Losing Me Finding You (24 page)

Twenty-eight years old

The sun shines into my room and today I turn twenty-eight years old.

I roll over and as soon as I open my eyes, I’m immediately hit with it. All of the memories, all of our kisses, all of our touches, instantly flooding through me, filling me with the life and the man I’m always trying to find my way back to.

Ben
.

Today, of all days, I have woken up beside Ben. Last night wasn’t just a dream. I held on and I stayed.

I really stayed.

And this time, there will be no waiting, no searching, no painful longing. This time, he is already here and this time, I’m going to get eight years in a row with him. It’s the best birthday present I’ve ever received. It’s the only present I’ve ever wanted.

My heart hammers in my chest as I stare at the man who makes all of this worthwhile. I really want to wake him up, but I want to enjoy this moment too, enjoy all of the memories as they float through me.

The sun streams into the room and as I look around, I can see it really is the same bedroom I fell asleep in last night. I am lying naked in
our
bed, beneath
our
duvet, in
our
bedroom, in
our
flat. All of the memories, all of
our
memories, are here, instantly.

I’m
still
here this time.

How has this happened?

Ben stirs beside me and I glance back at him. His eyes open in that sleepy way that takes forever but is so adorable to watch, today more than ever.

“Hey,” I say softly, my fingers reaching out to brush his uncontrollable hair from his eyes.

Ben smiles sleepily. “You’re still here,” he whispers.

“I am,” I say, blinking.

“Come here,” he breathes, his arm wrapping around my waist as he pulls me against him.

Everything about him and me and us, feels different today. New and fresh and undiscovered, I can’t quite figure it out. His fingers as they trail slowly down my back, set my body on fire, just like always, but somehow it’s different today. The sparks move slowly, as though they are gradually weaving under my skin and down my spine. I hear myself moan softly, feel my hands slide over his hard, warm chest. It all just feels so different, but so familiar at the same time.

“Is this what it’s like for you?” I ask, our lips finally touching.

“What what’s like?” he whispers, gently kissing me.

“New,” I breathe out. “Every time I come back, does it feel new?”

“Evie,” he says, rolling us over so he lies on top of me. “It feels like you, baby, it always feels like you.”

“Ben,” I murmur before his mouth covers mine and I can’t say anymore.

Ben’s body settles like a heavy, but comforting weight, on mine. I slide my hands slowly up his back and around his shoulders as he falls between my legs, pushing inside me and reminding me of everything I’m trying to find my way home to.

“Ben,” I moan again, my body soaring as he starts to move.

It’s different, but it’s exactly as I remember, too.

I don’t know why we’ve been given this day, this chance. All I do know is this time, there will be no wasted days, or weeks, or months, trying to find each other. This time there is no explaining, no sadness and no worry. This time I have been given Ben, straight away.

I hope this is the beginning of something.

“What do you want to do today, baby?” Ben asks, his fingers gently running down my spine as I lie with my head on his chest.

“Nothing,” I murmur, my eyes closing.

“Nothing?” Ben asks, laughing a little.

I breathe out, content to stay right where I am. “Nope, nothing.”

Ben’s arm wraps around my waist, pulling me tighter against him. “You’re sure?” he says, a teasing note in his voice now. “Nothing seems like an awful waste of a day.”

I laugh, sliding my leg over his. “Well it wouldn’t exactly be nothing,” I say as I slide my hand from his chest and wrap it around his stomach, my fingers slipping under his back. “And it definitely wouldn’t be a waste.”

“Mmm,” Ben murmurs. “So tell me then, Evie, what exactly does nothing mean then?”

I tilt my head, pressing a kiss to Ben’s jaw as I whisper, “Nothing means not leaving this bed all day, Ben.” I press more kisses along his neck and watch as he closes his eyes, hear the soft groan that falls from his lips. “Because the way I see it,” I continue as I sit up and straddle Ben’s hips. “This day is anything but a waste. It’s a huge bonus.”

