Losing Herself: Surrender (2 page)

“You have a liberal arts degree,”
Nate said, “We usually hire people with backgrounds in economics, finance, or mathematics – people who are interested in investment decisions. Why do you even want to work here? And don’t give me the usual bullshit, I need to know the truth.”

Emily
gulped and said, “I’m looking for a job where I can really contribute something to the company, and not just be an unthinking peon. Even though I don’t have a technical degree, I’m a logical thinker and I can analyze real-world situations properly. I do think my skills match up well with the job here, and I can see beyond what most quants see in investment opportunities.”

Nate
shook his head. “You’re just one of those girls who move to the big city, hoping it’ll be exciting and glamorous. This job – it’s just part of that plan. Any job would do, and personally, I think you’re better off looking for a proper job that’ll pay better money – not an internship that pays peanuts.”

Emily
hated that Nate had seen through her so well. But then again, why was she surprised? A man who ran such a successful company would probably
have
to be a good judge of character.

“You’re right,” she admitted softly. “I did hope that New York would be exciting and glamorous. But you’re wrong that any job will do. I’m very loyal, and if I got this internship, I’d do my best – I’d work harder than anyone else, and I’d deserve the position more than anyone. I might be new to New York and still trying to settle in here, but that doesn’t change the fact that I’d be one of the best employees of
Alpha Investments.”

Nate
’s face was unmoving and his expression didn’t give anything away. Emily held her breath, too scared to say anything more in case it was the wrong thing.

Finally,
Nate stood up and walked around the table. He stood next to her, just a few inches away. Emily stared down at her shoes, realizing that his belt buckle was almost at her eye level. She tried to keep non-professional thoughts out of her mind, but she couldn’t help wondering how it would be to reach out and …
Stop it
, she told herself, hoping that Nate couldn’t read her mind. She felt flushed and the scent of his oceanic cologne flooded her nostrils.

“Look at me,”
Nate said softly, and Emily raised her eyes, trailing them up quickly until she met his glance. He looked amused, as though he’d caught her checking him out. Had she been checking him out? He certainly had large hands, and the way he leaned casually against his desk implied an understated strength. She felt confused, and waited for him to ask her something.

“
Emily Miller,” he said, “You’re not what I expected.”

She blushed, wishing she’d bought a more expensive suit, and maybe worn more makeup. She wished she wasn’t so unsophisticated, or at least, that she could hide it better.

Nate held her gaze and said, “Stand up.”

Emily
tried not to gulp, and stood up. Nate dropped his eyes and let them travel down her body slowly, down her legs and then up again, until their gaze locked. Emily felt naked, as if he had x-ray vision and had just seen through her clothes. Or was that wishful thinking on her part? Her hands tingled, and she had a sudden need to be touched, to feel a pair of strong hands on her body.

“You’re not what I expected at all,”
he said, “And I really don’t think you should be working here.”

The words weren’t unexpected. This interview had been a disaster from the start
. Nevertheless, Emily felt her heart drop a thousand floors. It landed near her feet with a thud, and she tried to keep that hopeless feeling at bay.

“I don’t agree,” she said, “I’d be really good at the job. I’m good at analyzing trends and –”

“I’m sure you are,” Nate interrupted her, “But that’s not it.”

“Please, Sir –”

“I hate hearing you call me Sir.”

Nate
’s voice had darkened, and there was a dangerous gleam in his eyes.

Emily
gulped and said, “I’m sorry, Si – Nate. It’s just, I think I’d be good at the job.”

“Task performance isn’t everything. We need people who’ll fit in with the company culture, and who I can work with comfortably.”

The words stung, but Emily tried to fight back. “I can fit in with the culture.”

“And you think I can work with you?”

“Absolutely.”

“
From this interview – the impression I get, is that no, I can’t.”

Emily
stared at him, but before she could say anything, Nate said, “There’s no point wasting any more time, I have work that needs to be done.”

He gestured at the door and
Emily found her legs walking towards it and out.

She ignored the snide glance of the blonde receptionist, and forced her mind to stay blank as she stepped on the elevator.

Chapter
Three

Once she got home, Emily locked herself in the bedroom and then the dam broke. Tears streamed down her face, and it wasn’t just the interview that made her feel sad. It was the crushing of her hopes – for the past few days she’d really believed she was onto something. Even though the internship was for only six months and didn’t pay much, she’d planned do well at work and then be hired as a full-time analyst. She would finally be living the life of her dreams.

Emily
felt stupid for having believed in that dream. Obviously, it wasn’t to be. Nobody wanted to hire her, a rube with a liberal arts degree in a bad economy.

She slipped off her shoes and lay down in bed, not bothering to take off her clothes. After all, it didn’t matter if they got wrinkled – they weren’t good enough to land her the job anyway. She crawled under the covers and after a while she got her tears under control.

The stress of interviewing had caught up with her, and she began to feel drowsy. She had spent too long in the city, struggling and trying to be brave and optimistic. She decided that today she’d allow herself to indulge in a bit of self-pity.

But before she could dwell on how terrible her life was, the memory of
Nate Steele floated before her eyes. His face, angular and strong; the light playing off his features. Those eyes, dark and intense, boring into her soul. And of course, the raw animal presence that hid below his perfectly tailored suit.

