Lose Control (5 page)

Chapter
Six

What the hell
was wrong with him?

Myles painfully
gripped the railing of the deck, closed his eyes, and forced himself to take a
few deep breaths of fresh air. It wasn’t going to work. Nothing would. Not even
Cassie trying to reassure him could take away the self-disgust churning in his
gut.

He’d hurt her.
The proof had been right there on her beautiful skin and he hated himself for
it. Hated how his own selfish needs had overpowered his sensibility, and even
worse, how he’d taken advantage of her trust. Myles had told her he’d never
hurt her and what did he do? He’d lost control and took her with such disregard
for her wellbeing that he left a fucking bruise. It was unforgiveable, and
Cassie would soon realize the same and run in the opposite direction. He knew
from experience that’s what happened next. She wasn’t the first woman he’d ever
hurt.

Four months.
That’s how long it had taken him to build the closest thing he’d ever gotten to
a relationship and destroy it. His ex was the only one who had seen the dark
side of him, his needs, who he truly was. She wanted to work it out, give him
and them a chance. The condition had been simple—at least, to her. She’d stay
if he changed. What else could he do? He’d been in love and would’ve done whatever
it took to make her happy. So, he agreed.

Christ, he’d
been so stupid to think it could’ve worked. That wrapping up his desires in a
tight little bow and tucking that part of himself away wouldn’t have had any
consequences. It was like putting a cork in a geyser and hoping it would hold. It
was just a matter of time before he would blow and a few weeks later, he’d
blown it in a very big way.
 

In celebration
of his birthday, she’d surprised him with a party for one, complete with a
skimpy outfit, satin ropes, and an offer to do whatever he pleased. The words
had barely left her lips before he was ripping off her clothes. He put her on
her knees, tied her wrists to the bedposts, yanked her head back, and rode her
like a fucking bucking bronco. The whole time telling her how much it had
killed him to not be able to take what was his in the way he wanted. And when
he was done, he took her again. Mercilessly tearing into her like a man
possessed, man-handling her, and unleashing everything that had built up inside
of him for those weeks.

Never once did
she whimper, complain, or tell him to stop.
 
He’d thought
everything was okay. That she’d given him a gift by allowing him to be who he
was, take what he needed if only for a night, and he loved her even more for
it.

None of it had
been okay, though. The next day, she’d met him at the door, suitcase in hand
and tears in her eyes. She called him an animal. Told him he’d hurt her, and
showed him the marks on her wrists left by him pulling her so roughly against
the restraints. Said he scared her and she couldn’t continue living with him
wondering what he was truly capable of or how far he would go the next time.
She’d said he couldn’t possibly love her because what he’d done wasn’t how
people showed they cared for another. What that showed was the only person he
could truly care about was himself.

The most screwed
up part to all of it, all of him, was that he had cared. It was the emotions
that unraveled him, tore down the walls that kept him in check, and exposed him
at his core—a lustful, possessive, dominating prick.

Since then, he
made a point of keeping it casual with women. Never allowing himself to get too
close and always being honest about what they could expect in the bedroom.
Myles would give them a choice and, more often than not, their curiosity would
draw them in. He knew he was nothing more than a taste of something different
to spice up their sex lives on a short-term basis. Get their kicks, get it
rough, and get out. When the excitement wore off, they would go in search of
someone who was normal, with normal needs and desires. Someone who could make
love, not fuck.

That was what
he’d been accustomed to, what he’d come to terms with, what he’d preferred.
There wasn’t any chance of anyone getting hurt that way. There weren’t any
emotions, just sex. He wasn’t a long-term type of guy and hadn’t even
considered the possibility of anything more until Cassie walked into his office
and back into his life.

The way she
reacted and responded to him, how she eagerly begged for more, gave him hope
that she truly wanted what he could offer, that it could be more than a few
days and nights together. Because he did—he wanted more and had already planned
on talking to her about seeing where whatever this was between them could go.

Not anymore.

Myles stalked
over to the hot tub and flicked the switch to turn it on. No, with her, he
couldn’t hold himself back and didn’t think clearly. He would lose control,
lose himself in her and give into the insatiable need to claim every inch of
her. Hurting her again was inevitable and when he did, she would leave and seek
out the gentleness he wasn’t able to give. The only outcome was pain for both
of them. The only solution was to keep his distance. He had to put an end to
this before he did something else he’d regret and before she ended up hating him
as much as he did right now.

After the
meeting, they would leave instead of staying another day, and when they got
back to the city, they could go their separate ways. His chest tightened at the
thought of never seeing her again. But, what alternative was there? What could
he possibly offer her? His idea of love was twisted and brought with it demands,
submission, and bruises. Cassie should be with someone who could treat her with
respect, make her smile and laugh, and who could show her in a physical way how
much she was cared for. And that someone wasn’t him.

Decision made,
Myles walked back into the bedroom to find her still in bed and completely
naked. The woman was going to be death of him. How was he expected to resist
her when she wouldn’t even put clothes on?

Myles firmly
planted his feet, refusing to give in to the temptation or the thoughts running
through his head. Like how he wanted to restrain and torture her with his
tongue for hours for disobeying him. This wasn’t about what he wanted, though.
This was about what she deserved.

“Cassie. Where
are your bathing suits?”

“In my overnight
bag. Why? Are we actually going to go swimming or were you hoping for a repeat
of our poolside activities?” Cassie smiled and waggled her eyebrows at him. “Better
yet, how about we get in the pool and I show you the advantages of being
slippery when wet.”

