Love Charms (40 page)

"See,"
Alex said, nodding and listening.  "That's the thing, Evan.  I believe
you.  At least I believe that's what you believe, but I don't know for sure
yet.  Desiree confirmed most of what you said, but who knows?  The issue I have
is: if I let her out, and let her stay with you, then what?"

Evan's
brow softened, confused.  "I don't understand."

"Desiree
told me everything.  I guess it's a good thing, too.  You wanted to leave us,
Evan?  I hope you understand that I can't just
let
you do that. 
Understand, it's not that I hate you.  I don't even hate her--that zombie chick
outside.  I honestly couldn't care less what happens to her.  One of them is no
concern to me.  I need you around to keep the camp stable, though.  That's my
main prerogative.  It's logic, plain and simple, and that's that."

"So
you're blackmailing me?" Evan asked.  Clenching his teeth, he dared a dart
of his eyes towards Sadie's prison, then looked back at Alex.

"Basically. 
You make it sound bad.  But I can't take chances now, you know?  If you leave,
then what?  We're stuck.  You told Desiree you wanted to help us find a place
for the winter?  Well, here we are.  We'll take this house.  You stay here
until the middle of spring and we'll call it even, how about that?"

"Fine,"
Evan said.  "I'll stay, alright?  Just let Sadie out and I'll stay."

Alex
stared at him hard.  His jaw worked, mechanical and stiff, as he said his next
word.  "No."

"Alex,
you can't--!"

"If
you keep quiet about everything and don't arouse suspicion with anyone in the
camp, I'll let you and the zombie sneak off and go live in zombieland all you
like.  In the spring, Evan.  If you try anything, that's it, though.  I don't
want anymore of your 'Let's save them' bullshit circling through camp.  Keep it
to yourself.  You don't want to know what I'll do otherwise.  I've told
everyone we're going to try and figure out this disease, like you wanted, but
you do realize how fast medical experimentation can turn to torture, don't
you?"

Evan's
lips parted.  His mouth felt dry, his throat parched, with a torrid, slightly
salty sting from the theatre popcorn clutching and squeezing his neck, choking
him.  Not even that long ago he and Sadie were enjoying themselves, walking
home close together.  He promised her he'd stay the night with her and now...

"I
don't want to, Evan.  I never wanted any of this.  This is what I'm left with
and this is what I need to do, though.  It's them or us.  You don't understand,
but that's how it is.  The world's a fucked up place now and I can't afford to
screw myself over anymore.  There's no more heroes or Save-the-World mission
statements.  That shit just gets you killed."

"I'll
show you," Evan said, practically pleading.  "We really can help
them, Alex.  Let me show you.  We can go outside right now and..."

"I've
given orders to the others not to let you near her.  I told them she'll likely
become enraged upon seeing you.  Everyone thinks this was all according to
plans and you taking her away from the house for a few hours was to give us
time to set this up.  If you attempt to go anywhere near her, the others were
told to physically restrain you with maximum force."

"What
are you--?"

"It's
a hard world, Evan.  It sucks, but this is a hard world and you need to get
used to it.  Even if you can help one of them, what does it matter?  There's a
billion more to take her place.  You need to just give up, do what I ask, and
then fuck all if I care what you do after that."

Alex
shrugged and walked away, leaving Evan staring outside.

"Desiree's
upstairs in one of the rooms, by the way," Alex said, standing at the end
of the hallway near the master bedroom: Sadie's room.  "I'm commandeering
this room for our base of operations here, but you'll stay with her tonight. 
For appearances.  I get that you're probably upset with her, but if you
understand your situation you'll go up there and go to sleep.  After tonight
you can find another room."

Or
else, Evan thought.  Or else they'd hurt Sadie, "experiment" on her,
torture and torment her, claiming it was for the sake of a cure; some
non-existent vaccine to prevent anyone else from growing ill.  What were they
going to do to her?  He didn't know, didn't want to know, and yet he did.  He
wanted to get her out of there and...