And it is. Because this is a day I’d never normally get with Ben. It’s an extra day where I get to have him, all to myself, when I never should have expected to. Never before have I woken up with him on my real birthday. Never before have I even found him on my real birthday. So today is anything but a waste. Today is the best day of my life, and I intend to spend it doing exactly what I want.

“Evie,” Ben groans, as I slide over him. “I totally agree with doing nothing, baby.”

And I can only smile as I start to move.

“Want something to eat?” Ben asks later, my stomach rumbling right on cue.

I laugh. “Yeah maybe I do, you might have worn me out for a while.”

“Worn you out,” Ben scoffs, flipping me onto my stomach as he presses down on me. I feel his mouth at my ear. “Baby, we’re just getting started.” And my stomach flips at his words. Best birthday ever.

I feel his teeth on my shoulder, gently biting me and I twist on the pillow as I wrap my arm around his head and bring it to mine, where I press a kiss to his lips. “In that case, I’m definitely gonna need to replenish,” I whisper. “So, go make me some breakfast, tough guy.”

Ben laughs, his arms on either side of my body now as he pushes himself up. I take the opportunity to roll over so I’m lying on my back beneath him as he’s pressed up on his arms above me. I practically pant with desire; the guy is nothing but pure muscle.

Ben smiles at the obvious lust that must be written all over my face. “Breakfast or me?”

I swallow, hard. “Both,” I whisper.

I actually groan now as Ben lowers himself, push-up style, to press a kiss to my lips. “Done,” he whispers and then he’s up and out of the bed with far too much energy for a man who’s just spent all morning giving me the best workout ever.

I watch as he bends over to pick up a pair of boxers, giving me the most gorgeous view of his arse and it suddenly gives me an idea. “No,” I say quickly. “Nothing, you make me breakfast wearing nothing.”

Ben stops as he looks at me with a big grin on his face. “Nothing?” he asks, standing beside the bed in exactly that.

“Yeah,” I say smiling back at him. “My birthday, my choice. So that’s you,” I add, pointing at him. “In nothing.”

“Baby,” Ben says laughing now. “I’m gonna be working with dangerous goods here; oil, frying, heat. Do you really want this guy,” he says, gesturing towards his hips. “Unprotected out there?”

I burst out laughing, thinking maybe he has a point. “Okay fine, but boxers and nothing else.”

Ben laughs as he pulls them on. “Yes, boss,” he says, leaning over to pull me out of bed and sling me over his shoulder. “However, you, my sexy little firecracker,
can
be naked.”

I’m squealing as I pound my fists into his back knowing it’s going to make no difference. Ben smacks me on my bare arse, which is currently propped over his shoulders as he walks us out of the bedroom and into the kitchen, depositing me on a kitchen chair along the way. “Stay,” he says, his voice firm even though he’s wearing a huge grin on his face.

I give him a salute as I cross my legs and say, “Yes, sir!”

Ben laughs and I watch as he moves about the kitchen, putting the kettle on and pulling out eggs, bread and a frypan.

“What are you making me?” I ask, hopping up to turn the heat up a little. If I’m going to sit here naked, it’s going to need to be warm.

Ben turns and catches me by the thermostat. “Did I say you could get up?” he asks, his voice stern now.

I bite my lip in an attempt to stop smiling as I sit back down. “No,” I answer fluttering my lashes as I look up at him.

“Up,” Ben commands, trying to fight a smile.

I’m not bothering to hide mine, because I just can’t help it. I know he’s only playing with me and even though he’s trying to look completely serious, I can’t help but smile. He’s so fucking hot when he acts like this. This is sexy, bossy, protector Ben and I love it.

I stand up and Ben walks towards me, his eyes locked on mine, his body moving like a cat stalking its prey. I have to swallow hard and my fingers are twisting themselves together behind my back as I try to stop myself from reaching out to grab him. When Ben reaches me, he stops, only a foot of space between us that is humming with energy.

