Lost in Thought (9 page)

I CRIED FOR a long time. Melinda hugged me, making soothing noises but not really saying anything. When the sobs finally slowed, and I felt like I could breathe enough to speak again, I said, barely audibly, “Please tell me this isn’t real.”

At least Melinda was tender in her denial. “I can’t do that, honey. It
is
real. Very real. But you’re
not
crazy, and you don’t have to be scared of it, I promise.”

Carter spoke for the first time since my breakdown. “It’s not like you see on TV or read in books, and especially not like the trash they print in those tabloids,” he said earnestly. “‘ESP’ isn’t even what we call it, not at all, but it’s the easiest way to explain it to the uninitiated.

We knew you had no idea, and honestly, we weren’t entirely sure either, but since you were a Legacy, we thought you must at least have the genes. So we’ve been waiting for you to manifest…which you finally did this afternoon.”

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“I’m so confused,” was all I could come up with.

“The…visions”—I’d never mentioned them out loud before— “are…they’re
real?”

“They are,” Melinda replied. “Or they could be, if it’s a future vision you see,” she added thoughtfully. “Can you tell us…?”

But she was interrupted by a loud knocking and then Amy’s voice, a little frantic, coming from somewhere nearby. “Carter?! Melinda?

What’s going on? Is Lainey up here?”

I opened my mouth to call out to her, but before I could speak, Carter leaned over, gripping my arm, and whispered emphatically, “She doesn’t know, Lainey. She’s not part of this.” He let go and stood up before calling out, “We’re back here, Amy. Everything’s okay.”

She burst into the room moments later. “Jesus, shit, Lainey, I thought you were
dead
. Oops, sorry, Melinda. But what the hell happened?! Kids are freaking out all over campus, saying you’d, well,
died
at the bookstore, or…but Jill didn’t
look
like you’d punched her, and Jeff said you were up here and everything was fine…”

As I’d predicted, according to rumor I was either dead or had gotten in a fight with Jill. I actually smiled. “I am fine, Ame,” I told her, a huge, enormous lie. “I was over here studying, and then unfortunately had one of my dizzy spells. Jill actually caught me, and I’m guessing kept me from cracking my head open when I passed out.” I turned to Carter for confirmation.

“Definitely. I’d be downstairs mopping up your blood if Jill hadn’t saved you from landing skull-first on the coffee table,” he joked, lightening the mood in the room. I imagined the tension had been thick enough to touch before Amy arrived. Then my skittish brain started to wonder if I
could
touch tension, if I tried—I had no idea what this ESP

thing really meant—and I think I started to pass out again, because I heard Carter say, “Whoa!” and grasp my arm.

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I looked around the room at all the concerned faces then smiled over at Carter. “Oops. Sorry. Guess I’m a little wiped out.”

“It’s okay, honey,” Melinda said. “But if you feel up to it, it’s probably time to get you over to the infirmary.”

I
didn’t
feel up to it. I absolutely didn’t want to go anywhere until they finished explaining this crazy revelation to me, until my questions were answered and I felt like I understood what was going on with my own head. But unfortunately, that wasn’t possible. The whole campus already knew about my episode, so keeping it to myself wasn’t an option. I knew I’d have to go to the infirmary, and call my aunt, and have people fuss over me for probably the next few days, before Thanksgiving break started.

This would also probably cause my first trip off campus—Aunt Tessa and I had planned to spend the holiday in Boston—to be canceled and ruin my entire break. I sighed, and started to get up. I noticed that Carter continued holding my arm, even though that wasn’t strictly necessary anymore. He didn’t let go until I was standing steadily.

“Yeah,” I said dully. “I’m ready. Let’s get this over with.”

I WAS FORCED to spend the night in the infirmary. Carter and Amy followed me as I followed the nurse all the way back to the room that had already been reserved for me. In addition to the standard slippery, squeaky beds with paper sheets used during the regular daily visits for head and stomachaches, our infirmary had four private rooms in the back. The nurse left us with a slightly disapproving glance at Carter and a promise to be right back.

I plopped morosely onto the bed and looked at them pleadingly.

