Lost and Found (41 page)

He jumped up out of his seat and ran over to both of us, and we were huddled up in a group hug. Eden even jumped out
of her seat, ran over, jumped up into my lap,
wrapped her arms around my neck, and gave me a kiss.

"I knew it, Owibia! I knew you would be my Mommy."

I just grabbed her tighter and I looked over at Cash, and we
both had tears falling down our cheeks. I looked at his
parents and Carmen and Lucas, and all four of them were
dabbing at their eyes with their napkins.

Gideon's little outburst had turned dinner into such a joyous
occasion that Carmen went to get champagne for all of us
to celebrate.

Thinking back on that night puts a big smile on my face. I
notice it’s a few minutes before time to wake the kids up,
and I look over at Cash and he's watching me and grinning
at me.

"Well, good morning. How long have you been awake and
have you been watching me this whole time?" He pulls me
closer to him and leans his head on my shoulder.

"Yes I have been, were you having a good dream or
thinking about last night like I was? I love having you in
my arms when I fall asleep and wake up. Honestly, Liv. I
don't remember ever being this happy in my life. Ever!" I feel that my heart is going to explode at what he just said. He said Ever!

"As much as I enjoyed last night, and oh my God I did, I
can't ever seem to get enough of you. I was actually
reliving in my head the night that Gideon called us out in
front of everyone about how we felt about each other." He
grins and gives me a kiss.

"That was a big moment for all of us, huh? That little turkey
is way too smart for his britches, but it was a huge weight
off of my shoulders, because I was getting tired of pulling
you into closets and bathrooms for a kiss from you."
This has me laughing, because we were getting pretty ridiculous in hiding from everyone, especially the kids.

"Yeah, me too, but I wouldn't mind it if you still did it
every once in a while, haha. Not that I'm lacking in my
daily quota of your wonderful kisses, but a couple more a
day wouldn't hurt."

I wink at him, pull him into a tighter hug, kiss him on the chest, and start kissing him along his jawline, which has him moaning. Just holding each other has me wishing
we had more time before the kids come in and attack us and
get in bed with us, because they usually wake up before the
alarm goes off.

"Oh, don't do that, you know what that does to me and you
know they'll be in here any minute." I hear footsteps
coming closer. "Speak of the little devils."

"Mom, Dad. You're awake! Can we cuddle with you
before we have to go eat breakfast?"

There they are. Both of them in their pajamas with smiling faces
like they always are every morning. My heart
always bursts at the sight of them. They always know that
the answer is yes, but because Gideon is so polite he asks
before the both of them jump into our bed and get between
Cash and I. Eden always brings a stuffed animal of some
sort, so the more the merrier.

Cash looks over at me with them between us and he just
shakes his head and grins at how our morning routine has
turned into a snuggle fest for the four of us.

"What are your plans today, Gideon? Do you have any big
tests today?"

"I have a spelling test, but I'm not worried about it. You
know I always ace them, but we are playing dodge ball in
P.E. today and I can't wait!"

"I always loved dodge ball when I was a kid. We need to
play some dodge ball the next time your Uncle Caleb
comes over. You and me against him! We will take him
down!" I love watching them interact with each other.
They're so much alike it's not even funny, looks and all.
Cash looks over to Eden.

"Miss Eden, what are your plans today?" Eden, ever so
graceful, very thoughtfully thinks about what she wants to
do.

"I want to go swimming and bow and cowor."

Cash reaches over and lightly tickles her on her belly, which
has her giggling and bucking away from him and closer to
me.

"Cowor? Will you cowor me a picture today, so I can put it on my desk at work?"

"Yes, Daddy. I will make you a good one. A big, big one."

"Aww. Thank you, Sweetie. I can't wait to see it. Okay kids. How about you go run downstairs and eat, so I can
talk to your mom for a couple of minutes, okay? We'll be
right down."

Mom. It took me a couple of days to get used to it, but I
love the sound of it again and didn't realize how much I had
missed being called Mom or Mommy.

"Okay. You better hurry or I'll eat all of the bacon!" Gideon and Cash fight over the bacon every morning.
Carmen makes plenty of course, but it’s turned into a
competition with them.

They run out of the room and we hear them squealing with
excitement, as they're running down the stairs. Neither of them wakes up grumpy in the morning, which is good considering how early they wake up.

"Liv? Are you happy? I mean truly happy?" Where did that
come from, I wonder. I look over at him and he seems
scared.

"What? Well, of course I am? Why are you asking me
that?"

"Well, when I told you how happy I was you didn't
acknowledge it and I meant it. I've NEVER been this happy! I was happy with Vanessa and I loved her very
much, but I just... I just feel so happy my heart could burst
out of my chest at any moment from all of the love that I
have for you and the kids, and the love that I feel from all of
you. I just want to make sure that you feel the same way."

"Oh, honey. If I could describe how happy I am with
words, you just did it for me. Yes, I am truly, truly happy
and I feel
the
same way." Surely, he can tell how happy I
am. I guess women aren't the only ones that tend to have
insecurities.

