Love and Lies (6 page)

How had he known that? Was it so obvious
, or was I making too much out of all this? Probably the latter.

“Right. But it’s a lot easier said than done, Logan. My parents…it’s complicated.
”

“With you women, it’s always complicated. Then you have this nasty habit of making things even more convoluted.
There’s a reason we are commitment phobic. It’s shit like this. By the time we finally pry out whatever the damn secret is, everything is so messed up that getting back to where we started is damn near impossible. Why do you think guys always try to stay out of it? One thing’s for sure, whatever it is he wants to tell you, is important. He wouldn’t have brought it up if it wasn’t. Especially since he knows you don’t ever bring up your family. So take my advice, give him something. Anything. If you aren’t comfortable with all the details, then at least provide a general explanation. ”

“Don’t I understand,” I mumbled. As Logan said, it was this kind of crap that held me back from relationships. Before Eric
, I hadn’t dated anyone in two and a half years. Okay, so I wasn’t old enough for that to seem like a long time, but seriously, before high school was over, I dated all the time.

“I’ve gotta go
,” Logan said. “Talk to him, Riss. This won’t get any better until you do.”

After pushing my food aside
, I folded my arms on top of the table and laid my head down. A nap would be good, and the sounds of the cafeteria would keep me from falling into a deep sleep. I set the alarm on my phone just in case.

The sound of whispers and a familiar voice woke me. Eric and Alec walked past my table at the same time I sat up.
As soon as my brain caught up with the moment, I jumped off the bench seat and grabbed my bag. I needed to catch Eric.

My bag got hung up on something and pulled me back to the table when I tried to step away. A brown, leather
-bound journal of sorts sat on the bench between where Logan and I had sat. Guessing it was Logan’s and he would want it back, I shoved it into my bag, unhooked the strap from where it’d gotten caught on a bench leg, and jogged off to find Eric.

A few steps outside
, I caught up with the guys and fell into step next to Eric. His hand was at his side, so I tried to take a hold of it, but he pulled away. “Can we talk?”

“
I don’t have much time.” Eric's voice was distant. “But if you want to talk and walk, go for it.”

“
I'm sorry about this morning.” I tried to reach for his hand once more, and again he pulled away.

This time I grabbed his upper
arm and pulled him to a stop. My fingers tingled when the muscles in his biceps bunched. The night before, they’d wrapped me up tight and comforted me. Eric's refusal to look me in the eye was ice to the heat in my veins, so I gripped his chin and forced him to pay attention.

“
Eric, why are you avoiding me? I told you I want to talk.” I put as much force behind the words as possible.

“
Not avoiding, and you don’t really want to talk. You want to skirt around the issues and hide the truth. Now let me go, so I can get to class.” Eric pried my hands off his arm and chin.

“
We’re not done. I'll find you after class.” A lump rose in my throat. I hated that he was mad.

As I sat down in my next class
, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a text message from Eric.
After school…diner off campus. You know the one
.

Relieved, I
quickly agreed before slipping the phone into my back pocket.

CHAPTER
NINE

My foot tapped in time to the second hand of the clock, counting down the minutes before the end of
class. I needed to apologize to Eric.

Professor Akin's call of time broke through the silence of the room. Our exam was complete
, and I jolted out of the chair, nearly tipping it over, and then took off for the diner. It was only three blocks away, and I ran the whole way. By the time I arrived, my hip hurt where my bag had bumped up against it.

Eric sat in a booth at the back, tucked up against the wall.

“I'm sorry,” I said as I approached. I waited for direction from Eric before sitting down.

“
Sit. I'm not mad, Carissa. Aggravated, yes.” He tapped the spot next to him.

The waitress brought two
iced teas to the table.

“
I was serious though; we need to talk. It's important. And you can't run away when I bring up your parents.” Eric brushed a strand of hair from my face. “We can go to your place, if you want.”

With hesitation
, I reached up and kissed him on the cheek. I caught the smile forming as he took a drink. “We can't. My roommate is staying in tonight. She said something about having a presentation tomorrow, I dunno. Let's just talk here.”

“Okay, but I need a minute. I'll be right back.”

While Eric was gone
, I remembered the book I’d found at lunch. I opened the front cover to check for a name, see if it really was Logan’s journal. His name had been intricately scrolled onto the first page. Quickly I shot off a text that I had it and would bring it to him.