Fighting the
urge to chuckle and groan at the same time, Myles went to her bag he’d brought
to his room while she was still asleep. Grabbing one of her bikinis, he went to
the bed and placed it by her side. “No, you are going to get in the hot tub.
The water should help with the soreness.”

Cassie looked up
at him and furrowed her brows. “What do mean
you
are going to get in? Aren’t you coming in with me?”

“No.” He had no
intentions of joining her. Being that close would play havoc with his
self-control.

 
Crossing her arms under her breasts, she shook
her head. “Then it’s a no for me, too.”

“Don’t argue
with me, Cassie. You are getting in the hot tub.”

“Oh no, I’m not.
Not without you anyway.”

Myles silently
prayed for patience and the willpower not to put her over his knee and spank
her ass until it turned cherry red for her defiance. His cock twitched at the
idea as a burning need grew low in his gut. Her saying no to him was like
throwing gas on a fire. One more time and he would explode. The only option was
to concede.

“Fine. I’ll get
my swim trunks.”

Cassie gave him
a smug smile and threw the covers off of her. Standing, she picked up her suit.
“What are you waiting for?”
 

Seeing her
standing there naked, exposing every inch of her soft skin, caused every muscle
in his body to protest at not taking her. The woman had no idea what she did to
him. Or maybe she did and that was the point. Either way, the result was the
same and Myles quickly went into the bathroom to change before he lost what
little resolve he was holding on to.

Turning on the
faucet to hide the groan he’d been biting back, he shook his head at his
reflection in the mirror. If he was going to make it through the rest of the
day, he was going to need to do one hell of a better job at reining in his
desire. Glancing down at his cock, halfway to a full hard-on, he turned the
faucet off and the shower on—cold. Keeping his distance was proving harder than
he anticipated. Literally.

After dousing
himself in what he was sure was the equivalent of freezing rain, Myles put on
his trunks and went back out to the bedroom to find himself alone. Assuming she
got tired of waiting, he headed in the direction of the hot tub and stilled
when he saw her relaxing in the water, eyes closed and…moaning. The familiar
deep sound instantly brought back images of her head thrown back, lips parted,
and her writhing under him. Christ, what was he thinking? Getting in there with
her would be a test he wasn’t sure he could pass.

Sensing his
presence, Cassie lazily opened one of her eyes. “Get in. It feels amazing.”

Myles went to
the opposite side and lowered himself him. Needing something, anything, to
focus on other than how heated and slick her skin looked or the way her wet suit
clung to her erect nipples, he decided a conversation about work should help
keep his mind off of the parts of him that were coming to life—for the second
time in less than an hour. Clearly, cold showers only worked when you were
actually in them.

“So, how did you
get involved with working as a temporary assistant? Why not something more
permanent or substantial?”

“My mother paid
you to ask me that, didn’t she?” Cassie lifted her head and smiled at him.
“Truth be told, I like working there. It suits me. I’m not one for settling
down or doing the same thing day in and day out. I get bored too easily. Change
is good. It’s what keeps life interesting. Even in college, I had gone through
majors faster than the counselors could file the paperwork. I finally settled
on a business degree because I couldn’t figure out anything else and was
running out of time. Unless, of course, I wanted to be a career student. I just
couldn’t make myself choose something that I would be stuck with for the rest
of my life. I swear that’s the reason I never got a tattoo. Didn’t want to make
the lifelong commitment.”

Myles could see
that in her. Cassie was more of a free spirit, going where she pleased and when
she wanted. She was spontaneous and full of life and wouldn’t be content being
tied down. The idea of anything long-term probably sent her running in the
opposite direction and, for some reason, that didn’t sit well with him. “I
assume you apply that same philosophy to your personal life as well. Never been
married and never want to be. No growing roots or starting a family either.”
 

Even to him,
what he just said sounded more like an accusation instead of idle curiosity like
he’d intended. Apparently, when his mind decided to give up the fantasy of a possible
future with her, it forgot to tell the rest of him because whether or not she
avoided all commitments mattered to him…more than he cared to admit.

Cassie regarded
him for a moment and smiled again. “Are you sure you haven’t been talking to my
mother? That’s the same tone she uses whenever she reminds me I’m not getting
any younger, and I should be latching on to someone and running down the aisle
as fast I can.” She shrugged. “I’m not against marriage. I just don’t think
it’s the right thing for me right now. Maybe someday down the road, I’ll find
the right guy. Someone who can handle me the way I want to be handled and believes
marriage shouldn’t be about settling down into something that is dull and routine.
It should be about finding the excitement, together, in life and in love. But,
that’s just my opinion. How about you? Ever get close to tying the knot?”

The odd sense of
relief he felt by her answer was quickly replaced by an uneasiness that settled
in his gut at the conversation being turned to him. He didn’t want to talk
about how he was to blame for destroying the only relationship he’d ever had. The
guilt he’d placed and carried on his shoulders was enough to bear. Telling
Cassie and having the sparkle in her eyes be replaced by distaste and
disappointment when she looked at him would be too much. That would break him,
and breaking wasn’t an option. Remaining in control was.

“Once. Didn’t
work out,” he said in a clipped tone, hoping she would take the hint and let
the subject drop.

“If you don’t
mind me asking…why? I can’t imagine any woman not jumping at the chance of being
with you. You’re sexy, honest, amazing in bed, thoughtful, and nice. What’s not
to like?”

That was the
second time Myles had heard Cassie use that word to describe him. And just like
the first, she couldn’t be more wrong. “I’m not nice, Cassie. I’m the furthest
thing from it. I would think what I did to you would show you of all the things
I am…nice is not one of them.”