He
couldn't.  He couldn't do anything.  Bleary-eyed, stumbling, feeling cold and
dead like one of the people he wanted to save, he walked towards the stairs
leading to the second floor of the house.

* * *

"Evan,"
Desiree said.  "I..."

Evan
choked on his own words, finding it difficult to speak.  He managed to rasp out
a few, though.  "Why did you do it?"

"We
needed this place," she said.  "Everyone did."  Despite the
conviction of her words, she sounded unsure.  "I... I didn't think Alex
would do what he did.  I thought maybe... and I had a few glasses of Riesling,
and... I'm still a little confused about it all, but I'm sure in the morning we
can talk to him and..."

He
swallowed hard, forcing moisture into his mouth.  "She's in a cage,
Desiree.  Did you see them do that, too?  They put Sadie in a cage like some
monster.  You talked to her, didn't you?  You knew her?  They put her in a
fucking cage!"

The
pretty girl, his previous friend, shied away from him when he shouted.  She sat
on the bed while Evan drooped against the closed bedroom door.

"I
didn't know," she whispered.  "I... Evan, I thought... I was..."

Shy,
quietly, she crawled across the bed and climbed down to the floor.  She crept
across the rug, moving towards him, and then she pulled him to her in a hug. 
Evan sat there, oblivious, vaguely letting his arms drop to the side.

Desiree. 
He liked Desiree.  He used to, anyways.  He always enjoyed it when they'd watch
a movie on his laptop and laugh.  True, they sat on a cot in a tent, and they
rarely had any snacks to speak of, but it was fun.  It reminded him of before,
of normal life.  It reminded him that it didn't have to be terrible and
everything might work out in the end.

He
never knew if it really would or not, but he always hoped.  That's what he
wanted, and he tried every day for it.

Then
Desiree became quiet, more reserved.  Not exactly, and not for long, but when
she started opening up to him again, it was flirty and intimate.  He used to
brush it off as some phase.  That time of the month, something, whatever. 
Except she kept it up, kept teasing closer to him, trying to get close to him
in ways entirely different than friendship.

Desiree
tilted Evan's head up and kissed him lightly on the nose.  Her lips trailed
soft, gentle kisses, towards his lips.  She kissed the top of his mouth and
around, curving, following a path alongside the lines of his lip, grazing down
towards his chin, and...

Up. 
On his mouth.  They kissed, close and warm.  Sadie always said she felt so warm
near Evan.  Warm and alive and herself again.  Evan felt warmth and it reminded
him of her.

He
clutched at Desiree, unthinking, and kissed her back.  His lips latched onto
her mouth, hard, passionate, and he pulled her into him.  She came willingly, relishing
in his rough, intimate aggression.

She
wore a pair of flannel pajamas.  Not really flattering, but probably
comfortable.  Evan grabbed at the top and ripped the buttons from the seams,
pulling the whole thing loose.  Desiree squeezed him in her arms and dug her
fingers into his back, anything to stay close to him.

"Yesss,"
she said.  "Evan, please.  I need you so badly."

He
threw her onto the ground.  What was he thinking?  He didn't even know.  He was
upset and tired and in a rage.  Every thought in his mind reminded him of
Sadie.  Her quiet, unsure voice, but then the way she said everything so
matter-of-factly.

He
remembered earlier when he and Desiree first arrived.  "I found a
kitten," she said.

"What?" 
His face scrunched up then, confused.  What was she talking about?

"I
found a kitten," Sadie had repeated, then pointed to her shopping cart, to
the domed litter box with its entrance blocked off by a bag of dry cat food and
cat litter.  "She's in there."  And when he went to poke around and
investigate, she'd slapped his hand away.  "Careful!  We need to get her
inside."

The
kitten was all alone, Sadie told him.  But, maybe.  Maybe she could bring her
back here?  To her home.  Sadie was alone, too.  She and the kitten could be
alone together.  They could...

Where
was the kitten now?  Trapped, alone, hiding?  Huddled in a cage in a corner
somewhere, scared to death.  All by itself...

