Love and Truth (20 page)

“No, dammit! You’ve got a school full of girls and teachers that want you. You apparently enjoyed their company last summer. Why can’t you drive one of them home and leave me alone?”

“Look, Nicole. I don’t want them. I only want you.”

I looked and saw his hands gripping the steering wheel as he pulled over and came to a stop. I realized he was about to make a scene. Anyone who saw us was going to spread the word after they saw him making a fool of himself.

“Okay, okay,” I said. “I’ll get in the car, just please don’t make a scene.”

I scrambled into the passenger seat and pulled on my seatbelt. I was ready for a bumpy ride, as he pulled out and sped away.

“Are you out of your mind, Jonathan? Are you trying to get me kicked out of the academy on my first day? You’re so damn selfish, you know that?” I looked out the window, trying to avoid eye contact. I knew if I looked at him, I would turn to mush. A tear formed in my eye and I wiped it away

He drove silently, which made me grow angrier by the second.

“I don’t belong to you, Jonathan. You can’t keep reacting as if you own me. I don’t need all of this stress. Why can’t you respect that?” My voice grew louder until I was yelling at him, and still his only reaction was the whitening of his knuckles from his tightening grip on the steering wheel. His brow furrowed as he continued his silence. I saw our exit and he drove right past it.

“Hey, you were supposed to turn off there. What are you doing?”

“Shut up, Nicole,” He looked at me and I was suddenly nervous. “Just sit there and shut up. I said we need to talk and that’s what we’re going to do. I can’t exactly talk to you at the Nakamuras or at my house so we’re going to my beach house.”

“Wait. You have a beach house?”

“Yes, I told you I had a place at Okuma, remember? I bought it when I graduated with some of the insurance money from my dad’s death. Sometimes I want space of my own but I can’t force myself to leave my mom altogether. So this was my compromise. It’s only about thirty minutes away.”

I rested my head against the window. We veered around a corner and the ocean unspooled before us. He flipped on his music and the band Theory of a Deadman blared from his speakers. I didn’t flinch, and closed my eyes. I realized how exhausted I was and quickly lost the battle to my fatigue. I woke up twenty minutes later to his warm arms wrapped around me, the smell of the ocean and cinnamon against my face. My head rested on his warm chest and he carried me in his arms. I kept my eyes closed and inhaled, wanting to steal a few more minutes of this feeling. I heard a door open and felt him shuffle his shoes off and pad across the floor. Slowly, I felt him lower me onto a wonderfully soft bed. My heart raced and my eyes popped open.

“Hi,” he said as he brushed his fingers across my cheek and down my neck. All of the tension from before evaporated. He suddenly looked content.

“Huh?” It was all I could say, staring into his hypnotic green eyes.

He chuckled and looked down at me. “You’re even more beautiful when you’re sleeping, you know that?”

I blinked and tried to wrap my mind around what was happening.

“Um, thank you.” My voice quavered and I sat up.

“No, lay down. You’re tired. Let me go make something to eat while you rest. After we eat maybe you won’t be so crabby. You worked hard today.”

He stood and grinned the same smile that always blew me away.

“You think you’re cute, huh?”

“Only if you think so, sweetheart.” He winked and turned the corner.

I was left lying on his bed. I scanned the room and saw that it was breathtaking. The bedroom was entirely white; walls, bedding, the nightstands, everything. The floors were traditional
tatami
mat and the bed faced large glass doors that led out onto a deck facing the beach. Above the bed was a large square mirror in a beautiful, glossy white frame. A bathroom sat off to the right and a long hallway was to the left, but there was no door closing off the bedroom. I got up and poked my head around the corner to see a big open space. The layout was more like a loft than a house. The living room area blended into the small kitchen. Everything was very modern, with stainless steel furnishings in the kitchen and dark, hardwood flooring throughout, except in the bedroom.

I saw more sliding glass doors leading out onto the deck with a magnificent view of the ocean. The house was set back off of the beach, making it seem private and quaint. The living room featured a large white futon, two round matching papasan chairs, and a glass-top coffee table in the center of the living room. A giant four-wick candle sat in a large, silver bowl surrounded by pebbles and sand. I scanned the room further and saw that the walls were mostly blank, with only a few lighting sconces and a large mirror hanging above the futon. In the back of the living room I saw a white baby grand piano. All of the furniture sat on a large Persian rug and I wondered how a guy like Jonathan could have such classy taste.

“Hey, beautiful. You awake already?” I nearly jumped out of my skin and he laughed at my reaction.

“What? You scared me, so don’t laugh at me.”

“I scared you? You were the one spying on me.”

“I wasn’t spying. I was just checking the place out.” I sat down on the futon facing the kitchen. His back was turned to me as I watched him chopping something and clanking dishes around.

“At least I didn’t kidnap anyone.”

“Kidnap, huh? If I remember right, you got into my car willingly.”

He popped a piece of gum in his mouth and I was transfixed against my will, staring at his arrogant smile. He walked over to me, smiling as though he knew he was in charge.

“Now we’re here, so you might as well accept it. Besides, do you really feel abducted?”

“No, Jonathan.” I put my hand up in protest. “Please don’t come over here. When we’re near each other I can’t think straight and I don’t need my mind clouded anymore.”

I heard him inhale deeply and started fidgeting with my fingers. I knew I had to remain in control. He hesitated, then walked straight at me. He reached down, gripped my arms, and pulled me onto my feet.

