Losing You (43 page)

‘But there’s no need for that ...’

‘I can always get her myself.’

‘Please, Emma, try to think of what you’re doing. Is this
really what you want for Lauren? She’s a good, sweet girl with ...’

‘Don’t speak about my daughter in that tone,’ she seethed, clenching her fists to stop herself slapping him. ‘I never want to hear you utter her name again. Now I want you to come with me to Mr Gibbs so we can get this over with.’

He shook his head in helpless dismay. ‘I’m sorry, I can’t do that, because you’re making a terrible mistake ... What are you doing?’ he cried as she marched to his desk and snatched up the phone.

‘I’m asking the head to come here.’

‘No, don’t,’ he protested, coming to wrest the phone from her. ‘We can sort this out ...’

‘And I’ve already told you how we’re going to do it. There’s no room for negotiation.’

‘But there has to be. Think of the girls we’ve just left. They’re about to sit some of the most crucial exams of their lives. Do you seriously want me to walk out on them now?’

‘What I want is that you never set eyes, or hands, on any one of them ever again. They’re far enough into their studies to make it without you now, and even if they weren’t, A levels or no A levels, do you seriously think there’s a parent alive who’d want you within a mile of their daughter if they knew what you’d done to mine?’

‘But I haven’t done anything to yours. Whatever you’ve read, whatever Lauren’s written, it’s all in her mind.’

Emma could feel herself losing ground, becoming undermined by his insistence. How sure was she? Where was her proof? She suddenly couldn’t think.

Seizing the moment, he said, ‘I’m afraid this isn’t the first time I’ve been accused of an improper relationship with a student. There was another girl, the year before last, who told her friends we were romantically involved. It was all a fantasy; a way of making herself seem special, more important, I suppose.’

‘Lauren would never do that. And she wouldn’t have the first idea about any of the things she’s written about if you hadn’t taught her.’

He was shaking his head; his eyes were burning a plea. ‘I’m
afraid you’re underestimating the imaginations of eighteen-year-old girls, but what’s more important here, as I see it, is the degree of stress you’re under at this time. I can quite understand why you’re getting things out of perspective, anyone would in your position. And I’m truly sorry that you had to find this diary of Lauren’s, because obviously what she’s written has added greatly to the dreadful ordeal you’re going through.’

She was hearing his words, even thinking that he could be right, because somehow he was making a certain sort of sense. Half out of her mind with fear and worry, might she be capable of misconstruing or not even understanding what was in front of her eyes? Her heart twisted with anguish. She was losing her thread, forgetting what she needed to say. But then she remembered her call to Clive Andrews, the address he’d told her was on Lauren’s phone, the number it had come from, who it was registered to, and suddenly it was as though everything around her was erupting all over again. She couldn’t take any more. She barely knew what she was saying or doing as hysteria streamed out of her uncontrollably. She looked around desperately for anything she could throw at him. She wanted to smash the place up, the way her own life had been smashed up. Her daughter was dying, might even already be dead, and
she
was keeping her alive because she was too selfish to let her go. She didn’t know what to do any more. Everything was crashing in around her. She was a terrible mother; terrible things had happened to her child and now she was being punished by a god too cruel to care. And this man, this pervert, was trying to make out he was innocent and she was mad and maybe she was ... She could see the car coming, she needed to get out of the way, but she couldn’t ...

‘Lauren!’
she screamed. ‘Lauren, please don’t go ... Oh God, I want my baby, please, please don’t take my baby ...’

‘Sssh, ssh, there now,’ a woman’s voice was soothing. ‘Get her some water,’ she barked over her shoulder. Warm arms enfolded her, and Emma felt deep and painful sobs cutting right through her. She had no energy, she didn’t know where she was; she couldn’t make sense
of anything. Who was this woman? Where had she come from?

Trying hard to breathe she sat forward, her head reeling as she dropped it into her hands. She had to get a grip, pull herself back together. ‘I’m – I’m sorry,’ she whispered raggedly. She’d disgraced herself, broken down, exploded, but that didn’t change what had happened, what he’d done to Lauren ...

‘There’s nothing to apologise for,’ the woman told her. ‘The strain you’re under is immense.’

