Losing Control (8 page)

I don’t know how I traipsed through those next couple of hours, but thankfully, I never ran into him again. Which was good. I think. When I finally got off work, I was running all the way back home because I felt like I had to grab Penny’s throat and shove something deep down in there. I managed to go up to our apartment on trembling feet from the adrenaline that my body was pumping, and I don’t think I had ever been this mad at Penny before. I had trouble using the keys to get inside, I was that furious. Penny was sitting on the couch, in front of the television watching some stupid show that I couldn’t care about.

“How could you?” I glared at her, throwing the keys and the bag noisily on the table. She turned to me and there was nothing on her face that showed she had a clue what I was talking about.

“What’s going on?”

“You knew!” I said. “You knew who I was working for, and you sent me there anyway!”

She kept staring at me the same way, completely clueless. “Elena, I have no idea what you’re talking about,” she said. I rolled my eyes in frustration, and finally started to explain.

“I just found out who my boss is Penny,” I said. “It’s Thorne Ryker!”

“The stalker guy?”

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“You think I knew about this? You really think I would do this to you? Come on, Elena! Give me a break.”

My anger lessened but it wasn’t exactly gone, because I was still annoyed that it was Ryker I was working for now, but at least I knew Penny wasn’t involved. “You really didn’t know?” I said. “Oh God, Penny. I’m so sorry! I thought this was one of your plans where you don’t tell me a thing until it goes down.”

“Sit down and tell me what happened.”

I sat with a heavy movement, still feeling crappy. “I was having a good day,” I said. “I was actually having a good, productive day, and then, I found out Ryker owns the damn company.”

“You met him?”

“More like saw him. We said hello and then he went away.”

“So he didn’t try to hit on you or anything?”

“No.”

“So what, Elena? He’s a freaking billionaire playboy. It’s not like he was just waiting for you to turn up. He’s probably moved on to greener pastures.”

“That’s certainly what it seemed like.”

“You seem disappointed.”

“I’m not,” I said, lying only a little. “It’s just…it was awkward!”

“I know babe,” she said. “I get it. But is it worth losing a good, well-paying job over?”

“Of course not.”

“Then, it’s all well and good. You’ll be okay in a couple of days when this becomes a normal routine.”

“Yeah I guess,” I was feeling so much better now that I had discovered she wasn’t involved. The whole thing was still bothering me, but I hoped that too would pass.

Penny brought me some wine and we snacked on whatever was available in the kitchen, and while Penny immersed herself in reality TV again, my head held on to its stubborn distraction, and I was unable to concentrate on anything.

I know I wasn’t supposed to make a big deal out of it, but it’s just…that strange feeling I got when I took a whiff of that cologne, I just couldn’t seem to wrap my head around it. It was as though inside my heart I knew who it belonged to, I knew it was him, before I saw him, knew that in my gut. As though it was unique, not because I haven’t seen people smell that good, but because it was on him.

I clearly remembered my heart skipping a beat at the sight of him. I wanted to stay there and keep talking to him, if it wasn’t already so awkward between us. He looked perfect, a lot like the vision I remembered from all those nights ago. Back then, I had thought perhaps it was because I was going through a rough patch, which might have altered my feelings towards that stranger. But today, it felt amazing just seeing him again, there was no denying it. It was like I was crushing on him, but it didn’t feel like the crushes I’ve had on people before. This was something completely new. I’ve never felt that way before for anyone, not even for Nick.

Maybe it was because I saw him that night, while I was in a difficult spot and he might have done something to cheer me up at least a little. Perhaps it was just that. It had to be. I don’t know anything about him. He could be an asshole, like Tristan said, or like Penny’s friend said. It would be awkward to work for him, in that office. What if his turning up keeps reminding me of that night? I don’t really want to do this, I shouldn’t. Because I will end up doing something stupid. I took this job because I wanted to work, because I wanted to get away from all this relationship crap.

I wanted to work, to find out who Elena Monroe really was. I didn’t just want to give up on everything that is mine to have a meaningless fling with someone I found attractive. I don’t even talk to men in bars anymore, I hardly look at them and I make it a point to dress down as much as possible when I go these places. I’ve been careful not to get into that kind of situation so far. After everything that happened with Nick, I need to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Because I just can’t go through that sort of pain. If it wasn’t for Thorne, I’d be doing an even better job. But now, it had all become confusing.

But the decision was still in my hands.