Emily
imagined them meeting again, but this time not for any professional purposes. He wasn’t going to be her boss, so she was free to think of him any way so wanted. She imagined their lips meeting, Nate crushing her against his strong chest. The way he kissed her… the way his hands roamed across her body…

Emily
felt slightly feverish, the intensity of her imagination was strange and powerful. In a few seconds, she found her vibrator. She peeled off her skirt and panties, and lay under the covers holding the vibrator against her throbbing clitoris.

The powerful sensations sent ripples up her spine, and she imagined it was
Nate who was teasing her clit. He would use his fingers, and twirl them around, and then move them lower and thrust them into her drenched entrance. Emily moaned softly as the toy entered her, and she imagined it was Nate, pleasing her the way she wanted. His eyes were intense and he stared at her, watching her as he pleasured her, kissing her nipples and then watching as she moaned and clenched and then finally the climax burst inside her, exploding like a firework and leaving her weak and exhausted when it was over.

Emily
opened her eyes, feeling a lot better. Now the vision of Nate was gone, and she remembered once more that she’d just blown an important interview. But she felt a lot better now, and she smiled as she imagined Nate kissing her gently on the lips. Though they’d only talked briefly, Emily felt like she knew him well. He was so intense, so powerful in an understated way. And he seemed to know her.

Emily
headed into the shower, grabbing some clothes on the way. Sure, she’d just lost a potential job, but until the final interview stage, until she met that snide receptionist, things had been going well. She’d come so close. That meant she wasn’t a total loser. She knew she’d get a good job soon.

***

The next morning, Emily slept in. Her cell phone rang at around 10 am, and she looked at it groggily, expecting it to be her mother. She hadn’t told her mom about the terrible interview yet, and she wasn’t sure if she could deal with that conversation right now. But the number that appeared wasn’t one she knew, so cleared her throat, sat up in bed, and tried to sound alert.

“Hello, this is
Emily Miller.”

“
Emily, this is Jim from Alpha Investments, we spoke yesterday. How are you?”

Emily
’s heart thumped loudly and suddenly she was wide awake. Dear Lord, perhaps they were calling her in for another interview. Or maybe she’d left something behind at the office yesterday, it was probably nothing to get excited about. She took a deep breath and tried to calm down.

“
Emily, are you there?”

“Oh,
yes, sorry Jim, I’m doing well. How are you?”

“Good, good. I was wondering if you’re still interested in that internship
position?”

Oh God. Her heart was thumping loudly again, but she tried to stay calm and answer properly. “Yes Jim, I’m very interested. Is there another round of interviews ahead?”

Jim laughed briefly, and said, “No, I’m calling to offer you the position. So?”

Emily
squealed and jumped out of bed, unable to control herself and Jim laughed again. “I assume that means yes?”

“Yes, yes, sorry about that. I’m so excited! Are you serious?”

“Yes, I am. Can you come into the office next Monday? We have an orientation day lined up, so you’ll be signing the contract, getting your new ID card, and having a brief tour. I’ll see you then.”

“Yes, you will! Thank
you, Jim!”

They hung up and
Emily squealed softly again. She wanted to do a jig, she wanted to scream at the top of her lungs, but she lived in a tiny apartment in New York, and if she did those things, her neighbors would complain.

She
walked excitedly out of her bedroom, looking for Isabel, but her housemate had already gone to work. Isabel was a secretary at a small accounting firm in Manhattan, and had been living in New York for four years now. She was also the daughter of family friends, and Emily knew that her mom felt safer, thinking that Emily was with the daughter of someone she knew.

The person she really needed to talk to was
her mom. It was a conversation she’d been trying to avoid – Laura Miller could be tactless, and her frequent reminders to “look for a nice job” didn’t help.

A sudden bout of loneliness hit her – she’d received such wonderful news, but didn’t know who to share it with. To postpone calling her mother, she dressed slowly, and made herself a breakfast sandwich.

A few bites in, her phone rang. This really was a day of unexpected phone calls. Groaning inwardly, thinking it was her mom, Emily grabbed her phone and was pleasantly surprised to see that it was the owner of the diner, Su-Jin, calling her. One of the waitresses had fallen sick – Su-Jin wanted her to come in that night, and to work double shifts the next few days.

“Prefect,” she said, “It’ll be great to earn a bit extra.”

Normally, she’d have felt conflicted about working extra at the diner – sure, she’d earn more, but she’d also lose opportunities for job-hunting. So Su-Jin sounded a bit surprised at her enthusiasm, but said he was glad she was free.

Tapping her feet happily,
Emily finished up her breakfast and started packing her bag for work. Things seemed to be finally looking up! The extra work at the diner came at a perfect time, and it would be good to save a bit of money.

The one cloud marring her horizon was the fact that she’d need to call her mother.
Might as well get it over with.

Her mom answered after one and a half rings. “
Emily!” she said, sighing loudly. “I was starting to get worried about you.”

Emily
rolled her eyes, knowing her mother couldn’t see her. The theatrics had gotten annoying by the time she was three years old. “I just talked to you a few days back.”

“Yes sweetheart, but I tried to call you yesterday and your phone was off. Didn’t you get my voicemail message?”

“Yes, that’s why I’m calling you today.”

“Would it hurt to call me back sooner? You know I worry about you.”

“I was tired.”

“Well of course,” her mother scoffed, “Doing God-knows-what in New York City.”

Emily took a deep breath. “You know what I do. I work at the diner and I look for jobs. I don’t have time for anything else.”

“Well, apparently not even to call your poor mother.”

“I was busy, Mom. I had an interview.”

“Oh my goodness!
  Finally! How did it go, how much do they pay? Did you get the job?”