“Please don’t abandon me here.”

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“Absolutely not!” Amy cried. “I’ll fake cramps or something if they try to make me leave. Nobody argues with you when you say you have female problems.”

Carter laughed and set my bag down on the floor next to my bed.

“Well, I think they’d probably argue if I tried to fake cramps, and I’m sure I’m not supposed to be back here anyway, but”—and he looked at me meaningfully when he said this—“I’ll come back tomorrow, if you’re still here, or you can come see me at the store after they let you out.”

“Okay…and thanks. For, uh, everything,” I finished feebly.

“My infinite pleasure,” he said. And with that, he slipped out the door.

Amy waited about four seconds before she pounced. “Are you all right? Shit, Lainey, I was so worried! What happened? You weren’t fighting with Jill, were you? I didn’t believe it, but she’s so weird, I couldn’t be sure. I really thought you might be dead though, the way some of the kids were carrying on. Some freshman girl said you practically collapsed on top of her. And is it true? Carter swooped in and carried you up the stairs? Maybe you should faint more often if that’s the case.”

I laughed. It felt good to laugh, and some of my tension eased out of me just by being around Amy. “I’m fine. Really. This is no different from the episodes I’ve had for years, except that it had to happen in the middle of the crowded study lounge. And
no
, of
course
I wasn’t fighting with Jill! Jeez. I was going to say hi to her because Carter suggested it. He insists they’re just friends, by the way, since I know that will be your next question. And I guess it’s true that he carried me up the stairs, but I was unconscious, so it wasn’t as thrilling as you might imagine. I’ll have to mock-faint if I really want to experience it.”

“Right. That sucks. I guess I’ll have to stick with imagining it for now. And I
knew
you weren’t fighting with her,” she muttered. “But,

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hey! What were you doing over there anyway? You usually work at the library this afternoon!”

Busted. “I, uh, switched my hours this week and…thought it would be quiet over there, so I could get some studying done before break,” I offered, praying she’d buy my excuse but knowing she wouldn’t.

And she didn’t. Not even a little bit. “You little minx!” she shouted, half outraged, half amused. “You were hoping to flirt with Carter without any witnesses! So did you? And don’t beg off that you have a headache. You’re fine enough, I can tell by the bright pink color you just blushed. Gawd, you’re even pretty when you’re embarrassed. I hate you. Now
spill.”
So I recounted our conversation, and how I had kissed him. Even though it was only a little peck on the cheek, she practically applauded. “Nice. Spontaneous and bold. I couldn’t have planned it better myself! Maybe that will get him off his ass and onto asking you out.”

“I doubt it.” I tried and failed not to sound dejected. I told her about the rest of our conversation, his swearing off Academy girls, and the bit about Jill too.

“Cousin, huh?” she said dubiously. “Wonder how Jill feels about that. But, anyway, bah. He likes you. He treats you differently than any other Academy girl I’ve seen him talk to the last four years. He’ll come around. I know it. I might have to kick him in the shins, but he will.”

I giggled. “Don’t do that; he won’t be able to run, and I like seeing him jog around campus!” I played off her comments with lightheart-edness, because I couldn’t tell her the truth, that Carter had been so attentive to me because he’d been waiting for me to “manifest,” as he put it. I felt suddenly like a lab experiment, like I’d been a research subject without my knowledge or consent. I didn’t like that feeling. At all. My early anger returned with surprising intensity.

“Hey,” Amy said gently. “What is it? You’re crying. Is your headache coming back? I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be bothering you.”

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“No, no! It’s not that at all. I’m just frustrated”—the truth—“I thought maybe the dizzy spells and migraines were going away”—sort of the truth—“and I…really want to be normal, is all”—the total, absolute 100% truth, especially now that I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that
normal
was the exact opposite of what I was. I gritted my teeth and wiped the tears away forcefully. I was
not
a crier, damn it.

“Oh, hon, I’m sorry,” Amy sympathized. “But normal is overrated.

