Love Comes Blindly (book 5) (The Fielding Brothers Saga) (11 page)

“Madeline,” he called out and threw his arms around her in a big bear hug.

She laughed and returned the gesture. “It’s so good to see you.” She glanced at his daughters. “Good afternoon, Jennifer, Louise.”

They greeted her with wide smiles.

Maddie
pulled away from the burly man and folded her arms. “Tell me, Mr. McClain, are you taking care of that leg like the doctor instructed?”

“Yes. My darling daughters won’t let me do any hard labor until I’m fully healed.”

“Good. I’m pleased to know you’re being well taken care of.”

“Very well, indeed.
I have actually acquired a few more horses, and I’m looking for help. You wouldn’t know of anyone, would you?”

Gregg’s name came to mind, but that wasn’t something he would do. He probably wanted to return to England to get back to his life at the newspaper. “No, I fear I haven’t met anyone lately who might have those kinds of skills.”

“Well, I suppose the only thing left to do is spend my money here.”

“Excellent idea, Mr. McClain.
The children will be eternally grateful for a new school.”

Mr. McClain’s gaze wandered over her shoulder, so she turned to see where he was looking. Gregg was right beside her. His nearness made her jump.

“Good afternoon, Miss Madeline.” He grinned wide.

“Greetings, Mr. Fielding. I’m pleased to see you out and about.”

Mr. McClain put forth his hand in greeting.
“Tom McClain here.”
He shook Gregg’s hand.

“I’m Gregg Fielding.”

“Forgive me for prying, but are you one of the men injured in that cannon explosion?”

“Indeed, I am.” He nudged Madeline’s elbow. “But thanks to this sweet woman, I’m doing much better. She nursed me back to health.”

Heat crept up Madeline’s cheeks from his compliment. Did he mean what he said? Or was this talk all for show? She knew how well Gregg could charm anyone.

“Our little Madeline is a gift from God.” McClain cupped her chin and winked.

“Oh, enough you two.”
She shooed them with her hands. “You talk as if I’m not standing right here listening.”

Gregg chuckled and then smiled at Tom’s daughters. “And who might these lovely ladies be?” He took Jennifer’s hand and placed a kiss upon her knuckles.

Madeline clenched her teeth. Why jealousy would sneak upon her now, she didn’t know, but she wished it to leave posthaste.

The young woman curtsied. “I’m Jennifer.” She nodded to the girl beside her. “And this is my younger sister, Louise.”

Gregg placed a customary kiss on Louise’s knuckles, making the girl turn red. “It’s a pleasure, Miss Louise.” She curtsied, too.

Tom patted Gregg on the shoulder. “Fielding, if you are up to it this fine day, would you like to join us as we wander the bazaar, looking for places to spend my money?”

Gregg grinned. “I would love to.” He turned to Madeline and winked. “Have a pleasant afternoon. I shall talk to you later.”

Her heart dropped as sadness overwhelmed her. It had been a long time since she wished for a different life. Glancing down at her drab gray dress with its white collar and cuffs, she smoothed out the few wrinkles against her middle. She used to wear colorful gowns of silks and satins, always having the newest styles in London. Now she longed to be that carefree girl and socialize the way she used to. Then again, she’d flirted too much three years ago, and had used her knowledge of passion the wrong way.

Now things would be different, though. She wasn’t young and naïve. She’d experienced the cruel lessons of life and love. Yet she still dreamed of wearing fancy gowns and attending social events. She longed to feel like a woman...to feel alive. She especially wanted to walk by Gregg’s side, feeling like the most fortunate woman around.

Gregg must have brought back these feelings. Either that or she’d hidden them really well until his arrival in Scotland.

A tear slid down her cheek before she realized she’d been crying. Quickly, she wiped away the proof of her unhappiness and returned to helping the nuns.

Nightfall came quickly. As each hour passed, she became wearier, both mentally and physically. The more she watched Gregg enjoying himself with Tom’s daughters, the more she wanted to join them...and the more jealous she became. It had been many years since Madeline had experienced this uneasy feeling, and disappointment washed over her to think it had returned. Three years ago whenever she became jealous, revenge had been on the top of her list to accomplish. Now that emotion was not part of who she was today.

Gregg’s laughter was infectious, and she smiled. Yet it didn’t help her sour mood since she wasn’t the one making him this way. Why couldn’t he forgive her and want to be around her? Then again, she’d hurt him terribly. Perhaps her sin had been unforgivable.

A musical group had formed and began playing. Those who remained danced, enjoying themselves even more. So far they’d raised enough money to build the school, so the rest of the evening was all about rejoicing in the event and being with great company.

Gregg danced with one of Tom’s daughters again. Three years ago he’d been the best looking man in London, although at the time Madeline had convinced herself it was her brother-in-law. But Gregg certainly knew how to dance. She’d enjoyed herself in his arms back then. He’d even mentioned a few times how perfect they were together. Whether he was flirting or not, the truth was they had so much in common.

Every time he had charmed her, her heart fluttered. Even their arguments were heated. Many times she was tempted to kiss him, but then she’d remember she had been after her brother-in-law, and so tried to put Gregg out of her mind. It never did work the way she’d wanted because he always invaded her thoughts.

Madeline shook away the memories and helped clean what she could. Once most of the bazaar had been cleaned up, she relaxed under a tree, leaning her shoulder against the trunk as she watched the dancers, now fewer in number. Gregg wasn’t with them this time.

She sighed heavily, wondering what she was going to do about him. She couldn’t force him to forgive her. Unfortunately, she couldn’t force him to love her, either.

Was that what she really wanted?
Love?

The leaves rustled near her and a large presence stepped beside her. “I believe your thoughts have taken you away from here.”

