Lost Angel (16 page)

The letter had come ten days later, and Billy was now so excited about going back to Hampshire that he hardly spared Ellen a glance. She’d been mad to hope that he’d noticed her at last, and her unhappiness sat like a hard knot in her stomach.

She still thought about the old woman and the runes, about the sign that would bring her peace, and she went to the Baptist church again, desperately hoping to find it there. It wasn’t the same pastor, but she enjoyed the service, the singing, the warmth of the atmosphere, and remained to talk to a few people when it was over.

‘I seem to know your face,’ an older woman said. ‘I know it’s been some time but didn’t you used to come here with Mrs Price and her daughter?’

‘Yes, that’s right.’

‘So many people have been scattered, but it’s lovely to see you again.’

‘I wasn’t sure if I should come here again.’

‘Why not?’ she asked, drawing Ellen to one side. ‘What’s troubling you, my dear?’

‘I was told by an old woman who used rune stones that I would see a sign, but I haven’t. I was hoping to find it here. Do you think it’s here?’

‘This is God’s house, not the home of the devil. It’s wrong to use rune stones and to consult anyone who casts them.’

‘My mother didn’t consult anyone, but a woman once approached her and said she’d had a vision. In it she saw that my father hadn’t gone down with his ship. He was alive and coming home. She was right too.’

‘It is still a form of fortune telling, misguided and against God’s teachings.’

‘My mother was distressed and the woman was trying to comfort her. Surely that was the Christian thing to do?’

‘If she
was
a Christian and the vision came from God, then yes. Was she a Christian?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Well, my dear, unless we are sure, we shouldn’t listen. The devil is wily and comes in many guises to whisper in our ears.’

Ellen couldn’t believe the woman at the underground station had been the devil in disguise. ‘Thank you for talking to me,’ she said, and before the lady could protest Ellen walked off and out of
the door. She was still confused and felt it was unfair that the woman, Christian or not, should be condemned just for trying to help her mother.

Going to church hadn’t helped. If anything it had turned her away from religion again.

Gradually time passed, and though Ellen still wished Billy hadn’t gone back to Hampshire, things were changing around her. To start with, her mother had found a job, and then, in August, came the long-awaited news that the war was officially over.

Once again, as on VE day, there was dancing in the streets, Londoners out in force, but even as Ellen joined in she hadn’t been able to help wondering how it was being celebrated in Hampshire. Was Billy dancing with Sheila? Were they a couple now?

Lucy and her family didn’t come back to London. Instead a new family moved in next door. They had two very noisy young children who played with a ball in the garden, and when it flew over the wall it wreaked havoc on the flowers that had survived the thinning out. Those still in bloom managed to cheer Ellen up as she regularly dead-headed them, the marigolds giving the best display, but as it was now September the aquilegia was straggly.

Working in the garden at least gave Ellen a chance to get away from the awful atmosphere
indoors. Her dad was depressed and morose now that her mother had started full-time work. Ellen knew he was in constant pain and her heart went out to him, but he was no longer the father she knew, one who loved to laugh and joke; yet, as he had once been so active, it was no wonder he was moody.

Her mother now worked in a shop near to Ellen’s and they were walking home together one evening when Ellen was snapped out of her reverie by a tug on her arm.

‘Ellen, get a move on. When we get home I’ve got dinner to cook and then a stack of ironing to do.’

‘I’ll do the ironing,’ Ellen offered as she picked up her pace.

‘You’re a good girl, but it’s about time you made some friends. You should be with girls of your own age instead of stuck indoors with us every evening.’

‘The only women who come into the shop are housewives and all they do is moan about the continued shortage of food. I wish I’d found a job in a flower shop.’

‘What about your old school friends?’

‘I haven’t seen any of them for ages. Like Lucy, they’ve probably moved away and haven’t come back.’

‘Maybe you should go to that Baptist church again. You might meet some nice girls there.’

‘I did go, I tried, but no, Mum, it isn’t for me.’

‘Watcha,’ a voice said.