Evan
found himself crouched atop Desiree with his shirt undone and her pajama shirt
completely off.  She looked up at him, eyes wide, lips quivering.  Her body
trembled beneath him, panicked.

"Evan,"
she whimpered.  "Evan, that hurts.  I..."

He
had her breast in his hand, crushing it in his palm, pulling it hard.  Between
two of his fingers, he'd clamped onto her nipple and had been crunching it
between his joints.  She stared up at him, whimpering, while he abused her,
lost in a trance, thinking of Sadie, and Alex, and how he needed to help Sadie,
wanted to get her back.  About how he wanted to hurt Alex for taking her away
from him in the first place.

He
let Desiree go, snapping back to the reality of the situation.  Hurt, angry at
himself for hurting her, he rolled off of her and knelt beside her.  Lifting
her in his arms while she lay there, shivering in fear, he carried her to the
bed and lay her in it.

She
wouldn't look at him.  "Evan, I..."

"Desiree,"
he said, feeling so far away and lost.  "I'm so sorry.  I didn't mean to
do that.  I was somewhere else.  I don't know what happened.  It's... Desiree,
I'm upset, but I'd never do that to you.  I swear.  I don't want to hurt
you."

He
stood over the bed, glancing down at her.  She turned towards him and looked up
at him, frightened.  "It's my fault," she said.  "I... Evan, I'm
jealous.  There.  Alright?"  Her voice became less soft and more
accusing.  "I'm jealous of her.  I always thought it'd be me.  I always
thought you'd give in some day and just... I always thought it'd be me and
everything would work out.  I know it's dumb, Evan, but I love you too,
alright?"

"I
know you don't love me," she continued, burying her head in a pillow and
sobbing.  "I know you don't and I wish there was some way I could stop
feeling this way, but I can't.  And I drank too much wine.  That's not an
excuse, it's just what happened.  I was angry at you for taking her out
somewhere special.  You never took me anywhere.  We always just went to your
tent.  I think I ate too many of those rice crisps, too, and my stomach hurt,
and I just... I didn't know if I would, but I did.  I called Alex and it's all
my fault.  I was so hurt, Evan.  It hurts.  I don't know what to do."

Evan
removed his shirt and pants and let them drop into a pile next to the bed. 
Wearing only his boxers and socks, he lifted up the blankets.  With a nod,
barely looking at him, Desiree snuck beneath them.  Evan joined her.

He
stared at her, listless, looking through her more than at her.  She dared a
peek over at him, then averted her eyes quickly.  Shifting in the bed, Evan
shimmied closer to her, wordless.

"Evan,"
she said.  "I know what you must think of me.  I know you're upset.  If...
you can, alright?  You can do it.  You were angry before and you wanted to hurt
me and you can.  I won't say anything or tell anyone, I promise.  You can hurt
me, bruise me, hit me... if... if you want to force yourself on me in whatever
way, you can do it.  I know I deserve your hate."

Evan
inched closer to her.  His breath washed across her throat, hot and calm. 
Reaching out, he pulled on her shoulder, coaxing her to lay on her back.

Desiree
clenched her eyes shut and pursed her lips, waiting.

He
put his hand on her bare stomach and started rubbing in circles.

"What..." 
Blinking, she opened her eyes and looked at him.  "What are you
doing?"

"You
said your stomach hurt?" he said.

"Evan..."

"I
won't
hurt you," he said through gritted teeth, controlling
himself.  "It's not your fault, Desiree.  I got too wrapped up in all of
this.  I was too carried away.  I really like Sadie, you know?  I didn't think
about anyone else.  I wanted it so much.  I wanted everything to work out and I
thought if I was happy then that was enough, right?  If I was happy maybe
everyone else would be happy, and..."

"I
don't love you the way you want me to," he added, sober .  "I do love
you, though.  Like a friend.  You're basically my best friend now, you know?  I
don't have anyone else anymore.  I had Sadie and... but I ignored you,
Desiree.  I ignored you and I don't blame you for what you did and I'm
sorry."

He
rested his head on the pillow, watching her.  She gazed at him, quiet and
contemplative, while he rubbed her stomach.