Emma raised her head as the woman knelt in front of her and took her hands. She was still sobbing, huge, racking chokes of grief.
Her baby was dying. Maybe she was already dead. Please God, no, no, no
. She recognised the woman now. It was Felicity Barker, the deputy head.

‘I was passing and heard you shouting,’ Felicity explained.

‘Where is he?’ Emma asked. ‘Do you know what he’s done?’

Felicity Barker regarded her regretfully.

‘Please look in my bag. You need to see ...’

Felicity looked up as the door opened and Philip Leesom came in with a large glass of water. He looked tense and pale; his eyes darted tentatively between Emma and the deputy head.

‘Are you feeling better now?’ he asked Emma, nervously offering her the water.

Ignoring him, Emma said to Felicity, ‘Please take me to Mr Gibbs.’

‘But, Emma,’ Leesom protested.

Emma turned to him, her eyes flashing again. ‘He needs to know about the kind of education you’ve been giving my daughter ...’

‘But I’ve tried to explain ...’

‘There are no explanations, no excuses for the fact that you texted her, from a mobile registered in your name, the address of that place outside Glastonbury. You even got her to take her flute so she could play for you and your friends.’

His chiselled jaw slackened with shock as an ugly rush of colour stained his neck. His eyes darted to Felicity, who was looking more alarmed now than confused.

‘Yes, she took the flute,’ Emma told him fiercely. ‘She was willing to do whatever you wanted, because she was completely besotted with you, and knowing it you didn’t hold back, did you? You took advantage of her in every possible way. I know Donna’s got a crush on you too, I suspect half the girls in the school have, but the only one you were meeting that night was my daughter, who’s now in intensive care, fighting for her life. Tell me you feel at least some sense of remorse, or responsibility for putting her there. Let me hear you admit that you have a shred of decency left in you to care about the fact that if you hadn’t told her to go there that night this would never have happened. Oh God, you’re going to start lying again, I can see it in your eyes. You’re going to twist things round to make me look deranged with grief. Well, I am and I admit it, but it doesn’t change what you’ve done, or who you are, and I’m telling you now, I will not be leaving here today until I know that every girl in this school is safe from you.’

Looking at Felicity, Leesom threw out his hands in despair. ‘I don’t know what to do,’ he said. ‘I can’t admit to something I haven’t done. I understand why ...’

‘It’s all written down,’ Emma reminded him, her voice shuddering with more emotion.

‘Then please let me see it. If it’s about me I surely have that right.’

Knowing he’d use the fact that his name wasn’t actually spelled out to defend himself, she said, ‘You can see what I have here, but then I want Donna Corrigan to see it too.’

His eyes were suddenly shot through with unease. ‘But why?’

‘Because she won’t find it as easy to lie as you clearly do. In fact, I believe that reading these diary entries will terrify her, which is very probably what’s terrifying you about inviting her in.’

Felicity’s expression was harsh as she stared at Leesom.

‘But this is absurd,’ he protested. ‘Felicity, you can see what a state she’s in. We can’t let this go any further.’

Felicity began to reply, but then he was shouting as Emma started for the door.

In one swift move he was grabbing her and spinning her round. ‘Emma, wait, you have to listen to me,’ he urged. ‘Doing this won’t solve anything. Lauren will still be where she is at the end of it, and you will have ruined my life for ...’

‘Do you think I care about your life when you’ve already ruined hers?’ Emma broke in scathingly. ‘Even before the accident you’d taken her down a road she should never even have known existed ...’

‘For Christ’s sake,’ he shouted desperately, ‘she wasn’t a virgin, and she’s
eighteen
, old enough to know her own mind.’

As Felicity gasped Emma’s face turned white. An admission at last, and to her disgust, not even the slightest tremor of remorse. ‘That’s just where you’re wrong,’ she told him quietly, ‘because she was a virgin, and she wasn’t old enough to know her own mind. That’s why she was here, at this school, being educated, shaped for her future ...’

‘And she was doing brilliantly. You know that ...’

‘She was also doing things that should be making you grovel on the floor in shame, not stand here trying to defend yourself as if you had some sort of right to abuse your authority and your position.’ Her head was spinning, but she had to make herself hold on. ‘I told you when I came in here that your career is over, and now I’m not prepared to waste any more time arguing with you.’