Ellen looked around, smiling when she saw Percy. He still worked in the same factory and he too was on his way home.

‘Hello, Percy.’

‘How’s work?’ Hilda said. ‘I suppose the production line has changed now the war’s over.’

‘Yes, it has. To be honest, I’d love a job working outdoors.’

‘I thought you liked it in the factory,’ said Hilda, surprised.

‘I did at first. I felt I was doing something for the war effort, but it’s different now.’

‘I feel the same. I hate being cooped up in the grocery shop all day.’

‘Ellen, it isn’t a lot of fun in the ironmonger’s and I hate the stink of paraffin, but you don’t hear me complaining all the time.’

With Percy walking along beside them it was the ideal opportunity to ask and Ellen changed the subject. ‘Has your mum heard from Billy again?’

‘She got a letter this morning.’

‘What did he have to say?’

‘You know Billy, it was mostly about horses.’

‘Did…did he mention Sheila? She was my friend when we lived there.’

‘No, I don’t think so, but I only gave the letter a quick scan before I left for work.’

‘I was just telling Ellen that she should make new friends,’ said Hilda. ‘Any ideas, Percy?’

‘Sorry, I don’t know any girls. I suppose she could come to the pictures with me tonight. I’m going to see Michael Redgrave and John Mills in
The Way to the Stars.’

‘What’s it about?’ Ellen asked.

‘Life on a bomber base during the Battle of Britain.’

‘No, thanks, the war’s over and I don’t want to be reminded of it.’

‘I suppose we could go to the Odeon. They’re showing an Old Mother Riley film.’

‘No, Percy, I don’t think either film is suitable for a fourteen-year-old.’

From the expression on her mother’s face, Ellen knew it was pointless to argue, and, anyway, she really didn’t fancy either film.

‘Maybe some other time,’ Percy offered.

‘We’ll see,’ her mother said darkly and when they arrived home she ushered Ellen indoors, closing the door firmly behind them. ‘I think Percy has got his eye on you, but you’re still too young to be going out with boys.’

‘Of course he hasn’t,’ Ellen protested, but then the thought was taken from her mind as they walked into the living room to see they had a visitor.

‘Gertie,’ she cried, delighted to see her.

When Gertie had first arrived she couldn’t believe the change she saw in Doug. He looked worn down, his back bent with pain, and older than his years. Now she was seeing a change in Ellen too, but a pleasant one, and said, ‘Hello, my dear, and look at you, all grown up now.’

‘Hello, Gertie,’ Hilda said as she flopped onto a chair. ‘It’s nice to see you, but I wouldn’t call Ellen grown up. She isn’t even fifteen yet.’

‘You look tired,’ Gertie said and meant it. Hilda looked awful, with dark rings around her eyes.

‘I must admit me feet are throbbing, but as I’ve been on them all day, it isn’t surprising.’

‘Doug told me that you’re working now.’

‘Yeah, in a shop. How long have you been here, Gertie?’

‘I only arrived about ten minutes ago.’

‘Ellen, I can see your father hasn’t offered Gertie anything, so make a pot of tea.’

‘I did offer,’ Doug protested.

‘Yes, he did,’ nodded Gertie. ‘But knowing you’d be home soon I said I’d wait.’

‘I’ll do it,’ Doug said. ‘You two have been at work all day and making tea is all I’m fit for now.’

Gertie watched sadly as he shuffled to the kitchen.

‘Hilda, it’s awful to see him like this. Can’t anything be done?’

‘No, the damage is irreparable, but some days are better than others.’

‘He was so active and must hate it, along with the fact that you have to be the breadwinner now.’

‘I’m not too happy about it either,’ Hilda said bitterly. ‘He went before the board again, and even in that state they didn’t increase his pension.’

‘What? But that’s dreadful! He should appeal.’

‘There’s no point. Knowing Doug he didn’t make a fuss so it’s down to him. He prefers to think he’ll improve and will be able to work again.’

‘Is that likely to happen?’