Thanks. Have you looked at it at all?

Why would he ask that? It was his personal journal, and I wasn’t a snoop.

Umm, not more than to check to see that it was yours.
I replied back.

Oh
, okay. Thanks.

The longer I waited for Eric to return
, the more curious I became about what exactly had been written in the journal. Knowing I shouldn’t, but unable to stop myself, I pulled the journal back from my bag where I’d put it when I sent the original text.

Mostly it was lyrics and chords to songs. Logan's love for music astonished me. When he played
, he became a different person. At some of his practices, I noticed how the minute he had his guitar in hand his face smoothed out and any worry he held drifted away. His features morphed from a guy who was concerned about what everyone thought of him to someone who was confident and knew he was good at what he did.

Over time
, he'd started singing some of his songs to me when we'd hang out between classes or after school when we studied. The words flowed in perfect pitch and tune. Logan had a gift that I hoped he'd one day be able to share with everyone, not just the locals.

Not finding anything interesting in his journal
, I closed it, careful to keep the corners from wrinkling. I didn't want Logan to know I'd skimmed through what he wrote. The bells on the front door chimed as customers came and went. When it opened, the sounds of birds chattering and the wind rustling filled the small restaurant. Even at the back we were close enough to hear the everyday sounds of life. There was the hustle and bustle of people getting off work, some of them on their phones telling someone how their day went. Up the street a little ways, I could hear horns honking with impatience.

I thought about my parents and the end of my days at home. My dad didn't take calls at the office, and my mom refused to answer the phone. Sure, I had a driver and car pick me up from school, but he didn't talk to me either. The one personal assistant that did talk to me paid more attention to my body than I was comfortable with. Images rocked my thoughts
, and I felt the muscles in my jaw twitch.

“Carissa, princess, what's wrong?” Eric's hands cupped both sides of my face. He tilted my head back until our eyes met. “You’re crying, what happened?”

His words didn’t register
until I felt the moisture from my tears slide down my cheeks. He moved one hand to cover mine, and the comfort I felt brought more tears to my eyes.

I tried to take a drink of my
tea in an effort to regain my bearings. When that didn't work, I scooted across the bench with the intent to leave, but Eric had taken a seat on the outside of the booth and stopped me. He enveloped me in a hug and began whispering in my ear. The ringing in my ears from holding back the urge to sob made it impossible to understand what he was saying. I pushed with all my strength against his chest and moved him just enough to wedge myself between the table and him. With careful precision, he moved his arms from my shoulders to my waist and lifted me off the seat. Once my feet found the floor, I dashed to the front door.

Still in a daze, I broke into a run as soon as I hit the fresh air. I ran as far as I could, which admittedly wasn't that far. Fortunately for me, the area was lined with trees. My breathing became labored
, and my muscles cramped. As soon as I found somewhere to hide, I slumped against the tree and let go.

When the tears stopped anger flooded
my senses again. How stupid was all this? I was an emotional mess over parents who didn’t even care enough to call more than once a month. They didn’t want to know how my summer had been. In fact, they’d told me not to come home for summer. That it would be easier for me to start the next semester if I wasn’t away for a couple of months.

Winter break? Forget it. They mailed me a gift card for Christmas
that I was sure one of Dad’s secretaries purchased and signed before dropping it in the mail.

Over and over
, I pounded the tree with my fists until my knuckles cracked and blood ran down my fingers.

The sounds of branches snapping and heavy breat
hing brought my rage to a halt. Pain shot up my arms, and I cursed.

“
Carissa, is that you?” a soft voice reached out to me.

“
Alec?”

His arms crushed me, smothering me in his husky cologne and shushing in my ear.
“It's okay. I'm here. Talk to me, please.

“
Alec, I can't. It's Eric. He...my parents...” I started crying again. This time, the sobs came harder than before, and I couldn't catch my breath.

Alec ran his fingers through my hair.
“Shhh, it's going to be okay. Eric called me as soon as you barreled out of the cafe. He told me everything. He was talking really fast, and I was trying to find you, but he told me what happened. Which gave me nothing, so I need you to talk to me. What happened?”

