Love and Chaos: A Growing Pains Novel (24 page)

“Okay,” she whispered, caught within the power of his stare, lost within those beautiful eyes. She was entranced by the heat of his body. By the strength of his character. Her body ignited, hot and fast.

“Why doesn’t he kiss you?” His sweet breath fell across her face, fluttering her lashes.

“I don’t…” She shook her head to clear it, but his smell caught her, that delicious spicy scent unique to him. One she would recognize anywhere. The heat of his body fell across her. Seared her.

He stepped closer, his look shocking into her. Demanding an answer.

Her eyes widened at those broad shoulders so close. So powerful. Her chest heaved, the desire to be pushed up against the wall and taken nearly overcoming her logic.

“Cassie.” His voice, so hard and deep. So in control.

But even as her body flooded with heat, begging to be touched, begging him to thrust inside of her, his look changed. The intensity in his eyes shifted. With a rush she could almost feel, his gaze
delved
so deeply inside of her she felt it through her core, stealing her breath. Her heart started to hammer, having just given this man unlimited access. Having just let him reach down into her and clench her soul.

Please don’t do this to me, Jace. This is turning into the hardest week of my life. Please don’t make it any worse.

She stood, trembling, trapped, as confusion crossed his face. He leaned in, his gaze still delving, now searching. In one beat of her raging heart, he must’ve found his answer. Disorientation crossed his face first and in one moment his world tilted on its axis—he was so profoundly lost he had to reach forward and brace himself on the wall behind her—before everything cleared. Warmth filled his gaze then. Solidity. Assurance. His ever unbreakable confidence.

“Cassie.” The intensity of his gaze magnified, sucking her in. Pulling her into himself as he’d just pushed into her. Not even touching, not needing to, they both realized what they’d suspected since their first meeting. Chemistry that strong couldn’t be imagined. Or ignored.

“No.” She wasn’t as confident. She wore her insecurity like armor, having heard how crazy she was from countless men. Having been dumped or ignored. Called needy, or psycho, wished well, men telling her there must be someone that could put up with her.

What if
Jace couldn’t, either?

His gaze moved over her features, slowly, as if he was savoring each detail.
He reached out a hand, ever so slowly, and tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. His fingers trailed down the side of her face. “Don’t you want to be kissed, Cassie?”

Before she could blink, he bent forward. His lips met hers in a flurry of desire. He lifted her up and pushed her against the wall, the hardness of his body as unyielding as the hardness behind her. He opened her mouth and filled it with his tongue.

Everything fell away. Sound winked out. The room disappeared. His taste, rich and sweet, like dark chocolate, filled her senses. His tongue swirled within her mouth expertly, making her eyes flutter.
Making her heart attempt a painful escape out of her chest.

He pushed in closer, grinding his groin into hers. She groaned as his hard bulge rubbed between her legs. He pushed upward again, rubbing, sending shooting sparks of pleasure throughout her.

No, Cassie! Not like this!

His hands coated her body, settling on her breasts and kneading with exactly the right amount of pressure. She moaned into his mouth, the press of his manhood
moving in perfect rhythm. Her body started to coil. Begged for him to go harder. To finish up this fantasy of hers.

But h
e wouldn’t respect her for this! He thought she was Peter’s girlfriend, and he’d hate himself for the lack of control.

But Peter was gay. He needed to tell his family, anyway.

But she couldn’t force Peter to come
out
when he wasn’t ready. Peter was a friend, and if she didn’t take care of her friends, she would really, truly be alone. Jace would understand why she said no right now—actually, he would respect her more for it. And she would get to keep the respect in herself.

But God, she wanted this. She’d never been kissed like this. Touched like this. Expertly, with a passion so hot, so forceful, she wanted to submit entirely. She wanted to offer up her whole being and let him do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted.

Her inner debate ended with:
Not like this. This isn’t the right way!

Cassie struggled, pushing at his chest. Granted, yes, she could have tried a little harder, but still. It counted.

“Stop,” she moaned into his mouth.

He captured her hands and held them above her head, rocking into her body. Dominating her. Taking her.

Oh holy fuck, Peter I am going to kill you for this!

“STOP!”

Jace froze. Whole body, hard as hell, so damn sexy she was in a puddle of her own making, stopped.

Was it too late to say, “Just kidding?” Because she really wanted to.

He backed off a few inches.

“Wait,” she panted. “Or…no—stop was the right word. Stop. Please.”

His long lashes blinked over his burning eyes. He focused on her, his face so close.

Would reaching forward and biting his lip be counter-productive?

“Stop, Jace. This isn’t right,” she managed.

His gaze traveled her face. She could pinpoint the exact moment when dawning hit.

He pushed off of her, letting go of her hands and backing across the room. His gaze raked her body, noticing her rumpled shirt and then the broken bottle and discarded ping pong paddle at her feet.

Oh yeah…she’d forgotten about those. Hadn’t even heard them crash, actually.

“Are you okay?” he asked with a hoarse voice.

“Yeah. W
hy, does my hair look like it’s made of straw?” She smoothed herself out. “Do you have a dust bin?”

“I’m sorry, Cassie. Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I—I don’t…” He scrubbed his fingers through his hair.

She laughed at him freaking out, because he probably wouldn’t be able to drag himself out of his guilt any other way. If she was able to admit her own fault in this, it would be ten times better, but that would lead to questions. She had to talk to Peter before all that went down.

“Relax. Lots of wine, we’ve been hanging out together—it’s fine.”

“I’m… Are you sure you’re okay? I didn’t hurt you?”