‘I don’t know, and even if it does it’d have to be some sort of light job where he can sit all day. Anyway, enough about us,’ Hilda said dismissively. ‘I haven’t seen you for ages so tell me what you’ve been up to since you’ve left the ATS.’

‘I haven’t been doing anything really. I’m in a rented house in Surrey and just waiting for the sale of my father’s house to go through.’

‘What? You’ve sold it already?’

‘Yes, and thank goodness for that. I’m just here for a few days to sign papers and finalise things.’

‘What will you do after that?’

‘I’m not sure yet, but probably buy a place of my own.’

‘Gertie, surely you’re not going to bury yourself on a smallholding again?’

‘No, and, anyway, I don’t think Maureen would be keen on the idea.’

Hilda’s eyebrows lifted. ‘Maureen?’

Gertie glanced at Ellen, then said, ‘Yes, my
friend.’

‘Are you happy?’

‘I’m ecstatic.’

‘Ellen, give me a hand to carry these cups through,’ Doug called.

‘I’m glad you’ve met someone,’ Hilda said as soon as her daughter was out of earshot. ‘I’m pleased for you.’

‘Thanks, Hilda. Now tell me, I didn’t get a chance to visit you while you were in Veronica’s cottage, so how did you find it living there?’

‘I loved it, and though you may not believe it, I loved Hampshire too.’

‘What, a London girl preferring life in the country? You hated it in Somerset.’

‘Your place was too isolated, but the cottage was nice and in a small village. I didn’t want to come back to London, and as usual it’s brought me nothing but bad luck.’

‘What do you mean? What bad luck?’

‘You’ve seen Doug. We came back because he insisted he’d be able to find a job here, but soon after his back got worse. I live in dread of what’s going to happen next.’

‘Hilda, don’t be silly. You can’t blame a location for bad luck.’

‘Maybe, but we’re stuck here now so I’ll just have to make the best of it.’

‘The best of what?’ Ellen asked as she came in, a cup of tea in each hand.

‘This place,’ Hilda told her. ‘Now then, Gertie, I’m not sure what I can rustle up, but you’re welcome to stay for dinner.’

‘Thanks for the offer, but once I’ve had this tea I must be off.’

‘Don’t go yet,’ Ellen protested. ‘We haven’t seen you for ages.’

‘I know, but I’m in London for a few more days and I’ll come to see you again.’

‘Are you staying in your father’s house?’ Hilda asked.

‘No, I can’t stand the place. I’m in a small hotel.’

‘You can stay here if you like,’ Doug said as he held on to the arm of his chair before carefully sitting down. ‘It’s thanks to you that Hilda and Ellen were safe in Hampshire. You’ll always be welcome here, Gertie, but I’m afraid there’s only the sofa. It’s old, but it’s comfortable.’

Gertie was touched. She knew how Doug felt, his suspicions about her – ones that, though he didn’t know it, had been accurate enough. Of course, he had nothing to worry about now. She was happy with Maureen, and her feelings for Hilda had at last died. Gertie found she was now seeing Doug in a new light and realised her dislike of him had been down to jealousy. He was a good man, a good husband and father who
had fought for his country only to end up on the scrapheap.

‘Thanks, Doug, it’s kind of you, but Maureen is staying in the hotel too.’

‘Maureen?’

‘A
friend
of mine.’

He smiled faintly. ‘Yeah, right, I get it.’

‘When the sale of the house is completed, will you both be staying in London?’ Hilda asked.

‘I’m not sure where we’ll be living yet, but it won’t be London. Like me, Maureen prefers the country.’

‘Me too,’ Doug said wistfully.

Gertie swallowed her tea. ‘I’d best be off, but maybe, if you don’t mind, I’ll bring Maureen to meet you next time.’

‘Yes, we’d like that, wouldn’t we, Doug?’

‘It’s fine with me.’

They said their goodbyes, Gertie thoughtful as she left. It had been awful to see them living like that: Doug in pain, Hilda looking worn down, and Ellen hating her job in a shop. She had to do something for them, to ease their burden, and as she was rather well off now it would be simple to write them a cheque. Yet, even as this thought crossed her mind, Gertie knew it wouldn’t work. However needy Doug and Hilda might be, they weren’t the sort of people who’d accept a handout.