He continued to block the way, staring hard into her eyes, ashen-faced and trembling.

‘Philip, move aside,’ Felicity commanded, coming to join them.

‘Please, you can’t listen to this,’ he implored.

Felicity was holding Emma’s arm, and pushing Leesom out of the way she steered Emma into the corridor. Neither of them stopped walking, or spoke a word, until they reached the headmaster’s study.

As soon as the head’s secretary saw them her face froze in shock, giving Emma an indication of how ravaged she must look. A beat later the girl was welcoming Emma politely and doing as Felicity instructed, going to get the head out of his meeting.

‘Mrs Scott,’ Gibbs said warmly and worriedly, as he came through to the office. He glanced quizzically at Felicity. ‘Has something happened? Has Lauren ...?’

‘We should go into my study,’ Felicity said, and keeping a gentle hand on Lauren’s arm she waited for Henry Gibbs to lead the way.

Once the door had closed Gibbs turned to Emma again, looking deeply concerned. ‘I do hope this isn’t more bad news,’ he said.

Swallowing hard, Emma glanced at Felicity, who gave her a small nod of encouragement.

‘I have something to show you,’ Emma told him, and knowing she had to do this quickly she took out the extracts from Lauren’s diary and passed them over. ‘There’s more,’ she said, as he glanced down at them, ‘far worse than this ... The S she refers to is for sir, who is Mr Leesom. I’ve just come from his office and I ... I hope you’re going to see this the same way I do, that he must never be allowed near any of the girls again.’

Henry Gibbs’s expression was starting to register both alarm and confusion as he quickly scanned the pages. ‘I’d like to think I’m not understanding this correctly,’ he said, glancing from Emma to Felicity and back again.

‘I’m afraid you are,’ Emma informed him. ‘Both Lauren and Donna have been his victims. I don’t know if there are any others. What I do know is that Lauren’s suffering enough already by being where she is, so I’d prefer it ... I’d rather this didn’t turn into a full-blown scandal. I know I haven’t helped matters, breaking down the way I did ...’

‘You mustn’t blame yourself,’ Felicity told her.

Gibbs’s eyes were on the pages, absorbing more of the horror.

‘If you’d like to speak to the police to add certainty to S’s identity,’ Emma said, ‘you’ll find the number of our family liaison officer written at the top of the first sheet. Obviously, I shall have to tell Lauren’s father what’s happened at some point, and I’m sure he’ll want to sue the school, or do something equally drastic. If I can tell him that Philip Leesom has already left and won’t be coming back, that might go some way towards appeasing him.’

Gibbs was clearly lost for words.

‘Obviously we need to speak to Philip Leesom before we can take any action,’ Felicity said reasonably. ‘As you know, we have exams coming up ...’

‘For some, not for Lauren.’

Gibbs’s eyes were on hers and Emma didn’t look away; he needed to know just how determined she was.

‘Leave it with me,’ he told her. ‘You have my word that I will deal with this fairly and promptly.’

An hour later, feeling more drained than she ever had in her life, Emma was on the train starting her journey back to Bristol. When her mobile rang she expected it to be Polly, or her mother, but to her dismay she saw it was Will. She knew she shouldn’t answer, that he was the last person she needed to speak to right now, but somehow she managed to click on instead of turning the phone off.

‘What are you doing? Where are you?’ he demanded when she said a weary hello.

‘Why do you need to know?’ she countered.

‘I’ve been trying to get hold of you, so I rang your mother and she told me you’re in London, at the school. So what’s going on?’

‘Nothing that I can talk about now.’ She was watching the platform seeming to travel past as the train pulled out of the station, and feeling as though she was in some kind of dream.

‘But it concerns Lauren, obviously, so I have a right to know.’

‘I’m not saying you don’t, I’m just saying that this is not the time to discuss it. I’m on a train, other people are around.’

‘Then call me when you get home.’

‘I think it’s probably best if we talk at the weekend. You are still coming, I take it?’

‘Of course. And please stop with the trying to make me feel guilty. I’ve got a job, children, a wife ... I can’t just sit around here pretending everything’s normal with Lauren when ...’

‘No one’s asking you to. In fact, with the way you feel about things I’d rather you were never anywhere near her.’