Loose (9 page)
Authors: Coo Sweet
Sage narrowed his eyes at Peyton.
“Quit lying, man. Who does she remind you of?” Sage chided.
“Okay. Maybe there is someone. But just a little.”
“So? Who is it?”
Peyton dropped the pillow, crossed his arms over his chest. He slammed his back into the headboard with a hard thud.
“Serenity. A little,” Peyton huffed.
“Yeah, me, too,” said Sage.
“You still think about her?”
Sage took his time answering. He walked to his dresser. He picked up the little wooden box and opened it. Enshrined there on a blanket of yellowing cotton, was the earring he’d pilfered from Serenity's corpse. It was almost identical to the pair Raven wore. That observation took his thoughts in a totally different direction.
In a matter of days, Sage had crossed paths with not one, but two girls who invoked memories of Serenity. How was he supposed to put her behind him when she kept running in front of him?
“Well, do you?” Peyton persisted.
Sage blinked rapidly. He struggled to focus on his friend’s face.
“Nawww. Not so much anymore. You?” said Sage.
“Nope. Cut that loose a while ago. That kind of stuff will eat you up, man,” Peyton said.
Sage nodded. He started to pick up where he’d left off with his homework then changed his mind. Instead he got up and plucked the notebook from Peyton's hands. He shoved it back under the bed. It was bad enough listening to his own lies. He certainly didn’t feel like watching Peyton read them.
“Hey, what the—“ Peyton protested.
He was interrupted by a knock at the door. Halloran stuck his head in. He thrust the cordless phone in Sage's direction.
“It's for you. Don't talk long. And it's time for you to say good night, Peyton.” Halloran tipped his head in Peyton’s direction.
“Good night, Peyton,” chirped Peyton, grinning.
“Boy, don't make me hurt you.”
“Awww, come on, Mr. G. I thought we had it like that. Don’t we?”
Sage took the phone with one hand, used the other to bump fists with Peyton. Halloran playfully smacked Peyton's head, but he followed it with a hug and led Peyton from the room.
In a flash, Sage released the hold button on the phone. He paced the room like a caged panther.
"Hello."
"Hey. You busy?" It was Jasmin.
He smiled at the sound of her voice. He stopped pacing and plopped on the bed.
"Not really. How'd you get my number?"
"411," Jasmin said.
"Oh, yeah. Forgot we're listed."
"Don't think I'm a stalker or anything. I feel kind of stupid now."
"No. It's cool. What's up?"
There was a pause on the other end.
“Jasmin? You still there?” Sage asked.
"I’m here…I uh…saw you and Raven after school today. You left with her?" said Jasmin.
Sage got up and started pacing again.
"Yeah, I gave her a ride," he said.
"After what happened earlier?"
Sage kneaded the muscles at the back of his neck trying to relieve the tension that had suddenly taken root there.
"She was sick. I felt bad for her," he shrugged.
"So there's really nothing between you two? I mean…I want to be friends, but I don't want any trouble with her," said Jasmin.
"Trust me, there’s nothing going on between us."
"I want to trust you. After I get to know you better. You seem like a nice guy and all--"
"I am a nice guy, Jasmin. Let me prove it. Okay?"
There was another knock at the door. Nadine stuck her head in. She pointed to her watch. Sage nodded.
"Listen, I need to go. Can we do something tomorrow? Hang after school?"
The interruption had given Jasmin time to think about what she was doing. The confidence she felt when she’d dialed Sage’s number was slipping away.
"I don't know...I…" Jasmin stammered.
"Come on. Nothing serious. Just hanging," said Sage.
"I'll think about it, okay? Let you know at lunch."
"Alright. Fair enough. See you tomorrow. I’m glad you called."
"I am too. See you at school," Jasmin said.
Sage clicked the phone off. He pressed his lips together. He worked the corners of his mouth back and forth. His shining disposition had lost some of its luster.
He made a quick sweep of the room before heading to dinner. He put away a magazine Peyton had read, straightened objects on his desk. He smoothed the creases on his bed, even though he'd be in it soon.
Satisfied with the way things looked, Sage reached under the bed. He dragged the notebook out and flipped through the pages. His expression wavered from indifference to outright disgust. He slammed the notebook shut.
At the dinner table, Nadine and Halloran watched Sage with concern etched on their faces. His head was down, and he picked at his dinner. He might as well have been eating tasteless cardboard for all the enthusiasm he showed. Several cryptic glances passed between his parents. Unable to take the tension any longer, Nadine cleared her throat.
"What were you so deep in thought about earlier? I had to call you to the table three times."
Sage looked up. His eyes were blank, unfocused.
"Sorry, Ma. I must've been daydreaming. It was nothing. Lots of stuff going on at school…you know?”