The problem was still on her mind as Gertie
neared the small hotel in Chelsea, and at last an inkling of an idea began to form. The war was over and it was time to move forward – time to start another new chapter in her life. If Doug, Hilda and Ellen could be a part of it, nothing would give her greater pleasure.

So far she and Maureen had idled around doing nothing, but the inactivity was already driving Gertie mad. She needed to do something, to find a new challenge, and the more she thought about it, the surer she was that this plan could work.

Only a few days later, on Sunday morning, Gertie called again. Hilda opened the door to see a young woman behind her, a pretty, petite blonde who was the antithesis of Gertie. She looked a little nervous so, smiling, Hilda said, ‘It’s lovely to see you again, and your friend too. Come on in.’

‘Hilda, this is Maureen.’

‘Yes, I guessed that, and it’s nice to meet you.’

‘Hello,’ Maureen said shyly.

‘Doug, look who’s here,’ Hilda said as she led them into the living room.

Once again Maureen looked shy as she returned Doug’s greeting, her hand clinging to Gertie’s. Ellen looked puzzled so Hilda swiftly said, ‘Sit down, the pair of you’, then kicked herself for using that word. Yet it was true, they were a pair – but that was something she’d rather not explain to Ellen.

‘I don’t want to get told off again, so this time I’ll make a pot of tea straightaway.’

‘I’ll do it, Dad,’ Ellen offered.

‘No, it’s all right. It won’t kill me.’

‘You look a little better, Doug.’

‘I’m having a good day, Gertie,’ he said, back a little straighter as he left the room.

‘Has everything been finalised with your father’s house now?’ Hilda asked.

Gertie pulled a face. ‘No, the buyer dropped out and it all fell through. It’s going back on the market on Monday.’

‘What will you do now?’

‘There’s nothing we can do until I get another offer.’

‘We could still make plans for the business,’ said Maureen. ‘You know, cost it all out and see if it’d be profitable.’

Hilda’s brows shot up. Gertie had only mentioned buying a house.

‘What sort of business?’

‘It’s just an idea really, and I’m not even sure it would work. Maureen, you shouldn’t have said anything.’

‘But…but I thought…’

‘What’s all this about a business?’ Doug said as he came back into the room. ‘I couldn’t help overhearing. ’

‘All right, I’ll tell you,’ said Gertie. ‘I’ve seen in Surrey, and elsewhere, that nearly all the gardens have been dug up to grow vegetables.’

‘I had a go,’ Ellen said, ‘but the soil in our garden is useless. Percy planted some flower seeds though and we’ve had a nice display.’

‘Percy? Who’s Percy?’

‘He’s Mabel’s son and he’s as daft about gardening as Ellen,’ explained Hilda. ‘Now carry on telling us about this idea of yours.’

‘Well, now…’

‘Sorry to interrupt,’ Percy said, as if hearing his name had conjured him up, ‘but is it all right if I fill a bucket with water? The garden needs watering.’

‘Talk of the devil,’ Hilda said ruefully. ‘Gertie, this is Percy.’

‘Hello there. I hear you like gardening.’

‘I love it, not that we’ve got much of one.’

‘Where do you work, Percy?’

‘In an engineering factory, but I’d rather work outdoors.’

‘Gertie used to have a smallholding and you’d have loved it,’ Ellen told him.

‘Cor, did you?’ he said, sitting down and leaning forward eagerly. ‘What did you grow?’

‘Mostly fruit and vegetables.’

‘Nice, but I like flowers.’

‘Gertie, are you going to tell us about this idea of yours or not?’ Hilda asked impatiently.

‘Percy mentioning flowers leads me into it nicely,’ she said. ‘You see, that’s my idea. We’ve had so many years of austerity and I think that one
day, in the not-too-distant future, people will want a bit of colour in their lives again. What I want to do is to open a plant nursery, to grow flowers, shrubs, trees, and offer them for sale.’

