Love and Lies (18 page)

CHAPTER
THIRTY

After deciding to go to New York
, the days passed in a haze. Eric didn't call, but I didn’t call him either. It seemed we had a mutual understanding that now wasn’t the time to hash it out. Why did it feel like as soon as he’d convinced me my mom had been wrong, the world crumbled?
Because it had.

“
Carissa, you've got to snap out of this. Eric's been acting the same way. What's going on with you two?” Logan asked.

We were at lunch. Since Mari
had come to my place and we’d gotten to know each other, the awkward conversations and tension with Logan stopped. Our friendship morphed from a friend with a crush to a friend who I felt like maybe I could confide in. Get a guy's perspective. Alec would give me his, but it would have been biased.

“
He is?” I asked.

“
Yeah, you didn't know?”

“
Umm, no. We haven't talked in a few days.”

“
Want to tell me about it?”

“
Yeah, I do. But I won't. It's between us. But thank you for offering.” I still hadn’t given his journal back, so I pulled it from my bag and sat it in front of him. Maybe if it were no longer in my possession I’d quit reading those words over and over. “Sorry it’s taken so long for me to return it. I kept forgetting.”

He looked at the leather
-bound book, and his eyes grew wide with understanding. He didn’t say anything, just nodded at the source of my latest problem. “Anytime. If you change your mind, just say the word.”

“
I will.”

My afternoon was open
, once my Drawing 201 professor canceled. Going home to an empty apartment wasn't a good idea. If I did that, then I'd brood over my problems. So I sat with Logan, picking at my lunch, wishing Eric would reach out to me. More than once I pulled up his number, my finger hovered over the call button, and then I would put it away. I didn't want to pressure him.

But he
’d said he wouldn't run. My arms lay on the table, and I lowered my forehead to rest on them. A catnap while Logan studied didn't sound like a bad idea.

Logan's voice filled the silence around us. Since I was lost in my own world
, I didn't pay attention to what he said. A sharp point poked me in the arm. I lifted my head and looked up from beneath my lashes. Eric stood next to me, his arms crossed over his chest.

“
Hello, princess.”

His voice made my insides simmer.
“Hey.”

“
I've missed you.”

“
But you haven't called or tried to see me.” I was tired, depressed, and frustrated. While I didn't mean to sound harsh, it was hard to control my emotions.

“
Would you have answered or paid attention if I had?”

I sighed.
“No, probably not.”

“
That's my point. So anyway, I just wanted to say hi and give you this.”

Eric handed me a small notebook. One of those
pocket-size spiral ones that old people and nerds carried around. This one had a tie-dyed cover on it. The color mixture caught my attention. It was a custom made notebook, and he'd used one of my abstract pieces for the cover. Wow.

Inside
, he'd written me a story. It was our first date through his eyes.

The
brick wall I built around my heart cracked just a little. This was a start, a good one. The thoughtfulness he put into the gift surprised me.

Over the next few weeks
, a pattern developed. Eric began texting me throughout the day, then calling. We'd talk for a few minutes—mostly small talk—but he always wanted to know how I was doing. Only when I prompted did we get into how things were with us. Wednesday and Friday became my favorite days of the week.

Every Wednesday
, he hand delivered an item or collection that reminded him of us. Some of them were works of art and some were funny. My favorite—second to the notebook, of course—was a collage of carnival pictures. He'd cut them out of magazines, glued them onto construction paper, and framed the whole thing. If I'd had doubts before, they were gone with that gift—Eric was no artist or craftsman. Dancing was most definitely what he needed to continue doing.

Friday's were date nights. He came to my place or we went out. They weren't dates like you would go on with a boyfriend, but friendly outings. We went to watch Logan play once, I attended one of Eric's shows
, and on the third night, he made reservations at one of the nicest restaurants in New Orleans. Five-course meal and all the romance you could ask for. It was that night that I came to my senses and knew if I didn't make amends soon, there was a good chance I would lose him. Regardless of his promise to stay, a person could only give so much without receiving something in return.

Like the gentleman he'd shown he was, Eric dropped me off at my place on Friday with a kiss on the cheek and promise that he'd talk to me soon. Talking w
asn't enough though, I wanted—needed—more than that. Our dates were great; they gave us a chance to learn more about each other. But I missed the closeness we shared. Sitting on my couch, snuggled next to each other eating popcorn, those were the nights I wanted with Eric.

On Saturday
, I sent him a text to have him meet me at my park bench for lunch. After all he'd done for me, I had to return the effort. Having a picnic lunch sounded like the perfect plan. The weather had been cooperating over the last week, not too hot and not too cold. I could draw and people watch while he relaxed however he chose. Then we'd head back to my place for the night. If Eric was up for it, I wanted him to crash there. Wake up with me curled into his side the next morning.

At noon
, we both sat on the purple park blanket I'd laid under a tree. We were in the same park we'd gone to for the Sage concert. Closer to the footbridge that I found that night and fell in love with.

“Eric, I can’t tell you how much everything you’ve done has meant to me. But…”

“You still aren’t sure you’re ready to take me back.”

I shook my head. No, I wasn’t.

“I still don't understand why you didn't tell me.”

“If I
’d told you in the beginning, would you have even given a thought to the possibility of dating?”

