Lost Daughters (37 page)

 

S
AN FRANCISCO WAS THE LAST PLACE ON THE PLANET THAT MAUREEN
ever thought she would visit again. Especially at the same time that Loretta was there.

But she was not the same Loretta who had caused her mother so much pain. Loretta had morphed back into the loving daughter that Maureen had given birth to.

 

Loretta's modeling career ended long before she thought it would. She had gained a whopping one hundred and twenty pounds during her pregnancy. Right after the six-pound, six-ounce baby's birth, Loretta had gone on a strict diet and she'd begun to exercise for several hours a day with a trainer. But none of that had done any good. Even after all this time, she was still more than a hundred pounds overweight.

Kyle, the man she had planned to marry, had moved on and the “new friends” that Loretta had made in New York had deserted her too. The agency she had signed with offered to send her out for work with some of the magazines that specialized in “full-figured models,” but that was something Loretta was much too vain to consider.

When she ran out of money, she got a job as a receptionist in an office building on Madison Avenue. While on her lunch break one afternoon, she met Thomas Bruner. He was an air force pilot who was visiting some relatives in New York. Thomas wasn't much to look at, but he was a good man. As far as Loretta was concerned, all she ever wanted was a good man. Well, she got one this time.

Before Thomas ended his month-long leave, Loretta was in love with him.

She was now married to a man who had advised her in advance that he was also “married” to the military and had fifteen more years to go before his discharge. They lived in a small, nondescript house in San Francisco, an hour's drive from the Travis Air Force Base across the San Francisco Bay. Thomas spent most of his time on the base. Loretta had no friends, but she had several pets to keep her company when Thomas was away. That didn't bother her because as far as she was concerned, this was the best she could do now.

 

“At least by bein' married to Thomas I'll get to travel,” Loretta said when she called home to tell Maureen that she had married Thomas Bruner and had moved to San Francisco. Maureen had not heard from her since the conversation they'd had just before Loretta had her baby.

“Lo'retta, I'm sorry things didn't work out for you in New York and that you gave up modelin'. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy. So if Thomas makes you happy, that's enough for me,” Maureen told her. “I wish you all of the luck in the world, baby.”

“Mama, I've been wantin' to call you way before now,” Loretta admitted.

“Why didn't you?”

“I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if you ever wanted to talk to me again. Anyway, I got to thinkin' about you last night, so this mornin' when I got up, I couldn't stop myself from callin' you. I'm glad you didn't hang up on me.”

“I'm glad you called,” Maureen replied.

An awkward moment of silence followed before Loretta continued. “Mama, I would give anything in the world if I could hug you one more time.” Loretta sniffed. “I don't want to come back to Florida and face all the people I let down, but do you think that someday you can come visit me so . . . so I can hug you? And, uh, to apologize to you in person for all the ugly things I said and did to you.”

Maureen was touched by Loretta's words, but she wouldn't allow herself to get too excited. She didn't care what happened from now on; she'd approach everything Loretta did with caution. She would
never
let her guard down again. Not with Loretta or anybody else. Not even Jay. But she was happy to hear that Loretta had begun to turn her life around. It wouldn't make up for all the pain she had caused, but at least it was a step in the right direction. Maureen was glad that she had not given up on her child.

“I'll come out there when it's convenient for me,” Maureen said without hesitation. She was proud of herself. In the old days, meaning the days before she found out about Loretta and Mel, Maureen would have said something like “Oh! I'll be on the next plane, baby!” Well, Loretta was no longer so special that Maureen had to bend over backward and practically break her neck to please her. Now Maureen would treat Loretta the way she wished she had treated her when it mattered. Loretta was still special, but not a fraction as special as Maureen had made her believe she was during the BM—“before Mel”—days. Maureen didn't even like to speak his name now. BM made her think of “bowel movement,” which was what Mel was in her book now.

“You can even bring Jay if you want to. I'm so glad that you finally found true love. I hope he comes with you because I'd like to give him a big hug too. I
owe
him one.”

It was hard for Maureen to believe that this was the same Loretta who had been so arrogant, insensitive, and self-centered and who had broken her heart into so many pieces. “I'll ask him if he wants to come with me,” Maureen said, hoping that Loretta would conclude the call before she broke down and cried.

“Bye, Mama. I love you and I can't wait to see you again.”

Maureen hung up, but she didn't cry. She realized that she had done enough of that. This time she smiled.

Jay was apprehensive about Maureen going to visit her daughter. He declined the invitation, but he encouraged her to go anyway.

A month after Loretta had invited Maureen to visit her, Maureen hopped on a plane.

So here she was. Back in San Francisco, earthquake city.

 

Maureen occupied a metal folding chair in the cramped living room of the small house where Loretta and her new husband planned to live until he received his next relocation orders.

“Mama, I know I'm beginnin' to sound like a broken record, but I'll say it again. I'm so sorry about what I did to you. I just hope that someday you can find it in your heart to forgive me,” Loretta told Maureen as they sat drinking iced tea and munching on Fritos. Since Maureen's arrival less than an hour ago, Loretta had apologized and hugged her several times.

“I did that a long time ago,” Maureen said. “But I won't ever trust you again,” she added with a laugh.

“I wouldn't trust me again either. Boy oh boy, what a fool I was.” Loretta looked and behaved like she was genuinely sorry, and this time she was. “Mama, I hope that couple in Canada is treatin' my baby real good.” Loretta gave Maureen a strange look.

