved her words away. “You had family business. You'll notice I've got important work here.” He held up one of the plastic children and set it behind the toy desk.

Neely grinned, offered another goodbye wave and headed toward the side door.

When the side door closed, he rose from the floor, since Joey was entertaining himself, and shifted closer to Ashley. “Does this mean a visit to your aunt?”

She shook her head. “Paula suggested we wait, but I don't know. The question is, wait for what?”

Understanding her innuendo, he shook his head. “You should do what you think is right.”

Her thoughtful expression ebbed. “We'll see.”

Finding a way to lead the conversation into Ashley's relationship with her mother seemed pointless. He could see she'd dismissed that conversation. He slipped into the easy chair. “How will you get to your appointment Wednesday?”

“Neely's taking me. She'll go into work late.”

“I'm off on Wednesday. I'd be happy—”

“You do enough for me, Devon. I've made plans with Neely.”

Ashley's abrupt response threw him. Either she was irritated or distracted, but he didn't like the feeling and he stood. “I have lots to do today, so I'll be on my way.” He raised his hand in a half wave and made his way to the door. As he closed it, he caught a glimpse of surprise on her face. He suspected it matched his own surprise.

* * *

Sitting in Devon's backyard, Ashley had tried to find a moment to apologize for her sharp retort when she'd last seen him. She owed him that. She'd hurt him. He'd stayed away for a few days, and though she knew part of his absence meant he was working, she'd also noticed his car in and out of his driveway a couple of times. She hadn't deciphered why she'd spoken as she had to him, although she suspected the reason. Devon had gotten into her bloodstream, and he had almost become the air she breathed.