“Are you 100% sure about that?” He surged his mouth into mine and I gasped. I tried to move my arms to grasp him, but he pinned them to my sides and pushed me down onto the futon without moving his mouth from mine. He released my arms and snaked one arm around my waist, holding me close and pressing some of his weight on top of me. Instinctively, I tried to pull him closer. He tugged at my bottom lip with his teeth and I whimpered, starting to lose myself in him. All of the anger and resentment I had only minutes ago evaporated. His hand slid up my back and under my shrug. It brushed lightly across the exposed skin of my back where my leotard straps crossed. His touch sent waves of goose bumps over me. He deliberately trailed kisses along my cheek.

“I’m sorry, Nicole. I’m so damn sorry.” He panted as he spoke. I squeezed my eyes shut tighter. I didn’t want him to talk. If he started talking I was going to start thinking, and if I started thinking this would end in another fight. He bent his head and slowly ran his tongue down my neck. A maelstrom of sensations radiated through me and I was defenseless. His mouth continued its sweet torture and his hand glided from my back to my side, where he gripped my hip. My panting led my chest to rise and fall and his hand moved to my breast.

“Jonathan?” I whispered, but I didn’t know what I was asking for.

“
Shhh
. Just let me touch you. I’m not going to do anything you don’t want me to do. I just want to feel you. You’re so damn beautiful and I’m wound so tight right now. You have to let me touch you.”

His voice was low and urgent as his thumb grazed over my nipple with only the thin material of my leotard separating it from his naked touch. My back arched and pushed my body up against his. Pleasure shot through me as his thumb grazed my other nipple. It was like nothing I‘d ever felt. He trailed kisses along my neck again, nipping at my earlobe.

“Mmm, sweetheart. You’re going to be the end of me.” He moved to my mouth once more and whispered against it. “The way you respond to my touch makes me even crazier for you.”

My heart thumped so hard in my chest and I wanted him more than anything I ever wanted. His touch consumed me and in this moment I knew I was his. I belonged to Jonathan Hayes.

“Kiss me, Jonathan. Stop talking and kiss me.” I felt him shudder as he wrapped his arms around me. Then with superhuman speed and grace he flipped us around so I was on top of him. I gasped and he reached behind my head. He began gradually removing the pins from my bun, one at a time. He pulled my hair band from around my ponytail, letting my long, brown hair fall down around me. He ran his fingers through my hair and my scalp tingled.

“God, look at you,” he whispered. “I’ve dreamed of this moment so many times.” He sighed and his eyes held mine again. “I’m sorry. I tried. I tried to walk away from you, but I couldn’t.”

My chest was tight and my heart flooded with emotion. His eyes were as deep as the ocean.

“I don’t want you to walk away, Jonathan. I’m yours. I can’t fight this anymore.” The brightest, happiest smile I ever saw spread across his face. I braced myself and took a deep breath. “I’ve wanted you since the day on the boardwalk. I’ve wanted your touch and your kiss a thousand times since you walked out of that club. If I’m being honest with myself, I think I’ve wanted to be yours since I saw you from the balcony that night.”

He reached up and kissed me sweetly.

“God, I want this to work. So please, whatever you need from me, all you have to do is tell me.” He reached around and cupped the back of my head as he kissed my forehead. “Give me a chance to be the man you deserve. I promise I‘ll guard your heart this time.”

I smiled at him and wished this moment could last forever.

“I believe you. I trust you. Please don’t make me regret this.”

He sweetly brushed his nose against mine and kissed me. “You won’t regret it, Nicole, I promise. I meant every word of my letter and I promise I’ll stand by them. Only love and truth, okay? Only love and truth from now on. There’s nothing to be afraid of.”

I believed him, but I wondered if he would feel the same way if he knew what my other fears were. I guessed now was as good of time as any to tell him the truth. If I expected honesty from him, I knew I needed to return it just the same.

I sat up and straddled him. He grinned and grabbed my hips, pulling me toward him.

“No, Jonathan. I have to tell you something and if I don’t get it out right now I never will.” I exhaled and steadied myself. “I’ve never had a boyfriend before. Until that day on the boardwalk with you, I had never even been kissed by anyone...ever. So the truth is that I have no idea what I’m doing or even how to be someone’s girlfriend. I’m not experienced either…if you know what I mean.” I was embarrassed but forged ahead. “You should also know that I closed myself off to the notion of true love completely, so I’m not sure I’m ready for it.”

“I understand,” he said tenderly.

“Do you? Because I’m scared.” I dropped my face into my hands and began to sob. I didn’t know why. The combination of my fears and passion for him was all so overwhelming. I felt his arms grasp me and pull me closer to him. I cried into his chest and he held me. His body felt strong and comforting. My tears ebbed and he held me until I was silent. It felt warm and reassuring to be held. He kissed me on top of my head sweetly.

“It’s okay, sweetheart. I had no idea or I would’ve handled things so much differently. Look, I understand your fears and I’m sorry for my carelessness with you at the club when you asked for only friendship. I never intended to scare you or hurt you. Please know that I would never intentionally harm you.”

I melted into him as he caressed my back with his hand.

“I know you like to be in control and you operate a lot from fear. But you have to break the bounds of your past and rewrite the story you’ve been telling yourself based on the experiences of others. You have to write your own story. I’m not saying it will always be easy. We are human. Two people loving each other will always have difficulties, but it’s how you handle those complications that truly matters. I refuse to believe that true love doesn’t exist for me. Sometimes pain and hurt are good things because it means you tried for something in your life. If you told me today that our being together would result in heartbreak, I would still choose to be with you. I believe that truly living life is in the experiences, not the outcomes.”