Her wrists hurt a little—a realization
that intensified the pounding in her groin. She’d asked to be taken roughly a few times by boyfriends, wanting that uncontrolled rush. But the guys hadn’t been able to really pull her under. They hadn’t overcome her in such a way that kept her snarky, independent side from fighting it, and winning.

Jace
wasn’t even trying and he’d managed to consume her so totally that she’d submitted without even contemplating a struggle. Knowing it would’ve been a futile effort.

“
I’m good, dummy, I’m fine. I’m okay. A little hiccup and we’re okay.”

A shadow crossed his face. “Are you going to tell Peter?”

A warning pierced Cassie. The terror and intense guilt on Jace’s face meant he thought he was just as disgusting as his ex-girlfriend.

Shit.

“Yes. I am.”

“No.” Jace scrubbed his hand through his hair again. “I did it. It wasn’t your fault. I’ll tell him. I don’t want him blaming you.
” He moved with a rigidity that wasn’t usual for him. He grabbed a broom and dustpan from a corner closet and faced her. “Do you mind if I have some time alone?”

“Sure
, I totally get it.” She walked toward him and held out her hands for the cleaning supplies. He jerked back, as though afraid she had some contagious disease.

“I can clean up, Jace,” she said softly.

His eyes, filled with pain, met hers. Imploringly, he said, “Please don’t think less of me, Cassie. I didn’t intend to do that. I lost…I lost control.”

“
Hey,” she said, reaching out. But he jerked away from her hand. “We’ll all talk about this, okay? I don’t think any less of you.”

He nodded, dropping his gaze.

Cassie left the room with a pain in her heart she’d never felt before. That look Jace wore, the defeated hero, squeezed her heart until she could barely breathe. He was hurting, and it was her fault. She should’ve spoken to Peter first. She should’ve kept a greater distance.

She should’ve done a lot of things differently, but she hadn’t. And now look where she was.

Allowing a few stray tears, she trudged up to bed.

Jace rose from the bench in determination. It had been a long morning of constant torture. He was sick with guilt over what he’d done, both because he’d pushed himself on Cassie, and because he’d betrayed his brother’s trust. He hadn’t meant to, either. He knew he was pushing up to the line, and had tried to keep his distance last night. But the draw of her…

Jace scrubbed his palms on his jeans, trying to push the memories away.

Tried, and failed.

Images of her beautiful eyes haunted his dreams. The feel of her body, so hot against his, taunted him. Pushing against her, desperate to get inside of her…

He stopped for a moment and bent over. The ache of his dick against his jeans throbbed. Good Christ, he wanted that woman. More than he’d ever wanted any woman.

That look they
’d shared flashed through his mind. Such depth. Such openness. He felt completely bared. Opened up while offering to take her.

No,
logically that didn’t make sense, but that’s what it had felt like at the time. In that one moment, the truth had hit home, and he had acted on it.

He loved her.

Wonderful situation he found himself in, as always.

Jace pushed forward again.
He’d gone for an early ride that morning, eaten breakfast after everyone was gone from the kitchen, and retreated to his favorite bench overlooking the valley. He hadn’t seen Cassie once, nor his brother. He didn’t want to face either of them.

Taking a deep breath, he began a purposeful stride toward the house. It must’ve been about noon. Everyone would be on the grass, probably, recovering from yesterday.

The closer he got, the more he lost his nerve. He didn’t want to see the hurt look in his brother’s eyes. He didn’t want to crush Peter, or enrage him. He didn’t want to see his own weakness reflected on Peter’s face.

As he came around the house, he spied Cassie in a lawn chair with a book beside
Jenn. His heart squeezed into his throat. Her bright blond hair had been pulled up into a messy ponytail. She didn’t wear any make-up and she had on jeans and a t-shirt, similar to when he met her in the grocery store. Beautiful.

Rachel was tossing a ball to Michael
on the grass, and Nick was off on the far side of the yard, bouncing the baby and pointing at random things a baby might find interesting.

Cassie looked up as
Jace neared, but he didn’t wait to see her expression when she realized it was him. He turned and walked to the house. His mom stood at the kitchen counter, preparing sandwiches.

“Hey
, Ma. Have you seen Peter?”

She looked up from slicing cheese. “Oh, I think he’s in his room. I don’t think he feels all that great today. You guys really overdid it, huh?”

Jace muttered a noncommittal response as he headed out of the kitchen and up to Peter’s room. He waited outside the closed door for a moment, his heart beating furiously. He knocked softly, hoping it wouldn’t open.

“Come in,” Jace heard through the door.

No amount of deep breathing would stave this off. But he gave it a try as he pushed open the door.

Peter sat up from
his bed with messy hair and rumpled clothes. “Hey.”

“Hey.” Jace closed the door behind him and
dug his hands into his pockets. “Listen. Uh…”

Peter wiped his eyes before clasping his hands in his lap, waiting patiently. Trusting.

“Look, Peter, I’m just going to come right out and say it. I fucked up. Bad. I…” Jace wiped his hand over his face, steeling his nerves.

“You kissed Cassie.”

Jace must’ve looked like a gaping fish. “She told you.”

“Yes. She didn’t know how you would react, so she wanted to prepare me.”

“How I would react?” He paced across the floor.

“You apparently didn’t seem all that balanced last night.”

Jace paced to his starting point. Then paced back. He turned to Peter in a haze of confusion. “Why are you so calm about all this? I kissed your fucking girlfriend, Peter. Doesn’t that bother you?”

“Yes.”

“Then show it! Why don’t you kiss her? Or touch her?” He held up his hand and dropped his head into it. “This isn’t your fault. What I did wasn’t your fault. I’m not trying to say that.”