I couldn't
contain the tears; they flowed from the corner of my eyes even as a laugh snuck out at the thought of ruining the silk Armani shirt he wore, but then the pain of what was really going on hit again, and I ceased breathing. I had no idea how long we sat there hidden in the trees. He stayed with me, not saying a word, rubbing circles on my back while my tears slowed to a sniffle here and there.

“
You know you're going to have to talk to him.” Alec kept his voice down. “And quit running all the time.”

“
I know, but right now I can't. As for running, how am I supposed to face him, or you, or anyone when I'm this way? It feels like there's a dark cloud over my head, waiting to dump a lifetime of crap onto me. I don't know why or what to do.”

“
Then talk to me. We're all kind of freaked out here. I haven't seen you all day. Logan caught me in the hall after class and said you were really upset, but didn't give details. Now Eric's calling me saying you were at the diner and the two of you were going to hash some stuff out. He goes to the bathroom and comes out to you staring off into nothing and crying. No one knows what upset you. Please help me out here.”

“
Can you take me back to my apartment?”

“
Of course. Come on, baby girl.” Alec walked me back to my apartment, his arm around my waist supporting me the whole time.

Listening to Alec replay the day
’s events made me understand just how crazy all this was. My parents were the problem. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't have the memories I did. Now, with Eric, just the mention of them had me running scared. I wasn't sure what it was. Monty's suspicion could have been the trigger. Or maybe it was the feelings I had for Eric and his intensity. In a lot of ways, he reminded me of a couple of my bodyguards. I didn't necessarily like it, but we enjoyed spending time with each other.

For so long, I'd managed to keep New York in the back of my mind. The last day, my
bodyguard’s hands, his wrinkled face. Now, in less than forty-eight hours, everything rushed back, and it felt like my new life had been turned inside out.

“
Feeling better?” Alec asked on our way to the art hall.

“
Not really. Do you remember just before we came here? When I snuck out of the house to go to the club with you?” I kept my head against his shoulder. The movement from walking and my sore throat from crying slurred my speech.

“Yeah, I remember. Sucked that our evening was cut short.”

Alec had wanted to go clubbing and invited me to along. The problem was my watchman of the evening. He didn't like going to the clubs, so he refused to escort us. I was infuriated. It drove me mad that the meatheads had a say in what I could and couldn't do, so Alec and I devised a plan to get away from the tag-a-long and return home before Dad found out. If it had worked the way we planned, the assistant would have been fired.

I tried to drug the bodyguard with sleeping pills in his Coke. It was lame, but he wasn't really a smart guy, more brawn than brain
s, so Alec was sure it would work. What we failed to consider was his size and the amount of medication he would need to sleep through the night. The sleeping pills worked, but only for a couple of hours. As soon as he woke up, he called my dad and used the GPS tracking on my phone to figure out where we were. I hadn’t known about the GPS until I overheard Mom tell my dad about it later. The meathead, and Dad, showed up at the club and dragged me out, kicking and screaming.

Dad forbid me from seeing Alec again and grounded me for a month.
Of course, I didn’t listen or follow the punishment. Alec and I continued to get together, me sneaking out of the house or Alec sneaking in. One good thing about parents not caring—they don’t really pay attention to your coming and goings. Dad’s declaration that I was grounded was more words than action.

I had no idea why that memory surfaced. The way Alec held me while I cried and walked me back to my
apartment reminded me of the way he stayed near when I needed him. Never once leaving me to myself. I wanted that from Eric, but wasn't sure I could let go enough to give back what I wanted.

The thought of what my parents would do to keep us apart scared me.
Despite their history of not giving me the time of day, they always seemed to know just who my friends, and boyfriends, were. If they didn’t approve, then mysteriously those people disappeared. Alec had been the only one to give them the proverbial finger and stick around.

“
Carissa, babe, you need to talk to Eric. It's the only way you can get past this.”

I shook, both from fear and cold.
“I will, I promise. Tomorrow.”

Finally, we were at the entrance to th
e complex. “Are you sure you're okay enough to be by yourself tonight?” he asked.

“
Yes, I'm sure.”

“
You know you’re more than welcome to stay in my room. The invitation is always there.”

“
I know.” I lifted to my tiptoes to kiss Alec on the cheek before heading inside. With a glance over my shoulder I waved goodbye and went inside.