There was silence for a moment, but then Ellen exclaimed, ‘I think that’s a marvellous idea. I suppose you’ll be planting seedlings and, when they’re transplanted and a decent size, you’ll sell them.’

‘Well, that’s more or less it.’

‘I don’t see how it’d work,’ Hilda said. ‘Why would people buy plants from you? Surely they’d grow their own?’

‘A lot of flowers are easy to grow from seed, simple things like marigolds and other cottage garden plants, but others are difficult. There are flowering shrubs, specimen shrubs, rose species, let alone plants that need to be started off under glass. I’d like to specialise in these and I think there’d be a demand.’

‘If you ask me, we need food, not flowers.’

‘We do now, but I’m talking about what people may want in the future.’

‘We grew marigolds, didn’t we, Ellen?’

‘Yes, Percy, you did,’ Hilda said answering for her daughter, ‘and didn’t you say they need watering?’

‘Yeah, right,’ he said, taking the hint. ‘I’ll get on with it.’

‘Do that,’ Hilda snapped.

Unperturbed, Percy turned to Gertie.

‘It was nice to meet you, and good luck with the nursery. If…if you’re thinking of taking anyone on, I’d love a job.’

‘I’m afraid it’s nowhere near that stage yet, but if I find I need staff I’ll bear you in mind.’

‘Really?’

‘Yes, really.’

Percy smiled with delight and soon they heard the sound of running water from the kitchen.

‘He seems a nice lad,’ Gertie said as they heard the back door close.

‘Yes, he is,’ Doug agreed, ‘and you were a bit sharp with him, Hilda.’

‘I don’t like the way he looks at Ellen. I think he’s got his eye on her.’

‘She could do worse.’

‘Doug,’ Hilda said, appalled. ‘She’s only fourteen.’

‘Coming up fifteen.’

‘That’s still too young.’

‘You weren’t much older when we first met.’

‘I was
seventeen!’

‘Mum, there’s no need to argue over this,’ Ellen placated. ‘I’m not interested in Percy.’ ‘I should think not.’

Ellen smiled at Gertie. ‘It was nice of you to say you’d think about offering him a job though, and I wouldn’t mind one too.’

‘Goodness, slow down. As I said it’s only an idea so far and it might not go any further than that.’

‘But, Gertie, I thought…’ said Maureen.

‘That’s enough,’ Gertie snapped, but, as Maureen then looked tearful, she threw an arm around her. ‘Now then, don’t get upset. I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just that I don’t want to jump the gun.’

There was something going on, Hilda was sure of it, but Gertie obviously didn’t want Maureen to talk about it. Ellen was watching them, looking puzzled again, so to divert her attention, Hilda said: ‘Ellen, even if Gertie gets this place up and running you wouldn’t be able to work there. It won’t be in London.’

‘You’re right,’ Gertie said, removing her arm from around Maureen, ‘and, anyway, until I get another buyer for my father’s house, my idea will have to be put on the backburner. I have money he left me, and some from the smallholding, but as my plans are long term, it won’t be enough.’

‘That’s a shame,’ Doug said. ‘It sounds like a good idea and it could work, though I reckon you’d have to offer more than just plants to make a decent profit.’

‘I’ve looked at the figures and know it’ll take time to establish and to build up a good supply of plant stock, so any ideas would be welcome, Doug.’

Doug looked thoughtful as he ran a hand around his chin. ‘How about selling things like garden tools?’

‘What a marvellous idea,’ Gertie said.

‘Yes, and watering cans, hose pipes, cane
supports, fertiliser,’ Ellen suggested eagerly. ‘Oh, there are loads of things, even gardening books.’

‘Goodness, what a couple of entrepreneurs,’ said Gertie. ‘Thank you and it’s certainly something I’ll consider.’

‘Do you want another cup of tea?’ Hilda asked.

‘No, thanks, and we really must go now. We’re going back to Surrey and with no idea how long it’ll take to find another buyer for my father’s house, it could be some time before we’re back in London.’