“Oh, I wouldn't worry about that,” Maureen said with conviction. Big Maureen and Lukas were treating Loretta's baby very well. In addition to the plan that was already in place, Big Maureen had eagerly agreed that if she and Lukas planned to visit Maureen and Jay at the same time that Loretta did, they would not bring the baby. Maureen and Virgil had also made Big Maureen promise that she would not even show Loretta a picture of the baby. She could show her a picture of
a
baby, but not the baby that was the center of this strange situation. Maybe years down the road things would change, but until then, they would all stick to the original plan. “Don't you worry about your baby. I know those people are takin' real good care of her. You just need to focus on the future and forget about everything that's happened.”

“You're right, Mama. That poor baby is goin' to be just fine. I will focus more on my future.” Loretta offered a weak smile. All of a sudden, her jaw dropped. “Oh, Mama! There is somethin' I need to show you!” She excused herself and ran into her bedroom. She returned a few minutes later waving a newspaper clipping. “Mona sent this to me. Read it.”

Maureen took the newspaper clipping and read:

“Mel's dead?” Maureen asked, turning the clipping over. “When did this happen?”

“The same night I had my baby. I didn't know anything about it until Mona called me up a few days later and sent me the clipping from the Goons newspaper.”

“So you stay in touch with Mona, huh?”

“Yeah, even though she blabbed to you about me. You just don't know who to trust these days. That's why I don't even want her to know I had a baby. Anyway, I'm surprised you or Uncle Virgil didn't read about Mel in the newspaper. I didn't call to talk to you about it because, well, I just didn't. I wanted that man to stay off my mind, and I knew you did too.”

“Uh, I guess we both missed readin' the newspaper that day,” Maureen said. “But I'm surprised Catty and Fast Black didn't see it.”

“It was on page six next to a big ad about some roach repellant. Mona would have missed it herself if she hadn't been lookin' for some newspaper to clean some fish on.”

“Well, I don't know what happened to Mel, but the way he lived his life, anything could have happened to him. I'm sure he had a few enemies,” Maureen said. “Can I keep this clippin' so I can show it to Virgil?”

“I don't care. I had been meanin' to throw it in the trash anyway. I don't want anything in my life that'll remind me of that devil,” Loretta hissed. “I just hung on to it so I could show it to you someday.” Loretta gave Maureen a pensive look. “You glad Mel died?”

Maureen didn't respond right away. “No, I'm not glad Mel's dead, but I'm not surprised. If anybody had it comin', he did.” Maureen shook her head. “He was a pitiful excuse for a man.”

“He sure was. Uh . . . I know I had a lot to do with him and me hookin' up, but I have to let you know that it wasn't worth it.” Loretta could barely look Maureen in the eye, but she did anyway. She wanted to see what was in her mother's eyes, and she wanted Maureen to see what was in hers. Her remorse could not be measured. It was the one emotion that she would feel for the rest of her life.

“Betrayin' somebody never is worth it, honey,” Maureen stated. “Do you mind if I give your uncle Virgil a call?” Maureen asked, already reaching for the telephone on the end table.

“I'll let you talk in private,” Loretta said, rising. “I'll be on the porch.”

“Virgil, Mel's dead,” Maureen said as soon as he answered his telephone.

“Who killed him?” Virgil asked, not sounding the least bit sympathetic.

Maureen immediately read the clipping to him. “What do you think happened to him? Maybe somebody had a key and had let themselves in while Mel was out. Somebody he had pissed off. There's no telling how many women he was involved with and any one of them could have stolen his key and had a copy made. Maybe they'd heard he was marrying another girl, and snapped. They let themselves in, hid in a closet, and came out and beat him with something and pushed him out that window. They locked the door back before the manager got to the door with his key. Or, when the manager got inside, when he wasn't looking, whoever had snuck in, snuck back out the door. How else could Mel fall or be pushed from that sixth-floor window right in the middle of a telephone conversation with his fiancée?”

“Hmmm,” Virgil said. “Whatever the hell happened, it sure is a strange story. You really think it could have happened that way?”

“Him jumpin' out of that window on his own or accidentally fallin' out makes no sense at all. Like I just told you, I think
somebody
got into that ‘locked-on-the-inside' apartment somehow and beat the shit out of him and threw him out that window,” Maureen answered with a shudder. “Somebody or . . .
somethin'.
”

“I think the same thing. Somebody or somethin' . . .”

“You think it was Mama Ruby, too, huh?”

“I didn't say that!”

“But that's what you think,” Maureen accused. “I know you do, Virgil!”

“I don't know! I . . . I . . . maybe his conscience finally got to him and he really did jump.”

“In the middle of a telephone conversation? What about him screamin' and sayin' what he said? That man didn't commit suicide, and he didn't fall from that window. He also didn't gouge out his own eye or cause his head and neck injuries! Now you tell me, do you think the same thing that I think really happened?”

“Mo'reen, Mama Ruby is dead. She can't chastise nobody else no more,” Virgil said.

Maureen let out an eerie laugh. “She won't need to now.” She exhaled and pressed her lips together. She had nothing else to say. She balled up the newspaper clipping and tossed it into the ashtray on the coffee table.

After Maureen had hung up the telephone, she walked toward the front porch where Loretta had gone. She stood in the doorway for a few moments looking at her daughter.