Alright, way to get to the root of the problem, Nadine thought. She peered at her husband for back-up.
"So who was the young lady that called? She sounded nice," said Halloran.
“Yeah, unlike that rude heifer who called earlier,” Nadine chimed in. “She slammed the phone down without even saying bye.”
Sage’s color drained a little.
"Someone else called today? What was her name?" Sage asked, suddenly more animated than he’d been since they’d started eating.
"Robin, Raiden...something like that. I could barely understand her," Nadine said.
Sage stabbed a bite of food, shoved it in his mouth.
"So what's her name…uh…their names?" his dad tried again.
"Rav--I mean Jasmin. She's new at school. I met her yesterday.”
"And the other one? The one who hung up on me," asked Nadine.
"That was probably, Raven."
"So, what’re you doing, son? Trying to exercise all your options?" Halloran asked with a chuckle.
Nadine shot him a look that warned don’t make me hurt you.
"What? You know I was only kidding, baby," said Halloran.
"They're both just friends from school. No big deal," Sage said.
His tone elicited a raised eyebrow from Nadine. He realized he had struck a nerve and rushed to smooth it over.
"Dinner's really good tonight, Ma. Any left?"
"Thank you. Sure. There's more, but it looks like your plate's pretty full already," Nadine said, casting a stern eye toward her son.
"Oh. Right."
Sage started shoveling food in his mouth. Happy to see someone else on the hot seat, Halloran risked a tiny smile in Nadine’s direction. She glared at him, picked up her knife and tore into her food.
Chapter 10Sage lay in bed staring vacantly at the ceiling. Nadine breezed in with a stack of folded clothes that she placed in his dresser drawers.
“Hey, baby. Not sleepy yet?” she asked.
When he didn’t answer, she glanced over her shoulder. Sage looked like he was ruminating on the answer to world peace, or something equally important.
Nadine walked over to the bed. She sat close to him and stroked his forehead. It startled him, like he was just now noticing she had come into the room.
“You okay, Sage?”
He managed to form his mouth into a sad smile to bolster the lie he was about to tell.
"Sure, Ma. I’m fine."
"Really? Because if this is your fine face, I’d sure hate to see your not so fine face."
Her attempt at humor was lost on him. His eyes started to mist up. He didn’t trust himself to speak, so he just nodded, but the tortured look on his face begged Nadine to press him.
"Come on, baby. Tell me what's wrong."
That’s when the tears spilled. He swiped them away and dropped his chin to his chest. Nadine placed a shaky hand under it and made him look at her.
“What is it, son? Tell me.”
Sage exhaled deeply, "Serenity."
"What? What about her?" asked Nadine, with her brows knitted together and her mouth set in a grim line. Sage gulped for air, trying to compose himself.
"I can't get her off my mind lately. She’s like this black cloud always hanging around in the spaces there. I close my eyes, and I see her like she’s standing right in front of me," Sage whimpered.
"Oh, baby, I’m sorry. It's been so long. We’d hoped you had--"
"Put it behind me? Trust me, I've tried. I try...all the time. I just can’t shake that scene, Ma. Can’t shake thoughts of her."
"Sage, we didn't know you were still struggling with this. Do you want to see the doctor again? Would that help?"
"I don’t know…maybe. Or maybe I just need to push harder to work through it," Sage said.
More tears slid down his cheeks. Nadine flicked them away like hot ashes. She pulled Sage tight to her chest and squeezed him hard.
"Can I ask you something, Ma?" he whispered into the hollow of her neck.
"Anything, baby. You know that."
Sage pulled away from her and steeled himself for what he was about to say.
"How long do you honor a promise you made to someone who's gone? Someone you'll never see again?"
"Oh, Sage, who's to say? It depends. That’s something you have to decide, but I will say this…whatever you do…don't let the past steal your present. Life's too short to keep grasping at things you can’t change."
Sage closed his eyes. When he opened them, he grunted as if he’d just rolled a huge boulder off his chest. He nodded in affirmation of his mother’s advice. Seemingly resolute now, his face mellowed.
Nadine breathed a big sigh of relief. She pulled Sage back into her arms. His body loosened--surrendered to her embrace.
"Thanks, Ma."
"For what, baby? Looks like you figured things out just fine. Now get some sleep. You need it."
She kissed her boy on his forehead and got up from the bed.
"Love you, Ma."
"Love you, too, baby."
Nadine left the room.
The second she was out the door, Sage got up and went to his dresser. He retrieved the box with Serenity's earring in it. He took the box and buried it at the back of his bottom drawer deep under the clothes where he was less likely to stumble upon it.
The atmosphere at Peyton’s was full of unpleasant memories and personal regrets, too. When he’d gotten home from the Gentry’s, his house was dark and quiet. That was nothing new. It was just he and his mom living there.
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