Losing Virginity (5 page)

………

I
called Hector from my Bio class who also worked at the campus van service.

"
Heyyyy
Hector," I said conspiratorially.

"
Uhh
... Hi Olivia," he stuttered.

"You
knew it was me?"

"Yeah.
Your voice is
very distinct. No break in the pitch. It's a good singer's voice."

Hector
was in the Musical Arts Department and was said to be somewhat of a savant in
that area. Wow. That was a compliment, and I recognized that it was. Was Hector
flirting with me?

"Thanks
Mr. H," I said, trying to distance the flirt that just happened.

I
continued, "When are you going into town next?"

"I
think the next trip is to pick up the volunteers at the aquarium in a half
hour."

"Great,"
I said. "Would you like to pick me up and take me on a liquor run?"

He
paused.

"Olivia...
I know you aren't twenty one..."

Here
I was thinking I was the most naive person on campus. I needed to find a way
around this and I think Veronica's advice was the best.

"Mr.
Alvarez, I'll have you know that I lied about my age so I could be one of the
first to breach the beaches on D-Day," I lied extravagantly, so that when
people understood the lie, they just thought I was cute. It was a good tactic.
"You wouldn't stiff a veteran, would you?"

He
laughed on the other line.

"So
I suppose you were never in the Eastern
theater
?"

Oh,
he was a war historian.

"Of course not.
I was out there
to Shave Ryan's Privates, sir.
Nothing else."

He
laughed out loud.

"So
when should I pick you up?"

SCORE.
I told him
where to meet me and walked downstairs.

Hector
pulled up in a 2002 Toyota
Previa
. He was a cute guy,
with the cheekbones of the Japanese and the jaw structure of the Spanish, but
he was more awkward around other people than I was, which
was
totally a turn
off. I never understood why.

"Hey
Olivia!" he hailed from the van which had the school logo emblazoned on
the side. "I guess freshman year is the best time to try your luck at
buying alcohol underage while driving in the school van."

I
grinned at him, hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek. That's what the
Spanish did, right?

Hector
blushed and fumbled a little with the gear shift as his face turned red.

The
ride was fun. It wasn't awkward. We listened to some Belle and Sebastian, Iron
and Wine and some old Violent Femmes.

Hector
was a nice guy. He was the sort of guy I would like to end up with. However, I
think there was something that made me not want to lose my virginity to him. He
would be one of those guys who would ask if I was comfortable, if he was
hurting me, if I was okay a hundred times during the whole process. Of course I
was uncomfortable. I’ve never done this before. Yeah, it hurts a bit. I’ve
never done this before. Yeah, I’m OKAY. For the love of Pete, I’m OKAY. That
wasn’t at all what I wanted. I wanted a guy who knew what he was doing so I
could be on automatic pilot until I learned what I was doing.
 
I knew that was unfair to Hector and all the
super nice guys like him.
 
But it was
true.

I
wanted to lose my virginity to some guy I would never be able to have like some
cowboy coming through town just for a night or maybe a trucker on a coast to
coast shipping job
 
or a sailor getting
ready to ship out to Europe. I wanted to lose my virginity to a superhero that was
on his last be-all end-all mission to eradicate crime in this dirty city.
Although Hanover wasn't dirty at all. I wanted an old fashioned man’s man, you
know, the kind that walk quietly but carry a big stick.
Strong
but silent.
Silent but deadly…
OKAY,
now I’m
just being childish.

I
knew Hector would be a great protector down the line. Eventually he would leave
college, get an amazing job, take care of his family in Juarez but that wasn't
what I wanted right at this point.

I
wanted a man who was ready now…

………

Our
conversation on the way to the store was fun. We talked about the Oscars, which
were on the night before. We talked about who should have won, who deserved it,
and who was wearing the best dress (although I did most of the talking on the
last one).

We
stopped by the liquor store, I bought the Jameson without any problems and we
picked up the volunteers on the way back.

It
was strange that I didn't want a man who was good for me. I wasn't even
entirely sure what 'good for me' meant, since I hadn't let anyone balance the
family checkbook other than me.

In
high school, I was all I needed.

Now
I wanted more. How should I change to get that?

………

Hector
kissed me goodbye on the cheek, taking advantage of my earlier bribe, and drove
the volunteers to their quads. I smiled, waved him goodbye and made sure to
sashay on my way to the apartment door... I’m sure he looked... I hoped he did…
Knowing someone liked my body would give me more confidence.

Veronica
was right. There was more to understanding sex than having sex itself.

I
could project. I was good looking, so I thought. I had a symmetric face and
birthing hips (goddamn Anthropology and Biology for making me think this way).
Maybe I could snag the guy I wanted. I didn't necessarily need Jess’ good
looks, but I needed Jess’ confidence.

………

I
walked into the bedroom to see Jess lying in her underwear on the floor.

"Please,
put some clothes on once in a while, or else I'm going to start thinking that
you are going 'Alisha' on me," I said while kicking her gently in the
ribs.

She
moaned.

"I’ve
got clothes on. Underclothes! Don’t you wear them?" she joked. "Where
have you been?"

I
pulled out the bottle of Jameson and showed her.

"Oh, my boyfriend.
You found
him!"