I shook my head. Of course I wouldn't have.
But at least I would have known from the beginning that he had an offer from my parents. “Okay, but what about once you knew you had feelings for me? Why not say something then?”

“Because I tried to get out of it. I called your parents and told them I was done. I didn't want to do it anymore, it wasn't worth the money. They told me if I backed out
, they would just find someone else to do the job. Then they increased the monthly payment amount. At that point, I didn't want anyone other than myself watching you. Honestly, I didn't think you'd ever find out. And up until now you hadn't.”

“Of course my parents sweetened the deal. That sounds exactly like something they would do.”
They dangled more money in front of him, and he took it. Eric said it was because he didn't want anyone else watching me. But was that true? If he quit, it didn't mean he had to leave for good. He could have stuck around, we could have given the relationship a shot and everything would have been fine. Right?

I felt a hand rest on my arm. “Babe, you're shaking. What's wrong? What did I say?”

“Am I really only worth money to you?”

“What? No. How could you say that?”

“You said they offered more money when you called to quit. You were still working for them up until recently, so you took the money. Is that all I am to you?”

“So you shut down as soon as you heard money. I said the reason I kept the job was because they would have replaced me. I'm a selfish bastard, I don't like to share.”

“Ending the contract didn't mean you had to leave me. So they put someone else on babysitter detail, big deal. We still could have dated.”

“No, we couldn't have. Or at least that's what I thought. I told your parents that I wanted to quit, I liked you
, and I wanted to ask you out. Your dad said he had the contract right in front of him and it clearly stated that at any time I chose to quit I had to discontinue all contact with you. You weren't ever supposed to know that they'd hired me or that I gave weekly reports.”

“Then you’re still working for them?”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I’m not working for them. When your dad wouldn’t listen to me and kept spouting out clauses in the contract I quit listening. There hasn’t been a call made to them in over a month. The last call I made was right before you left to go on the trip with Logan.”

“And the money? My parents wouldn’t let you out just like that.”

“I closed the account they were depositing it in. There’s no more money. Now can we enjoy the afternoon? You have no idea how much I’ve missed you. This is perfect.”

Why couldn’t I just let things go? I
’d missed him too. The last few weeks he’d been showering me with gifts were awesome, but it still felt like something was pulling us apart. Hearing him say again that he’d quit, that he’d done it before San Francisco, definitely made me feel better. Maybe I didn’t have to admit to them being right, and I could believe Eric.

“
I'm so glad you invited me. Does this mean I'm growing on you again?”

“
Maybe. A little.” Mom had told me to grow up and be an adult. Could it be that I had to trust Eric, rather than doubt everything? He had done more than I’d asked, but I’d yet to really give him a shot. “It seemed wrong to continue going with you and accepting your presents without doing something in return. Before you try to explain away the gifts, let me assure you I've loved everyone of them. Especially the carnival picture. A word of advice though, don't go into art. You're far better at dance.”

Eric tossed his head back and laughed. The joy in hearing that sound again made my body tingle.

“I love you, Carissa. All I ever wanted to do was show you that. It's kind of crazy that we've already dealt such crappy hands to each other and we've only been dating for a couple of months.”

“
Admit it. You love it. The crazy keeps us both going. I love you too, Eric. There aren't enough words for me to express how much it means to me that you've done all of this. You know, a week after I called you a liar, I regretted what I'd done. So much so, I had my apology all planned. Then you showed up with my notebook, and I had to see what else you had planned.”

“
Well, I'm glad you didn't apologize. I won't lie—it hurt like hell when you told me you didn't believe me. But I've had time to think about everything, and you were right. We moved too quickly after all of that. I shouldn't have pushed when I knew you doubted your feelings and mine. It's me who should apologize.”

“
So, do you want to hear the rest of my plans?”

“
Hell yeah, I do.” Eric's enthusiasm was contagious.

“If you
’re interested, I thought we could go back to my place and spend the night making up. Your choice whether or not you stay the night, but I’d really like you to. There’s no promise of anything. Just time together.”

“That sounds perfect.” Eric sat on his knees and leaned over the meal to press a tentative kiss to my lips. The chasm that I’d felt for too long began to dissipate. This was right.

At the end of lunch, Eric gather my picnic supplies and loaded them into my car. “Do we need to stop for snacks or drinks?”

“
Nope, I went to the store this morning.”

His
hand rested on my thigh as I drove. He'd caught a ride with a friend to the park, so we were able to go back to my place together. High hopes maybe? Right then, I didn't care. With one hand on the wheel, I covered his with the other. Sparks ignited a flame deep in my core. This was what we both needed. To get past all the crap with my parents and with his job. We had to be together. No one could convince me of anything else. It was because of Eric that I knew what mattered now. If he hadn't followed through on his promise and stuck by me, even when I didn't realize what he was doing, there wouldn't have been resolution.

“
You know we aren't back to the way we were before, right?”

“
Princess, very soon you're going to be back in my arms. That's what I care about. No rush, no pressure. And yeah, I know we aren't picking up where we left off. It's your choice to believe me or doubt me. I only hope this time you believe.”

“
I do. I believe you.”

*
* * *

“
Hey, baby girl, you home yet?” Alec sang through my phone.

“
Yep, just walked in the door with Eric. Can I call you back later?”

I heard a giggle in the background.
“No need, I just wanted to make sure you made it home okay. You can thank me later.”

“
Thank you for what?”