Hilda showed Gertie and Maureen out, chatting for a few minutes on the doorstep before waving goodbye, but when she returned to the living room it was to stand horrified, unable to believe her ears.

‘Yeah, well, I suppose you’re old enough to know now,’ Doug was saying. ‘You see, Gertie is different, and she fancies women instead of men.’

‘Doug!’ Hilda yelled. ‘Shut up!’

‘It’s all right, Mum,’ said Ellen. ‘I thought there was something funny about Gertie and Maureen and I’m glad Dad told me.’

Hilda glared at Doug, fuming. ‘Well, I’m not!’

‘Ellen saw them holding hands, saw Gertie’s affection for Maureen, and it confused her. What was I supposed to do? Lie to her?’ Doug snapped.

‘I’m glad you told me the truth, Dad, but I still
don’t understand. I mean, what is Gertie? Is she some sort of half-woman, half-man?’

‘It’s a bit difficult to explain. Gertie’s got the body of a woman, but…well, I suppose, the feelings of a man.’

‘But if she’s a woman, why can’t she behave like a woman? It seemed funny, odd to see her cuddling Maureen, and now I know why it…it makes me feel uncomfortable. I mean, she cuddles me too.’

‘That isn’t the same,’ Hilda snapped. ‘Gertie would never look at you in that way.’

‘I don’t know, Mum. I…I’m not sure how I feel about her now.’

‘Now you listen to me, my girl. Any affection Gertie has shown is because she sees us as her family, me as a sister and you as her niece.’

‘I felt the same way about her, but I don’t think I can now.’

‘Gertie is still the same person and just because you know about her sexual preferences now, it shouldn’t change the way you feel about her. Oh, what am I saying, this is madness! You’re too young to understand, too young to be hearing things like this!’

Ellen jumped to her feet and, before Hilda could stop her, she ran outside. Still fuming, Hilda turned on Doug.

‘See what you’ve done!’

‘All right, I’m sorry. You’re right. I should have kept me mouth shut.’

‘It’s a bit late for that now! It’s hard enough for adults to accept people like Gertie, yet you expect a fourteen-year-old to understand! You must be out of your tiny mind!’

Unaware of the row going on between Hilda and Doug as they made their way home, Maureen said, ‘You were right, Gertie. They did accept us.’

‘It’s a shame that there aren’t more people around like Hilda and Doug.’

‘We have to be so careful, and it’s a wonder nobody found out about us when we were in the ATS.’

‘It’s more of a wonder that we found each other and even got together. Let’s face it, you did play hard to get.’

‘I know, Gertie, but to be honest I was nervous. I hated the way I felt, tried to fight it, but every time I saw you it became more and more impossible.’

‘Is that why you went out with a couple of the men?’

‘Yes, but as I’ve told you before, I’d been dating men since I was sixteen. It never worked. I just couldn’t feel anything for them, hated their kisses, and gained a reputation as being frigid.’

‘It still worries me that I’m the first woman you’ve been with. You won’t leave me, will you?’

‘Gertie, you know how I feel about you and there’ll never be anyone else.’

‘What about your family? You must miss them.’

‘How many times have I got to tell you? I went to boarding school, forced to stay there during the holidays while my parents travelled. It meant we were never that close and, since meeting you, for the first time in my life I feel truly happy.’

‘I am too, very happy – well, except for seeing the dire straits Hilda and Doug are in. I wish I could just write them a cheque, but they’d never accept it.’

‘When are you going to tell them?’

‘It could be some time before the agents find another buyer for my father’s house, and even then we’ve got to search for the perfect place. I don’t want to raise their hopes too soon, but fingers crossed it doesn’t take too long.’

‘You think a lot of them, don’t you?’

‘Yes, they’re like my family and one day I hope you see them as your family too.’

Maureen nodded, but seeing them as family or not, there was only so much she’d agree to and one part of Gertie’s plan had put her back up. She’d bide her time for now – wait until Gertie had the money to go ahead with her plans – then she’d put her foot down.