I’ve never been normal, and I’m perfectly awesome. So are you. We’ll figure this headache thing out some day, I promise.” The nurse opened the door then, wheeling a cart full of standard nurse objects, and ushered Amy out of the room. “I’ll go get some of your stuff and bring my homework back to study here for the night. And I’ll stop and let Caleb know you’re okay; he was worried too,” she said and headed out the door.

As Brooke had predicted, Amy and Caleb had—
finally
—hooked up during the Halloween festival and become an official couple almost instantly. Amy asked Brooke one day how she’d known it was going to happen, and she just laughed and said, “Anyone with eyes knew
that
was going to happen.” I’d agreed with her about that—it
had
been plainly obvious—but now I suspected that Brooke had
known
a little more than she let on. Still, I liked Caleb. He was sweet, and smart enough to keep Amy interested, a rare feat. It was also clear he adored her.

I was surprised they hadn’t gotten together long before, since they’d been here together since eighth grade and were so clearly smitten with each other. Caleb was not too tall for a guy, about my height, with sandy hair, deep brown eyes, and open, even features in a still boyish face that I was sure would grow into an incredibly handsome man’s as he got older. He was a standout on our otherwise mediocre swim team as well as, I was told, the baseball team’s starting second baseman.

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Amy bustled back into my infirmary room, looking a little flushed and very pleased, not too long after the nurse left me. The nurse had asked about a million questions and gave me all the standard tests— temperature, bright lights in my eyes, poky thing in my ears, and blood pressure, which turned out to be running high. I was hardly surprised, given my supreme level of agitation. I eyed Amy’s happy glow and said, “Caleb’s well, I take it.”

She grinned a wide, satisfied grin.
“Fantastic,
actually, and says hi and hopes you’re feeling better. He walked me back over here and, well, it’s early still but gave me a
proper
good night. Damn proper. You know how much I must love you, Lainey darling, since I’m in here, and not out there. Those swimmer’s shoulders, I tell you. I absolutely melt.”

“Spare me,” I pleaded and gagged a little for good measure. She pouted, adorably, and I laughed. “Usually, I’m all ready for the vicari-ous details, but I’d rather not talk about your fabulous love life tonight. Let’s talk about anything else, except for my fainting and your awesome boyfriend, deal?”

“You don’t want to hear all the different rumors about your bookstore commotion going around campus? You can’t imagine the crazy things I’ve heard,” she said with a laugh.

“Okay,” I agreed. “But only if they’re funny. And I’m sure half the student body will be surprised to see me walking around alive tomorrow…”

It turned out to be therapeutic, hearing all the outlandish stories about my collapse and my alleged fight with Jill. Poor Jill. I hoped she wasn’t being overwhelmed with questions too, like Amy, but I decided she probably wasn’t. Jill was so self-contained and rarely seemed to socialize. She was more likely to be gossiped about than talked to.

Amy and I spent the brief time left before curfew chatting and, most importantly, laughing. I took a few minutes to clean up and

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change into something for bed. When the first bell rang, Amy started packing up her things.

“That’s my cue, darling,” she said. “I’ll miss your snoring tonight.

I’ve gotten so used to it, I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep in the quiet.”

I threw my pillow at her but she dodged it neatly. “I don’t snore!” I squeaked. “Do I?!”

“No, Lainey, you don’t snore. I’d have told you already if you did, and probably asked to switch rooms. Some of us need our beauty sleep, you know? Okay, I’ve got to get back. Good night, roomie. Try not to scare me like this again, okay?” And with that she bent and kissed me swiftly on the cheek before heading back to our dorm.

I retrieved my pillow from the floor and was asleep almost before I got it back onto my borrowed bed.

slept late the next morning and no one roused me for classes. I appreciated the chance to rest and think for a while after I woke up. Except I didn’t
know
what to think—beyond that I needed to I talk to Carter and Melinda as soon as possible—so I tried not to. I sat on my bed and did my aunt’s deep yoga breathing instead. The nurse came in after not too long, towing her same loaded cart, and repeated yesterday’s ritual. Despite the yoga breathing, my blood pressure was still high and I was not allowed to leave until it came back down to normal. Fabulous.