Love and Truth (31 page)

“I turned it off. Jonathan wouldn’t stop calling. We had a really bad fight. We broke up.”

I saw Mr. and Mrs. Nakamura walk up behind Emiko and I knew something was wrong. They looked grief-stricken. I felt terrible for making them worry.

“Wait, why were you calling me?

The color evaporated from her face and she turned back to her parents. A feeling of dread spread through me and I began to shake.

“What, Emiko? Just say it… what is it?”

She reached out to hold my hand and the air around us was suddenly cold and still.

“Nicole...” Tears streamed down her face. “Your mother called at 3 am this morning. Your grandmother has been admitted to the hospital and she’s not doing well. Your mother says the doctors don’t think she’ll make it much longer. Your mom has booked you a flight back home today.”

My ears rang and I felt like I was falling. This had to be a nightmare. I closed my eyes tight and opened them again. The Nakamuras hugged each other and Emiko was crying. I stood up and backed away from them.

“No, this isn’t happening. She can’t die… I’ve been meaning to call her …I didn’t call her.” I started sobbing uncontrollably and Emiko part her arms around me.

“Nicole, I’m so sorry,” she said. “Let me help you pack and get ready. Your flight is in two hours. We need to hurry.”

“I’ll call your school today and let them know you have a family emergency.” Mrs. Nakamura said.

As we drove to the airport, I couldn’t remember the previous few hours. I was numb and broken. I was terrified for my Gran. I was afraid of what would happen if I got there too late. What if I never saw the bright light in my Gran’s eyes again? I needed to say goodbye and tell her how much I loved her. I blinked back the tears and wondered how I could have any tears left.

The Nakamuras wished me well at the airport and consoled me.

“You’ll be in our thoughts, Nicole San,” said Mr. Nakamura. “Please let us know how she’s doing when you get there. Don’t worry about school. Take all the time you need.”

I hugged them goodbye and walked like a zombie to the security gate. When I finally found my gate I sat down and stared into nothing. The flight was long and tiring. I tossed and turned, dozing sporadically. Thoughts of Jonathan crept into my mind, mixed with fear and grief over my Gran. It was all too much, so I closed my eyes and drifted back to sleep. Many hours later, the sound of the intercom woke me up.

My body was stiff and I had a Texas-sized headache when we arrived. I shuffled out of my seat, in no hurry to wait in line. When I finally saw my dad, standing with his hands shoved in his pockets and wearing a solemn expression, I realized how much I missed him. I broke down in the middle of the airport. I ran to him and he wrapped his arms around me.

“Daddy is she–”

”
Shhhh,
it’s okay. She’s still with us. Your mother’s there with her now.”

I sobbed into his chest, holding onto him just like I did as a little girl.

“Come on. Let’s get your things and get home. Annie’s at your mom’s waiting for you. She headed straight over there when she got off work.”

I smiled up at him.

“Your mother and I figured you could use her company. We’ll swing by and pick her up. Then I’ll take you guys to the hospital or you can ride with Annie in her car.”

The ride home felt longer than ever. Dad didn’t say much. He smiled and patted me on the leg occasionally. We pulled up at my house and Annie’s car was in the driveway. The front door flew open and Annie sprinted through the front yard to Dad’s car. I got out and she ran to me, grabbing me and giving me a big hug.

“I missed you so much,” she said. “I’m so sorry about your Gran, Nic.”

I heard her voice crack. She always wore a strong exterior but I knew she was hurting for me. “Thank you for being here. I missed you too.” I sniffled, trying to hold my tears back.

“Do you want to come get a shower and rest up a little before we go to the hospital?”

“No, I want to go now.” I turned and looked at Dad. “I’ll just ride with Annie. I’ll call you as soon as I can so we can talk, okay? I love you.” I gave him a big hug and a kiss on the cheek. Annie and I took my bags in the house. We locked up and jumped in her car; we were on the interstate in a minute.

“Are you okay, Nic? You look like you haven’t slept in days, are you okay?”

“No, I’m not okay. I found out about Gran right after Jonathan broke up with me.” I didn’t add any details. I was too tired to get into all of it.

”Oh my God, Nic. What happened?”

“Let’s just say that relationships suck and I know that first-hand now. I need to focus on Gran. I promise I’ll tell you all about it later.”

“Okay. I’m sorry, Nic.”