"I wish I didn't have to go to work today, because I would love nothing more than to hang with you and Eden today
and spend her nap time with you, here in this bed. I just feel
that since I'm so happy, something is going to happen that
will change things. I don't know. Just a bad feeling I'm
having."
I snuggle up closer to him and run my fingers through his
hair to reassure him.

"Cash, nothing bad is going to happen. We've gone through
too much in our lives to get to where we are now.
Please don't think that way. I can't see how anything in the
world could tear us apart. I love you so much it hurts, and
the children too. Just forget about it, okay? Everything is
going to be fine, alright?"

He nods his head and leans down and presses his lips next
to mine and I part my lips, and it felt like an explosion in my mouth at the intensity of his kiss. It felt like he was
kissing me goodbye, not goodbye I'm going to work goodbye, but goodbye forever goodbye, which has me
pulling him even closer to me and has me tearing up and
feeling like I'm never going to see him again. He pulls apart
and I see tears welled up in his eyes when he looks at me.

"You just felt it too, didn't you? It's like a dread feeling, that
something bad is going to happen." I nod and hug him
tighter.

"Cash, I’m sure it’s nothing. I've had feelings like that
before and nothing ever happened. Please try to have a
good day at work, okay? I'll see you when you get home
and you'll see that it was nothing."

He nods his head and heads downstairs to eat breakfast,
while I run to the bathroom. While I'm brushing my teeth,
I'm thinking about how upset he was and how I could feel it in his kiss and I immediately feel like throwing up.

I open the lid to the toilet and barely had it up before I
throw up. I feel fine afterwards, so I guess it's just nerves
from our conversation. I get to thinking about it, because I've felt this way before and I mentally start calculating in my head and oh my God! I hadn't even thought about it, but I'm two weeks late for my period.

Oh my God! I have morning sickness! Cash was right! Something is about to happen, but it's nothing bad. We are
going to have a baby! I don't even have to take a test to know for sure. I'm pregnant!

I then remember Cash telling me if I ever got pregnant I
would have to get rid of it. Does he still mean that? We
are in a committed relationship now; surely he doesn't still
mean that. We are having a baby. A baby made out of love. Our love for each other.

But he's not going to think about that. He's automatically
going to think that I'm going to die. I don't know what to
do. I can't tell him, especially now after what he just said
and how he feels. I have to talk to somebody, I need to go
see a Dr. I don't know any Dr.'s! Claudia. I'll call
Claudia. She won't say anything and she will know a good
Dr. I can go to.

Oh my God! I'm pregnant! All I can do is grin, because I've never wanted anything more in all of my life than this
life that I'm carrying. I just have to get Cash on the same
page.

********************

After Cash and Gideon left for school and work, I told
Carmen that I had to run a few errands and finish some
Christmas shopping, and asked if she minded to watch Eden
for me. I wasn't about to tell her that Claudia had set me up an appointment with her gynecologist as soon as I called to
tell her what I suspected.

I pulled into the parking lot of the Dr.'s office and she's
already there waiting for me outside her car, talking on her
cell phone. She hangs up and walks over to me and pulls
me into her arms, because I'm at odds about how I'm
feeling.

"Oh my God, O. What's going through your mind right
now? Are you sure you're pregnant? Are you going to tell
Cash? You can't hide this from him, ya know."

"Oh calm down. First things first. Yes, I'm sure I'm
pregnant and I don't know what I'm going to do about Cash
yet. I can hide it long enough for it to be too late for him to try to make me get rid of it, which I am not doing by the
way!" She shakes her head and sighs.

"Olivia? Do you love him?"

"Of course I do! Why are you asking me that?"

What is her deal? She's my best friend and she's supposed
to support my decisions. All of them!

"I know that he's madly in love with you and I know that he said that in the beginning, but do you think that maybe he's
changed his mind?"
She is leaning against my car with her arms crossed with a
concerned look on her face.

"You don't understand how he feels about pregnancy,
Claud. He doesn't look at it the same way normal men do.
He feels that pregnancy is a death sentence and I can't
handle him looking at me for nine months thinking that I'm
going to die. I'll tell him when I'm past my first trimester,
after the holidays."

"I sure hope you know what you're doing. I won't say
anything, but I really wish you wouldn't lie to him about
this."

"Oh, you're one to talk about not lying. Have you even told
Caleb yet that you're into guys?"

I know they spend a lot of time together through the week
and weekends when he's not out of town on missionary
trips.

"That's different and you know it. I'm not hurting anyone
but myself, but the problem here Olivia, is you've never been
a good liar and I'm great at it. I'll keep your secret, but I'm just telling you, I'm not crazy about it and I think it's going
to blow up in your face."

"That's all I'm asking of you is to not say anything. I know it's a lot to ask, but you're the only one I can tell. I guess we
better go get this over with and make sure everything is
okay.