She looked up to see Gregg grinning down at her. “Good evening,” she said softly. “Did you have a good time today?”

“Indeed, I did.”

“Are you ready to retire for the night?”

“No. I noticed you standing over here all by yourself and thought you would enjoy some company.”

She smiled. “Why would you leave several beautiful women to come stand by me?”

“I happen to think you’re just as beautiful,
Maddie
. Your appearance has only improved over time.” He stroked his fingers along her hair to the tight bun at the back of her head. “Thank heavens you are not dressed the same, though.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Because the other ladies would be in your shadow, my lovely.
You were always catching the attention of all the men wherever you went.”

She shook her head. “That was three years ago. A lot has changed. I have changed.”

He stroked her cheek. “I watched you this evening, and I could tell how badly you wanted to dance. That hasn’t changed,
Maddie
.”

“Perhaps there was a moment tonight when I thought about the past, and yes, I wanted to dance. But that will never happen again.”

“Why?”

She sighed heavily. “Gregg, dancing is to socialize. Why should I do that when I will never find a decent match? What kind of man is going to want to marry me and take me to social functions like this where I can wear lovely gowns?”

“These people here have accepted you, and it’s obvious how much they care. I’m inclined to believe they won’t care how lowly you dress.”

“True, but Gregg,” she whispered as she placed her hand on his chest. “They don’t know about my past. They don’t know about Vivian, and they never will.” She turned and walked away from him, going deeper into the shadows of the tress, closer to the Abbey’s gardens. From the soft footsteps behind her, she knew he followed. “The life I dreamed of will never become a reality. As much as I want to marry and have children, I don’t see that happening.”

“So, are you going to live at the Abbey forever?”

She glanced at him and chuckled. “There’s a life here I could be satisfied with. But ever since you came back into my life, I have
been doubting
a lot of things.”

He grabbed hold of her shoulders. “Tell me, please?”

She really didn’t want to. She didn’t want to let him hear her insecurities, her hopes or her dreams. But she also didn’t want him to leave, and if confessing would make him stay, she’d do it.

Chapter Eight

Nodding, Madeline took a deep breath for courage to tell him what’s in her heart. “Gregg, against my will, I find myself lonelier than I have ever felt before. Tonight I dreamed of wearing fancy gowns, styling my hair in the latest fashions, and gaily dancing the night away. But most of all I miss...” She trailed off, hesitating.

“What?” he urged, moving closer until his body touched hers.

Madeline’s heart raced, and she cursed her weakness. She wanted him and no other. But her past mistakes told her she’d never have him.

She swallowed hard. “I miss being held and comforted…by a man.”

A smile widened his mouth. “Why do you suppose you feel this way?”

Shrugging, she toyed with a leaf on the over-hanging tree limbs. “I believe I feel this way because you are back in my life, bringing back all those memories I had and wanted to forget.”

“Do you want to return to the girl who I knew three years ago?”

“Of course not, but returning to that kind of life…well, that’s a different matter.” She stepped away from the leaf, wrapped her arms around her middle and swayed to the music playing in the distance. “I cannot help wanting to be amongst my friends, laughing and enjoying myself. I miss dancing all night long with gentlemen who are eager to make my acquaintance.”

Gregg ran his hands down each arm, cupping her elbows. Slowly, he bent his head closer until his lips hovered above hers. “Do you want to dance with just any man, my lovely?”

“No.”

“Whom then?”

For a moment she thought he would kiss her, but as she readied herself to make the first move to kiss him, his arms shifted and he held her in dance position. Slowly, he moved her in the rhythm of the waltz playing.

“Whom, my lovely?
What man do you miss dancing with?”

Their eyes held and breaths mingled in the heart-hammering moment. How she wanted more than anything to confess her love, but until he forgave her and she gained his trust, making such a confession would only push him away.

“What makes you think I miss one man in particular?”

“Because there is a gleam in your lovely eyes that tells me this.
You forget how well I can read you.” He tightened his arm around her waist, bringing her closer.

“How can I forget? That was one of the things I remember most about you…how well we could relate to each other.”

“So then tell me what I want to know. Tell me, who is the man you have missed the most?”

She hesitated to confess. Three years ago he’d believed she loved Andrew. In Gregg’s eyes, she saw uncertainty. Could he be wondering if she still thought of Andrew?

“You, Gregg,” she said. “In all these years apart, you are the one who has been occupying my thoughts.”

He arched an eyebrow. “Are you certain? Because the last I had heard, you were infatuated with your brother-in-law.”

“I was young and foolish back then. I had wanted to believe Andrew held my heart, but after meeting you, there were times I realized Andrew was not the man on my mind.”

Their dancing slowed considerably, but he still held her in the dance position.

“When was this?”

“When I still lived in England…before you had ended our betrothal.”

Within seconds, a happy and relaxed expression graced his handsome face. “You don’t say.” He grinned. “Your actions certainly spoke different volumes, my lovely.”

“I realize this, but as I said before—I was young and didn’t know my own mind. Or heart. It wasn’t until after I left England when I understood the turmoil I had caused not only to myself, but to those around me.
Especially you.”
She pulled her hand out of his grasp and lifted it to caress his cheek. “That is the reason I have so many confusing feelings running through me right now. It’s because I’m with you once again. Gregg, out of all the people I hurt, you are the one I want to make amends with.
You and only you.”

Before he could respond, she leaned forward and pressed her mouth against his. Immediately, he took her in his strong embrace, holding her tightly against him. His responding kiss was so tender, so sweet, tears sprang to her eyes. Dare she hope he had the same feelings? Dare she hope he still loved her as he did when he thought she was Sister Mary?