And if working for Thorne ever came between my new life and me, then I would leave that place, there was no doubt about it.

That day after work, I was tired and just wanted to go home. I stepped into the elevator and saw her, Elena and her friend whose face I seemed to recognize for some reason, they stepped in the elevator with me. I pushed the button for the ground floor and we waited. Her friend was smiling at me.

“I know you from somewhere,” I said.

“Yes,” the friend said. “We met at a corporate event, it’s not important. I’m sure you attend a lot of them.”

“You’re Jane’s friend,” I said, finally remembering where I had seen her.

“Wow,” she seemed either impressed or confused, I couldn’t tell.

I was trying hard to remember her name. “Penny?”

This time she looked positively charmed. “You…remembered my name.”

“Of course,” I said. “We were at the same table at the event, remember?”

“Yeah.”

Elena was watching the exchange silently and her gaze was fixed at the moving numbers on top. When the floor finally came I let them walk through before I came out.

“Well,” I said. “It was nice running into you.”

We parted ways and again trying to act like I wasn’t noticing her was hard. I took out the keys to the Lexus and drove home.

I tried calling Lane from the car, but he wasn’t picking up. For some reason I just felt uneasy. And then Stanton confirmed that uneasiness by calling me.

“Stanton?”

“Sir,” he said. “You said you wanted me to keep an eye on your brother.”

“Yes, I did. Did you find something?”

“Sir,” Stanton said, and it was obviously hard for him to say the next words. “I think you need to come with me.”

“Come with you? Where?”

We were walking down the street after just having run into Thorne.

“He remembered me,” it was the third time Penny had said it. “He actually remembered my name, how’s that even possible? I mean, he must meet like a million people every week so how does he remember me?”

“I can’t tell if you’re mad or happy about it,” I said.

“It’s just strange.”

“So he remembers names, so what?” I said.

“Elena,” Penny said. “He doesn’t have to remember people. Maybe he’s not as awful as some people make him out to be.”

“That’s your final conclusion?”

“It’s a working theory.”

I think Penny had actually started liking him, even though she wouldn’t admit it.

The idea made me smile.

The bus stop came and we stopped walking.

The place Stanton had driven me to, was an abandoned building. Peeling plaster and graffiti all over the walls, broken windows with years of dust collecting on them. In fact the whole neighborhood looked the same way, abandoned and a bit off. Stanton got off with me and stood next to me. “Sir,” he gestured to the building. “This is the place.”

“You saw them?”

“Yes sir.”

“And you’re sure they haven’t left?”

“I think not.”

“Okay,” I said. “I’ll go check it out.”

“Are you sure, sir?” Stanton said. “It could be dangerous.”

“My brother’s in there, isn’t he?”

“Yes but perhaps I should go with you?”

“Stay here,” I said and walked into the building.

Once upon a time there might have been life in here, plaster that wasn’t peeling and people who were alive but now it was a stinking, decaying hell-hole. Everything smelled of mold or rot. For a minute, it was impossible to believe Lane could be in a place like that. It just couldn’t be true. Lane was too much of a clean person to be in a place that smelled like there might be dead things in it. It was dark at first but then I started to see the light from candles and the people who had lighted them. Homeless people, I thought at first glance and then it occurred to me—they weren’t just homeless, they were all junkies; ghosts that inhabited this dark abode, and they all looked at me with the eyes of the dead. I felt like the only living person among them. And then out of the other dead people I saw two faces I recognized.

“Lane?” I said to the barely conscious ghost who was still holding a needle to his arm and lying on the floor in one corner, next to the same ‘friend’ who had come to talk to us in that Brooklyn breakfast place. I couldn’t remember his name but now I knew Lane didn’t come all the way here for some stupid breakfast. I rushed towards my brother and removed the tourniquet from his arm, and he tried to look at me but I couldn’t tell if he even recognized me.

“What’re you doing?” the other kid said but one glare was enough to shut up his stupid junkie brain.

I put an arm around Lane and pulled him up but he couldn’t put much weight on his own feet, so I had to carry him out of there. Before I left, I glared once more at the other kid. “If you so much as come near my brother again, I’m going to have you arrested.”

The kid said nothing in response, disappeared in the darkness like the other ghosts. Outside, Stanton saw me and came around to help carry Lane to the limo.

“Where to sir?” Stanton asked.

I looked at Lane’s sleeping form and I knew taking him to the emergency room would be a bad idea. “Let’s just go home, Stanton.”