“Turn around,” he says, his voice low, and I immediately do as he’s asked.

Ben steps closer and I feel his arm wrap around my waist, his mouth at my ear as he whispers, “This is just a warning, baby.” And then his other hand is on my back, between my shoulder blades and pushing me forward, so I’m bent over the table now, a jolt of pure lust running right through me. As he pulls my hips against his, I can feel just how turned on he is by this and for a second, nothing happens. Then, without warning, Ben’s hand smacks me hard on the arse. It causes me to groan because it’s hard, but in that fleeting pain followed by a whole lot of pleasure kind of way.

Ben and I have always fooled around like this, ever since we were kids and first started fooling around at all. Maybe because neither of us has ever been with anyone else, or maybe because we trust each other completely, I don’t know. I do know that I’m not afraid of him though, and I know he will never hurt me.

I push against him now as his hand starts to rub my backside, right where he smacked me and I swear I hear Ben groan this time, his fingers tightening around my waist a little. He smacks me once more before his hand is on my neck, pulling me back up. Still wrapped in his arms, he spins me around so I’m facing him, my whole body pressed against his.

“Will you behave now?” he whispers against my lips.

No,
I immediately want to say. “What happens if I don’t?” I ask, my body literally trembling with desire.

Ben’s arms tighten and I see his eyes sparkle with mischief as gives in and finally smiles at me again. “Then breakfast won’t be the only thing getting eaten off the table, baby.”

And I groan as I press my lips to his and my brain immediately starts thinking up ways to earn me that punishment.

Ben eventually manages to serve up french toast on baked beans, still my favourite, without having anymore distractions from me. I’m tempted, but honestly, the sight of Ben moving around the kitchen in his underwear is enough at the moment. Plus, I’m starving.

“Good?” he asks, sitting in the chair next to me.

I’m nodding as I stuff another forkful of food into my mouth. I’m also now wearing a t-shirt; my suggestion after I said my assets might also need protecting from the hot food. Ben laughed and agreed, the only condition being it had to be one of his and I wasn’t allowed to put anything on underneath it.

“Happy birthday, baby,” Ben says, leaning over to kiss me.

I swallow the mouthful of food. “Thank you, and thank you for breakfast.”

He smiles, tucking my hair behind my ear. “Anytime.”

We eat in silence, the sound of the music that’s playing on the radio in the kitchen, the only noise filling the room. But eventually I have to say it, the one thing we haven’t discussed this morning, even though it’s the proverbial big elephant sitting right here in the room with us.

“So, do you think this means it’s over?” I ask, quickly shoving another mouthful of food into my mouth. Ben looks at me and shrugs before he continues eating. “What?” I ask, my mouth still full. “That’s it?”

“That’s it,” Ben says, raising his mug to take a sip of tea. I watch his movements, not sure what to make of his seemingly unconcerned take on this morning’s events. To say this is out of the ordinary would be both ironic and an understatement.

My life is clearly anything but ordinary. As far as I know, no other person on the planet, or even in existence, enjoys the same fate I do every time February twenty-nine rolls around. Yet the fact that I’m sitting here, with Ben, enjoying a breakfast that he’s made for me on my birthday as though we are two regular people, like it’s the most normal thing in the world, is actually pretty extraordinary. And I don’t quite know how to wrap my head around this one.

“How can you say,
that’s it
?” I ask him, lowering my fork as I pull one leg onto my chair and wrap my arm around my knee.

I watch Ben glance down and see his eyes darken. I remember I’m not wearing any underwear and lower my leg again, scowling at Ben, who’s not taking me seriously.

“What?” he asks, a wicked grin on his face. “A man’s not allowed to enjoy the view?”

“I’m trying to have a serious conversation here, Ben,” I say, reaching over to smack his shoulder.

“Hey!” Ben says, laughing. “And I’m having a serious one back with you, baby.”