She
pulled the bottle away from me and started curling up with it in a manner that
I was not comfortable with if I was going to be drinking from it later.

"Hey, hey.
Foreplay comes
first," I joked, swatting her ass and taking the bottle from her.

"So
how was class?" I asked.

"Oh,
you know.
Anthro
was easy..."

I
snorted.

"
Anthro
was easy because you weren't there!" I shouted.
"However, you would have loved this one. It was about the mating rituals
of the
Yanomami
tribe."

Jess
oohed and sat cross legged on the floor, waiting to hear more.

"Yea,
Professor Tunde was really hot today. Sweating and everything..."

Jess
wailed, hugging her legs and falling back on the floor.

"What
an amazing man..," she gaped. Then she paused and looked at me.
"However... you didn't tell me everything. I've been here for more than
half an hour. You didn't just buy a bottle of my boyfriend, did you?"

I
blushed. I was an 18 year-old who blushed like I was Molly in the Breakfast
Club.

"I
talked with Hector for a while."

"
Oooh
!
Talked.
Is that what you call it?" she wiggled, making
noises like she was watching the best show in the world. "How was
he?"

I
shook my head. Her one track mind seriously needed a derailment.

"I
didn't do that. We just talked."

"Just
talked with your south mouths?" she said, leering in a way that was very
unbecoming for a woman.

"No.
And that is disgusting," I said, brushing imaginary dust off my shoulder.
"I don't go in for guys like that."

"Guys
like that!?" she laughed, pulling the bottle away from me and pouring out
two shots for us. "What do you mean 'guys like that'? Hector is an
investment."

"What?
What do you mean an investment?"

"He
is the sort of guy that if you fuck now, you can always fuck later and land him
just in case he becomes the CEO of Google or something," Jess said while
pouring two more shots carefully. "Guys are like flooring, or so the old
biddy's
say, and they are always right: lay '
em
right once and you can walk all over them the rest of
your life."

We
laughed,
clinked
our shots and threw them back. I was
still a novice to drinking whiskey straight, and it felt warm going all the way
down. Drinking was never my game but my roommates continued to try and push it.

Jess
put on some music, Rihanna, to my ambivalence. I didn't personally like
Rihanna. But I knew there were worse things to have playing in the background.
Jess took another swig of the bottle; a champion we have here, ladies and
gentlemen.

"So
you aren't interested in Hector, the cute guy at your work is gay, you are too
afraid to have a 'liaison' with our Anthropology professor... What exactly are
you looking for, girl?"

I
stopped to think. Yeah, I guess I had pushed a few potential guys away at a
point in my life where I was supposed to be really finding out what I want in a
man, partner, whatever.

"I
don't know. I know I don't want any of them, because I am not sure I want the
first man to be someone who is close to me or like a drifter," I said.

My
eyes grew wide to enhance the mystery.
 
That was the honest truth, maybe infused with the liquor I just drank,
but it was honest. I was too much of a coward to give my virginity to someone I
might know because what if it was bad? What if it was something that he
insisted should be something more? What if I insisted it should be something
more? Maybe it was better to just get it over with?

My
sex brain was beginning to annoy myself as bad as the
Kardashians
do.

"We
should start a little experiment," Jess said deviously, stroking an
imaginary handlebar mustache on her evil, grinning face. "I actually have
a project in Social Psychology class. I thought I could do a study of dating
websites."

Oh
no. This was Jess’ idea? I hadn't known Jess long, but she had ideas that
generally ended up being great stories but terrible experiences.

"How
'bout we set you up debutante style," Jess said.

Jess
was from the South. Although she was a very metropolitan girl and really could
not be considered a 'hick' or 'redneck', she still had a strange culture passed
down to her from her grandmother and mother.

A
debutante ball was the Southern equivalent of selling off their marriageable
age daughters. It felt crude, but also old school classy. I wasn't sure how to
feel about it. Lots of feminists might consider it a form of slavery. But, what
woman in her right mind wouldn’t be thrilled to get all dolled up to be the
center of attention? It was very aristocratic. Generally younger ladies ready
to be debuted were introduced to society formally and were to display how ready
they were for a marriage to a man they didn't know.

I
loved it and hated it. I would be the IT girl. I would also be seen as the
newest entrant to 'society', which I assumed I had already joined.

Jess
watched my hesitation, and like a good poker player, bet more.

"If
you do not land a guy before the end of the semester, then I am allowed to
throw you the most audacious debutante ball that was ever thrown north of the
Mason-Dixon
line
, girl!"

I
couldn't argue with that.
A virginity party that struck its
name in the history books?
But also a public declaration of being a
virgin...

"Deal,"
I said with more confidence than I had.

Jess
yelped and giggled and ran to her computer.

"Where
are you going?" I said.

"I’m
going to make an online dating profile for you. We need you to go through a few
bad ones before you are ready for whatever good ones," she wisely intoned.

That
made sense.
Practice.

"So,
you are twenty two, stacked and ready to fuck," Jess said.

"Okay.
No." I grabbed her hands off the keyboard. She smiled up at me kindly.

“Do
you think I’d really put that? I want you to have fun, not get attacked.”

She
continued with my profile settings. I had a job. I was continuing college and I
liked cats. I could imagine thousands of other men who shared the same traits
with me and were hiding bodies underneath their porches.