We pulled up at the hospital and I suddenly remembered that I hated hospitals. I didn’t like the way they smelled or felt. We walked through the sliding glass doors and up to Room 304. As I was walking down the hallway, I felt the walls closing in on me. I was scared of what I was going to see when I walked in her room.

“I can wait for you out here,” Annie said. “They said family members only.”

She gave me a quick hug and I stepped closer to the room. The number 304 stared at me. My hands were sweaty and I trembled. I turned the knob and pushed open the door slowly. What I saw punched me in the face. I wanted to turn and run, but I was frozen in place. My Gran didn’t look like my feisty, vibrant, take-no-prisoners Gran. She looked tiny and frail. She was asleep and tubes ran from her everywhere. Machines were beeping and Mom sat reading next to her. She hopped up when she saw me.

“Hi, honey. I’m so glad you made it safely.” She gave me a big hug. I reached up and swipe the moisture from my eyes. “Here, come sit down.”

I looked at Gran and back to Mom.

“What happened? What’s wrong with her?”

“Honey, she had a stroke and suffered a subarachnoid hemorrhage. They think it was caused by an aneurysm.” She looked down and I felt like there was something she wasn’t telling me.

“Mom, is she going to be okay? I mean the doctors can fix this right?” My voice cracked as I spoke, and Mom held my hand.

“Honey, she’s in a coma. The hemorrhage caused too much damage to her brain.” She squeezed my hand tightly. “We were only waiting until you got here. She’s not going to wake up. The machines are keeping her body alive because her brain can’t.”

No, this couldn’t be happening. I refused to believe this; I was looking at her, and I could see her chest rising and falling. She was alive, dammit! There was no way I came here to watch them unhook her and let her die.

“No, Mom! What if she can get better? How can we just give up on her?”

“Honey, I know it’s hard to understand and even harder to accept. But I’ve seen the condition of her brain. It’s not possible for her to recover. Honey, she’s brain dead. There’s no coming back from that.”

Just then a man in a white medical coat walked in the room. “Please, just let us know when you’re ready for us.”

He stepped back out and all the air left me.
Oh my God,
I thought.

“Mom, what’s he talking about?”

“Honey, please. I know this is hard. Trust me, I have sat here hour after hour since it happened. I have gone through every possible emotion and scenario in my head a million times.

Your Gran would never want to live like this.” She motioned to the bed and all the machines hooked up to wires and tubes. “She was too full of life to lay here like this. This is not what she would want and this is not how she would want us to remember her.”

I cracked and tears streamed from my eyes. “I didn’t get to say goodbye. I never called her. I forgot to call her, Mom. Now I’ll never hear her voice again. I just forgot to call…” I sobbed uncontrollably. My mom held me as I let it all out. “I didn’t get to tell her I loved her again!”

After Mom calmed me down the best she could, she called the doctor in. Nurses followed and people milled around, punching buttons, writing on charts, and adjusting wires and tubes. It happened all so fast, and then one by one they left the room, leaving only the doctor and one nurse. The nurse removed the breathing tube and the whooshing sound of the last machine quieted. The only machine working now was the one that monitored her heart. The rhythmic beat slowed and the pause between beeps slowly increased. I got up and walked over to her. I knelt beside her, rested my head and wrapped my hand in hers. I cried silently as the last beep sounded in my ears. The silence was numbing and the room was eerily calm.

I knew she was gone.

After the funeral, we cleaned out Gran’s house, packing up all of her things. All 81 years of a well-lived life were packed into ordinary, square brown boxes. It didn’t seem right. As I was clearing a shelf I found a familiar wooden box. I picked it up and brushed the dust off of it. I opened it up and all of the memories flooded back.

I’m 8-years-old again, staying at my Gran’s house for the weekend. I’m in bed and it’s dark. I hate the dark. At home there are monsters under my bed and at Gran’s they’re in the closet. I was asleep but woke up scared. I am staring at the closet, terrified. I start to cry and Gran comes rushing into the room, flipping on the bright light, and instantly I feel better.

“My dear child. What’s all that commotion coming from in here? What’s wrong? Did you have a bad dream, Honey Bunch?”

I nod and point to the closet.

“What’s there? Something in the closet scaring you?”

I pull the covers up to my chin.

“Gran, those monsters from home are under my bed. They came here and they’re in the closet.”

She raises her eyebrows. “Well, I’ll be. I don’t know what those rascals want with my closet, but we’ll just have to make them find a new closet in another house. You need your beauty sleep and I know just the thing to get rid of them”