Losing Control (2 page)

I wish she had allowed me to help her in some way. But I guess that’s why she makes my heart go wild, because despite everything that she’s gone through she was still trying to be strong. Can’t she see how that makes her even more desirable? She walks the earth like she doesn’t know what she is worth. As though her worth was merely with some asshole she left behind. But I’m nothing if not determined. I will show her, exactly what she should mean to someone. How much more she deserved. I was still trying to figure out how to do that without looking like an idiot, when I entered the house and realized there was someone already there. And then I saw them hovering by the refrigerator.

“Don’t you have anything good in here?” Lane said, without turning towards me. “It’s all fruit and raw vegetables.”

“Well, I didn’t know I was having company,” I said, walking over to him. “Or I would have stocked up on trans-fat.”

Lane closed the fridge door and turned towards me, popped the lid off a soda can. “Why are you all wet?”

It made me feel a little self-conscious. “Because I was walking in the rain.”

“You were walking in the rain?” Lane said. “Is Stanton sick?”

Stanton was my chauffeur. “And what the hell are you doing living here?” Lane said, gesturing to the place. “What kind of millionaire lives in a loft?”

“I do,” I said, taking off my suit jacket and placing it on the back of a bar stool. I loosened my tie and walked up to him, hugged him without warning and as usual he started complaining but I didn’t give in. I kept us in the hug for a bit longer than usual. “Is everything okay?” I asked.

“Everything’s fine!” Lane said. “Now let go, please!”

“You’re my baby brother,” I said, grinning. “I can hug you all I want.”

“Ugh! Let go!”

“Fine,” I pulled away and he promptly straightened his hair. “Why aren’t you at school?”

“I needed a break.”

I tried to see any underlying messages on his face, the stuff he wouldn’t tell me but I couldn’t find anything. There was the usual amount of seriousness but nothing out of the ordinary that I could see. He started drinking from the can. It was strange how many features we shared. The blue eyes and the dark hair, and Lane was close to six feet now, still a little shorter than me but not short by any sense of the word. He was a bit lankier though, like our father. “Mom and dad know you’re here?”

“I told them,” Lane said, grabbing a bar stool to sit on. “Mom wasn’t too happy, I could tell even though she was trying to hide it. Dad was mad at you for some reason, which is strange because I’m used to them being mad at me.”

“They’re not mad at you.”

“Of course they are,” Lane said. “But that’s old news. I heard you blew a deal, is that why they’re pissed?”

“Hey, I did not blow any deal,” I said. “It was Walters who blew the deal.”

Lane grinned. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“Why shouldn’t I be? I’m one of the wealthiest people in the country. In the past six years that I’ve been in charge of financial decisions, the company has doubled its earnings. Why should I let a jerk like Walters ruin everything? Besides the guy’s a damn thug. He doesn’t know a thing about business; he just likes to bully people because he has friends in the wrong places.”

“Maybe you should explain that to dad.”

“I will!”

“Okay then,” Lane kept grinning.

“I’m sorry,” I said, realizing I was getting angrier than I thought over this whole Walters deal. “I guess I’m taking this a bit too seriously than I care to admit. I just don’t get why dad is siding with him and not his own son over this?”

“Because,” Lane said. “He’s afraid of doing things in a new way. Afraid your tiff with Walters will bring more damage than good. I’m sure if you explain it to him, he will understand. Until then, I suggest you let him stay mad.”

I went over to Lane and tousled his hair and he winced. “For fuck sake!”

“Hey, language!”

“What’re you Mom now?” Lane looked offended. “Since when did you start caring about me saying swear words?”

“I don’t know man,” I said, and I had to admit I had no idea where that came from. I was supposed to be the cool brother. What, am I losing it at twenty-nine? But there was something about Lane that brought out my nurturing instincts, I couldn’t help it sometimes. “I guess I’m just trying to…”

“Be a good brother?” Lane finished for me.

“Well, yeah.”

“Don’t,” Lane said, hopping off the bar stool. “You’re already a great brother.” Proud older brother moment. I guess he might be right. Lane looked around the place again. “Now where the fuck do you want me to crash?”

Let’s just say being a big brother was a work in progress.

I got him a spare set of pillows and covers so he could sleep on the couch and then I placed a call to Stanton to remind him what he had to do. But I hadn’t gone upstairs to my bedroom when I remembered something.

“Lane?”

“Yeah?”

“You have your meds?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

“Positive. Now let me sleep.”

I spent that night in a motel and found myself hating life for a long time, before I could finally bring myself to use that crappy bathroom. I don’t know if I was missing my old bathroom more or Nick. Either way, I knew I had to get over it. But the millions of texts that Nick had been leaving on my phone weren’t exactly making it easy.

That was the thing with Nick. He always acted like whatever was between us was something special, and he would go on telling me that he loved me more than anything in the world, and then one day out of the blue I would catch him in bed with someone else. He had lied to me so many times, I could no longer trust a word that came out of his mouth. Besides, Nick wasn’t the only problem I had anymore. Finding an actual job, other than the writing that I do, and a new place to live are my major concerns at the moment. And then, I remembered Penny. Penny had been my best friend since middle school. In the frenzy of last night, I didn’t even tell her what was going on, so I gave her a call now. The phone kept ringing for a while until she finally picked it up.

“Sleeping late?” I asked. “That’s not like you Penny. Is someone there?”

By the whispered reply I got in return, Penny was obviously trying not to wake that someone up. “I’m about to do the walk of shame,” she said. “This could get awkward. Give me a minute and I’ll call you right back.”

“I can hold,” I told her. “Take your time.”

“Okay,” she said. “Hang on then. I can’t find my fucking pants!”

Penny was a consultant at some firm and one of those people who manage to find a balance of work and life. I had known her forever but the first time we really hit it off, was at some birthday party that we both thought was lame. There’s something about sharing inside jokes with someone that instantly turns you into friends. Since then, Penny and I have always managed to find inside jokes. We may not be the family we were born with but we’re certainly better than most of them. Penny is about my age, and one of those crazy hot blondes you always hear stories about. But somehow she manages to do it all with a certain flair. With the pants finally acquired, and Penny walking outside a building, we started talking.

“Who was the guy you just ditched?” I asked, a desperate attempt at avoiding my own problems for as long as it was possible.

“No one you need to remember,” she said. “The sex wasn’t even that great. There’s nothing to tell really.”

I almost laughed out loud. “That is so you, Penny.”

“What can I say, I got high standards okay?” she said. “So tell me why you’re calling me this early in the day and why are you not lounging at some outdoor café pretending to work on your novel?”

“Guess I’m taking a day off,” I said. “I’m a writer. What’s the point of being one if you can’t take a day off once in a while?”

“What’s wrong, Elena?”

So, she noticed.

“I left him,” I said. “I just got up and walked out on him.”

Saying it, just made it sound more real.

“You did?” she said, and I don’t know if she thought it was a good idea or a bad one. “You finally did it? Oh Elena! I’m so happy for you!”

“I should have known,” I said as a joke, relieved to hear these words. “You feminist types really do hate men.”

“We don’t hate men,” she said. “We just hate assholes like Nick who can’t appreciate a good woman.”

“Pretty sure his friends must be saying the same thing about me.”

“Well, his friends can suck my proverbial dick.”

“Seriously though Penny,” I said. “I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do here.”

“Oh,” she said, knowingly. “You’re new to single life, huh? Don’t worry about a thing. I’m making you a care package in the evening. Hint: it’ll have plenty of condoms.”

“Penny!”

“What? I’m serious! What’s the point of leaving your stupid fiancé if you’re not going to have some crazy hot single sex?”

“We can discuss this over cheap wine and expensive chocolate. When are you coming over?”

“Babe, I do have work to get to,” she said. “But I’ll try to get off a little earlier. I’ll see you in the evening. Where are you staying?”

“In this crappy motel,” I told her, looking around once again at my dismal surroundings. “It stinks in here and there are serious bug problems. I need to find a place, Pen.”

“Oh wow,” she said. “I feel like such an idiot! Listen, I’ve been looking for a roommate for so long! When I come by we can move you into my place.”

“Penny, I don’t want to do this, you know?”

“What? Take a friend’s help?”

“Well, yeah.”

“You do realize that’s the most ridiculous statement anyone in the entire world has ever come up with?”

“I’m starting to see that.”

“So, shut up and I will see you soon. Make sure you dress up because we’ll be going out on the prowl. It’s Friday! We’ll make sure Nick isn’t even a problem after tonight.”

“Just come!” I said, unable to conceal my cheerfulness. “I’ll text you the address.”

Even as I was talking to her I kept getting texts and calls from Nick. Less than twenty-four hours ago, he was in bed with another woman and not for the first time. He barely had time for me in months. But now apparently, he was so into me that he had done nothing but texted and begged all day. Of course this made me despise him even more than I did the night before. And when I looked around at the motel room I realized sitting in here moping wasn’t going to be a good start of a new life. So I decided to take a walk. I looked in the mirror and brushed my unruly red hair. This was a new life and a chance to correct whatever went wrong before. A chance not to repeat the previous mistakes at the least. I had barely stepped out of the room when a man, dressed in what appeared to be a driver’s uniform, stepped out of the black limousine parked right outside. It was when he spoke in my general direction that I realized he was standing there waiting for me.

“Miss Monroe?”

“Yes?” I said, trying not to sound too surprised.

“My name is Stanton,” he said. “My employer sends his regards. The car is for you. Mr. Ryker would be delighted if you could see him for brunch.”

“Who?” I asked, the name entirely forgotten.

Stanton helped brush up my memory. “Thorne Ryker?”

“Ryker?” I said, remembering the odd little meeting at the diner from last night. Why would he think that? I barely know him. Why would he assume that I would want to see him?

“Perhaps you would like to talk to him?” Stanton said patiently. I realized this was just a job the poor guy did and I didn’t want to be rude to him, but I also didn’t want Thorne getting the wrong idea. I accepted the phone he gave me and Thorne was on the other end of the line.

“Elena?”

“Yes—”

“Good,” he sounded genuinely happy. “Are you joining me for brunch, then?”

“Thorne,” I said. “I don’t like being stalked.”

“I’m not stalking you.”

“Really? How’d you find out where I was staying without following me here?”

“I was worried.”

“Well, I appreciate your concern and now that you have learned that I’m fine, perhaps we can get back to our lives?”

I said this and handed the phone back to Stanton.

“Thank you Stanton,” I said. “You can go back now. Enjoy your day.”

I had no idea who this guy was but in the light of day that smile looked like a mirage. I might have been vulnerable last night, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to stay weak. I can’t believe he actually thinks this is cute? The whole stalker romantic-hero routine? The way he was talking to me on the phone just now, he seemed certain I was going to say yes. Are all men that presumptuous? But I wasn’t about to let him ruin my walk into a brand new existence.

Every day is the first day of the rest of your life.